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Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357
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Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357 |
So yesterday he emailed me(he is out of town for work) he asked if he should be looking at apartments. And that he feels like there I no chance for us because all I want to do is continually talk bad about him to people(specifically the two people he is really mad that I exposed the affair to and I have talked to them several times since)
I responded: I do not sit around and talk bad about you to them I talk to them and they offer advice. And we do have a chance but I can't force you to want to be with me. If you are willing to really and truly try I am here and want to make it work. Please do not engage in conversations like this with him, even via email. They will not serve you. Here's what you said: I do not sit around and talk bad about you to them I talk to them and they offer advice. And here's what he heard, through his fog: I talk to people and they think bad things about you because of me. You deserve to be with someone who doesn't say bad things to people about you. You gotta love the editing powers of a wayward.  He was looking for a conversation that he could spin and he got one. The next time he tries to engage you like this, recognize it for what it is and only respond: "I love you and want us to be together in a loving marriage." I mean, think about it. Do you think he really wanted your input on an apartment? No. He was baiting you to get that entitled feeling that he needs in order to keep going the way he's going.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 146
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Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 146 |
He does want me to be the bad guy. I am giving him the choice not kicking him out.
I guess first things first. I need to expose to everyone. That's gonna be hard I don't want our families to know but guess I have to. I'm not sure what my parents and siblings will think. I am afraid his parents will practically disown him. Any advice on telling family members who will not approve? Obviously my family wants to see me happy but I don't think they will agree with me trying to work things out with him I think they will want me to just leave him.
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Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 146
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Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 146 |
So yesterday he emailed me(he is out of town for work) he asked if he should be looking at apartments. And that he feels like there I no chance for us because all I want to do is continually talk bad about him to people(specifically the two people he is really mad that I exposed the affair to and I have talked to them several times since)
I responded: I do not sit around and talk bad about you to them I talk to them and they offer advice. And we do have a chance but I can't force you to want to be with me. If you are willing to really and truly try I am here and want to make it work. Please do not engage in conversations like this with him, even via email. They will not serve you. Here's what you said: I do not sit around and talk bad about you to them I talk to them and they offer advice. And here's what he heard, through his fog: I talk to people and they think bad things about you because of me. You deserve to be with someone who doesn't say bad things to people about you. You gotta love the editing powers of a wayward. He was looking for a conversation that he could spin and he got one. The next time he tries to engage you like this, recognize it for what it is and only respond: "I love you and want us to be together in a loving marriage." I mean, think about it. Do you think he really wanted your input on an apartment? No. He was baiting you to get that entitled feeling that he needs in order to keep going the way he's going. Hmm ok. Thank you I didn't think of it this way. For now on I will just be a broken record. "I love you an want to be in a loving marriage with you"(and you only) He has asked me several times what to do. He also has told me how scared he is. And how hurt he is by all this too. But then he goes on to say he is miserable and can't live life this way.
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 4,140
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 4,140 |
I am afraid his parents will practically disown him. Any advice on telling family members who will not approve? Obviously my family wants to see me happy but I don't think they will agree with me trying to work things out with him I think they will want me to just leave him. Tell them. Tell them all and let the consequences fall freely on WH's head. Trying to protect him only enables his cheating. Consequences are the only things that ever get through to a wayward. And don't let him blame you for telling people the truth. He's the one who chose to cheat and he's the one who brought those consequences straight on himself.
Me, BW
WH cheated in corporate workplace for many years. He moved out and filed in summer 2008.
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Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357
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Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357 |
I need to expose to everyone. That's gonna be hard I don't want our families to know but guess I have to. I'm not sure what my parents and siblings will think. whattodo, if you knew how powerful a proper exposure can be, we'd be holding you back and telling you to get all of your ducks in a row.  Don't speculate on what others will do or think. That's not under your control. Your job is to expose this nasty affair and enlist their aid/advice/support in killing it.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 146
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Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 146 |
Ok email phone calls? What's the best way?
What about his family do I just tell his parents? I don't know anyone else well enough (no siblings)
And her family what do I say to them?
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Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 146
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Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 146 |
Well I've been busy and haven't done much the last couple days. I need to get back on track.
Exposure in the works. He hasn't seen OW in days. I don't know if he has talked to her or not though.
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Joined: May 2010
Posts: 1,879
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Joined: May 2010
Posts: 1,879 |
Tell them exactly what is going on do not sugar coat it
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Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 146
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Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 146 |
Ahhhhhh
I need to vent so I dont do something stupid
Background I was stupid a couple weeks ago and sent an anonymous email to OW(I used a greeting card thing online with a fake email) the message said something about how affairs never work out and gave some statistics
Anyway...
Got an email using same greeting card and fake email but there was no message. So I emailed her directly and said is there a message or you just sending it for fun. Then WH emails me and says that was me why is OW calling friend saying you sent her more stuff.
I said I hadn't and forwarded the response I had sent to OW saying that's all I had sent. Then I called him and asked why he sent that. He said why did you send it. I said I think you know why I sent it but why did you send it he said because I'm bitter. Then he was like you really want to do this now? All pissy like. I was like no you were the one that decided to send the email. Then he turned off his phone.
He told me he was going to dinner with friend and said that OW wasn't there but I'm pretty sure she was.
Sorry for the rant. I'm pretty sure he wanted me to blow up which I started to but I'm calmer now that I wrote it down. Thanks
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Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 146
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Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 146 |
I should have just ignored it but I couldn't.
So exposure time. No sugar coating got it. Too bad I don't have evidence of physical but what I do know I will have to say it is an inappropriate relationship or something.
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Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 1
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 1 |
I'm sure she had to be there. You can't trust a lasik delivery boy.
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Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357
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Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357 |
I'm sure she had to be there. You can't trust a lasik delivery boy. Welcome, SuperDodge! Want to tell us your story?
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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