Hey Eeyore.. can you email me?

Thanks

Hey Allan, glad to see you here.

I like you. You are a fighter. I'm a fighter too. I have 70+ pages on my thread (f/k/a saddestwife) to prove it if you want to read it, which I actually do not recommend.

I have been resolute in telling my truth which has, at times, not gone over so great.

I hope you will do the same.

Like many here I have read many sites -- I learned the WAW term from DB ages ago, but instead of implementing the Walk Away part, I had an A. If I'd read more of the site, I would have seen that one coming....

I left here for a while and posted on a forum which was more focused on personal healing from my A because that is what I needed for that time. I didn't need to hear another syllable about how horrible I am or how much pain my H is in. I needed "permission" to focus on me and what is broken in me that I would inflict the A on ME -- when you are the WS, ME is a four letter word. It felt to me that no matter what I posted here, my motives and veracity were going to be called into question. Not by any means by everyone, but by enough posters that I gave it up.

I came back because I like the overall MB plan. If I start to feel attacked again I will leave. People have the choice to say what they like to me, and I have the choice to accept it or not. I think people have said stuff to me that was way out of line and I think I have implemented some really bad advice. It was my choice to do that, but I do agree with you that a forum dedicated to saving marriages can become a "third party" negative influence. An infidelity forum is not by definition a benign influence -- people come here in desperate straits and may, as I did, seize on any advice. That's not anyone's fault, not even mine. It's the nature of the beast.

Here's my point: there is kindness and wisdom here. There is kindness and wisdom at DB. There is kindness and wisdom at the other forum I posted at. Let's don't make it a battle, or if we need to make it a battle, let's make it a battle against infidelity, toxic marriages, unhappy families and avoidable divorce.

I hope to read here in the future and see Allan A and think, as I do others who post here -- "hey, I want to see what he has to say -- he's kind and wise."

edit

For the DB refugees looking for a place to congregate, there is another forum that may be better suited for what you're looking for.

This place is for Marriage Builders stuff and that's the topic people usually try to stick to.

(edit: Contact Allan)

Good luck to each of you in your personal endeavors and marriages.