***edit*** RB thread has been determined to be a DJ and removed**

"You're just trying to force me to choose."

"You don't have to choose anything. You can take as long as you want to choose. I have already chosen what is right for me - refusing to be part of a M that involves 3 people."

Plan B is the consequence - the natural result - of his continuing disrespect. When he refuses to protect you from pain, you must protect yourself.

Upset again tonight..

The alternative sitter didnt pan out today. Im forever doing favours for my neice and her H, as they do not have a car and dont live far from me I am always the first one they call to run them around and I normally take them where they need to go often without even being offered gas money. Do you think they could do me the simple favour of watching my DD7 for all of 20 mins today? Seriously they live right beside her school and I had to ask my sister to go pick her up which made her late for work...sooooo not doing them favours anymore!!

Spoke with H tonight and found out low and behold buddy still hasnt fixed his brakes. I told him even though I understand hes doing it for free hes being pretty inconsiderate considering he knows H doesnt live there and rather lives an hour away. Not only was I inconvenienced for my appointment today, H will not make it to DD7's interview tomorrow which I made at a time specific for him to be there. All I said was "Thats very upsetting", he said "I'm Sorry" and I just left it with no response.

He went there Tuesday and was supposed to be home no later than Wednesday and here we are heading into Friday...Im so disappointed

I have been debating my Plan B date in my head. Starting to work on my letter. Also trying to fill out custody papers...what a pain, I hate legal papers their incredibly confusing!

This jumped out to me as simple and to the point. Yeah we know, it may seem simple, but,,but..

I also know that simple doesn't not equal easy is these cases, it should, but we allways make things harder than they are, well, sometimes others do too.

In Plan B you will find yourself in a place where you can do some self examination and anawer questions with the help of objective freinds here. Also there will be action of refusing to be treated that way implemented in your life. Really, that is allways the first action we should take, and many times is the only one that speaks loud enough.

I figure I can test Plan B when hes at her place to see how well I do, I failed the last two days but didnt talk to him at all today, not a single msg!

I came home tonight and he was here. To my surprise he had the girls in bed and everything -YEH! (my mom was watching them and brought them home for me). Something seemed off though, I tried to get it out but didnt want to push too much. Then he got off the couch and said "OW has yet another bf. This time in Ireland, shes moving to Ireland. Good Riddence!". (she uproots her DD and moves to wherever her little boy toys are). He then went to bed so I went in and gave him a nice massage and asked if thats why he was upset, he said they got in a fight and he was still a bit ticked off about it. I let him vent a bit without saying anything.

While giving him a massage I asked if he wanted to go to the Santa Claus Parade with the girls and I tomorrow and he said maybe but he has plans at night. Our friends gf just moved in with him so their having a party in which we were BOTH invited to. I asked if this was what he was planning and he said yes, then I asked if I could go along with him and he said "Do you want an honest answer? I'd prefer if you didn't" OUCH! Claims hes staying til the end and doesnt want me nagging to go home early. Ive rarely ever done this! Ive stayed up til 6, 7 even 8AM at parties with him before. Why is it that they remember something you did once or twice and act as though its something you do EVERYTIME your in that situation??? I calmly told him that I'll drive myself then.

On a somewhat funnier note- I was reading the end of SAA before leaving earlier and had written down all the ENs on a piece of paper, which I tore out of a notebook, put numbers 1 through 5 beside my most important ENs, made my bed and left only the book and the paper laying on top. When he climbed into bed he seen it and asked what it was and I told him. He laughed and said in a no wonder this marriage isnt working out kind of voice "Well mine are all oppisite of yours". I kind of chuckled. I now know ALL of his most important ENs, mission accomplished!!

Ya know, The whole post made me mad at the way it was working for you and how he was acting, but at the end, this gave me hope for you. maybe your marrige too but definetly for you.

Maybe he could start working on what is important to you instead of chasing miss imaginary lover.

I would stick with him like glue at that party also, although I wouldn't be surprised if he was just leaving time open in case "she" called him.

Don't let him goad you into a reaction, this is plan A right? Maybe someone can tell you how to handle any other women action or DJs he might hand you at the party or while in plan A. I think there is a level you must refuse to be hurt, but in a certain way as not to jeapordize the plan.

First, just because you couldn't go 2 days without talking to him doesn't mean that you can't do a good Plan B. I am glad that you felt good being able to not call him for one day. Imagine how good it will feel to do that over and over again.

Second, about her moving to Ireland, I CALL BULLCHIT. It is probably their new story to get you off of his back. He is upset because she has a BF, BUNCH OF BULLCHIT.

Now, the reason that he didn't want you to go to the party was because he was going with HER. That's the ONLY reason. She was going to be there and he didn't want you to get in the way. Again, Plan A would have been to say something like, "I can not accept a marriage with 3 people in it, thanx for putting the girls to bed." You see, your Plan A efforts are enticing him to Plan A you just before he is about to do something with OW.

When you left the ENs list out and he said, "This is why our marriage is doomed...." You could have said, "Our marriage was doomed the moment another person entered into it, it CAN be SPECTACULAR. Even better than before." Not that you did poorly. I just want to give you some things to say next time this comes up.

When do you usually decorate your house for Christmas?

No disrespects Scotty, but you know what they say about assumptions

She is an idiot that follows all her boy toys around. I used to be friends with her, she really does move to where they are. We had to stop by her parents house to drop her DD backpack off she left in H's car (OW wasnt there), when H went in her mother was crying because she yelled at her for not supporting her in wanting to move to Ireland. Trust me she is stupid enough to do this, and I bid her farewell!

Also, in regards to the party, its our friends place. NONE of our friends like OW and this one is no exception. OW would not be welcome there and H would know that. We are going to the party together.

I over heard him talking to OW on phone earlier, he did give her a piece of his mind! I of course was in the other room grinning from ear to ear!

I usually decorate on my bday - end of November.

Hey, I have been known to be wrong before. I just don't want you to become complacent because you think that she will be out of the picture.

Even if she does move, you still have a lot to work on in your marriage and WH is the one that has the most work to do. He could just move on to another OW, or OW could and most likely WILL move back when this BF gets sick of her, and you will be where you are again.

I would LOVE to be wrong.

How does December 1st sound for the start of Plan B? Show WH a lovely home and then pull the rug out from under him. Even better if he is at a risk of losing OW too. Then he will need to be ALONE.

Yep, yep, and yep. What Scotty said. Don't let him gaslight you, jealousy! Ireland, excuse me????

I would go to that party in a heartbeat!

I went to the party, I had no intention of staying home as they are my friends as well. We ended up going together and it was good

Don't worry Scotty, Im not letting my guard down this time as Ive been there before where I thought she was out of the picture and she managed to creep back in.

H told me last night that I probably got "my wish" and he wont be talking to OW anymore. Hes pretty ticked off at her irresponsiblity and complete disregard for her DD. Ive heard this before though so again, not letting my guard down. She manages to shoot herself in the foot about every six months. This is when he comes out of his fog and sees her for who she is. Unfortunately he usually slips back into his fog within a couple months so Im hoping I can pull off Plan A/B well enough that the fog disappears for good.

I hate to have to push her DD out of our lives too because we really do care very much for her, but I guess if I want this to be done, its what we have to do

Every now and again I mention some of the guidelines from SAA. I even had him read the part about the Love Bank. Ive also mentioned stopping Angry Outbursts, Disrespectful Judgements and Selfish Demands and since I told him about it I plan on informing him everytime he uses one of these. I even made a "slurping" noise the other day at him and he was like "what? did I just suck my account dry?" LOL

Can anyone help me with a response (reverse Babble maybe) regarding:

"Do you really not have faith in me?"

Are faith and trust considered the same?

Thanx Bunches! Have a Wonderful Sunday!

Tell him that you have faith in your marriage. That's why you're working so hard to save it.

As far as trust goes? You never should have blindly trusted him in the first place. He should not blindly trust you, either. Tell him that you are sorry that you were lax in guarding your M in this respect and that you don't intend to do so again.

But don't get too caught up in semantics, jealousy. It is what it is. Your M is in danger through thoughtless actions on the part of your WH and lack of care of the part of you both. The goal is not to win a p*ssing contest regarding word usage. That's a bit manipulative on his part. Stick to the important stuff: there is something endangering your M that you will not permit.

First, let me refrain from saying how outrageous the above statement really is.

Second: You can be sure that anytime a WS says something like this - "you're trying to control me" - it ALWAYS means, "You're Interfering With My Fantasy of Having Both a Spouse and an Affair Partner".

Always, always, always.

Yes, it is true.

My late wife made that play early on in the relationship, but it was with a different pitch though. Here it is.

She.."I can't stand guys who are insecure and I am a very social person, I have a lot of guy friends and we are innocent when we talk."

Me.."Well of course I understand, especially because I see how verbal you are and you like to communicate, and of course, I think women are naturally more social. I am concerned though because I know (so-in-so) and hes a boy-dog. When you were talking to him, I am sure he was making a play"

She.." Well I can handle myself, and I worked in bars and know innapropiate attention, you will have to trust me."

Me.. "Well I have no choice do I, because I am not into chasing anyone and you can do what you want, just be honest with me, thats all I ask"

All along I was trying to make myself harder inside, trying to be more, , sophisticated and not feel the sting of her getting attention from guys and liking it, trying to be more mature and not jealous. I had been hurt before and I thought having a thick skin was what I had to develop to avoid being hurt again.

She had to get a job, and it was in a bar, and she stayed late one night after closing inside with the bartender and the doors locked.

So what do you think? I think I was a fool and she was lieing all along, and wanted her cake and eat it too.

Lol , and I wanted to help her with her insecurity and need for attention. Seems she allready had that dodge covered.

She pulled her head out of her butt after I left years later, but she never saw anyone professionally about herself, or her drug issues. She was a very complex person with many facets, and I am thankful for the good years, but she was not marriage material from the start, and I could do nothing to change it, no matter what I gave.

I think WH is also someone who caters to himself beyond what a Man should who has a wife and children HE is responsible for. He is looking for attention from skank-lady, and chasing someone who keeps him at arms reach purposly to control him.

Time for you to put him out of reach of you, so he can learn to control himself, reguardless how it ends, reconciliation or divorce, that would be doing him a favor and loving him also.

Im sorry but thats her skanky moms job to take care of her DD. I wonder if a social worker would be tempted to chase OW around because of the daughter. Or the therapist that treats her later on.

Her relationships and behavior just suck, and the people who feel "sorry for her" are fools that are enabling her. I know, I was an enabler too.

So she is a Damsel in Distress huh? Is she pretty too? Is WH thinking he is Prince Charming? sorry, fantasy, smoking pot, fantasy, no job, fantasy. Don't be a victim of this, real life IS rewarding. it really is.

Hah! faith in you?! Thats Gods business.

Trust? You gotta earn it!

But MB is right, talk is cheap right now. he doesn't even know what he is talking about, and is twisting words he doesn't even understand.

Absolutely, and you are doing her DD NO FAVORS by continuing to enable her mother's horrid behavior. Skankarilla needs to be allowed to spiral into oblivion, if that is what she is going to do, so that DD can have a good look at what the wrong thing to do is and a permanent separation, and the hopes for a normal, happy life.

My MIL was a selfish, destructive woman even when I met my FWW. She has turned around some now, but not before FWW had her views and values damaged. Our experience now has damaged FWW's view and respect of her mother due to this.

I hope that in your smugness in trotting out for Scottie that yes, the Ireland story is real (though I wonder if she will actually go, and really wonder if she will actually stay), you don't miss the main point of all this.

No matter what does or doesn't happen with OW, you still have a full-blown wayward addict on your hands.

Ignore the distractions, and stick to the plan. Nothing has changed, not really.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JEALOUSY. WHERE ARE YOU?