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Being in the mist of this mess just like other posters here I feel angry that I am the one who has to do all the work while WS does what ever he wants without thinking about me or our kids. I have to be nice and not LB and say what I really think. I think we should be able to let it out. There are plenty of things I really want to say but bite my tongue. This thread is for all the BS out there to tell us what you really want to say. Feel free to post what ever you want. I have one to start but I have more that involve when he says "this" I feel like saying "that"

You are a fake, self centered egotistical [censored]. In public you show & tell everyone how you are a great husband and father. How life is great and you are all happy go lucky. When you leave they will all know the truth.


BW 46
XWH 46
Boys 17 & 19
Girls 16 & 10
D-day #1 12/2006 (confessed affair in 2004 w/BF & his wife)
D-day #2 10/2008 (denied by XWH)
D-day #3 10/2010
Kick WH out 01/2011 he files for D
D finally final 03/2012
I'm free!
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It's your prerogative to not recover, in which case you can say that all you want.

However, one does have to consider that this won't be helpful if you really desire to have a recovered marriage.


One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger

I will not spend my life this way.
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All I thought about when I read the first post is that someone's TAKER wants out. That would be fine in Plan F/U but in a Plan A you are ALL GIVER.

BSs can vent on their threads and are encouraged to do so while in Plans A and B.


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

“Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.”
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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Anger like this is why Plan B is so important...


One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger

I will not spend my life this way.
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lglg, do this: get a piece of paper and write down every single thing that is pissing you off right now. All of it. Then take it out to the trash and shred it while you use every vile piece of language you can come up with. Hell, make up a few smile It's a good exercise.


D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!

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Or channel all that anger you feel away from your WH and toward....other targets.

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Great job everyone !!!! Seen this thread & thought oh god this is going to put me in a tale spin. The need to wallow got the the better of me & had to peek.

Excellent job of detouring a unproductive negative thread !

I knew I hung out here for a reason. hurray


Click to reveal.. (myinfo)
Me 38 / H 39 (Haha he is older than me!)
Known 24yrs / Married 18yrs
1 DD 23yrs
Too many D Days to count (King of Trickle Truth)
We both have agreed to 100% Commitment to Make this work or die trying !



My Story

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

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I'm interpreting this thread as a place for BS's to vent so they don't lose it at home and mess up their plan A's.

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Originally Posted by Tabby1
I'm interpreting this thread as a place for BS's to vent so they don't lose it at home and mess up their plan A's.
Thanks Tabby1,
That was exactly what I why I started the thread. There is one for fog babble, WW's excuses etc. but I didn't see one for the BS where they could vent. Say what you really think and see what others think and maybe learn something and maybe have a laugh at yourself or your WS. After reading the first replies I was thinking, why can't I vent? Why do BS' have to spend their time either adding to their stories or work on the best plan A they can? For me, hearing others vent would help me feel like I am not alone in this mess!


BW 46
XWH 46
Boys 17 & 19
Girls 16 & 10
D-day #1 12/2006 (confessed affair in 2004 w/BF & his wife)
D-day #2 10/2008 (denied by XWH)
D-day #3 10/2010
Kick WH out 01/2011 he files for D
D finally final 03/2012
I'm free!
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As Scotland said, you are describing Plan FU. It's sometimes effective, but really not recommended and definitely not MB doctrine.

Vent here instead. And if you are at the end of your rope, go to Plan B. That's what it's for.


Me, BW
WH cheated in corporate workplace for many years. He moved out and filed in summer 2008.
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Originally Posted by Mulan
As Scotland said, you are describing Plan FU. It's sometimes effective, but really not recommended and definitely not MB doctrine.

Vent here instead. And if you are at the end of your rope, go to Plan B. That's what it's for.
Mulan,
That is what I am doing, venting here instead of with WH. I know if I do plan FU that just gives him more ammo to justify his actions. I will have to go to plan B pretty soon. He is planning on moving out at the end of the month.


BW 46
XWH 46
Boys 17 & 19
Girls 16 & 10
D-day #1 12/2006 (confessed affair in 2004 w/BF & his wife)
D-day #2 10/2008 (denied by XWH)
D-day #3 10/2010
Kick WH out 01/2011 he files for D
D finally final 03/2012
I'm free!
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Originally Posted by maritalbliss
lglg, do this: get a piece of paper and write down every single thing that is pissing you off right now. All of it. Then take it out to the trash and shred it while you use every vile piece of language you can come up with. Hell, make up a few smile It's a good exercise.
I have been doing this. I started a (real)journal last week. (I talked about it on my thread) I haven't been able to write in the past couple of days because he has been around. Should have time this afternoon to let out some f-bombs this afternoon. lol. Thanks again for helping me along with my stick on my thread. It means a lot to me and you have been a great help.


BW 46
XWH 46
Boys 17 & 19
Girls 16 & 10
D-day #1 12/2006 (confessed affair in 2004 w/BF & his wife)
D-day #2 10/2008 (denied by XWH)
D-day #3 10/2010
Kick WH out 01/2011 he files for D
D finally final 03/2012
I'm free!
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357
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Quote
I have been doing this. I started a (real)journal last week. (I talked about it on my thread) I haven't been able to write in the past couple of days because he has been around. Should have time this afternoon to let out some f-bombs this afternoon. lol. Thanks again for helping me along with my stick on my thread. It means a lot to me and you have been a great help.
Another thing I did that was helpful to me was to take a pillow and just pound the living you-know-what out of it. I found slamming it against door frames particularly satisfying.
You're doing great. smile


D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!

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Instead of burning paper (writings) I burn dried sage.

There are a multitude of reasons, but for me it is a symbolic cleansing of bad happenings.

Last edited by barbiecat; 12/08/10 02:48 PM.

Me; W 46
Him; H 46

2 girls
DD19
DD16
Dated/Married total 28 years.
..I am learning and working on myself.
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Originally Posted by letgoletGod
Originally Posted by Tabby1
I'm interpreting this thread as a place for BS's to vent so they don't lose it at home and mess up their plan A's.
Thanks Tabby1,
That was exactly what I why I started the thread. There is one for fog babble, WW's excuses etc. but I didn't see one for the BS where they could vent. Say what you really think and see what others think and maybe learn something and maybe have a laugh at yourself or your WS. After reading the first replies I was thinking, why can't I vent? Why do BS' have to spend their time either adding to their stories or work on the best plan A they can? For me, hearing others vent would help me feel like I am not alone in this mess!


doh2


Dear lady... don't you see it? The fogbabble threads are venting threads. They are "OMG, the stupid stuff wayturds say."

I won't say that I totally disagree with you. In fact, if there is one good thing about a venting thread like this, it's that when those vents get off track... uh oh, here comes a

twoxfour

In fact, 2x4's are the best reason to vent at MB. Sometimes a good smack upside the head, or a bucket of cold water, are the best things to clear the pity party/rage.


"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr

"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer

"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
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Originally Posted by maritalbliss
Another thing I did that was helpful to me was to take a pillow and just pound the living you-know-what out of it. I found slamming it against door frames particularly satisfying.
You're doing great. smile
Or I can take a pillow, put it over his face and... naughty
Naw, couldn't do that to the kids. lol... Journaling helps. What helps the most is reminding myself I am not the crazy mean person he makes me out to be in his mind. I know I am not and everyone who knows us knows that. The only ones that will buy that BS is POS and his "friends" that I either don't know, barely know or aren't friends of the marriage. I see right through him and he doesn't even realize it.


BW 46
XWH 46
Boys 17 & 19
Girls 16 & 10
D-day #1 12/2006 (confessed affair in 2004 w/BF & his wife)
D-day #2 10/2008 (denied by XWH)
D-day #3 10/2010
Kick WH out 01/2011 he files for D
D finally final 03/2012
I'm free!
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Originally Posted by barbiecat
Instead of burning paper (writings) I burn dried sage.

There are a multitude of reasons, but for me it is a symbolic cleansing of bad happenings.
Well I could burn the giant pile of horse [censored] he is giving me but it will stink up the house. smirk
What I am doing for cleansing is cleaning out all the crap and putting everything that is his together. There are several areas in the house where things pile up into a big mess. I cleaned out my closet (1/3 was his stuff) I put all his stuff in one spot. I also did the same thing for the FL/office. Next is the garage. Wait until he see's how much crap he has to move. Hey, this isn't a storage facility!

I have also been lighting scented candles. They are very calming. Doing my sudoku puzzles are great for taking my mind off things. I have gone through 3 in the past week!


BW 46
XWH 46
Boys 17 & 19
Girls 16 & 10
D-day #1 12/2006 (confessed affair in 2004 w/BF & his wife)
D-day #2 10/2008 (denied by XWH)
D-day #3 10/2010
Kick WH out 01/2011 he files for D
D finally final 03/2012
I'm free!
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 5,123
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Originally Posted by maritalbliss
Quote
I have been doing this. I started a (real)journal last week. (I talked about it on my thread) I haven't been able to write in the past couple of days because he has been around. Should have time this afternoon to let out some f-bombs this afternoon. lol. Thanks again for helping me along with my stick on my thread. It means a lot to me and you have been a great help.
Another thing I did that was helpful to me was to take a pillow and just pound the living you-know-what out of it. I found slamming it against door frames particularly satisfying.
You're doing great. smile


Er....

http://youarenotsosmart.com/2010/08/11/catharsis/

Quote
If you get into an argument, or someone cuts you off in traffic, or you get called an awful name, venting will not dissipate the negative energy. It will, however, feel great.

That�s the thing. Catharsis will make you feel good, but it�s an emotional hamster wheel. The emotion which led you to catharsis will still be there afterward, and if it made you feel good, you�ll seek it out again in the future.

Video games, horror movies, romance novels � all fun, but no psychologist would prescribe these outlets as a cure for anger or fear or loneliness.

Flailing in a mosh pit or screaming along to death metal doesn�t release your demons, it prolongs your angst.

Smashing plates or kicking doors after a fight with a roommate, spouse or lover doesn�t redirect your fury, it perpetuates your rancor.

If you spank your children while infuriated, remember you are reinforcing something inside yourself.

Common sense says venting is an important way to ease tension, but common sense is wrong. Venting � catharsis � is pouring fuel into a fire.

Backed by multiple studies.


"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr

"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer

"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
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It also stops you from punching something else.


One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger

I will not spend my life this way.
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Originally Posted by HeadHeldHigh
doh2


Dear lady... don't you see it? The fogbabble threads are venting threads. They are "OMG, the stupid stuff wayturds say."

I won't say that I totally disagree with you. In fact, if there is one good thing about a venting thread like this, it's that when those vents get off track... uh oh, here comes a

twoxfour

In fact, 2x4's are the best reason to vent at MB. Sometimes a good smack upside the head, or a bucket of cold water, are the best things to clear the pity party/rage.
Hey, I am allowed to have a pitty party if I want one! dramaqueen
I guess some posters don't agree with this thread and that is ok. I find it cleansing to say what I want so I don't say it to WH. I am actually less stressed and angry than I have been in a long time. The only thing that ticks me off is I haven't found the golden ticket. (undeniable proof of the affair) If I find that the party is on and I am not talking pity party!
Ok I am going to get serious here. As for pity, I am po'ed at him but I also pity him. Yes he is hurting me and the kids but we will be fine. He is the one who will suffer the most. He is just not thinking that far into the future. (Do they ever?) Now if you will excuse me I have a long letter to write. Good thing pens don't have spell check!


BW 46
XWH 46
Boys 17 & 19
Girls 16 & 10
D-day #1 12/2006 (confessed affair in 2004 w/BF & his wife)
D-day #2 10/2008 (denied by XWH)
D-day #3 10/2010
Kick WH out 01/2011 he files for D
D finally final 03/2012
I'm free!
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