|
|
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 412
Member
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 412 |
Kay, his back-and-forth really stinks. But you are so strong to recognize it for what it is, and take steps to move on with your life. Kudos to you for deciding to "surround myself with positive influence, not people that are wishy washy and give out mixed messages and can't be counted on for anything."
More of us need to do that!
"If you will stop feeding your feelings, then they will stop controlling you" -Joyce Meyer
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 1,685
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 1,685 |
KayC, I'm sorry to hear what happened. He has no right to play with your emotions like this. Although I suspect he does not do this intentionally, and he probably himself is going through many mixed feelings, you are making the right decision to move forward. You cannot be his beck-and-call. You deserve better.
Stay busy, go out with your friends!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 2,094
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 2,094 |
Well I have my answer...a week ago he talked to me and mentioned his carpal tunnel was bothering him so he couldn't get anything done around the place, so I invited him up (he'd told me a month ago he'd probably come up some time)...well I was not prepared for his very immediate resounding emphatic NO! He then said we'd best communicate through email (which he's no good at) since his phone's been disconnected, so since I can't see him or talk to him, I get the picture, he really doesn't want to be more than "Christmas Card friends". After crying all the way home, I get home and he emailed me about a t.v. show. ??? I haven't heard from him since. I give up. I can't put stock in what he thinks, does, feels, doesn't feel, etc. It just puts me through the wringer too much, I've let go. Moving on... Am not sure what I'm moving on to being as I don't want to date, don't trust guys anymore, and am pretty much down on the male population (present company excluded).  I just need time to heal and get over this guy. Recognizing he has his issues and HE needs to deal with them, and they aren't healthy for ME and I need to protect myself and surround myself with positive influence, not people that are wishy washy and give out mixed messages and can't be counted on for anything. Am going to continue working on developing friendships, just friendships, doesn't matter if male or female, although I do think that women are less complicated. Ha! I'm so sorry for your heartbreak KayC. This guy is mixed up. Anyone who has carpal tunnel syndrome but prefers to communicate via e-mail is either a masochist or just kinda daffy. I was thinking you were going to say he couldn't dial the phone due to his CTS, but he wants to type all his feelings out? Good heavens. Hang in there kid. Opt
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 1,685
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 1,685 |
Anyone who has carpal tunnel syndrome but prefers to communicate via e-mail is either a masochist or just kinda daffy. I was thinking you were going to say he couldn't dial the phone due to his CTS, but he wants to type all his feelings out? Good heavens. Hang in there kid. Opt That's it! Opt, you have a great sense of humor, I had to laugh hard at this. You are right, this guy is suffering from carpal tunnel, and prefers typing - he is clearly not in a right mind.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,463
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,463 |
It's not that he prefers typing...it's his way of saying "I don't want to see you and don't call either." Wish he'd told me that 1 1/2 years ago! I'd be over him by now and spared a lot of heartache.
Enacting life's lessons into positive change... .
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 1,685
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 1,685 |
I know, but don't think that he wasted your time. You always learn something from any kind of relationships. It's better now than next year. You are strong and attractive, go out and start having fun!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 2,094
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 2,094 |
It's not that he prefers typing...it's his way of saying "I don't want to see you and don't call either." Wish he'd told me that 1 1/2 years ago! I'd be over him by now and spared a lot of heartache. I hope you'll forgive me for trying to shed some humor on your situation. Really I feel for you and hope you'll feel better soon. KayC I've also been wanting to say how much I appreciate that you're going through this but still so willing to help us all out and offer your encouragement and input and wisdom. You are a special person that's for sure. Someone will be very fortunate to have you in their life. Hopefully real soon. Opt
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 1,685
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 1,685 |
KayC I've also been wanting to say how much I appreciate that you're going through this but still so willing to help us all out and offer your encouragement and input and wisdom. You are a special person that's for sure. Someone will be very fortunate to have you in their life. Hopefully real soon.
Opt I couldn't agree more! KayC, you deserve better, someone will truly appreciate you, and he will be an extremely lucky guy, that I know for sure.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,463
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,463 |
Right now that "special someone" is my dog, no kidding! Last night he came and laid next to me and laid his head on me and snuggled up with me, he's such a sweetie, he seems to know just when I need that! Well I certainly don't need a messed up man, had too many of those, if I'm ever with anyone again, I want him to be together and mature. But that's a pretty big "if"!
Enacting life's lessons into positive change... .
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 2,888
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 2,888 |
I don't know that I've followed your entire thread KC, but when I read your last post it made me think of my own situation, and that all I have with me is "Leftover Lola" -- the cat my XWW didn't take with her.
The cat is almost as warped as she is. But we're two beings alone in the same house, and since I feed her, she's gotten to accept me, and now seeks me out for whatever passes in her world as "companionship."
This cat never used to purr, and still disappears whenever someone comes by (or whenever there's loud noises and/or quick movement). But she'll climb up on the sofa and snuggle up against me, purring happily.
We've come to accept each other, actually. As much as I'd like to find someone to spend time with in conversation and shared experience (dinner, movies, etc.), I just can't bring myself to do it right now. The cat doesn't have those options, so we're well suited for each other right now.
Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words.
St. Francis of Assissi
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 2,094
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 2,094 |
I don't know that I've followed your entire thread KC, but when I read your last post it made me think of my own situation, and that all I have with me is "Leftover Lola" -- the cat my XWW didn't take with her.
The cat is almost as warped as she is. But we're two beings alone in the same house, and since I feed her, she's gotten to accept me, and now seeks me out for whatever passes in her world as "companionship."
This cat never used to purr, and still disappears whenever someone comes by (or whenever there's loud noises and/or quick movement). But she'll climb up on the sofa and snuggle up against me, purring happily.
We've come to accept each other, actually. As much as I'd like to find someone to spend time with in conversation and shared experience (dinner, movies, etc.), I just can't bring myself to do it right now. The cat doesn't have those options, so we're well suited for each other right now. Heartwarming and Humorous, Fred. A post for the ages! Fred, we may not be able to snuggle on the couch with you (or purr, for that matter) but I think I speak for a lot of us here on these boards: Luv ya, man!Opt
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 2,888
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 2,888 |
Fred, we may not be able to snuggle on the couch with you (or purr, for that matter) but I think I speak for a lot of us here on these boards: Luv ya, man!LOL! Thanks, opt. To be fair to KC, I've continued this on my own thread.
Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words.
St. Francis of Assissi
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 1,685
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 1,685 |
How are you doing KC? It's probably a good sign that we haven't heard from you in a while - hopefully you are busy doing a lot of fun stuff!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,463
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,463 |
It's been exceptionally busy at work lately, been working over so haven't been on line in a few days.
Fred, I can relate. I somehow can't picture myself actually dating, and just don't feel the inclination in going through all that. It'd be nice to have someone to share life with but I'd rather that magically appear than have to go through what I'd have to in order to actually find someone...it's just too painful and time consuming a process. For now I'm just enjoying snuggling with my dog...uncomplicated and easy!
Enacting life's lessons into positive change... .
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 1,685
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 1,685 |
Uncomplicated, that's for sure KC! Dogs (sorry, no offence, all pets are great but it's just that I happen to be a dog person.....;) are such wonderful companions. Unconditional love... I miss that  Glad to hear that you have been busy, probably too busy to think much, eh. Way to go KC.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,463
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,463 |
Yeah, nothing exciting though. It seems there's always housework, laundry, cooking, dishes, walking dogs, stacking wood, etc. And church activities. Work, commuting, etc. I spent some time this weekend designing the company Christmas cards (which I always make by hand), at least that part was fun. Lately I've been working long hours which doesn't let me get anything done during the week, esp. with my long commute. I'm growing stronger every day, I've been feeling really angry about what was done to me and that fuels my resolve for totally getting over Jim. But I realize it'll still take a while. I can't wait until I reach the "indifferent" stage.
Enacting life's lessons into positive change... .
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,463
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,463 |
He initiated a chat with me and invited me over to see what all he's done on his place. I was real proud of myself. I held back emotionally, kept telling myself "he's not relationship material", he chattered about 2 1/4 hours, it was good to see him but I kind of look at him differently now. Still think he's cute, darn. it went well, I didn't get emotional, didn't cry during or after, didn't say I love you, and I ended the visit myself. Pat myself on the back, I followed all the rules. He's talked to his exGF Stephanie, don't know when but within a couple of months I'd say, probably before he lost the landline. I just tell myself bully for them. It was good to get home and see Arlie, he's bottled up full of energy.
Enacting life's lessons into positive change... .
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,780
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,780 |
So why did you go see him? Just curious why you would give him the time of day after what he did to you.
Hope you are doing well.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,463
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,463 |
I guess because I wanted to know how I'd feel and because I may want to keep him as a friend, nothing more. I was pleasantly surprised at how far I'd come, esp. in the last couple of weeks. 
Enacting life's lessons into positive change... .
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,780
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,780 |
I guess because I wanted to know how I'd feel and because I may want to keep him as a friend, nothing more. I was pleasantly surprised at how far I'd come, esp. in the last couple of weeks. Ok, I can accept that. Glad you are doing better.
|
|
|
Moderated by Ariel, BerlinMB, Denali, Fordude, IrishGreen, MBeliever, MBsurvivor, MBSync, McLovin, Mizar, PhoenixMB, Toujours
|
1 members (1 invisible),
624
guests, and
83
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
|
