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Ok I will be the one to say it if no one else will.

Was really puzzled by this post which sounded like a hooray for the WH and his POSOW, then I saw your signature and well.....the lights went a blazing!!!!!


BS me 55yrs
WH 59 yrs
M 34 yrs 6/26/2010
DD 25
D Day May 5, 2010
NC 5/12/2010
Duration of affair 5 years, but other affairs discovered on D Day
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The jerk asked that they both be there? What an arsewhole.

That video made me sick.


BS - me 56
XWH - 57

12/25/06 - Dday - WH promised NC. Plan A in effect. Thought we were in recovery.

6-3-07 - Dday#2 Found out NC never took place and A never ended. Found MB NC promised again, but WH would not write NC letter.

9/07 - Dday #3. Still lying and sneaking around. Plan B implemented
WH wants nothing to do with me

Divorced as of 12/09 after 36 years
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Originally Posted by teaser_8
Ok I will be the one to say it if no one else will.

Was really puzzled by this post which sounded like a hooray for the WH and his POSOW, then I saw your signature and well.....the lights went a blazing!!!!!

Yep, same here. Can you say "wayward?" No "WAYWARD!"


BS - me 56
XWH - 57

12/25/06 - Dday - WH promised NC. Plan A in effect. Thought we were in recovery.

6-3-07 - Dday#2 Found out NC never took place and A never ended. Found MB NC promised again, but WH would not write NC letter.

9/07 - Dday #3. Still lying and sneaking around. Plan B implemented
WH wants nothing to do with me

Divorced as of 12/09 after 36 years
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Originally Posted by seekingbalance
Originally Posted by peachyisback
His loving and faithful wife, Salinas

And you know that she is:

1. loving, and
2. faithful

exactly how?
She's his wife. We will assume these attributes because that's what we assume of married folk. We assume no less until we have reason to believe otherwise. It's the way of society. The fact that she doesn't like to scratch his back, or anything else, doesn't need to come into play, here. The fact that they are married makes her a loving and faithful wife. We don't get to peek in the windows to see if there are cracks in the relationship. The marital relationship is between two people - it doesn't include us. Get it? Anything more needs to be addressed within the confines of the marital home.

Originally Posted by peachyisback
Of course the pig rutter, other woman was there to embrace him and kiss her cheating prince as he emerged.

Possibly after emerging from an ordeal that no one on these boards can possibly have the slightest idea about and finding that his wife wasn't there and OW was created a memorable bonding moment with OW. Just a guess.

Oh, just ICK. Disengenuous, at best, this comment. You can't take mud and wash it white.

Originally Posted by peachyisback
So cheer for the 28 faithful dudes.

And you know they were faithful exactly how?

I'll agree. Unfortunately, this one solid, yet ambiguous statement means nothing to the main issue and the adulterers.

Originally Posted by peachyisback"
Doc" the paramedic, had his personal crisis unfold before the world

Well there is nuclear exposure on a level no one here has probably seen.

Wonder if his marriage will be better for it.

Wonder if some of the miners might not owe their very lives to "Doc" the paramedic who got no applause because his OW was there.
To use your terminology, And this applies to the issue of their adultery how?
I find the fact that this was even posted fascinating.


D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!

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I am also guessing by the response, combined with the fact that the A was relatively recent that R is not in the cards right now? just a hunch cause I am not sensing REMORSE!!!!!


BS me 55yrs
WH 59 yrs
M 34 yrs 6/26/2010
DD 25
D Day May 5, 2010
NC 5/12/2010
Duration of affair 5 years, but other affairs discovered on D Day
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Doc was in the dark too long. He has lost his mind.


Me 55, XWH 53, M 22 years
D17, D30
alien replaces my husband "I'm not happy" -7/08
Discover OW-8/08 (his direct report and I work there also)
H moves out 10/1/08, confront Ow 10/28/08
Plan B 1/09
D final 12/09

Quote: "First thing you do is pray; when there is nothing else to do, continue to pray."
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Agreed that looks have nothing to do with an A...most waywards "affair down" and that includes physical attractiveness. My observation is that affair partners know this and they instinctively also know that BECAUSE of this, they must up the ante in other areas ~ admiration, usually.

Most waywards fall hook, line and sinker for ooey-gooey, whipped-cream-with-cherries-on-top admiration. To a WS, the APs looks are not relevant once they get a good dose of "you're-the-best-thing-since-sliced-bread" from the AP.

On d-day I remember screaming at H "What is wrong with you!! She's not even pretty!!". He just hung his head and said "I know".


Me,BW - 42; FWH-46
4 kids
D-Day #s1 and 2~May 2006
D-Day #3~Feb.27, 2007 (we'd been in a FR)
Plan B~ March 3 ~ April 6, 2007

In Recovery and things are improving every day. MB rocks. smile
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Originally Posted by Mulan
Quote
Wonder if some of the miners might not owe their very lives to "Doc" the paramedic who got no applause because his OW was there.

A person who is good to strangers or casual friends, but rotten to his/her own family, is not a good person.


I didnt read the whole thread yet....but this is my WH...He actually texted me once saying "You know what mades me feel good? All the people I work with like me and think Im a great guy."


THAT MAKES YOU FEEL GOOD!!!! Your family thinks your scum and the guys at work think you are a great guy...and the key word here is "think"... They thought Ted Bundy was a nice guy too.



BW me-41
WH -39
DS - 9
married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered
DDay aug 2007
found MB dec 2007
Moved out april 2008
still seeing OW
Plan B

Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy. smile
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Hey, the miners are ALIVE. So there is still time to become better people. If they had died, that would be the end of it.

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What I loved most of this whole issue was the absolute symbolism. Affairs literally coming above ground, evil, insidious affairs which rip families apart which in the past had been hidden in the dark, where the miners were.

We have a saying in our language which says something like "S..t will always rise to the surface of water".

...


Me, FWW: 43
Mr_Recon6mo, FWH: 44
DD20 and DS23
3 cats
Married 23 years, together 24
Divorcing

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Possibly after emerging from an ordeal that no one on these boards can possibly have the slightest idea about and finding that his wife wasn't there and OW was created a memorable bonding moment with OW. Just a guess.

Reall???? What planet are you from? This skanky OW doesn't have any decency about herself or morals. She is so far out of line that she needs to be whipped in the streets. The OW is always a dog ugly woman and that is why she grovels and kissed the WS behind like any other dog.

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This post earlier of mine was in response to seekingbalanve!!

I am also guessing by the response, combined with the fact that the A was relatively recent that R is not in the cards right now? just a hunch cause I am not sensing REMORSE!!!!!

Just look at the signature of seeking, and it tells you a whole lot. I hope that her BS is not under the impression that the fog has lifted for her, I hope to god he has some fog lights!!!


BS me 55yrs
WH 59 yrs
M 34 yrs 6/26/2010
DD 25
D Day May 5, 2010
NC 5/12/2010
Duration of affair 5 years, but other affairs discovered on D Day
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Originally Posted by Bubbles4U
Hey, the miners are ALIVE. So there is still time to become better people. If they had died, that would be the end of it.

This is true, I hope they take advantage of this life-changing event and DO become better people.

I hope this for the OW as well ~ anyone can redeem themselves and I sincerely pray that they do.


Me,BW - 42; FWH-46
4 kids
D-Day #s1 and 2~May 2006
D-Day #3~Feb.27, 2007 (we'd been in a FR)
Plan B~ March 3 ~ April 6, 2007

In Recovery and things are improving every day. MB rocks. smile
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Originally Posted by maritalbliss
Save the armchair marital introspection for some other website.

But isn�t that exactly what you are doing?

I have no idea what TOW is.

Originally Posted by maritalbliss
But I do think it's the better part of intelligence for a wayward to sit back and allow betrayeds to have empathy for spouses who have had their worlds turned upside down by wandering spouses.

Are you saying �go away wayward, your observations are not welcome here because of your wayward status"?

I think the existence, content, and response to my very benign post are indicative of the tone of this forum. The lens through which posters appear to see me, the conclusions they are willing to jump to on very thin evidence and the direction in which they jump is so telling.

My very benign post made a couple of observations and posed a couple of questions. Here are some of the responses:

Originally Posted by marriedforever
I take it empathy isn't your strong point?

I see nothing in the post suggesting that I�m not empathetic.

Originally Posted by sugarcane
Ain't no "F" about a WS who writes like that.

Not an "F" that I could post on here, anyway.

I don�t see any basis upon which that could reasonably be concluded frm my post.

Originally Posted by teaser_8
post which sounded like a hooray for the WH and his POSOW

Originally Posted by maritalbliss
Oh, just ICK. Disengenuous, at best, this comment. You can't take mud and wash it white.


There is no hooray stated or implied. There is no suggestion that I was trying to whitewash the miner's infidelity.

What I said was that the reunion between the BH and his OW in this context was probably a bonding moment. Does anyone seriously think otherwise? I didn�t suggest in any way, shape or form that I thought that was a good thing.

Originally Posted by Chailover
Can you say "wayward?" No "WAYWARD!"

No substance here � just shouting.

Originally Posted by teaser_8
I am also guessing by the response, combined with the fact that the A was relatively recent that R is not in the cards right now? just a hunch cause I am not sensing REMORSE!!!!!

I was making objective observations about a news story, and this poster jumps to the conclusion that (1) I have no remorse, (2) remorse is a prerequisite to recovery, and, therefore, (3) recovery is not in the cards.

Here is my point: if, as Dr.H suggests, somewhere around 50% or more of marriages will experience infidelity in some form, that�s a whole lot of people. For every BS, there is by definition a WS. DrH may have statistics, but I see the WS presence on this forum statistically underrepresented.

Why might that be? Probably a lower percentage of WS are looking for help than BS�s. But even if only 20% of WS�s are seeking help, they are still statistically underrepresented.

I wonder if part of the reason why is the tone of this forum, which, I think is evidenced in this thread. How many WS�s are going to read on this forum for long and post given the tone?

For every WS who wants help and is turned away by the tone, there is a BS who is not receiving the benefit of the advice the WS would be receiving.

I�ve said it before: any WS who shows up here and stays is either stupid or brave. To be honest, I�m not sure which one I am, but right now I�m leaning towards stupid.

To my knowledge, there are currently three WW�s posting here, four if you count me, but I have decided not to post on my thread anymore for my own set of reasons.

Two started posting pretty long after their A�s ended, and the other one�s H is having RA�s. I started posting the very day I ended my A. If I had had the slightest idea what was going to happen, there is no way I would have posted. This was my first forum � I didn�t even know such a thing existed until I stumbled on it the day I ended the A after weeks of reading on the site.

What if the tone of the forum was �WS, come on in! We know you put yourself in a dark, scary horrible place and dragged those you love right along with you. You have done a terrible thing, and probably feel there is no redemption, not way out. Good news! We know the way and want to lead you. The road out is very narrow and really scary too � rocks may fall on you, slimy things will crawl over your feet, you may trip over some roots and get bruised and you may want to backtrack and have a look at that root, you may want to stop at times and rest, or take a moment to look at something pretty, you may go down rabbit trails, and feel so lost you get terrified and want to quit, and you may feel like the road will never end. But we know this road � will you trust us to not let go and take you to a beautiful place.�?

Or, to put in terms that are consistent with the subject matter of this thread, the WS is the miner stuck underground, and the forum has the tools to drill the rescue hole and the pod to lift the WS out through a very narrow chute.

I don�t think that is inconsistent in any way with the MB program. DrH�s materials show great compassion for the WS. He talks in SAA (I think that�s where I read it, don�t have my copy handy) about how the WS is so trapped and in so much pain that suicide sometimes seems the only way out. I haven�t noted him characterizing the WS as �selfish� or �entitled�, adjectives that are routinely used here to describe the WS, in any of the materials I have read � �misguided� is as far as I�ve seen him go. A requisite level of apologizing and remorse doesn�t seem to play into his recovery scheme http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5061_qa.html, and yet that seems to be a theme on the forum in general and on this very thread.

DrH also instills hope that a post infidelity marriage can be even better than the pre-infidelity marriage:

�I believe marriages that have been torpedoed by affairs need not sink. They can be towed into dry dock, repaired and refitted. Once refitted, they will sail farther and faster than at any previous time.�

My counseling sessions with SteveH likewise didn�t have the tone of this forum. I hate the idea that a WS might choose not to avail himself of such a valuable resource because of the tone I see here.

I know that I don�t have the power to change the tone. All I can do is continue to play the music the way I see the conductor telling me to play.

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. . .this is my WH...He actually texted me once saying "You know what mades me feel good? All the people I work with like me and think Im a great guy."

I heard exactly the same thing from XWH. My response was, "They aren't MARRIED to you, are they?"



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What a terrible ordeal for "Doc's" wife. First she believes he is dead - and then, at the very end, she finds out - that he is.


Me, BW
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I�ve said it before: any WS who shows up here and stays is either stupid or brave. To be honest, I�m not sure which one I am, but right now I�m leaning towards stupid.

You seem to have missed something: *F*WS are more than welcome here. WS are not. Unless and until you become a FWS and not a WS, you are invited to join TOW board (that stands for The Other Woman). They are probably popping champagne corks right now for the OW who ran off the miner's wife and greeted him herself on international TV. You'll fit right in.




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Seeking

Leat me refer you back to my post.
Many Ws post here, and they get 2x4s and they get assistance and guidance.
However, guidance cannot be embraced unless and until remorse has set it.

I can say this to you, the tone of your poss clearly says to me that you are not there yet. You have a ways to go.


BS me 55yrs
WH 59 yrs
M 34 yrs 6/26/2010
DD 25
D Day May 5, 2010
NC 5/12/2010
Duration of affair 5 years, but other affairs discovered on D Day
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Originally Posted by seekingbalance
Originally Posted by maritalbliss
Save the armchair marital introspection for some other website.

But isn�t that exactly what you are doing?

Nope. I hadn't posted on this thread at all. Unless you mean that we shouldn't immediately assume the emotions of a spouse? You think I'm reading something into the situation by saying that?

I have no idea what TOW is.

It's a nasty website that caters to OW who are being dumped by their MM.

Originally Posted by maritalbliss
But I do think it's the better part of intelligence for a wayward to sit back and allow betrayeds to have empathy for spouses who have had their worlds turned upside down by wandering spouses.

Are you saying �go away wayward, your observations are not welcome here because of your wayward status"?
Nope. I'm saying exactly what I said: I think waywards should have enough respect and sensitivity for betrayed spouses on a marriage BUILDING website to allow them their time to be collectively dismayed about an affair. Yakking about bonding moments between waywards and their lovers ain't it, sister.

I think the existence, content, and response to my very benign post are indicative of the tone of this forum. The lens through which posters appear to see me, the conclusions they are willing to jump to on very thin evidence and the direction in which they jump is so telling.
Again, you are wayward. You have no context with which to draw from regarding what betrayed posters are going through.

My very benign post made a couple of observations and posed a couple of questions. Here are some of the responses:
Let's straighten this out - your post wasn't benign.


D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!

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Originally Posted by seekingbalance
[I don�t think that is inconsistent in any way with the MB program. DrH�s materials show great compassion for the WS.

SB, what you seem to be missing is that "compassion" for the WS is inappropriate. They are the perpetuators of a great crime against a betrayed spouse and his own children, and very often the spouse of his OP. Compassion belongs to the victims of his crime.

Would you advocate "compassion" for the rapist or would you reserve your compassion for his rape victim? Do you see how inappropriate your suggestion of compassion is in that light?

What you are interpreting as meaness is actually moral outrage at injustice. Decent people are supposed to be outraged at injustice. And since you are wayward yourself, you wrongly interpret this as meanness and are shockingly oblivious to the cruelty inflicted upon this man's wife on international TV. Only the foggiest mind could not see that.

What you have witnessed here is the moral outrage of the horrific scene at the Chilean mine, where a marriage wrecking scumbag OW ran off the natural wife of this man and took her rightful place. Somehow the cruelty in that act has escaped you. In a warped perception, you have sympathy and "compassion" for the perpetuators of that crime and are defending the rapists.

The wife of that Chilean miner has just been dealt a blow as traumatic as the death of a child, a rape or a physical assault. This was all played out on international TV. This woman, who has no seen her own husband in 69 days, was treated so cruelly by the adulterers that she could not bear to stay and see her H emerge from the mine.

And your sympathy is for the adulterers who perpetuated that crime? Do you truly not understand why others are looking at you in shock? Someone who sides with waywards in this way is clearly operating with a wayward mind, SB.

You don't see it, but others here do.

I would suggest that you are the least objective person on this thread for several reasons. You are a wayward who is still in a fog and because of that, are inclined to DEFEND other waywards. Recovered waywards do not defend adulterers like this.

I hope that you do recover someday, SB, but be assured it is viewpoints like this that reveal a state of mind that is still very foggy.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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