Today, 2.5 years after the discovery of the affair and a little over one year since the last contact between her and my husband that I know about, I received in the mail a handwritten note from the other woman. It was brief: I am sorry for the pain I have caused in your life. Signed by her. Her return address was on the outside of the envelope and she knows since she addressed it to my new home that I have moved out of the marital home and am separated. What she knows beyond that, I don't know. I have always wanted to sit down with this woman and get some closure. Now, she has initiated contact with me which I truthfully never thought would happen. It looks on the face of it as if she did this as part of some sort of healing process. Do you think it appropriate to respond to this note in a note of my own or do you think it best to leave it alone? I am troubled by it, mainly because she made an effort to track me down and knows I am no longer with my husband. I am not troubled at whatever this might mean for him and her. My course is set towards a new and different life on my own, and I am at peace with this decision. I just want this behind me once and for all. Am I wrong to think she has somehow opened up a line of communication?

Carolina Girl 39

Carolina Girl, Dr. Harley rarely, if ever, reads these forums. They are intended for the use of us "non-professionals" to share our experiences with each other. He does read the private forums, but you need to have worked with him or his staff before you are granted access.

I suggest you post this question in the "Surviving an Affair" forum, as there are a lot of experienced, savvy, knowledgeable people there -- some who have worked hand in hand with the Harleys.

Rather than try to answer your question, since it would only be from my personal perspective, and which might not be helpful, I would ask you this question:

What benefit to YOU would there be in responding to this woman? You have indicated you and your husband are separated -- is this a direct result of the affair, or due to other, additional reasons? Would it be helpful or hurtful? Only you know better how you feel about this than anyone else.

You want to forgive, fine

You want to not forgive, fine

Some OW turely feel remorse and need to apologize, rare

Some OW do this only to appear politically correct

Whatever you want to do or whatever the OW wanted to accomplish it would be best for you to not respond.