The only thing you ruined was her affair, not your chance. Keep up the pressure. Your only goal right now is to establish NC between her and OM by any means necessary. That is what exposure is for. Your kids should know too. Also, you need to finish your exposure in one fell swoop. Each time you expose, it is going to piss her off all over again. You need to get in done in one shot, so it doesn't keep pissing her off. WW's usually get over exposure in 2-3 weeks. That is, unless you slowly keep exposing instead of all at once.

Maybe you need to call the theater director and tell him, "listen, I know someone is banging my wife. Which one is it?" The people in the group probably have their suspicions.

FB is telling me to slow down, and she just un-friended me. I do have to say that it is very heartbreaking to send all these messages.

You are correct, she said she's done with the marriage and there is no chance to reconcile only to come right back and say that NOW I've ruined any chances.

Will definitely contact the theater.

Normal WW response. Also jwmc said you need to get all the exposre done ASAP. So keep exposing.

Copy and paste all her friends and his friends in a WORD doc for safekeeping.


They ALL say that!


Good man! Did you find the OM's parents on his facebook list of friends?

People are starting to repost my letter in their FB statuses. Yikes.
OMXW(?) is sharing info about the OM.

OM parents are not on FB.
And WW said she'll have divorce papers ready for me to sign when I come home.

Great!! This sounds like it is going well.


Tell her you won't be signing anything, thank you.

She's just trying to punish you for ruining her affair and not doing as she told you to do. She can't control you anymore, and she's trying to puff her chest out and act like she's still in control.

Uh-huh. That'll get her nothing. Tell her you're only goal is to save your M, not sign divorce papers.

90% of what a WW will say is all bluffing. Divorce papers aren�t simply there for you to sign unless she thinks she�s just going to draft things up and have you sign and agree to all her terms. I have news for her. It aint going to happen.

Let her know you�re not signing anything. There won�t be an amicable divorce if there is a divorce. Make that clear to her.

Also let her know that you will pursue charges of adultery and will subpoena the OM to testify about the affair. Will that happen? Not likely, but she doesn�t know that because most people don�t know the law.

Also let her know that if she does this that you will pursue full custody of the kids and will expect child support from her.

In other words, paint divorce as a nasty path she doesn�t want to go down.

Let her know you want to save your marriage instead of going down that path.

All of that being said:

I went through this as you are going through it, except that I didn�t know about things while I was deployed. I didn�t find out until I got home. I was emotionally crushed and devastated. You at least aren�t going into this blind and the best thing I see is that you�re not afraid of ticking her off, which is very good.

Don�t assume anything. Men get custody of kids when they play their cards right. Women win custody so often because men very often don�t fight for it or walk away. You can make it clear to her that you�re not that kind of man.

both OM and WW have deleted their FB pages.
OM is pleading to his XW that he didn't do anything with WW after he was confronted by XW.
WW is adamant that I got the wrong OM, but she admitted to sleeping with OM to other people already.

WW called and started reading D-papers to me so she can fill them out.

She's just trying to get a rise out of you.

No affair = no reason to get divorced.

Don't engage in conversation about divorce with her. Just tell her this:

"Listen, I don't want a divorce. I think we can work out our marriage. If you still want to go through divorce, I will fight you all the way and it will get nasty. I will counterfile on grounds of adultery, I will call you and OM to testify, I will fight for full custody, and will fight you on every last dime even if it makes us both go broke. I will not lie over and take this. I will fight you all the way. Now that you know where I stand, we don't need to talk about this anymore because I'm not going to budge.

Oh, baloney. She printed some garbage off the internet. Trust me, if she's actually gone to an attorney there is NO WAY she'd be reading anything to you right now. You'd be hearing from her attorney.
rpg: "WW, I have zero interest in hearing this, so you can stop reading it to me now. But I am excited to talk about the great marriage we can have."
WW: AND I GET 100% SUPPORT AND ALL THE TIME I WANT WITH THE KIDS AND YOU HAVE TO BUY ME A PONY!
rpg: "WW, I have zero interest in hearing this, so you can stop reading it to me now. But I am excited to talk about the great marriage we can have."
WW: Oh, SHUT UP about our great marriage! Our marriage SUCKS! You've been cruel abusive mean unavailable fill in the blank!"
rpg: "WW, I have zero interest in hearing this, so you can stop reading it to me now. But I am excited to talk about the great marriage we can have."

Repeat as necessary.

"I don't talk divorce, let's talk MARRIAGE."



Interchange with the above quotes as necessary.

t/j MB, can I get a pony too. end t/j

Darn it. I KNEW this was going to happen. Okay, you can have a pony, but that's IT. No other posters are allowed to have ponies!

I used a slightly modified version of jmw's paragraph and followed it up with saying how I will fight for us and for the family. That one day she'll be thankful that I didn't give up so easily. And reminded her of all the support that's waiting for her through myself, her family and friends.

When WW's sister stopped by to check up on her, WW ran away and hasn't returned yet. This sucks.

rpg keep at it. I was like your WW .... right now she can't bear to hear another person say she is WRONG ... or think about what you are doing to save the m,,, she doesn't want to think about it because that means she will have to start facing what she has done. So she won't for a while.... chip away at the wall.

she really doesn't know why everyone is "picking" on her - I mean isn't it all "YOUR" fault ??? if in doubt just ask her

Honestly I don't know how my family put up with me ... but thankfully they did.

however rpg don't you dare EVER blame yourself for her affair she chose it as did I in my case.

take care rpg

t/j M /bliss I don't want a pony, I mean who needs one? No..... I want ..... a HORSEY!!!!!!!!!!! named Sparkles t/j

Yes, WW does blame me for everything that went wrong with the marriage. I'm trying to get her to focus on the nice things in our past, but she won't acknowledge it.
I hope WW can calm down enough to talk to me normal by the time I get home.

She won't acknowledge anything until their is NC w/ OM for at least 2-3 months. Don't waste your time and energy trying to get through to your WW. Spend your time and energy killing her affair and establishing NC. Only then will anything be able to improve.

I don't quite follow.