So glad to hear this. Enjoy having him with you. Truly something to cherish on Thanksgiving.

So happy for you and your family.

Hurray!!!

Hi Ms. Writer,

I am just so happy for you that your son is home, and that you have your family together now.

Ya know what Ms. Writer, Char was home here with me the last couple of days, and she loves Opra and wanted to watch it, and Thanksviing day when she was here I looked at it with her. The Opra show was all about the reunicfications and help that she has provided to people in need on her show. While I think that is very good, there are numerous people like you, and your husband, and alot of others who suffer silently. So, simply from me you are a great Mom, went thru a helluva lot, and endured. And now you Do have your son reunited with you Ms. Writer, and if I could write a creative Christmas story, which I want to do, it would be something like this!

Tom

Having a rough week.

The financial issues are just really weighing me down right now. We have to be out of our house by the end of January, and about the only thing in our price range is little 2-bedroom apartments in less than desirable neighborhoods that are still nowhere near my H's work. Of course, IMO, we don't really have a price-range, since my H's paycheck is pretty much spent a week before his next one arrives, and that's without paying anything for housing at all.

We're meeting with an attorney to discuss filing for bankruptcy, but apparently Chap. 7 doesn't stop the foreclosure process (it can delay it a few months at best) and we don't earn enough to do Chap. 13. We looked into a loan modification, but the only thing our bank offered was a new mortgage with all of our back payments tacked on that was approximately double the current value of our home, with a low introductory interest rate that would go up dramatically in a couple of years.

My H is looking into going back to school, but it would be 2 years before he's finished, and I'm kind of leery. He isn't a "natural" student, so when he's in school, he is stressed all the time. He pretty much has to just work and go to school and I have to do everything else. He gets rather obsessed with school work, and doesn't deal well if he doesn't have lots of quiet, uninterrupted time to focus on it. I have no idea how we'll make that work in a small apartment. Not to mention the stress I will be under to take care of everything else and the even smaller amounts of UA time it will mean for us. It was pretty hard on everyone, the kids included, the last time he was in school and I don't know how to look forward to having to go through that again.

It's just so darn difficult to feel close to my H when I'm stressed and upset and disappointed all of the time. I'm honestly afraid that our M can't survive anymore stresses.

It is nice having my son home and I'll miss him once he's gone. I know he'll be better off living with my MIL, since I don't really have any sort of security to offer him. We're still waiting to see if DS 16 will get into the military academy in January. We should know something about that in a few weeks. DD is heading to Colorado to work for the winter (she'll be taking classes online) and DS 21 is still working, but not liking his job too much.

I just feel like I'm letting my kids down. I haven't been able to offer them the sort of life or security that I wanted to. I've been feeling very down lately about most everything. I want so badly to find some glimmer of hope, but I'm really not sure where to look anymore.

writer1 .. I am sorry about your situation� financial problems can really cause tremendous amount of stress on even the strongest marriage and if the two people have different ways of handling money � wow � that could mean trouble..

I don�t know your financial situation at all and I am sure it is very hard� but maybe you and your hubby could put a budget together, I think that could count as an UA time� plus having budgets is a great way to stay on track with your money and always know where the money goes� this could also eliminate a potential LB if you ever disagree on money related issue.

Going back to school is a challenging decision� you need to analyze and determine if the investment that you will be making (time/money/time away from family/stress) will pay off in the end and produce desired results.

I am sorry to hear about your situation� Hand in there � I hope things will start getting better for you!

Oh, and then the icing on the cake of my day?

I just received a bill in the mail informing me that I have to pay the court $1625 in victim restitution. Payment is due in 30 days. My son can't get off probation until the amount is paid in full, and if I don't pay it, they can take my income tax return, you know, the one we need to make ends meet and actually keep food on the table and a roof over our heads.

All right, life, I give up. I get it. You're gonna keep kicking me until I stay down. Hearing you loud and clear.

Hi Ms. Writer,

I kind of had the gut feeling that maybe you were facing stress regarding financial issues lately. Just simply because you seem to post ocasionally on the Survior's forum, but haven't seen your signature postes recently. I haven't been on there much recently, altho I did post shortly after Thanksgiving and to MJ.

Ms. Writer, may I offer you a few suggestions (you may very well want to throw them back in my face, and I realize it):

1) Have you and your H seriously discussed him going back to school and the cost/benefits of that? In my HO he would need to be able to document to you that this will, not could, but will result in a better job. Otherwise I feel it would not be worth it at this time. I went back to college in 1996 to get my Master's in tax accounting, but I had some money to do it at the time, and also had an MBA. It was a total career switch, but I spent time talking with Char, her parents, and probably more importantly an advisor in the Accounting Dept. and felt assured that it would pay off. It did, but that was in the 1990's when the economy was much better.

2) On the bill from the local court - I doubt very much they would be able to append your IRS refund. They could possibly file suit once you have it in hand, but I do belive you could make arrangements at that point, and that local jurisdiction should have no more important claim than any other creditor. I read an article recently where local jurisdictions in IL are hurting because of the inability to pay fines on part of people convicted.

3) The above begs another question Ms. Writer - and that is why are you guys at all wanting a Fed. tax refund at your income level? At the end of the tax year you guy's should be breaking even, not lending the Feds free of interest during the year! You need to question your H on what he is claiming on his W-4 and why you would at all expect a refund. The refund money that he did not have to pay could have been spread over this year to help fund your monthly expenses.

I know sweet Ms. Writer this must sound totally trite and accusatory coming from someone you don't even know. The point is I have been there every day in a similar situation, feeling helpless, in regard to Char over the last year. I know that is not a good feeling or outlook. No, mine is not the same situation, but I feel the feelings about those challenges are similar. I sometimes feel you panic, and that you do not have someone there who can just simply reassure you, help plan carefully with you, and just simply take at least one day to swirl you around and make you feel that you are a valuable person, a valualbe Mom, and a valuable woman.

I do not believe there is anyone here, any of your friends here, who could possibly provide you day-to-day advice in your situation. Suggestions yes, but take-it-to-the-bank advice No.

So, if it takes some outsider, such as me, to attempt to convince you that you are a tremendous person and a tremendous Mom, then so be it!

A very good friend of mine at the time gave me great advice when I was facing woes at the time - Remember, they can try to hurt ya, but they cannot kill you and eat you!

So, get on your horse Babe!!

Tom

Writer-
What can you do to self soothe during this time of stress? This is something you need to do, for yourself, your marriage and your child. Your husband can't soothe you, and neither can your kids..

We can have peace in times of great upheaval and chaos. And, I find for me, having that peace means living a present, intentional life while being good to myself in small ways-like having a hot cup of tea or knitting for 5 minutes.

Tom, thank you for the kind words and advice.

The reason my H wants to go back to school is that he only has a BA in Communications right now, and with his experience (almost entirely in customer service) and education, he probably won't be able to increase his earning potential much without doing something. He's applied for lots of customer service jobs, but they just don't pay well enough to support a family. He needs to retrain for a higher paying field.

As far as the tax returns go, we get money every year because of the $1000 per child tax credit, which I don't believe is something that you can have dispersed over the year in your paycheck.

I do have things I do to help myself unwind and relax. For me, writing is very cathartic. I also enjoy a nice cup of chai tea everyday.

Throughout much of this ordeal, I really have learned to live in the moment and simply try to be as happy and at peace with where I am right now. It's getting more difficult to do though as the time draws closer for us to have to be our of our house, especially since I don't know where we're going to go. It's hard to remain at peace when I know that I may not have anywhere to live in 8 weeks. All the chai in the world isn't going to take away that anxiety, so my previous coping strategies are starting to fail me I'm afraid.

But if you know you're going to get that credit, can't you change how much is taken out of your pay accordingly?
Exp: If you got back a 1200.00 refund, you should be able to change your withholding to have them take out 100.00 less each month.

Go to the IRS' website and check out their Withholding Calculator. It will help you determine how much tax should be withheld from your pay.
Here you go:
IRS Withholding Calculator

I know this isn't the whole solution, but it may help a little.
Writer

What state are you in, Writer, if you're comfortable saying? This retainer seems awfully steep, especially for a case as flimsy as this.
Have you considered a Public Defender? I have dealings with a great many attorneys in my line of work and normally wouldn't suggest a PD, but it is critical that your son have legal representation.

Writer....for you..

"The Christmas Angel"


Yes, it was Christmas time again.

As she awoke this morning those three days before this tradiional Christmas Day, Writer felt more dread than excultation or joy. The bed that morning felt warm, especially after helping her husband and her three children make it to their appointed desitnations. After laying in her bed again, the awakening to an oncoming Christmas made her feel cold and now unable to even attempt to sleep again.

She arose. She peered out the frosted windows.

The feeling came to her fast. Of those now seemingly mundance but necessary things. The water heater failing as well as the only car they had not starting in the early, bitterly cold climate now. The feeling hit her in the gut. For a moment she felt a sincere detest for Daryl, her husband. She stiffened at that cold window. Then she felt another moment of grief at the site of her neighbores seemingly prancing out of their homes in anticipation of shopping and joy. What kind of possible Christman Joy could they feel, she thought...

Your turn now, or I will just continue. I told ya I would try to be a writer.. But this is much more than it looks like. It is about a Christmas Angel...a true angel..

Regards...and please feel better about yourself...Tom

Episode 2

Writer stared thru the frozen window and at the hard snow. Those CHristmases of past. The memories made her feel warmth again. Memories of family, love, the traditional decorations, and most of all the bright shiny faces of her children celebrating their very first Christmases.

The image of her mom came quickly into her mind. Writer almost smiled softly as she envisiond her mom hoping for accolades from the family as she careried the Christmas turkey to the table in what now seems like long ago. She felt the peace and warmth of her dad as he took the tray from her mom, gently helped her sit down, and prosed a toast to her and all present, and the love and dedication in the sign he presented. Writer almost shed a tear as she thought of the feeling of looking at her brothers and sistes, and almost realizing at that time this may never ever be recaptured.

The doorbell ringing and then cold chill emanating from the window made her back away. The pleasant, hopeful thoughts were gone for the moment.....

Start of Episode 3 (and I realize there is a lot to flesh out)

Hardly anyone willingly answers their doorbells these days given all the other forms of contact and all the concerns. Witer had a premonition. No, it can't be my son or Daryl, or something else now, could it! It could be a neighbor, or the rare solicitor. The Minnesota winter almost permeated the door as she peered thru the security glass. The warmth she had felt in her solitary memories suddenly dissapated and left her grim and stolid.

The uniform was unmistakeable. Writer mementarily glanced back at the living room at the sparse Christmas decorations as if for some form of courage and then opened the door. The writ was served perfunctionall by the uniform.

Writer stared. NOTICE OF FORECLOSURE BY SHERRIF OF XX COUNTY. It was not use even staring again at that paper or even trying to make sense of it.

End of episode 3 and start of 4

On this lonely morning the tears welled. Writer slumped in the nearest chair. Try as she might, any memories she had felt earlier of Christmases past seemed so distant. As distant as the coldest, furthest planet in the solar system she could imagine.

"Oh my God", was her only sigh. Repeated on her lips over and over.

Almost automatically she activated the remote, and the TV blared that type of BMW commercial with a winter scene and a wife atounded by her husband's gratitude. Wrapped in a ribbon, no less. She stared almost blanky. She felt the resentment welling now. She reached for her cell phone, intent on calling Daryl to tell him to come home, but she refrained.

There would be no comfort for her in sharing this with with her kids either. That was against her spriit. She flet deeply she had mothered them well, as well as anyone possibly could have. But, not this. Not to now lay this at their feet!

I'm enjoying the story Tom. I wonder how it ends?

I took the evening off and went to a Christmas program and Creche display at church. We also put up our tree and decorated today. I wasn't sure if we'd be here by Christmas, but finally I just decided that I would go ahead and decorate anyway.

Anyone know how to keep a 2-year-old from pulling all the ornaments off the tree?

Okay Tom, proceed.

Writer, what do you think about doing home infant/child care? I heard that was very lucrative?