Going crazy here

We got another Victoria Secrets catalog in the mail - nothing new right? Except it's addressed to him. I used to get it but now iti's under his name.

Is it safe to assume hes purchased something else recently?

Now that's just mental abuse isn't it...

I can't wait for my pyschtrist appointment maybe he can give me something stronger.

Hey Smileygirl

Please don't check what he is upto, it is so bad for you if you are in Plan B now.

I am so tempted to look but something has just said that Plan B is me time, and whatever he is doing is completely and utterly out of my control.

Focus on getting yourself strong SG, it sounds to me as though you need some peace in your life, and YOU can give it to yourself, no one else.

You remember those days, when you just got up in the morning and lived peacefully, not worrying about what your H was upto.

Please do this, it is possible, this is coming from someone who was on her knees, and can now function, quite well actually.

Forget FB, forget Victoria Secret, who cares when there is a wonderful woman that needs some attention?

IMHO, the only person that can sort you out if you, I am sure your psch helps, but you can do this.

Harmony.

@SG -

I'm not trying to be forward, but this could be a heaven sent catalog. I'm sure that you could you use this catalog to purchase something that you always wanted to wear, but was to afraid to.

Plan B is about growing and extending yourself in directions that you never thought you could or would have to.

What are some of the things that you are growing and extending in yourself?

how's things going?

We are still in contact he has continued to call. He's still doing fog babble. I thought things were looking up but it was all gaslighting. It's okay I was hesitant to believe him in the first place. If I'm in Plan A there should be no expectations.

He's due to come back soon, early spring time. It's going to come here real quick. What can I do to prepare for this?

I have access to his vehicle. Do I want to put stuff on it, like a GPS? I honestly don't want to have to do that because I feel like I'm going to want to check it every day or everytime he leaves but then again I may go a little crazy wondering, imagining crazy things. So should I go this route?

I need to finetune my Plan A here. I have to go to legal soon I knwo I've been dragging but it's just time to do it.

I have been having my down days lately,and it's taking a toll on me. I haven't been taking any anti depressants but maybe I have to again.

Anyways if there is any advice i'd love to hear it. If not then at least I updated my own thread.

Time's coming up fast - he will be here in less than a month, more like 2 weeks!

He's still talking D. I've done my homework, went to the divorce brief, consulted with legal, got a referral with different lawyers that could take my case for a fee. Went to my pychiatrist for the first time since my DD was born. I may have to start antidepressants again. Doing all this stuff makes me feel a lot better about my situation but what I really want is recovery

I need to schedule an appointment still. Making the conversation with him light, tell him things to make him laugh, casually bring up funny memories. I break down when he says the word D but I'm working hard not to do that.

I'm nervous and anxious.

SG, it's so NORMAL for you to feel this way. Just remember to get your plan in order so you won't be thrown off by what he does or says.

This is something that Neak posted on LGLG's thread. I think you would be able to use it also.

My counselor (pychatrist) said not to get a divorce lawyer now that I could get one anytime.

WH just said he promised me not to file in March but I will get in on April 1st.

That he is going to san antoino without me and the kids.

That he told his commander that he wants a D, that I don't, that he told his grandma who is taking his side.

Now he's threatening to take away homecoming ceremony from me and my kids.

Do I really want to be married to this man? If he's in the fog still then yes - because I"ve been foggy too and man I can see clearly now the fog is gone.

AM I not supposed to be talking about our relationshiop? my counselor said to say we'll talk about it when u get back. And that we can't really figure out until he gets back here and see how he acts.

So seeking advice
- get a lawyer now as opposed to later
- am i not supposed to talk about us at all
(I think I know the answer - I think I"m suppposed to fog babble him)

He is taking his 2 week leave in Texas. He won't be bringing the kids. He has two 2 week breaks of leave in April and in June.

Plan B discussion time. Which break should I implement my plan b? I"m thinking June but then again he may take the kids with him in Texas. So now I'm thinking April.

Good thing we both decided not to talk about anything in March I can't handle the stress.

THanks for anyone reading. Sometimes I think we share a lot on these boards - maybe the boards should be private in a way. I know there's already a registration but I know there is also lots of guests.

I agree with April but only because it will get YOU out of this sooner.

Do you have everything ready? I know you were weighing on when to get an attorney, I think you should at least talk to one to get all the info you need.

What do you have ready for your Plan B and what do you need to work on? Throw it out here, we may be able to help you.

And as far as this board being public, remember that. Always be careful how much info you share because you are actually sharing it with the WORLD. I don't believe you have divulged too much info, but if you feel uncomfortable with it, instead of using actual places, just say "to another state" etc.

I'm ready for Plan B. He's still wayward, had my suspicions and found evidence of continued contact. So I'm ready. My Plan B will start April 1st.

I still need an IM.

I need to find a babysitter who is willing to be the drop off spot, pick up spot etc.

I need to work on my Plan b letter. Any help here is appreciated. Any sample letters I can use?

Heck. Talk to several attorneys on the phone. Most will give you general info over the phone and not charge you AND you can get an idea of which one you would want to turn to if you need to take action. You will see who is easiest to speak with, most understanding of your plan and which one is too busy to give you the time of day (you would want someone who can respond in a timely manner should you require their services). Knowledge is power and you need not start any legal balls rolling until you decide it is time for you.

I already got a lawyer. I wanted to find one as soon as possible before he came back and I did.

Plan B started early for me.

Found an email and password. Checked it out. I knew it was bad but it was really bad - the love letters were just sickening.

Figured why not check to see maybe...maybe the PW is the same for FB. Sure it ehough it was. Preetty much expected to see what I saw. until I went in her inbox. Saw my MIL sending her a message and guess what - they are telling each other they love each other. As in - you're my new MIL I love you.

I am sorry I feel betrayed. I thought they had high morals, and they KNEW this is wrong but in order to keep him from not talking to them - they not only accepted this vulture as his new fiance, girlfriend but also accepted his affair! I am sorry I was IN SHOCKED I was shaking.

I wasn't planning on confronting him until after I saw the message. I didn't get to do my Plan B letter, he went and got his stuff at the end of the night so there's no way I could put his letter in his stuff. I did get his key from him which he got pissed off about.

Anyways I DID it. I went to Command. Actually I gave him a choice- either choose this path where we establish no contact with her for the rest of our lives, we work on our marriage and we move away from here. Or we could call comomand and do the things you were telling me you were fearing. He chose to call command which called himself.

I really need help Vets - PLease.

I found an IM this evening. I was planning on asking her, and I thought I had more time to plan my Plan B. I found 1 person to be my drop off spot for the kids possible 2. I am working on my Plan B letter, thinking I can drop it off to him somehow or email it to his military email address.

I thought we were ending it in a good note until I had asked for his key. I had told him earlier that One day he is going to look at this person and be like "I gave up my kids and a great wife - for THIS?" Right now this relationship is in fairytale land. It's not a real relationship, it's based on talks, emails, etc for over a year. Once reality hits, it's going to hit him like a ton of bricks.

I need help getting a job, finding childcare for my kids, figuring out where I can live should I have to be evicted from my house for not being able to pay rent - one of the things he was telling me is going to happen if I call command on him. Again, everyone he called command himself. I was right there next to him.

Okay so Vets - any advice? Words of wisdom? The people I told of my Plan B is against it for some reason. I sure coud use the words of encouragement.

I feel like this is my Hail Mary Pass, all balls out let's go break up this A and get this M back on track.

On th way out after I got his key from him he said he will turn off my internet and my cell phone tomorrow. I've heard his empty threats before but I'm not sure now. So I may not be online for awhile I could sure use some help

That leave in Texas that he was plannning on taking - it's to see her. She is stationed there. I hate so much that my MIL is in cahooots with her, and fully supporting this Affair.

smileygirl, have you exposed this affair to everyone? To her family, his family, his command? Can you bring me up to speed?

Doesn't matter. You need to expose to them anyway. I read a thread on here once where a WW said that she made a call right in front of her BH, but she was pretending. Unless the phone was on speaker and your heard the other side of the conversation, it may not have happened.

Call command yourself to check.
Get a legal order for financial support.

Try to not let the fact that your MIL is wayward too guide you now. The apple didn't fall far from the tree (her having your WH) so

focus on yourself, your children, your finances, your steps to take to move onward.

Write a plan B letter to send to him soon too....maybe in a week or two after you see the initial hoopla of him leaving you. This is sometimes recommended in marriage builders. In the book Surviving An Affair......the wayward left, came back a few days and left again and the betrayed sent the letter then and went dark.

Breathe in and out and be strong.

To update real fast -

Exposure was done late March of last year. Did a bomb exposure to his parents, my SIL, her friends on her list, her mother, I held back on exposing to Command back then.

Command has been notified. I spoke to the main guy myself last night. My WH spouse tried several numbers but finally got a hold of someone. The top guy saw he missed a call from our home and called us back while we were gone. I saw the number and hit redial and it ended up being his Commander.

Do I need to have filed something (as in sepertation or a divorce) in order to have a legal order for support.

I already started Plan B - today is day one of darkness. I was thinking of having my IM call him and tell him who she is, what she is going to do, and if he needs to contact me to go through her. Does that sound like a good idea?

I also thought about emailing it to him. ANd to the POSOW

I plan on calling his Commander again to see if I can get her in trouble - she's a soldier now.