He wont file, he's too scared to, he wants to party have fun sleep with other woman and when he's all done he'll try to come back to you.

So YOU will need to file because he wont he is having a time of his life he has a wife that doesn't care what he does, and a girlfriend that wont pressure him to marriage because he's already married!

Don't you get it? You will have to file otherwise you will always be married to this man and won't be able to find someone else.

He doesn't have a girlfriend any more. He lives with our youngest daughter and he would never bring anyone around her. His new affair is with his buddies, cigarettes and alcohol.

I don't want a new person in my life. It is too much trouble, I would rather just have my family and friends than a man. I can do what I want, when I want and answer to no one. I have plans to go on cruises and trips. I do have a passport and I plan on using it.

Amazing. you are still are creating reasons.

You are 45 years old. You have a huge life ahead of you.

No, he currently does not have a gf... only because he has not begged her back yet.

$300.. seriously? What is your freedom/sanity worth? Do you value yourself that little?

So you are planning on keeping strings to the guy forever? Until he puts you to the curb? MB is not an marriage at all cost place.

I am not creating reasons, I just don't care anymore. I will probably start the divorce proceedings next year. Right now I'm going to do what I want and not what others want because I have to live with what I do.

As for him having a gf, I don't care anymore. He'll just screw it up too. I on the other hand don't want anyone else in my life and that is my choice. If that is what I want and it makes me happy then so be it.

I also have beliefs and I believe that marriage is forever. I did reconcile with my H and forgave him so now I can never get married again when I get divorced. Those are my beliefs and I expect others to respect my beliefs as I respect theirs.

What ever makes you happy girl

Phoenix, it is well within your rights to do what you believe is right. No one here is telling you that what you believe is wrong. They are sincerely trying to help YOU.

My helpful advice to you is that I wish you would go into Plan B. Not for marital recovery, and not to end an affair. I would love you to gain the peace from it. Do a truly dark Plan B. You know that peace you will get.

I wish you great happiness and joy.

Hi there,
I think you should just find your peace however you choose, this has been a very stressful situation for you and you realize that it's over and that is a good thing but also a process....
Give yourself a bit of time, brush yourself off and then file and be rid of this stress once and for all.....
Keep your eyes open to what life has to offer and explore what you didn't before....I think you will be surprised at what you have been missing in this life......
Lots of great people to get to know.....lots of great places to see......
Take a deep breath for now........
This is just about you from now on.........

Thanks everyone. I have gone dark if you must know. H tried to call me but I never answered. He didn't try again. He has been trying to be nice since he hurt me again on Tuesday. It is just easier to just ignore him and go on with my life. It certainly hurts a lot less.

Yesterday DD22 and I went out to eat and then went shopping at the mall. I bought her a Christmas ornament from the Hallmark store. She want the ornament that counts down the time until Christmas. She is so funny. I can't believe she wanted that ornament. I guess she is still a kid at heart. She is like me in that aspect. This is my favorite time of year and hers too. I plan on us having a fun holiday season this year.

I am glad that you have gone dark. You know what peace that can bring.

I LOVE this time of year too. They have an ornament that counts down the days until xmas? I am gonna have to get that.

Take care.

Just came back to give everyone an update. H left Oct 22 and DD 20 moved in with him. I have had very little contact with H.

A couple of weeks ago I found out that the OW has been sniffing around my H again and I figured she would when H left. It hurt but I wasn't surprised. What really hurt is that my H has my daugters either lying to me or not telling me any thing and they always told me everything before.

I have been getting daily emails from "Charlyne Cares" and I have been getting closer to God and I have been finding peace. I am standing for my marriage and I know that my H will be back one day. Right now my H is spiraling out of control with his life. He smokes too much and drinks too much and isn't taking care of his health. He does contact me when he needs something from the house. During those times I invite him over for Thanksgiving and Christmas and New Year's. He actually asked me what I was doing for New Year's and I told him nothing and he said was doing nothing too. I worry about my H because eventually he is going to land up in the hospital.

I know that everyone is going to tell me that I should dump him and divorce him but I'm not. I think with time and God my marriage will be saved. I really don't believe in divorce but if my H wants one and files then I will give it to him without a fight. It will be just a piece of paper.

I am at peace with myself, finally. I am also doing quite well financially too.

Still hoping and praying.

Phoenix, you're making your stand and I respect that. Be well and be at peace.

Plan B is a very effective step that is somewhere between living in the chaos, and a D. Since you don't want to stay in the chaos or get a D, perhaps you will consider B as an option.

I agree on B.

I also know how very exhausting saving a marriage can be. How time passes and makes it all seem so very, very, very never ending.........

Hoping and praying you get and stay in an okay place. Yay on the financial peace of mind. That is a biggie!

Sounds like all the ingredients for plan B to me. You don't believe in divorce, niether do I, and most of us here don't either so I don't know who is gonna say "dump the bum", don't think anyone here will.

Your a strong woman, and I know God is looking out for you. Just take care of you like you are, and come here whenever you like please it helps any way at all. You are not alone.


I am sorry to hear about the distance you feel is growing with your DD. I can tell you from experience most young people go the path of least resistance, and side with the parent most likely to seem to have the most freedom. Especially in the midst of strife.

For many years I was the "Heavy" in my house and while the kids were young, seemed to be ignored about as much as my wife ignored my example. I also was the only one working, and every problem was blamed on me not making enough money. Well the old saying money can't buy love is not just true, in many cases it is not money that is the problem, but it gets the blame. It was the iresponsible behavior that was just under the surface of accoutability where money is concerned, that most of the problems came from, along with some kind of fantasy that it would solve all the problems.

My wife played to the tune of "poor suffering me", and treated the kids well, as she also gave into the easy road with kids that status and popularity was something that would solve all our insecurities. It was easy for her because she was a big child too, who refused to grow up. She had no problem being a kid, it was adulthood she could not handle. This became clear when they started to become young adults in puberty, and she lost the, "perfect Mom", aura with them. Thats also when she started hiding and drinking.

Ask anybody with money, they will tell you all it does is eliminate the worry about not needing it.

You have allways handled that, and have a handle on its real worth. Glad you are doing well in that.

The problems that might arise now with your girls, (You have 2 right?), from your WH actions and lifestyle, along with your obvious example of discipline and probably being the stable one, are only part of a test. Our kids are allways watching us, and looking for guidance, even when they are rebelling. In the end your strong stands and faith will be what they depend upon in the times when they will need it, and they will need it someday. Stay strong in that, lol, but I could take lessons from you in staying strong.

I tell you because now I see my kids look at me differently than they did way back then. They allways loved me, but it was hard for them to trust me, with such division in the home, and then the loss of thier Mom. Its has been hard for them and scary to see thier Mom fall apart, and at first before it became obvious she made the choices, it was all blamed on me. They are processing this now and seeing it on thier own, while adjusting to being responsible adults.

All I can do is what is right and trust that God will keep me, and my children, as you are also.

Thanks for checking in and the update. Your in my prayers.

Well, I have gone completely dark. I told him I was cutting off all communication because OW has been around again. I have blocked him from my cellphone and my email. Everyone at work is helping out. They won't allow him to speak to me when he calls, that really floored him. The girls at work are actually enjoying this.

You could keep them on longterm as IMs, if they are willing. You could try asking them.

It sucks that you are not in a good recovery

but

FAB- UUUUUUUUU

for you going dark and having support at work!

Yes!

I am actually doing fine. Don't worry about me. I pray multiple times a day and I have left everything in God's hands. I continue with my life as I see fit.

I am actually losing the weight I gained thanks to Lexapro and my H. Everything is looking good right now. I have a feeling deep inside of me that this year is going to be my year. Just watch and see. Good luck to everyone and don't ever give up on what you want, I'm not.

H found a way around getting hold of me last night. Somehow he was able to IM on my cell phone. He let me know that he had downloaded the divorce papers and was going to proceed with the divorce and wanted me to unblock on the compter so we could discuss the divorce, namely the house. I text him before I went to bed that I would sign the papers, then I turned my phone off and went to bed. I got this morning real early and turned my phone on and there was a message saying that it needed to be done because he couldn't get a car because he was attached to the house. I emailed him and told him that even when we got divorced that I couldn't refinance the house because of DD23 ruining my credit(I co-signed for her. I told him that it would be at least 3yrs before I could refinance the house. The courts will give that to me here because they do it all the time and that is if they make me refinance at all. Teh only reason he is doing this is because I went completely dark and he can't finance a car. I also told him he would have to sign a quit claim deed too and that would probably help get a car financed. Sometimes finance companies will take someone off if they do that without refinancing especially if the payment has never been late and the same person is paying for it. I don't know but it sounded good. We are doing the simple dissolution of marriage which means no lawyers.

Hi Phoenix,
I am glad this is coming to a closure. He put you thru a lot. I remember your posts over a year ago when he was "trying" to save the M. It has been a long time. You deserve to start a new life without him.
He seem and is a real loser.
You are giving him a lot of info he can find out on his own. I would not help him one bit.
Let him figure out his stuff and be glad when you are finally a free woman!
Blessing