thank you barbie cat,
am i supposed to coax ws to leave? what is my stand on this? i kinda want to help him pack
we are gonna be BROKE from this shennigan but the kids will survive on peanut butter and pizza right? ugh, i get so disgusted when i think about ws having NO thoughts into the kids' christmas(i asked for christmas money but he said he didn't have any-but he's got 5grand borrowed from a friend for his deluxe apartment and 1500 for an attorney) sickening
thanks honey!

Are you sure you are going plan b? If that is the plan, that is where you should keep your focus.

But I must admit, I have done MB, but I have not done a plan B in my personal life, so others experences are probably better than mine.

Then he is really helping you (seriously) by getting out. Many here can not get WH bunz out of the house with a crowbar. Have you read up on PB? Scotty has a great thread on this.

Is he still actively participating in the A? (sounds like)
He is not confessing? Sorry? Have remorse? Threatening you (with abandonment?)? Moving money? Borrowing without cooperation?

If so, then what are your other choices?

I don't think I have other choices. but he is the one waffling and I just wrote him an email, saying that if he doesn't go, in two weeks, he will be waffling again.
it's time-no, he has not admitted anything, i have not gotten any "evidence". i do still have p i and gps tracking. hoping that reveals something, especially after he moves
thanks for your thoughts and support...
the countdown begins

mominpink5,

Glad you are feeling better after your surgery, must have felt good having hubby look after you. I think you are right to think if he spends the holidays out of the family loop he won't like it.......
Just try to hang in there and Plan A as much as you can............don't worry about the Xmas gifts for the kids this year, I think if he moves out, they will know that this year might be different for them and believe me the gifts won't matter to them........just do what you can....................
I think your husband has to have a big change of life for what he is doing to really hit him hard between the eyes..
The time will give you a chance to get your bearings and to really think about what YOU want for a change............take the time to figure that out............
Changes are sometimes scary to think about but a blessing when it actually comes............
Hang in there, slow down and start thinking about what mom needs in this life......((hugs))

thanks jessi,
going to milk this recovery as long as my kids are willing to wait on me-yesterday, last night was bad, but heavy doses of ibuprofen are helping so much today. my 5yr old goes to pre-school two days a week 9 to 3, so this is one of those days and there will be mucho peace for awhile anyway.
you're right about christmas, but it's so ironic, ws is the "carnival dad" , the big show, you know? and this year, he could care less if his own kids get christmas. it's very telling, imo.
i wrote him an email, haven't sent it yet and don't know if i will just wait till this evening when he comes home and see what he says? i wrote him a more or less plan b letter the other day-was loving and appreciative. this one kind of says "go"
it's funny, he has a therapist, another male mentor, his attorney all telling him to leave...i have said, "what do you want?" apparently he doesn't really know...
yes, i didn't know two months ago i would feel this strong. but it's here and i am so grateful.
i am relying on my faith through this and He hasn't let me down yet.
thank you!

Ah yes. The "Everyone thinks I am a victim and I should leave your neglectful, abusive fanny" line. My personal fav-orite!

He is still trying to look like a marriage hero...the "last holdout" in the fake "save the relationship game" he is -playing in his head. How magnanamous of him.

When I hear this cr@p, I just politely ask him to refrain from such tales, and to think for himself. These people are just relflecting back the victim puke he is chugging at them.
They don't konw you. They don't know your relationship.

very foggy.

thank you.
just had an emotional breakdown. called ws at work, asking him to get a hotel tonight and tomorrow. i was fairly teary and he stammered a bit, but he was in a meeting and told me he would call me back.
i just want him OUT. i feel like sh*t and i want to recover from my surgery. i am sore and hurting and weak and vulnerable and i am too emotional of a person.
i want to puke myself. my older kids are hating their dad and he blames ME for everything....
i hope and pray tonite isn't a big blow out.
he IS going to take my bed, right out from under me...the attorney will LOVE that one!
thanks for clarifying what I already knew

fog talk when he calls. Also have the kids pack him a bag and leave it on the porch. Another idea is to call the police for a restaining order for him not to come as your fearful after your surgery, since he became physical with you last week. Just a thought, takes the power away from him leaving. He has to.

(((mom)))) you can do this. be calm. there won't be a blowout, that takes two people. the good people at MB are here for you.

um, i was lying bed reading my Bible out loud around 1 something. he came in to our bedroom. i said, what are you doing? let's talk. he said, you told me to move out. i'm moving out. i said you got an apartment. YOU are the one leaving. we talked briefly. we both cried. he told me this is killing him. took a good bit of stuff. i suspect apartment is ready but he didn't tell me. i don't know?
he said he's not filing for divorce or separation. he said he loves me and is devastated, cried real hard, said i'm sorry.
my 20yr old came home with 15yr old, told dad off.
nothing like recovering from surgery.
i feel peace. i do. maybe ws's dark place will bring him back? only God knows.
i need to take care of me this week, my sore poor tummy and my pee bag(sry tmi)

edit

Hey Mom,
Hubby is feeling exactly what you want him to feel, how do they wake up if they aren't faced with the reality of the other life.............
This is when the soul searching takes place it's all part of the over all plan, he has to hit rock bottom to understand the scope of his decisions......good for your kids. My were like that too, they didn't even answer their dad's texts or voice messages, to this day he will comment how they will do things for me but not him, or he asks me to ask them something because they listen to me not him.
You just have to have faith Mom.........patience and strength...........
He will do the right thing if it's in him, if not you are going to enjoy the peace you will have.
(hugs)
Hang in there with your health, sucks when you are down for any reason........
I made it through and my hubby had his affair while I was on a chemo drug, you have to dig deep and be proud of who you are and your worth is the most important thing........

you're a doll! and i appreciate your words of strength and encouragement. sitting here on bed with 20yr old talking plan B-hubby texted me saying i love u. i am very sorry about everything. just so we are clear i am NOT filing for divorce i just need a break...
okay, you just earned your break
time for me to fly(well to empty my catheter)
ps you sound very strong-i am too. lots of struggles in my life. God hasn't left me yet

just got back on yesterday and got caught up on your scene -
I did plan B for 10 days (NO CONTACT) when I kicked hubbie out - then sent a heartfelt email - he was home 4 days later and
never saw OW again - he too had a lease - 3 month that I signed
on his behalf and only lost $250 -

This will be a turning point he sounds realllly conflicted and will have some quiet time while he watches my favorite movie "Its a Wonderful Life"

thanks goldengirl,
i am sitting here bawling my eyes out, as my catheter fills up... hee hee
he called my 22yr old daughter to tell her he had left-then he told her he was out apartment shopping for towels, etc(apparently he's already in) and KNEW that he had somewhere to go. i am just crushed. he stood her throwing stuff into garbage bags, all along acting like he was going to a hotel.
my older kids are in various stages of anger, grief, acting out towards me tonight. the two little ones(5 and almost 7) have no clue, but ws is home so infrequently that they haven't even noticed!
i am at plan B. if he contacts me, no contact in return right?
thanks for the encouragement

Mom,
don't cry, you have to be strong to pull this off, Plan B means No Contact, you have to do it for you, ignore the texts, phone calls.......no emails, let him go through the holidays alone............sit the kids down and talk to them about the changes, tell them it has nothing to do with them, tell them you both love them and that you are trying to get through this the best way you know how........dont' leave them out of the loop they will feel anger, disappointment with both of you........give them hugs and let them cry if they want.........hell you cry if you want, it's a painful situation for everyone, the last thing you want to do is hide or not tell the truth..........
hang in there..........
jessi

Have you decided that your Plan B has started? Do you have everything ready? Did you give him the letter?

Until you have everything ready and give him the letter, you are in Plan A. When that letter is given, I would suggest that you BLOCK his phone calls, texts and emails. You should even unplug the answering machine. You should tell the 5 and 7 yo about Plan B. Explain it to them so they won't let him in or hand you the phone if he asks them to.

so i woke up in middle of night(empty my bag :), go into office, read, read, read on computer, get up to walk back into bedroom, notice someone walking up front walkway. it's ws(its 4am). i opened door, he needed his belt. i stayed away for a moment but then came into his walk-in to see what all he was taking. he grabbed some "stuff" and more clothes. he said i'm really sorry. i said nothing.
i could vomit. must get in touch with attorney today. called 2 yesterday. i feel weak and pathetic. want to scream, cry, rip out this catheter.
so easy for ws to go on with his life...
an aside, my 22yr old(who has hated her dad always tells me and 20yr old that she wants a relationship with her dad now) i feel very uneasy about it. she has always been very close to me, but the timing is so strange?
i feel like I am the alien now....
i did give ws a letter a few days ago-it was very much a plan B letter(i think) telling him i love him, etc. i don't think writing anothe one will make a difference?

I just realized that as I stood here, in pjs, a hot mess, catheter hanging from my leg, ws walks into our home, in the middle of the night, very self-assured and confident about HIS NEW LIFE.
this is not going to culminate in a recovery-he has a huge ego, he is going to LOVE his new life, without ME. he already told me that he really likes work now(used to hate it-ha!). he thinks he can do whatever he likes and it is ok.
i have to move on. i am heartsick and funny last night i was ok. whatever.
he is getting everything he wants. i get clean-up
ok pity party over

Do you only have the bag temporarily because of your surgery?

Focus on that bag. Anything is better than focusing on your WH. If you're allowed to, find a way to dress it up.

I am not trying to make light of this serious object, but trying to help you find something new to focus on.