please dont post on my site anymore SR.

You are a very harsh critic, for someone so early in their recovery.

At least I do not go around calling the OM during a plan B and trying to repair a marriage. What I said was the truth. What? Does the truth hurt?

As I said don't post on my thread anymore.

I read what you put on Annes thread, and it seems that you are not adapt at listening to the truth very well either.

You asked for it

I'm sorry, but this is not anne's thread this is yours so stick your stitch

Did you just not tell us you called OM?

Did you not just tell us that calling him was so nice?

So you tell me what would you say if I had posted that on my thread?

Goodbye SR.

Good luck on plan B

Okay. So. Whew.

Harmony, you know you messed up with contacting the OM, right?

If you expect any improvement, if you genuinely want to better yourself - for your current M, for any future relationship, or, more importantly, for you overall - you have got to get away from all of this.

When you know better, you do better. You've come to MB. Heck, you're being actively cheated on. You now know better. Yet contacting OM...NOT doing better.

It felt good because your Taker is sick of this, your needs aren't being met, and you ignored all of the counsel you have received here.

But you've been down this path before. It's why you were here in the first place.

I really don't know what to say right now. You know better. Now do better. Please.

Yes I know Mrs V. My taker coming out in full force. I will do better, I was just lonely and went to someone who I know wanted me. I am annoyed at myself and am not going to let it happen again.

I have been getting loads of good advice on this site and I will not ruin all the good work. I had to post it though as I knew it was a bad move.

Thanks for the 2 x 4 It needed to happen.

I suppose I am in land confusion, I don't even know if I want to save my M anymore, as I can't make my H into something he is not.

@Harmony2010,

You might need to change your sig line from "FWW 34" to "WW 34" since you reached out to the other man again. This line is telling as to exactly what you're experiencing:



This is Contrast Effect at play right now. You talked to your OM. He played on the fantasy, telling you how you deserve better, how he wouldn't treat you that way, and empathized with you, saying all the right things.

He deposited MASSIVE NUMBERS of Love Units in that 90-minute conversation. MASSIVE. So suddenly, your husband doesn't look like saving in contrast. And you're far less inclined to be interested in saving the marriage yourself, because this OM who just seems to understand you (fantasy) and who says all the right things (fantasy) and makes you feel good (fantasy) looks like the more attractive option.

He is now, and will always be, an acute threat to your marriage. That's the reason for no-contact-for-life. This man has proven he has no compunction about cheating with you. That means he'll probably cheat on you if you were to be together, too. That's some fantasy-busting, if you apply the same exact thing your wayward husband is doing to you right now and realize your OM would do the same thing.

I empathize with you, but your Plan B has now become "separated and dating other people". Because your phone conversation was exactly that: a date. Instead of finding a compassionate female who could help you and with whom you could fill your need for intimate conversation, you found a male who you knew you were attracted to and began tilling that rotten soil again.

Should your husband ever choose to reconcile, you're going to create some fresh wounds when you explain what you did while you were in Plan B: "Plan Betrayal".

I had a hunch you were about to contact OM.

It�s done. Not a good idea, right? Felt good for the moment, but the shockwaves will reverberate for a while. Don�t fight them � you can�t win. Fighting them will end in you calling OM again, or calling your H.

You aren�t grounded in your truth yet. You are still struggling to cobble together a Harmony from bits and pieces of others.

Doesn�t work. Why not? Because you are intrinsically enough. You don�t need OM or your H or anyone else to validate your value, and you are choosing men who don�t.

Why?

You don�t owe it to this site or the posters here to not contact OM or maintina a perfect Plan B.

You owe those things to Harmony. Give them to yourself.

You fell. Tend to the gash on your knee, feel the pain, apply the ointment, bandage it up, and stand back up.

What happened that you broke NC? What were you feeling at the time, and more importantly, what were you fighting feeling? There are fault lines in all of us. We have to know where they are lest we build our house on them.

Stand up sweetie � it�s OK to fail as long as you learn. What did you learn?

You were lonely. What is your plan to fill that lonliness next time?

Today was day one of NC, tomorrow will be day two, and so we will go through withdrawal.

Very nice post, seeking. Also, great call on the OM warning!

I believe DoNoMO hit a lot of nails on the head in his post also Harmony. Especially about the fantasy crap that has ahold of you.

If we could recap some of the fantasys you have already experienced that have broken your heart? Lets see...

Current H loves me..and will come to a great epifamy like a magic story out of a fairy tale, it doesn't matter what I do..

He should be able to read my mind when things are really hurting me, and if he can't he will eventually because I love him so and things allways work out in the end. I have no right to demand anything from him anyways.

Sex is love, or a resonable facsimile.


Loves process allways feels good.


I automatically deserve a good marriage, reguardless of what each of us do in it.

This one... OM loves me and if things were different....


I forgot how old you are, but like they say, youre' old enough to know better, so listen up..I am only gonna say this once OK? Clearly and honestly as I would to anyone, so put on the big girl panties and listen and think about what I say here. I wont post again or try to help you if you talk to this azz OM anymore. Don't half-azz post here and think you will be able to fool us if you are really really respecting our help, or mine if you keep talking to him and hiding that very important issue that is effecting you. You will just be wasting all of our time and digging a hole for yourself as you slip back into the same ol same ol.

OM made a choice that showed his character and planned it all along. Right from the start his interest was to boost his own pitiful ego while he got into your pants and took advantage of you at a time of weekness. What a wonderful guy...What a pathetic boy..Now are you planning on a repeat of this marriage? Where you are so "Understanding" , while you play scarlet O'Hara and get the "vapors"?

OM made the choice...Pacify you and you broken heart and screw you to be the big hero, or suggest counselling for you and your husband. Heck, if he really wanted to get that personal and help you he could have talked to your H, granted he might have gotten a punch in the mouth, but how much is your honor worth anyway. What was OM willing to sacrifice for you?, certainly he was not able to say no to you, and yes, men can resist you, they all do not beleive you are innocent and guileless, and the secure ones can see the signs.

If he cared for you he wouldn't have screwed you, and its to late now, he showed his true colors, and most of all...you can't "fix" him either..


Try to understand that last sentence..think about all of this HARD, realize the last thing you need is to think you are out of the woods yet, you just found the path..

Yeah seeking, where did you get your crystal ball BTW?


Sorry Harmony, some of us here ol folks can read between the lines, we don't have crystal balls. We also are not mind readers or magicians. There is no magic or fairy tale fantasys, at least none we would feed you to.

Were trying to help you and are worried about you too. Maybe thats a joke to you. I hope not.

Good night

I forget Harmony, is the OM in your AFFAIR married?

Have you not read the stats on the affairs? It is DOOMED. You are not more special than anyone else.

Before you go and kick ME off of your thread, I am bowing out.

Take care.

Been there, did not do that, but I understand.

I think what may be being overlooked here is that many, if not all, of the FWW�s who post here seem to have an H at home trying to make it work. I can�t think of one right off who doesn�t.

Not all of us have that.

There is a big difference.

The decision tree is different. You can�t look to something that isn�t there to which you can cleave. Harmony doesn't have anything remotely resembling a marriage right now.

The decision comes down to honoring yourself.


When reality is really grim, fantasy can sustain. The �maybe�s� multiply exponentially in direct correlation to how grim the reality is. It�s human nature.

Acting on those fantasies is a huge mistake. Guiding Harmony who is clinging to the fantasy to its� logical outcome is the only remedy. Supporting Harmony through that process to the point where she can see a reality on the other side that is not so grim, a process which occasionally gets mixed up, is the only reason I post.

CP, please do not take this as any sort of comment or criticism as it is not meant to be. I have a different perspective. I think both of our perspectives may be helpful.

Hey � I�ve raised teenagers. I can see what is coming. I suspect Harmony is going to need some serious support through the next few weeks to make the right choices for her. I am sticking around, regardless.


Scotland, I have read literally hundreds of your posts and I have never known you to be unkind, not once, not even a little bit, ever. I hope you don�t mean this.

Really Harmony? Really? What purpose would OM have for posting here? To convince us that he's really not such a bad guy? That he has your best interests at heart? Really?

Are you playing games or are you just naive?

OM is no friend to you and certainly not to your marriage.

End your marriage BEFORE you entertain the thought of bringing another man into your mess. You are no where close to being in any kind of relationship. Children? Oh Lord, I hope not, unless and until you figure out your own value and understand the meaning of honoring your vows.

And your VOWS. She is married. So are you. Don't want to be married? Get divorced FIRST and THEN do what you want.

Honoring vows is honoring self.


Agree.