Hey Allan, glad to see you here.
I like you. You are a fighter. I'm a fighter too. I have 70+ pages on my thread (f/k/a saddestwife) to prove it if you want to read it, which I actually do not recommend.
I have been resolute in telling my truth which has, at times, not gone over so great.
I hope you will do the same.
Like many here I have read many sites -- I learned the WAW term from DB ages ago, but instead of implementing the Walk Away part, I had an A. If I'd read more of the site, I would have seen that one coming....
I left here for a while and posted on a forum which was more focused on personal healing from my A because that is what I needed for that time. I didn't need to hear another syllable about how horrible I am or how much pain my H is in. I needed "permission" to focus on me and what is broken in me that I would inflict the A on ME -- when you are the WS, ME is a four letter word. It felt to me that no matter what I posted here, my motives and veracity were going to be called into question. Not by any means by everyone, but by enough posters that I gave it up.
I came back because I like the overall MB plan. If I start to feel attacked again I will leave. People have the choice to say what they like to me, and I have the choice to accept it or not. I think people have said stuff to me that was way out of line and I think I have implemented some really bad advice. It was my choice to do that, but I do agree with you that a forum dedicated to saving marriages can become a "third party" negative influence. An infidelity forum is not by definition a benign influence -- people come here in desperate straits and may, as I did, seize on any advice. That's not anyone's fault, not even mine. It's the nature of the beast.
Here's my point: there is kindness and wisdom here. There is kindness and wisdom at DB. There is kindness and wisdom at the other forum I posted at. Let's don't make it a battle, or if we need to make it a battle, let's make it a battle against infidelity, toxic marriages, unhappy families and avoidable divorce.
I hope to read here in the future and see Allan A and think, as I do others who post here -- "hey, I want to see what he has to say -- he's kind and wise."