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Thanks. JT.
MIL prays diligently for her son to change. I joke with FIL that he's got a second wife with a long "honey do" list. He doesn't seem to mind since he feels strongly that it's part of the job description for being a dad to five kids. He's always willing to help with advice or money or car/home repairs -- whatever needs done. He enjoys life like no one I know. When I call and ask "how are you?" his usual answer is "wonderful." There is not a jealous bone in his body and he's the most generous man in the world.

Now MIL is where D!ck gets his stubborness, and in my case, she's stubborn toward agreeing with any of her son's bs. She's used to getting her way and she won't take no for an answer. She's braved the worse of her son -- not afraid to enter the lion's den when events got really, really out of hand. The one time -- when she stood in front of D!ck's truck while he revved the engine and threatened to run over her -- I will never forget that scene. She just stood there with her hand on the hood of his truck. I had to tell her to walk away because I didn't want her to get hurt.

MIL and FIL let their son and everyone else know early on that they will not stand for his bad behavior. It was never a "who is right" but a "what is right" belief. My own parents -- especially my Dad -- is worried that they will turn on me one day. Says a mother's love will forgive even the most horrendous of crimes. I'm sure D!ck's parents still love him -- heck we all do one way or another -- but condonning his behavior is another thing.

Yes, I'm thankful and blessed to have these people in my life. I realize that I'm fortunate because in reading the board, not many have the WS's family on their side. And when I say "family," I mean the entire family including siblings, aunts/uncles, nieces/nephews, cousins. Not one family member even talks with D!ck.


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Originally Posted by Holyheart
the $150,000 check D!ck wrote to his friend...And the $12,000 cashier's check he wrote to Bimbo

Sick the IRS on the friend and Bimbo. That is taxable income. smirk


BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011




Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.

We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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I keep having this conversation in my head that I want to share. It's how D!ck is just like Brett Favre which is ironic since the Green Bay Packer's were D!ck's favorite team.

Both D!ck and Brett gave up on their loyal family/Packers after many, many years of a successful and fulfilling marriage/career where they were the husband and father/quarterback of a loving family/team.

They betrayed their family and friends/team and fans with another woman/the Jets after years and years. Heck, they were icons for still being with their original wife/team while so many spouses/players quit when offered more sex/money. Everyone was stunned and saddened to hear the news when they announced they were leaving then shocked and outraged when they ended up with the competition. How could they abandon their own?

Their performances have been lackluster because -- face it -- they are both aging men whose best part of their lives are behind them. But they can't see that. They want to relive their teenage years with the glory and the fame. They don't want to grow up. They want to hang out with the younger generation.

Both could have easily taken their older years in a more productive and lucrative direction. But they resisted -- stilling searching for the ultimate high.

And their past relationships are strained. And everyone is calling them washed up. They struggle and struggle. They are a disappointment to their family/fans.

Both have demeaned themselves by sending photos of their privates to young women. How embarrasing. Sexting at their age? How stupid to think no one will have access to the photos. These women are not like their wives who have stood by them throughout every adversity in their lives.

Brett will always be remembered as one of the greatest Packers with loads and loads of records who turned greedy and selfish. D!ck will always be remembered as a wonderful husband and father with a steller reputation who turned greedy and selfish. For the love of their family/game, they should have chosen what was right for the greater good. Instead, they chose to pursue their own destructive path.

Both have compromised their reputations. They are liars and cheaters. They are a shell of their former self. They will be replaced with someone younger, stronger, handsomer soon -- then what? Their bad decisions of recent years will follow them since they picked up baggage they never should have.

Brett should have retired from the Packers when he said he was and went on the speaking circuit and enjoyed life with his wife, kids and grandkids. D!ck should have stayed in his marriage and reaped what we had put forth into our family. Both men need to realize that IT'S NOT JUST ABOUT THEM.

Will Brett win a Superbowl ring with the Vikings? Will D!ck marry Bimbo? What good will come out of either but an instant "high" that will fade in comparison to ANY of their accomplishments in their past. Their only satisfaction might be an "I told you so" comment which will have no meaning except to themselves.

People want them to fail. MANY people... except their new following.

I sympathize with Mrs. Favre. She looks to God for direction, as do I. I just wish I had her bank account to ease my financial woes.

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BR --
Good advice. I'll look into this. I recall the rule of not being able to receive over $10,000 as a gift. I'd LOVE to nail his accompliaces to the wall.


M 25 yrs, 3 teens
Dday 12/07
5ish False Recoveries (all in 2008)
12/08 WH moves in w/OW, her kids
Plan B/D/FU -- depending on the day
He files 1/09; D final 12/2012
"I'm moving on"
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I looked at the IRS site. Darn that D!ck is slick. Coincidentally, the gift exception is $12,000 -- just what he gave Bimbo. But the $150,000 is suspect. And he gave it to our accountant's brother -- so my guess is they covered their tracks with forms or documentation or whatever to cover their butts. The BIG issue is that it was from our joint line of credit on our home -- and now all of it is gone. This alone should be a red flag to the judge that something sneeky was being done behind my back.

This family law system seems so broken. That I can be taken advantage of by my spouse like this and have a hard time getting it presented to a judge to look at. My attorney is no help. I think we needs to go to trial so this can all come out.

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As Brett Favre was being carted off the field today after taking a particularly hard hit and splitting his chin, he asked "What in the world am I doing?"

I hope D!ck asks himself the same question when we go to court this week.

"What in the world are you doing, D!ck?" think


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@Holy -

A forensic accountant should be able to find the money trail. Your attorney should know this.

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Court yesterday was a bust AGAIN. Un-freakin-believable. D!ck was "out of town" on business so NOTHING HAPPENED. And my incompetent attorney didn't give me notice so MIL and I were there. My attorney said he'd work on a support modification since I'm unemployed at the moment which ticks me off since he should have started that weeks ago. I swear -- Do I have to go to LAW SCHOOL myself to get fairly represented?

My attorney did introduce MIL to her son's attorney. She fired off that her son is lying, how could he defend him, etc. D!ck's attorney just looked at her with a mocking smirk. Said "I just represent him" and "yes, it's unfortunate" D!ck has no relationship with his children.

I swear -- if D!ck had been there, his mother would have blown a gasket.

And D!ck being out of town? I seriously doubt. I even called his office this morning and when I heard his voice, I hung up. So if he WAS out of town, it was probably to the neighboring town to meet Bimbo for lunch.

I HATE THIS MAN!!!!!

If he thinks I'm EVER going to agree to this, he has another thing coming. He and his Bimbo sl#t will be 80 years old before they tie the knot. I've got all the time in the world.

If they want me to agree with this divorce, it will cost them. And if they THINK the threat of bankruptcy will scare me, then they better wise up because I will make sure the bankruptcy fraud unit is on my speed dial.

I'm at the DON'T F WITH ME stage. I'm not sure if that's before or after the "acceptance" stage or anywhere near the "recovery" stage. I just know I'm in limbo with no end in site.

Fire my attorney is an option. But I'm short on $ to fork over another retainer. I'm not sure if a replacement would be any better. It's just crazy how D!ck wants out of this M but he won't raise a finger to do it EXCEPT if he can walk away with NO DEBT and NO CONSEQUENCES.

Ain't gonna happen on my watch. lol. Happy F-ing 25th anniversary to us this month. I'm debating if I should send a huge HAPPY ANNIVERSARY balloon boquet or floral arrangment to his office and let him explain that to his coworkers who do not know I exist. Yep, I should get dolled up and deliver it in person. Maybe show up around lunch time to see if he wants to join me for lunch on our anniversary "for old times sake."

OK -- I'm talking crazy. I'm just frustrated with the D process and D!ck's avoidance mentality.

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HH, I'm so sorry to hear this.

WHY must they drag the torment on for so long?

And WHY does our court system let them?

I'm so glad that you have such wonderful in-laws. That must be such a great support for you.

Hang in there. You WILL get through this (eventually). Take care of yourself and live your life the way you choose. They can't take that from you.

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Can you see if the ILs can help you get another lawyer? You really desperately need one, from the looks of this bonehead that you've got at the moment.


One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger

I will not spend my life this way.
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Hi HH-

I think you should contact the Bar Association to file a complaint-or maybe a few complaints-about your lawyer, and ask them what options you may have.

Or...maybe you can tell your nincompoop lawyer that you are planning to contact the Bar Association about his incompetence, but might reconsider if he refunds you a significant amount of your retainer. Of course, that would be blackmail...so maybe you should just stick with the first suggestion.

Although, the second one is kinda fun to think about. grin




johnstwin-

"I may not know what the future holds, but I know who holds my future." -Martin Luther

Remarried my FXH 25 years to the day of our first M. God is so good-and sometimes so unexpected!

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Well, well, well....

I had a nice conversation with D!ck's bk attorney. Before I spilled my guts, I made sure he would respect my wish to maintain confidentiality in what I said and not share with D!ck. Then I let him know THE WHOLE TRUTH AND NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH.

Needless to say, he was dumbfounded. Never in their conversations did D!ck disclose his mistress, his gambling, his lavish spending on trips to Vegas, his cash withdraws from lines of credit/credit cards, missing retirement funds, suspicious loans to friends, hiding income, etc. D!ck told him this was a simple bk in which we were going through a D and had accumulated over the years too much debt to pay off. He wanted relief -- pure and simple.

Bk attorney said he could not and WOULD NOT represent D!ck. He said he'd immediately send out a letter to the each of us and our counsel, and the very next day, the letter arrived. In it, he basically said that our interests are in conflict, that he could not represent either of us -- separately or jointly -- and he's closing his file on D!ck effective immediately.

Interesting -- especially since D!ck's attorney told the court that his client had entered into an agreement with Bk attorney. The only way this would be true is if he used a DIFFERENT Bk attorney. I'll verify what I can with my attorney tomorrow.

So how many ways can a WS delay the D HE INITIATED to save his sorry a$$ from financial consequenses? Let me count the ways.

As for me -- I can't believe how much brain matter I waste keeping track of all this stuff. I just want it to be DONE. And probably by the time it is done, since the A is three years old, idiot D!ck will come out of the fog and want me to help him. Fat chance.

And let me say this about the Bk attorney. He apologized for not calling me sooner -- but he thought D!ck had decided not to pursue the process since he hadn't spoken with D!ck in weeks. When I mentioned golddigger Bimbo and her shady credit history, he kindly looked her up in his data base. Sure enough, one year after she married H#2, they declared bk (in 2000). And looking at the credit report I ran on her earlier this year, she's on the fast track to doing it again with lots and lots of items in collections starting in 2007 -- coincidentally, the year the A started.

Her MO is the same. Run up bills. Hook H. Use him until bk. Move on to next victim with better credit history. Repeat. Repeat.

She is a preditor. The main difference this time is that she found an older guy with deeper pockets, lines of unused credit, retirement plans, and an excellent credit history that takes years to destroy. Once the well runs dry, she'll be off to the next unsuspecting sugardaddy.


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Yep, I'd LOVE to dump my attorney but I don't think I can at the moment. I'm unemployed. Money is tight -- especially with Christmas around the corner and two OVER 18 YEAR OLDS in college. I've asked around and have YET to hear of a better choice in attorneys available in my community.

And the judges are no better since they have done NOTHING to reprimand D!ck when he doesn't show up or fails to produce records or LIES THROUGH HIS TEETH. I'm afraid reporting my attorney to the bar association might lead to being blackballed from finding alternative counsel.

Face it -- these attorneys here are from the "good ole boy" network. They shoot the breeze in the hallway. They meet over drinks. They seem to purposely stall proceedings until 1) the client runs out of money, 2) either of the parties DIE, or 3) the parties get so fed up with the process they negotiate the outcomes on their own. Thus, the attorney's only job will be drawing up the final document!!!

ILs are definitely prepared to help me financially. From gauging MILs reaction to her first court trip last week, I can count on her to come to each and every one. And that's probably what I need to get my voice heard. IL's are not afraid of speaking their mind. There are no repercussions for them saying what they want about their own son. Even my attorney thinks it will do some good when this whole mess plays out before a judge. I asked my attorney if he's ready to request a trial date. He said no -- we are no where near that. He has suggested deposing D!ck -- but I don't know what good that will do since D!ck's attorney already provided us with a "declaration" signed by D!ck that's so full of lies it's unbelieveable.

Oh -- I asked my attorney about setting up a meeting with D!ck's attorney -- a four way -- to hash out item by item. He says we already did that -- and D!ck walked out of the meeting without coming to any conclusion on the matters except temporary support. But -- come on -- that meeting was over a year ago and with a different attorney altogether.

My feeling is that since I'm not the petitioner of this D, my attorney is not going to initiate any action he doesn't have to. He wants D!ck's attorney to take the lead since D!ck initiated this D -- and D!ck doesn't want the truth out -- so he's slowplaying this. Thus -- we have a stalemate.

Back to my Survivor motto: Outwit, Outplay, Outlast.



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HH-

With your unemployment and the stalled D, have you contacted the financial aid offices at your kids' colleges to see if there is anything they can do to help? When my BIL became unemployed, his OD's college upped her financial aid data and she qualified for more assistance.

I'll be praying for you-hang in there!


johnstwin-

"I may not know what the future holds, but I know who holds my future." -Martin Luther

Remarried my FXH 25 years to the day of our first M. God is so good-and sometimes so unexpected!

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@HH -

Try and get modification to child support at a minimum. If there has been a change in financial circumstances on your part since the original child support, you should be a way to get it modified. Speak to your attorney about this.

Who cares about the divorce. Are you getting remarried any time soon? If not then let it go its course.

My divorce took almost two years. At first my XW was all hot and bothered about getting a divorce. Three months after she started doing everything to derail it. LOL! Too late.

In my state (CA) it is possible to separate custody/child support from the divorce. See if that is possible.

Again, seek your counsels advice on these matters.

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Yes, I'm pursuing a modification. My attorney is suppose to be putting together the paperwork this week to get a hearing set so hopefully this gets taken care of.

Am I getting remarried soon? Seriously?? NOOOOOOOOO.... not even close!!! Not a man in sight -- but thanks for asking.

I really have no choice but to let the D run its course. Early on, I said I'd do the MB thing of NOT filing, of NOT cooperating, of letting my attorney handle everything. I pretty much played defense for as long as I could. Then D!ck started playing dirty -- like cancelling our car insurance and cell phone accounts; not renewing my health insurance; deducting what he wanted from temporary support; exhausting joint lines of credit; YOU NAME IT! I had to start playing some offense just to twart off his attacks.

In my sitch, I have a particularly crazy WH who was overly nice and almost himself during a year of false recoveries to now being unrecognizable and downright MEAN -- a real Dr. Jekyl, Mr. Hyde. I've only seen him at court and haven't spoken to him in nearly a year. I have text him in the past with reminders when support was late or to request payment for something to do with the kids or to just poke him to make sure he was alive -- but all that's stopped when Bimbo started intercepting texts and responding on his behalf.

Since D!ck and Bimbo are the one's "engaged" and in a hurry, I'm more inclined than ever to just let the D take as loooooong as it takes.

Maybe... just maybe.... the A will die and I might just find my WH back on my doorstep with his -- er -- "tail" between his legs.


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Today is my 25th wedding anniversary and... guess what?... I'm still married -- on paper, that is. Not what I had imagined for this anniversary. I imagined a party or a dream trip or jewelry to die for. The only silver I'll be around today will be the few coins in my purse. lol.

Three years since D-day, two years since he left and filed, and no where near settling this divorce. As long as he hides and lies and fails to cooperate in HIS divorce, this will drag and drag and drag.

Bimbo is in court today seeking more CS from xH#2. Wonder if she's aware that it's our anniversary today. Who cares, right? A little victory for me that I've reached this milestone. Makes the A that much cheaper in my book and my marriage that much greater.

For the record, I've had zero contact with D!ck since Bimbo intercepted my last text message. Oh, wait -- I did send him a text that the pharmacy called that his antibiotic ointment was ready. Lol. Hope he caught something contagious that's oozying and itchy.

Modification court hearing is coming up in three weeks. Ahhh... what a way to celebrate the Christmas season! We were there last year while Santa Clause passed out candy canes to the poor souls hanging out in Family Court. And I'm in a good place emotionally. I'm where I'm suppose to be with my priorities in line with my core values. My kids are good. We have adapted to this new life. And if I reflect on what I would of...could of... done differently I would have thrown his a$$ out on day one, exposed nuclear, and made him do all the work in coming back home. I am no longer that naive, trusting soul. All the better while I move forward with this life -- MY life.

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hug hug hug

You are a warrior (Zena comes to mind).

I know it was a tough day for you yesterday on your 25th anniversary. You a wife who does not have her H. He is in a cesspool and he will be going down the toilet sooner than later.

This is not the way we planned on living our lives but guess what we are "living", we are good mothers to our kids and we are doing what we are supposed to be doing...taking care of our families.

You are a Holy-heart and my prayers are with you.


Me 55, XWH 53, M 22 years
D17, D30
alien replaces my husband "I'm not happy" -7/08
Discover OW-8/08 (his direct report and I work there also)
H moves out 10/1/08, confront Ow 10/28/08
Plan B 1/09
D final 12/09

Quote: "First thing you do is pray; when there is nothing else to do, continue to pray."
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Thanks, Hope. And thanks to all those posters who offered their support on my anniversary. [cue the crickets......lol]

I learned today that D!ck paid his attorney $2K. In my mind, he's fortifying the troops for our upcoming court date. And I doubt he's ready to raise the white surrender flag.

Time to dig in my heals and prepare for battle. I'm working on my backup documents. I hope the paper trail matters more to the judge than whatever lies D!ck and his sleazeball team come up with.

My daily affirmation is "I have infinite patience." That and "I am fearless!"


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HH,

I have no doubt that if you have your facts organized and presented to the judge in a clear format, [censored] will be exposed as the liar that he is. My xwh's atty brought boxes of documents that were here, there and everywhere. It was a mess. My atty had one binder with tabs for all of the relevant documents. He gave the judge one to follow along and just referred to the tabs while xwh's atty was presenting papers that were in no order and were flying all over the place. Even though I had to give him money in the end because assets were split 50/50, xwh did not get all of the stuff he was asking for (ie half of checks I had written 5 years ago out of your joint account etc). Not saying it was because my atty was more prepared, but just saying that we were way more organized than XWH.



BS - me 56
XWH - 57

12/25/06 - Dday - WH promised NC. Plan A in effect. Thought we were in recovery.

6-3-07 - Dday#2 Found out NC never took place and A never ended. Found MB NC promised again, but WH would not write NC letter.

9/07 - Dday #3. Still lying and sneaking around. Plan B implemented
WH wants nothing to do with me

Divorced as of 12/09 after 36 years
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