The plan I recommend for recovery after an affair is very specific. That's because I've found that even small deviations from that plan are usually disastrous. But when it's followed, it always works. The plan has two parts that must be implemented sequentially. The first part of the plan is for the unfaithful spouse to completely separate from the lover and eliminate the conditions that made the affair possible. The second part is for the couple to create a romantic relationship, using my Basic Concepts as a guide.

I'll describe these two parts to you in a little more detail.

The first step, complete separation from the lover and eliminating the conditions that made the affair possible, requires a complete understanding of the affair. All information regarding the affair must be revealed to the betrayed spouse, including the name of the lover, the conditions that made the affair possible (travel, internet, etc.), the details of what took place during the affair, all correspondence, and anything else that would shed light on the tragedy.

This information is important for two reasons: (1) it creates accountability and transparency, making it essentially impossible for the unfaithful spouse to continue the affair or begin a new one unnoticed, and (2) it creates trust for the betrayed spouse, providing evidence that the affair is over and a new one is unlikely to take its place. The nightmares you experience are likely to continue until you have the facts that
will lead to your assurance that your husband can be trusted.

An analysis of the wayward spouse's childhood or emotional state of mind in an effort to discover why he or she would have an affair is distracting and unnecessary. It takes precious time away from finding the real solutions. I know why people have affairs: We are all wired for it. Given certain conditions, we would all do it. Given other conditions, however, none of us would do it. So the goal of the first step is to discover the conditions that made the affair possible and eliminate them.

After the first step is completed, the second step is to create a romantic relationship between you and your husband using my 10 Basic Concepts here

as your guide. While your relationship may be improving, it won't lead to a romantic relationship because you are not being transparent toward each other. Unspoken issues in a marital relationship lead to a superficiality that ruins romance.

She has no interest in the companies money. She wants the security of the job, the friends she has at work and the daily contact with her affair partner. She says it is about financial security, but it is not.

Using his authority to persuade female subordinates to have sex with them is still considered sexual harassment.

MelodyLane - I meant if she sees work as the oasis and home as the battlefield because of my affair ending actions this week should I wait, but I hear you say to keep the battle going.

Again, thanks to everyone for being the voice of reason in this crazy situation. I really appreciate all of the advice.

THG

She has no interest in the companies money. She wants the security of the job, the friends she has at work and the daily contact with her affair partner. She says it is about financial security, but it is not.

If they would have let her go instead of getting her to sign the 'paper', it would be SO much better now.

Thanks again MelodyLane and everyone else for your insights.

We were so close. If they would have let her go instead of getting her to sign the 'paper', it would be SO much better now. As it stands we will probably have to go through a seperation and hope that she sees the light while living away from her home during the holidays.

I love the potato chip and tea comments. How do I get that frame of mind back, when dealing with this topic? I know she is a terrorist not the mother of my children.

My parents divorced when I was 18. I ended up dropping out of high school and making my road to my current successful career much longer than it needed to be. Divorce is the one thing that I never wanted to put my children through. So I have been enabling the WW in her efforts to have both. I know that.

Casually ask WW if she consulted an attorney before she signed a document that basically admits she committed a felony in your state.

WW will go: "What are you talking about?"

Then, just say: "Under WI Statute 944.16, adultery is a class 1 felony. They tricked you."

Then say: "I'm going to the kitchen, can I bring you anything back? Tea?"

Right now, WW is suffering under the delusion that the company is looking out for her.
Start poking holes in her delusion.