Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 30 of 33 1 2 28 29 30 31 32 33
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
Originally Posted by awokenhubby
Recon,
I am trying to find out a way to get a hold of GF so we can talk. Hopefully through whitepages.com I can get POSOM landline if he has one and get a hold of her. Don't worry I won't make nice with POSOM. I have been sorely tempted to take a plane ride; and would have already if I could afford it. But then I'm back to finding a large, hungry alligator to dispose of the body. Maybe I could just say he went for one of his runs and went into a large waterhole! Yeah, that's it.LOL

grin


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 346
A
Member
OP Offline
Member
A
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 346
Melody,
That post was pre-introspection of last night. That is my intention now. Find numbers and contacts and call everyone I can find for his family. Then call him and tell him that I've done it and he needs to bugger off. BTW, bugger off is a nice English terminology that the filters won't pick up. It means to fornicate not "on" something but the opposite.


ME: 48
WAW:47
Years Married: 21
Children: 2 Boys, 19 & 16
D Day: informed of separation desire May 14, 2010
Move out day: July 1st 2010
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
gotcha! Thanks for the clarification. smile


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 346
A
Member
OP Offline
Member
A
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 346
Yea, I play rugby and had an English coach in college and learned lots of nice British colloquialisms. I also grew up in a Polish neighborhood and can swear in polish.


ME: 48
WAW:47
Years Married: 21
Children: 2 Boys, 19 & 16
D Day: informed of separation desire May 14, 2010
Move out day: July 1st 2010
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 346
A
Member
OP Offline
Member
A
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 346
I am gearing up to call POSOM. What exactly do say to maxima=ize the chance that he will go away? Anything I should word in a specific way? Thanks!


ME: 48
WAW:47
Years Married: 21
Children: 2 Boys, 19 & 16
D Day: informed of separation desire May 14, 2010
Move out day: July 1st 2010
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
Originally Posted by awokenhubby
I am gearing up to call POSOM. What exactly do say to maxima=ize the chance that he will go away? Anything I should word in a specific way? Thanks!

AH, I would expose to his GF and family members first so he doesn't have a chance to spin you as a nutjob. This way he knows you mean business when you tell him he will be hearing from you in some way if he doesn't leave your wife your wife alone.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 346
A
Member
OP Offline
Member
A
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 346
I planned on that. At least as many as I can get. My only option for the GF is to get a landline for for POSOM, call it and hope she answers. I know nothing about her at all; I am only going on the assumption that he has a live-in from my MIL who winters next door to him. It could be a lie, but I will find out. I just have to try and figure out best time to call and get her not him. His sons don't have much to do with him, but who knows what their reaction will be.


ME: 48
WAW:47
Years Married: 21
Children: 2 Boys, 19 & 16
D Day: informed of separation desire May 14, 2010
Move out day: July 1st 2010
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 346
A
Member
OP Offline
Member
A
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 346
I need some help in deciding what to say to the POSOM, his live-in if she exists and I can get a hold of her, and his sons. I remember reading on one of the threads about a legal threat that I can employ. But what do I say to him other than that? What do I say to the children? They are from a divorced family and may not see anything wrong with what dad is doing. I want to be forceful and make him go away. One thought I had was to ask him how he would like to wake up one morning and find on every trailer in the park and every tree, a flyer with his name on it stating that POSOM makes a habit of seducing married women whose mothers live in the park. Think that would really tell him to bugger off? What else should I say?


ME: 48
WAW:47
Years Married: 21
Children: 2 Boys, 19 & 16
D Day: informed of separation desire May 14, 2010
Move out day: July 1st 2010
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 346
A
Member
OP Offline
Member
A
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 346
Ever notice that POSOM looks and sounds like possum? An lowlife animal that sneaks in, in the night behind your back to steal from the hen house and cause a major disruption to the house. Fitting isn't it?


ME: 48
WAW:47
Years Married: 21
Children: 2 Boys, 19 & 16
D Day: informed of separation desire May 14, 2010
Move out day: July 1st 2010
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 346
A
Member
OP Offline
Member
A
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 346
Any advice on what to say to POSOM? Still looking for the right things to drive him away.


ME: 48
WAW:47
Years Married: 21
Children: 2 Boys, 19 & 16
D Day: informed of separation desire May 14, 2010
Move out day: July 1st 2010
Joined: May 2010
Posts: 1,879
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: May 2010
Posts: 1,879
ya "stay away from my wife!"

Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 67
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 67
it's been a while awokenhubby...are you ok?

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 346
A
Member
OP Offline
Member
A
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 346
Cabbages,
Thanks for the concern. Everything is in stasis. I haven't called POSOM yet. We have a joint session scheduled for Tues. Depending on how things go, then I make the phone call. I wanted to see how the session went. I had an IC last week and we had a great talk. I am more committed than ever to getting her back. The only way I can do this is to end the affair and get her thinking straight. I am also more committed than ever to move on and have a happy relationship. The changes and skills I have made and put in place ensure that I can make someone happy. I would love for this to be my wife. That is my ultimate goal. But if she cannot change her behavior and treatment of me, then it is time to move on. I don't want that, but I want a happy relationship. We have been talking a few times a week; it starts out about the boys, and then we get into each others' days. We have had more problems with older son and we are actually doing some real co-parenting. Before she never included me in her decisions, and in fact hid problems with the boys from me. I would find out months later. So I am seeing changes in her behavior, but I don't know if that applies to her treatment of me. Wrestling season started and I am hopping madder than a one legged frog on the freeway. Because of the success I had last year, I have 60 kids trying out. A great problem to have, but hectic.


ME: 48
WAW:47
Years Married: 21
Children: 2 Boys, 19 & 16
D Day: informed of separation desire May 14, 2010
Move out day: July 1st 2010
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 67
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 67
yay you sound like you're in a great place! let us know how JC goes today.

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 346
A
Member
OP Offline
Member
A
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 346
Well the counseling was a disappointment. We did not talk about us at all. We started talking about problems with our older son and the correct ways to co-parent him and get him help. There were some things that came out of it that may help my wife and I, but nothing directly. We left it that we will decide if to schedule another joint session. So I am going to talk to her; maybe ask her out for dinner and a chat (still in Plan A) and try to connect and ask her to go for another JC but for us and to work on our relationship. It will be a big sign on where we stand based on her reaction and answer. Then I will know what step to take next. I know this isn't quite the MB way, but I do see progress and I feel some reconnection with her. I need to find out if she feels it as well. So I need to ask her out and at the very least for a talk to find out if she sees hope and wants a JC to work on how to rebuild us.


ME: 48
WAW:47
Years Married: 21
Children: 2 Boys, 19 & 16
D Day: informed of separation desire May 14, 2010
Move out day: July 1st 2010
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357
sigh Have you counseled with the Harleys?


D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 346
A
Member
OP Offline
Member
A
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 346
Maritalbliss,
I have not; I would love to if I could convince my wife to. but she is still in the fog and although I have heard hear softening on working on our marriage, she still cannot commit to completely working on it. Hence time for a serious talk and then the likely phone call to POSOM.


ME: 48
WAW:47
Years Married: 21
Children: 2 Boys, 19 & 16
D Day: informed of separation desire May 14, 2010
Move out day: July 1st 2010
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 4,140
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 4,140
awokenhubby: Surely you know that counseling is worthless as long as the WS is still in the affair. Since virtually all "regular" counselors simply ignore the affair and focus on "communication" or some other rubbish, sure, your WW is happy to go to a counselor like that - one who won't pressure her to stop cheating. Then WW can say she "tried" but gee, the counseling just didn't work.

That's why she refuses MB counseling, because she knows they WILL address her cheating directly and she wants no part of that.

You don't have to wait for WW to get on board before calling the Harleys. You can talk to them by yourself and get a plan from them for your particular situation.

I hope you don't waste any more time or money on other counselors as long as your WW is still cheating.


Me, BW
WH cheated in corporate workplace for many years. He moved out and filed in summer 2008.
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 67
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 67
You were depending on this JC session to give you the answer whether to call POS...I'd say you got it.

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 346
A
Member
OP Offline
Member
A
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 346
Cabbages,
Exactly. I think she avoided the discussion because of the fog. So it is time to try and clear the fog.


ME: 48
WAW:47
Years Married: 21
Children: 2 Boys, 19 & 16
D Day: informed of separation desire May 14, 2010
Move out day: July 1st 2010
Page 30 of 33 1 2 28 29 30 31 32 33

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 1,079 guests, and 45 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Mike69, petercgeelan, Zorya, Reyna98, Nofoguy
71,829 Registered Users
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2019, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5