bump...any thoughts?

Here is my thought about it. Firstly, when someone disrespects your request to NOT talk about you WH, I would hang up, or walk away. they will get the message CLEARLY for next time.

Second, who gives a rat's azz what your WH will think about this? The only thing is, this is an example of why you need to MOVE. You are being brought back into their drama and worrying about what WH is doing. Don't worry about it.

Stop thinking about and talking about WH and OW, and MOVE. That is what I have to say.

(((((Atena)))))) BTW, have you noticed that one of the newbs keeps calling you Antena? HEHEHEHEHEHE Thought I could make you smile.

Scotty, thank you for your post!
I have been taking a very small break from MB, but here I am again....
WH, for a year now, has been depositing his paycheck in our joint account (just as when we were still together).
The mortgage comes out of my paycheck which gets deposited in a bank account that is only under my name.
So each month I witdrew his portion of the mortgage and other house expences from the joint account.
Now I see that, starting this month his paycheck no longer is deposited in the joint account.
So this leaves me now in a situation where probably, every month, I have to beg for money.
All I see here is a WH who has sistematically planned the separation as announced by him a year before we actually separated.
He has gone thru stages: detachement, attachemt to OW, leave the marital home, more attachement to OW and now separate accounts and pressure to sell the house.
He does not seem fogged up to me. He follows specific steps which I guess will eventually lead to D.
He had in fact told me that 2 years after we separate he should be clean of the M and over it. He even told Steve this.
Does this sound like fog or good planning?
At this point when a WS talks this way...what are the chances he could actually come to an epiphany and want to R the M?
All he has shown me in the past year is he is plan Being me as much as I am and has shown no interest in R the M.
He is most likely still with OW...how much does the A have to do with his behaviour?
Thank you
Blessing

OMG thats me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I had to go back and check my posts....

I am dying so embarassed!!

Kind of like Antena though I am sat in my office at work and everyone is looking at me like I am insane as I am laughing out loud!!

Sorry ATENA......

Glad I made you laugh Scotland

No problem...I thought that ant-ena is better than aunt-ena....ehh ehh..funny
blessing

Hi -

Ha ha glad you like it!!

You deserve so much better than your husband Atena, you really do. I do understand though, that even after the way your H has treated you, you still want him to sort himself out and come back and recover the marriage.

I think the worst thing for you is having to live so near him, that must be toture.

Even though I love my H, I have my boundaries in M and unless he is willing to meet them, then I can;t compromise.

Have you not found your love for him decrease in your time appart? Does the longer in your Plan B not open you up to having a happier future without him it it?

Just questions thats all.

Hope all is well.

When are your trips to London and Prague?

Harmony.

No, I am still consumed by it all because I see him at work and live where OW lives.
I am planning on changing this however. It took me a long time to decide but I have made up my mind to look for a job back in the States. I work in education so it will be for the 2011 school year.
Unless there are zero jobs available in my field (they are cutting for the position I have) then I will be ready to move this coming summer.
I can no longer have a life this way. It is too painful
WH has shown no desire to R the M and is, as far as I can tell, totally into the A.
At this point I realize my M has no hope and the only thing I am doing to myself is to make me more and more bitter every day.
WH is happier and has a new and exciting life...Me, on the other hand...miserable and pining after memories of my M life and the desire to have him back...
It has to end and the only way it can end is if I move...
blessing

Yes sure that must be hard seeing them all the time. It does not give you the chance to get over him.

This may not be very MB but sometimes I think that when men see we are finally letting go and moving on with our lives and making it successful, thats when they come running.

Also, you don't know he is having a new and exciting life. Short term fix maybe.

It is very hard, and there are times that I sit and pine for my H, and to be honest I do worry about the time when he truly does move on and how I will feel about that.

The beauty if Plan B is that you shouldn't have to see or know what H is upto. IS there not anywhere you can go to temp, until the move in the summer? Just so you can get away from all the pain of having to see them all the time?

I really don't like the thought of you having to see that. For me, H and I live in the same small town, but my plan now is not to let him in the house whilst I am there and if I see him out for example a restaurant or bar, is just to walk out and go somewhere else.

Harmony.

It has been a year now and all he has done is sunbathe at the beach with OW, travel with her and dine with her. He looks tanned and fit.
A man who is unhappy with what he is doing, after a year of doing it, would either: try to R the M OR move (he is american and we live in europe) he has nothing here except OW and a job who pays so little ..he could get a much better one in the states)
I just got a promotion and in the country where I am now job flexibility is not an option.
It is hard, I try to minimize contact and he does not visit OW she visits him so I do not see them together.
I get glances of him every so often but the enviroment we share is a constant trigger...
blessing

Is there not anything you can do to move away? For example, same town but different street?

yeehaw!!!

I am soo glad you finally agreed with us!! YA!!

Yes, I am going to sell the house for whatever they give us and i want out of it.
I feel like I am not able to have a life till I leave all this behind.
He is not worth the fight, he is not a prize for sure...it is sickening the way he has behaved all those years.
I have been miserable since 2004 and before then i was ok but he never seemed happy...
blessing

Good for you Atena. I think you are going to be AMAZED at the difference once you finally do this.

Atena, I am glad that you are doing what is best for YOU.

Atena, just checking in too.

Once you get to that point of real detachment it will do wonders for your own self esteem.

You will rebuild confidence. You will start looking at your own life and what needs you have.

As we go down a good path it is "ying and yang" they will start to go down the black hole no matter what you perceive his life to be.

Blessings.

I am starting to seriouly detach. I guess it has been so hard being back at the house and i have been in such pain that at some point about a week ago I just could not feel anymore and then all of a sudden the love i had for him seems much much less. Even when images of him and OW come to mind...they do not have the same power to hurt me.
I do doubt that what I do or feel influences WH. When I move back to the States I think all he will feel is relief of me being out of the house (which might by then be sold so he has $$$ to spend with OW) and out of his workplace. I can hardly imagine him going down the black hole.
I think there is a misconseption about these WS being unhappy. The one like mine who are so entitled and unrepeantant are the kind who are convinced that what they are doing is right and have no shame nor sadness or guilt about it.
I have to admit...it would be nice to see the karma bus in action...but so far it has only operated on myself...I must have done something wrong to deserve all this...
blessing

Oh, karma will work on everyone, don't worry. If not in this lifetime, then next or next after. Even your WH has a "chance" to be born again as a creature of lower levels of food chain, where they are left behind ... eeee... half-eaten, half-chewed, for a nature to take care. Imagine that!

I have followed your story, heard you from the radio show lately, and I'm very glad that you have finally made up your mind. However, you will be missed in our part of the world after you move:-)

Ok...I was hoping more in this lifetime, cuz we all turn to bird feed when we die...
Are you also in Europe?
My leave from here is not going to be permanent. I am asking for a leave of absence and they only give you one year. This way I keep my job here and see how it wil turn out in the states. If things are rough over there jobwise, I can always come back to my job here.
A pretty low risk situation that will give me a much needed breather.
blessing

Yes, in the northern part of Europe.

A full year away might give you some very good opportunities indeed. I just hope you'll never have to come back to the same situation you have right now.