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rotflmao



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Originally Posted by wildhorses74
rotflmao
Glad you find that funny. smile
I have learned to say... "You know honey, That's a great question. I really don't know the answer, we should look it up on the internet when we get home." One time when I was volunteering in her Kindergarten class her teacher commented on all the questions she asks that the teacher doesn't have an answer to. Guess what she told my DD? Yup, she said "Let's go look it up on the internet." I laughed so hard and told her teacher I do the same thing. I'm thinking she will make a great lawyer.


BW 46
XWH 46
Boys 17 & 19
Girls 16 & 10
D-day #1 12/2006 (confessed affair in 2004 w/BF & his wife)
D-day #2 10/2008 (denied by XWH)
D-day #3 10/2010
Kick WH out 01/2011 he files for D
D finally final 03/2012
I'm free!
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Originally Posted by wildhorses74
I don't think venting here is bad. I feel very strongly that getting my frustrations out on paper, on a thread, WHEREVER helped me purge some of the angst and heartache that I couldn't seem to get out of my soul. It helped me to have others put some of that in perspective and help me deal with it differently/better.

or just so I knew I was not alone.

You are not alone.

and it is okay to be mad.


I don't think it's bad at all. I started posting specifically to vent, and then specifically to get 2x4'd. I needed help, and I didn't have any positive or successful sources - not to mention that the A was built to die.

I chose not to stink it all up because both of our families are maritally dysfunctional.

My best friends... one went through infidelity with his W years ago - and I don't particularly care for her - and he doesn't really have my respect. He drinks too much, and at his worst put his hands on his wife. I may not like her, but I told her to leave him and take him for all he's worth, as well as their son.

My other best friend still has "a spot picked out in the desert" for FWW for the crap she put me through when we dated. NO WAY he can know about this.

So I vent here, where I can get a healthy cup check when needed.

Though, don't even do that much lately. FWW has kind of asked for exclusive venting rights... so I am working on communicating honestly without communicating brutally.

That, however, is just my fortune.


"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr

"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer

"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
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Originally Posted by HeadHeldHigh
So I vent here, where I can get a healthy cup check when needed.

Though, don't even do that much lately. FWW has kind of asked for exclusive venting rights... so I am working on communicating honestly without communicating brutally.

That, however, is just my fortune.
I caught up on your stitch. I see your WW hasn't posted in a while. Are you both on board with MB principals? If I could get my WH anywhere near working on it I would love to try MB 100%


BW 46
XWH 46
Boys 17 & 19
Girls 16 & 10
D-day #1 12/2006 (confessed affair in 2004 w/BF & his wife)
D-day #2 10/2008 (denied by XWH)
D-day #3 10/2010
Kick WH out 01/2011 he files for D
D finally final 03/2012
I'm free!
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 618
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Taken from Clark Griswold's rant in Christmas vacation and tailored for me.

Hey. If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like WH, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy WS land and I want him brought right here...with a big ribbon on his head! And I want to look him straight in the eye, and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-[censored], bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey [censored] he is! Hallelujah! Holy [censored]! Where's the Tylenol?

There, now I feel better. dance2

Edited to add, I just thought of a great Christmas present for him. I will get him a big red ribbon!

Last edited by letgoletGod; 12/11/10 01:23 PM.

BW 46
XWH 46
Boys 17 & 19
Girls 16 & 10
D-day #1 12/2006 (confessed affair in 2004 w/BF & his wife)
D-day #2 10/2008 (denied by XWH)
D-day #3 10/2010
Kick WH out 01/2011 he files for D
D finally final 03/2012
I'm free!
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357
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Originally Posted by letgoletGod
Taken from Clark Griswold's rant in Christmas vacation and tailored for me.

Hey. If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like WH, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy WS land and I want him brought right here...with a big ribbon on his head! And I want to look him straight in the eye, and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-[censored], bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey [censored] he is! Hallelujah! Holy [censored]! Where's the Tylenol?

There, now I feel better. dance2 Edited to add, I just thought of a great Christmas present for him. I will get him a big red ribbon!

Hey, lglg? Which side is your good side? Cause I want to stay on it! laugh


Last edited by maritalbliss; 12/11/10 02:20 PM.

D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!

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Originally Posted by maritalbliss
Hey, lglg? Which side is your good side? Cause I want to stay on it! laugh
rotflmao
You're not the one that has to worry about staying on my good side. grin I found this quote on line while looking for another one from the movie. I had a good laugh and decided to tweak it to my stitch. I thought a little levity was called for. I didn't know if I should use laughter or levity in my reply so I looked up the definition levity in the dictionary.

Lightness of manner or speech, especially when inappropriate; frivolity.
That made me laugh even harder!

Thanks again for all your support. I have my angry and pity party moments but overall I have found my inner strength. WH doesn't know what he has signed up for. He may not like what I do when the [censored] hits the fan. I know he will be po'ed but I will be doing it for his own good. He may never get that but that is not my concern. I know I am doing the right thing.


BW 46
XWH 46
Boys 17 & 19
Girls 16 & 10
D-day #1 12/2006 (confessed affair in 2004 w/BF & his wife)
D-day #2 10/2008 (denied by XWH)
D-day #3 10/2010
Kick WH out 01/2011 he files for D
D finally final 03/2012
I'm free!
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357
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Stay on it, sister! You're doing great!


D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!

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Thanks,
I am hoping to add your sig to mine some day soon. With or without him I will recover and be a better person for it. Now it is off to the mall to drop off my daughter. I can't believe I have kids old enough to be mall rats!


BW 46
XWH 46
Boys 17 & 19
Girls 16 & 10
D-day #1 12/2006 (confessed affair in 2004 w/BF & his wife)
D-day #2 10/2008 (denied by XWH)
D-day #3 10/2010
Kick WH out 01/2011 he files for D
D finally final 03/2012
I'm free!
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 5,121
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Originally Posted by letgoletGod
Originally Posted by HeadHeldHigh
So I vent here, where I can get a healthy cup check when needed.

Though, don't even do that much lately. FWW has kind of asked for exclusive venting rights... so I am working on communicating honestly without communicating brutally.

That, however, is just my fortune.
I caught up on your stitch. I see your WW hasn't posted in a while. Are you both on board with MB principals? If I could get my WH anywhere near working on it I would love to try MB 100%

She still reads often.

It's kind of why I stopped venting - it wasn't "safe" for me to vent here, because she watches my posts.

In truth, I suppose whatever I put up here, if I'm being honest, I should be able to find a respective way to communicate with her.

She is on board. So far. The end of next month, the day before her B-day, will be the 1 year anniversary of her betrayal.

It's kind of stressing me. I have no idea how I am going to handle that day. Part of me just wants to crawl in a hole somewhere and wither.

She does everything right, but... you just don't trust it. For part of me, it just doesn't matter. The work, the changes aren't hard. The betrayal, the lies... that's what's hard.

All I ever wanted to do, all I ever want to do, is to make my wife happy. She denied me that choice and that chance. It sucks.


"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr

"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer

"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
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Originally Posted by HeadHeldHigh
The end of next month, the day before her B-day, will be the 1 year anniversary of her betrayal.
It's kind of stressing me. I have no idea how I am going to handle that day. Part of me just wants to crawl in a hole somewhere and wither.
It is going to be a hard day. If she is reading here she should know it is going to be hard on you. Can you talk to her in a non-confrontational way about it? Use I feel not you did in the conversation. From what I read on her posts she seems remorseful but also feels attacked when you bring things up.


Originally Posted by HeadHeldHigh
In truth, I suppose whatever I put up here, if I'm being honest, I should be able to find a respective way to communicate with her.
That is right, and if you aren't being respectful you know someone will give you a 2X4! Don't take the 2X4 personally, take it as a oppertunity to learn and grow as a better person.

Originally Posted by HeadHeldHigh
She does everything right, but... you just don't trust it. For part of me, it just doesn't matter. The work, the changes aren't hard. The betrayal, the lies... that's what's hard.

All I ever wanted to do, all I ever want to do, is to make my wife happy. She denied me that choice and that chance. It sucks.
Trust is earned. Do you think she hasn't done enough to earn your trust or do you think you aren't open enough to trust her?

Here are some quotes for you that a friend sent me.

�How we perceive a situation and how we react to it is the basis of our stress. If you focus on the negative in any situation, you can expect high stress levels. However, if you try and see the good in the situation, your stress levels will greatly diminish.� ~ Catherine Pulsifer

"Change the way you look at things, and the things you look at change." Look for the glass to be half-full not empty! ~ Wayne Dyer


BW 46
XWH 46
Boys 17 & 19
Girls 16 & 10
D-day #1 12/2006 (confessed affair in 2004 w/BF & his wife)
D-day #2 10/2008 (denied by XWH)
D-day #3 10/2010
Kick WH out 01/2011 he files for D
D finally final 03/2012
I'm free!
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 618
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Get ready HHH.... here comes the 2X4.
Originally Posted by HeadHeldHigh
She still reads often.

It's kind of why I stopped venting - it wasn't "safe" for me to vent here, because she watches my posts.

In truth, I suppose whatever I put up here, if I'm being honest, I should be able to find a respective way to communicate with her.

She is on board. So far.
Her reading here should not stop you from posting. That is an excuse. She may be reading here but she isn't posting from what I have seen. IMO you both are doing a 1/2 [censored] MB plan. Get on board and give it your all. If you don't I suspect you will mull along and your marriage with wither away in a slow painful death. When my WH gave me the "We've tried and get no where. It shouldn't be this hard" speech I gave him this analogy: It's like house work. You want to live in a clean tidy house. If you pick up as you go along and do some deep cleaning every so often you will have a nice comfortable home. If you work to clean up but don't finish you still don't have a clean comfortable home. If you don't keep picking up as you go along it will become a mess again. Of course I was talking to a WS so it went over his head. Ironically enough one of his MANY complaints is not having a clean home. I worked my butt off to get things clean and keep it clean. He didn't even notice, he just found something else to complain about.


BW 46
XWH 46
Boys 17 & 19
Girls 16 & 10
D-day #1 12/2006 (confessed affair in 2004 w/BF & his wife)
D-day #2 10/2008 (denied by XWH)
D-day #3 10/2010
Kick WH out 01/2011 he files for D
D finally final 03/2012
I'm free!
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 5,121
Likes: 1
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Originally Posted by letgoletGod
Get ready HHH.... here comes the 2X4.
Originally Posted by HeadHeldHigh
She still reads often.

It's kind of why I stopped venting - it wasn't "safe" for me to vent here, because she watches my posts.

In truth, I suppose whatever I put up here, if I'm being honest, I should be able to find a respective way to communicate with her.

She is on board. So far.
Her reading here should not stop you from posting. That is an excuse. She may be reading here but she isn't posting from what I have seen. IMO you both are doing a 1/2 [censored] MB plan. Get on board and give it your all. If you don't I suspect you will mull along and your marriage with wither away in a slow painful death. When my WH gave me the "We've tried and get no where. It shouldn't be this hard" speech I gave him this analogy: It's like house work. You want to live in a clean tidy house. If you pick up as you go along and do some deep cleaning every so often you will have a nice comfortable home. If you work to clean up but don't finish you still don't have a clean comfortable home. If you don't keep picking up as you go along it will become a mess again. Of course I was talking to a WS so it went over his head. Ironically enough one of his MANY complaints is not having a clean home. I worked my butt off to get things clean and keep it clean. He didn't even notice, he just found something else to complain about.

She isn't as much of a webcrawler as I am. I'm not going to force her to post.

I lead her here so that she can have ears and voices who are not only objective, but pro-marriage. We are both very thankful for the information, and for the advice and opinions of everyone here.

Quite honestly, had I not found MB, I am quite sure that the anger and resentment would have crushed me, and I would be working on Plan D instead.

Pure honesty; my plan (before MB) was to get her driving (has a fear/aversion to it, has our entire marriage - but I'm working on it slowly over time), for me to finish school... and then to file for divorce.

My parents and siblings would never shun her - just not the way my family operates - she would just not have me any more.

The plan was to make her as independent as possible and then walk away. I was done. I was done 2 years ago, and the A just cemented the deal.

The whole accusation of "you were never there" was part of the problem... she didn't look. She spent our entire marriage treating me as if I were disposable. Then she proved I was.

I have been holding on for the children, hoping that when things got rolling, that maybe she would finally have time for me, because no matter how many ways or times I tried over the years to say I was drowning, she kept brushing me aside.

You are right, though lglg, there is an area where I am only pulling the weight with one butt cheek. I am horrible at being emotionally honest. I've got that wall up, and it's going both ways.

That's my big battle right now.


"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr

"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer

"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
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