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Nevermind. I see it isn't till the 16th.

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Well, final pretrial happened yesterday for the DV. They offeredmy the no contest plea which means plead guilty and I'd be put on probation for a year, and if I didn't get into trouble it would fall off my record. Tempting knowing that taking it to a jury trial could result in being convicted and it being on my record for life. I refused. I didn't do it so I'm not pleading guilty to something I didn't do, just the risk I'm gonna have to take!!!!!

I went in to set a statement. almost 2 months now since the DV charges where put into place and I yet to get my belongings. It's sub-zero out, and I went into court with no coat. My lawyer came in and the first thing he asked, "Where's your coat?" I said, "at home with my boots, and all my other belongings that I have yet been able to retrieve." Oh boy, he was upset about this. And said that he will be bringing that up in court.

STBXW went to the prosecuting and started running her mouth again making false accusations of my driving by the house which would violate my bond. This isn't the first time she's made up crap at the hearings I've been too. Everything that ocmes out of her mouth never happened.

Stand in front of the Judge with my lawyer, prosecuting attorney tells the judge that a plea was offered and that I refused. Jury trial is now set for Jan13. The prosecuting attorney told the judge that I'm in contempt of court as my STBXW is saying that I've been driving by. She even said the neighbors have been seeing me driving by. I just stood there calm as can be because I know I got a fight on my hands. The judge told my lawyer that he needs to have a heart to heart talk with me as these accusations could get me into more trouble. At the end of the hearing, my lawyer says, "Your honor, there is one more thing I need to bring up to you. Since the last pretrial on Nov01, we have been contacting my clients wife's counsel to try and set up arraigments for my client to get his belongings. Numerous times and all documented, we've been getting the run around and my client has yet to be able to get his things. What my client is dressed in, in front of you, is what he came to court today in. He has no coat, no boots, and it's SUBZERO out!"

Prosecuting attorney says, "this is the first I've heard about this!"

My lawyer says, "I'm asking you to put something in place so my client can retrieve his belongings."

The judge ordered us to go to the police station and set up civil stand by, and tomorrow i get to go get my things.....FINALLY!!!!

So, I set up a red flag to the prosecuting attorney I believe, which didn't look good for the vendictive wife. I'm also from this day forward, gonna keep a diary. Notating my every move, where I go, who I visit, what time I leave and the time I arrive, when I eat and sleep. I'm not going to be convicted of more things that I didn't do.

When I go to get my things, I will have a few friends with me to help, for witnesses, and for support. The police say I'm gonna have about 15 mins to get my things, well I got news for them. I need ALL my belongings, not just a damn coat. I'm tired of jumping through hoops and spending money on counsel to get in contact to retrieve my things, that just don't happen because she wants to be vendictive.

Parenting court on Thursday!!!!!

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Have faith and keep calm my friend. The objective here is to let her look like the irrational and crazy one.

Have you driven by the house at all?

Stay away. Dont let her have any ammunition.

Hand in your phone records to show that you havent called her in any way. Put the burden of proof on her to show that you really are a threat.

Does she have any evidence at all?

I know you cant reveal much because you have pending legislation, but is there anything she can stand on? Did she have pictures taken of an alleged assault? Does she have any threatening emails or voice mails? Does she have anything other than irrational claims?

Make sure you bring up your daughters performance in school for parenting court and bring up her frequent absences and poor performance. Do you have proof?

Request a guardian ad litem. (spelling?) They will be an attorney set to represent the children. You can bring a ton of your evidence regarding the kids to her/him.

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Originally Posted By: helpthelostdads
Have you driven by the house at all?

No I have not. I'm staying 30 miles away from there just so that way I can't and will not be seen around there.

Originally Posted By: helpthelostdads
Stay away. Dont let her have any ammunition.

Been doing so. I'm giving her no ammo...

Originally Posted By: helpthelostdads
Hand in your phone records to show that you havent called her in any way. Put the burden of proof on her to show that you really are a threat.

My lawyer has the phone records. She was claiming that I had people calling her and harrassing her. So I got all the phone records, highlighted all incoming calls that have came to her phone since the day of the DV accusations, then went and found all incoming numbers as outgoing numbers to prove that it's all lies. My lawyer has these records as well.

Originally Posted By: helpthelostdads
Does she have any evidence at all?

Only evidence she can have is a he said/ she said. NOTHING happened for me to be in this mess.

Originally Posted By: helpthelostdads
I know you cant reveal much because you have pending legislation, but is there anything she can stand on?

Just her so called "witnesses"

Originally Posted By: helpthelostdads
Did she have pictures taken of an alleged assault?

No, but I have pictures.........

Originally Posted By: helpthelostdads
Does she have any threatening emails or voice mails?

Nope

Originally Posted By: helpthelostdads
Does she have anything other than irrational claims?

Nope

Originally Posted By: helpthelostdads
Make sure you bring up your daughters performance in school for parenting court and bring up her frequent absences and poor performance. Do you have proof?

I have all report cards from kindergarden to present. Lawyer has them now.

Originally Posted By: helpthelostdads
Request a guardian ad litem. (spelling?) They will be an attorney set to represent the children. You can bring a ton of your evidence regarding the kids to her/him.

I will bring this up with my lawyer. The trouble with this is, she's probably been brainwashing my daughter. My daughter knows, I'd never hurt her. But now, I have no clue what she thinks she knows about what's going on. My STBXW has been lying to me for a long time, she's been lying to the prosecuting attorney, she's been lying to the police, she's been lying to her parents, she's been lying to herself, so I KNOW she's been lying to my kids.



I'm praying I make it through this without being charged for this accusation. She's doing everything she can to make me look like a total wife beater/scumbag. Only because the kids are at stake.

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Well trained psychologists can pick up on a kid that has been coached or indoctirnated. I strongly recommend you request a drug test on her since you know about the drugs.

A lot of this, if it holds up, can really backfire on her. Judges don't take kindly to parents that do the kinds of things she's doing. But then again, I've been surprised before by judges, who often dismiss things you don't think they will or who ignore certain facts.

Legal battles are all about documentation. What you can prove matters more than what you can claim.

You can also get her side to agree to the admission of some things which would normally be dismissed as heresay. If you both agree to admit those things, then the judge can take them into consideration. I say this as a man who did this.

My ex agreed to allow letters and reports from daycare into evidence. Well, it backfired on her since I had a letter that contradicted her claims and the judge ruled those things on my behalf. Judges don't care about written statements or letters. Witnesses matter.

Some evidence is considered self authenticating. Usually, it's government reports. All other stuff can be thrown out as heresay or invalid, such as internet postings, website reports, etc.

I recommend the GAL because the burden of proof isn't there. You can hand her things to look over that isn't admissable in court and that she can weigh for her final recommendation on behalf of the children.

You can express your fear to the GAL about your WW turning the kids against you. You wouldn't be the first dad this has happened to.

Family law is a small business. The lawyers know each other and they know certain judges and their tendencies. Ask your lawyer if there is a father friendly or experienced GAL that isn't gender biased and that can make a good recommendation so you can request it.

How is the job hunting going?

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wow read this thread and feel for ya. Your WW is a special kind of evil woman.

If you havent already - good tips on this site:

Parent Alienation and the Court System.


Me:52
W: 52
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2 Sons (29 & 23)
1 Dtr (20)
1 GDtr (2.5) precious little girl
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Well, I got my things with police escort but she wouldn't allow me into my home. Had all my things in bags and was throwing them on the porch for me to grab. Finally......

Court for parenting time was yesterday. We bickered back and forth about what time and dates I'm allowed. We came to a pretty good agreement, but I was adamant about seeing my kids THIS WEEKEND. She wasn't budging. My lawyer kept telling me that we need to stay with the agreement or we could lose it all. I said, NO. It's been 2 months, I deserve to see my kids this weekend. Well, now it's in front of the judge. After my lawyer told the judge that there are 3 documented letters that sit in front of him asking for me to see the kids, not one of the letters were responded too. STBXW, trying using excuses that they already have plans for both days, family coming in, Santa showing up, church on Sunday (Which we've never went to), and a family member birthday party too. Well, the judge awarded.............

ME TO SEE MY KIDS!!!!!!!! I left with tears of joy.

Also, on the jobfront, I had an interview yesterday, and I don't want to count my chickens before they hatch, but I believe it went well. My STBXW lawyer was saying that it seems very strange and odd that I have worked for a company for so long then all of a sudden, I'm unemployed. They were accusing me of not wanting to pay support, and wanting to clean my 401k out.

So, until I hear from the job (in which 2 of 3 people that I listed as references just called me to tell me they were called to talk about me as I'm typing this), this is all I have to report.

Positive things are about to happen!!!!!!!! My spirits are really up right now.

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Quote:
ME TO SEE MY KIDS!!!!!!!! I left with tears of joy.
hurray hurray hurray How great for you!!!


D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!

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Quote:
Your WW is a special kind of evil woman.


Unfortunately, not true, well, at least the special part. This is a very common occurrence - has become pro forma in America. Get your husband out of the house with a trumped up "incident", get a restraining order that restricts even phone contact with your kids, and then the fun and games begin.

Perhaps the law can be changed when enough women complain that their sons are getting screwed, cause it surely won't happen if it's only us doing the complaining.


The one constant through all the years has been baseball. America has rolled by like an army of steamrollers. It's been erased like a blackboard, rebuilt, and erased again. But baseball has marked the time. This field, this game, is a part of our past. It reminds us of all that once was good, and it could be again.
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Sack, it's great that you finally get to see your children!

One thing that puzzles me - does your attorney know that your wife abuses prescription drugs and smokes dope with OM? The marijuana stays in one's system for a long time, would come up positive on a drug test. That combined with an arrest for having drugs in the house with your kids there, would go a long way toward helping you.


The one constant through all the years has been baseball. America has rolled by like an army of steamrollers. It's been erased like a blackboard, rebuilt, and erased again. But baseball has marked the time. This field, this game, is a part of our past. It reminds us of all that once was good, and it could be again.
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Originally Posted By: sack
Well, I got my things with police escort but she wouldn't allow me into my home. Had all my things in bags and was throwing them on the porch for me to grab. Finally......


I'm going through the bags of clothes and I'm coing up with bras, and woman's tee shirts, and many other items that are not mine. All she did was clean the mess in the basement and handed it over to me.

Originally Posted By: sack
Also, on the jobfront, I had an interview yesterday, and I don't want to count my chickens before they hatch, but I believe it went well.
So, until I hear from the job (in which 2 of 3 people that I listed as references just called me to tell me they were called to talk about me as I'm typing this), this is all I have to report.


I got the job!!! Start monday! Whew........glad the unemployment is over. I hate feeling like a bum living with family.

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WOOOOHOOOO on the job. And on the clothes front, would you consider cross-dressing?(Okay, I am sorry, but SERIOUSLY? What did she think you were going to DO with that stuff?)


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

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Originally Posted By: sack
Well, I got my things with police escort but she wouldn't allow me into my home.


IMO something's going on in your home that she doesn't want you or the police to see. Evidence of her drug use perhaps? I sense a possible opportunity to turn the odds definitely in your favour may have been missed. Did the court order specifically state that you be allowed into your home to retrieve your stuff?


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Originally Posted By: Scotland
WOOOOHOOOO on the job. And on the clothes front, would you consider cross-dressing?(Okay, I am sorry, but SERIOUSLY? What did she think you were going to DO with that stuff?)


Thanks for the smile, but ummm....no cross dressing here...LOL. Well, I had absolutly bare minumum of clothes. I was to retrieve MY belongings.

Originally Posted By: ManInMotion

IMO something's going on in your home that she doesn't want you or the police to see. Evidence of her drug use perhaps? I sense a possible opportunity to turn the odds definitely in your favour may have been missed. Did the court order specifically state that you be allowed into your home to retrieve your stuff?

No actual court order, just the judge told us to make it happen and set up with the police to have the civil standby happen. She didn't want me in there for some reason......

Wrapping paper covering the windows so I couldn't see in too.

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Originally Posted By: sack
Wrapping paper covering the windows so I couldn't see in too.


Wrapping paper over windows? Refusing to let you in to your own home? Throwing stuff at you that's not yours?

IMO your wife is either going off the deep end, or there's something in that house that she desperately does not want you to see. I suggest you seriously talk with your lawyer about getting you back into your home, at least temporarily. Surely you can come up with a reason. More clothes to pick up, for example. The ideal situation would be for your WW to get no forewarning - you just show up one day, court-order in hand, police at your side.


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ITA with MiM. That's gotta happen somehow.


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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Wow. Finally got to get my kids and spend some time with them. When I got there, Grandma pretty much shoved them out the door then slammed the door behind them. The STBXW was waiting down the street just watching. My daughter was all over me as soon as she seen me. She was so happy to see me, and would not leave my side for a second. I first took them to IHOP for some breakfast. She says to me, "Dad, I don't want you to take me home, I want to spend the whole day with you."

I got to asking her a few questions. One was her attendance at school. I got her attendance report for the year and its already at 15 absences and tardys. I asked her what the deal was with that, was it that your not waking up for school, or is it your mom not waking up to get you to school? Either answer will point right back to mom. My daughter said that it was her not waking up not mom. She says sometimes she wakes up and then goes back to sleep. Well I got this conversation on recording. Mom should be up to make sure she's off to school, instead she's passed out too.

I took them skating after the IHOP. That was a ton of fun.

I asked her if she was asking questions as to why Dad isn't there no more. She told me that my STBXW told her I left, didn't come back, and sent a letter stating I wasn't coming back. That's some BS. I told her, honey that's not true and one day you'll find out what really happened but not now. She also asked me if Santa was coming to my place. She said that Mom said that Santa was leaving half her presents at home and the other half with me. What's really hard about this is I'm broke. I have very little money, and it's gotta cover my expenses.

After dropping them off, I had an very emotional ride back home. How is Santa gonna make his way to where I'm staying? It's still gonna be weeks before I start having an income again. I told this to a couple of my TRUE FRIENDS, and they said, Santa WILL show. One friend plans on taking me out tomorrow evening to get a few things for the kids, and the other friend has something up his sleeve and isn't telling me, but assures me that Santa will be there. That itself was enough to make me break out the kleenex.

Anyways, it took 2 months, but now I'm feeling a ton better about knowing she can't keep the kids away from me no more. Although I wish that there was a way that I can communicate with my daughter, but she says mom took her facebook off. no way to call her, no way to email her, but my daughter says to write her a letter and put it in the mail. Well, I know that she won't get it. The evil woman that she is, is gonna take them letters and read them and rip them up. What do I do about this?

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You have some amazing friends. That kind of loyalty is a gift not given lightly.


johnstwin-

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Remarried my FXH 25 years to the day of our first M. God is so good-and sometimes so unexpected!

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Any reason why you can't give the letters to your lawyer?


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You really need to look into charges of alienation. You also need to find a way to bring up the drug use, request drug tests, and request a childrens advocate (guardian ad litem).

You can share certain concerns with the GAL that can lead them to request certain things on the kids behalf.

Friend, have faith. Things will improve and the systems favors fathers who do not settle. Im not saying that you should become an a$$ and demand everything, but realistically ask for the minimum and expect it. Fight for 50/50 and dont settle for less.

If you get that, then I would encourage you to bid your crazy WW farewell. Youll get over her, but you will have your kids as a regular presence in your life. 50/50 is a win for fathers.

If you feel you could get more or primary, then fight for it too. But make sure you do so with a strong case only.

Your conversations with your DD could backfire on you. Recording them could lead the opposition to charge you with coaching your DD.

Dont talk to her about any of this stuff. Leave it up to a professional psychologist to get the truth and let them find it on their own. What I learned in my ordeal is that you dont need to present to people what is blatantly obvious. Theyve been in this business long enough to recognize good parents.

So my advice is to focus on you. Get a place where your kids can come, have their own rooms, and make it kid friendly. My house was full of their toys. They had designated play areas.

Learn to cook. Bake them things. Cook things with them. Take them to unique experiences.

People will see that you do this and it really doesnt have to be advertised much and youll get a fair shake.

Express your concerns about your WW, but dont pursue them to the point where it looks like youre out to crucify her for leaving you. The system will make you pay for that.

Focus on being a father and everything else will take care of itself.

Finally, dont get upset to offers by your WW. If you disagree with them or dont like them, simply turn them down and dont get worked up about them. YOU look bad when you react that way.

So just be cool. Thats the best advice I ever got. If they make an offer you dont like, treat it like you would negotiating on a car price. Turn it down politely and ask for a better deal. If you cant reach terms, then walk away, showing lament that you couldnt reach an agreement.

I had a problem with controlling my reactions and getting upset. Fear drove a lot of that. All Im advising you to do is have faith and help yourself by becoming the dad you envision yourself to be.

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