If seriously exposes to OW's job, that may make her seriously think about backing off seriously_ws for good and stop trying to contact him if she's worried about her job. They aren't going to fire her, but you coming after her might scare her into slinking back to her hole.

I cannot see how this particular piece of exposure would have any impact on ending the A. If it would, then I say go for it.


Sorry but I disagree. She's contacting seriously_WS because he has left a chink of hope there. He needs to black that out and fast.

I have to agree with MB & jmwc also .....

If she continues I would go after her employer ..... I never had this bullet .... My WH's Skankerella was unemployed. The scum sucking skank !!!!!!

I disagree 100%. Adultery should have negative consequences on an adulterer. That is GOOD, not bad. The motive here is to a) embarrass and shame the OW and b) to stop the affair and c) to enable the company to protect themselves.

Those are all great motives.


If the OW is fired, it will be because of adultery and no other reason. Her company may choose to not employ adulterers. And that is their right. If she is fired, it is HER FAULT, and no one elses.

tully, with all due respect I don't think you have really thought this through.

Sure he did. They are both behaving in typical wayward fashion.

Again, and I speak from personal experience: Nothing throws a bucket of cold water on an A like exposure at the workplace.

Melody, I've never known you to disagree with anything less.


Maybe not, I'll think about it some more.

They may fire her and that is their right. Many companies choose to not employ liars and cheaters. My last company would escort her off the premises with an armed security guard. Workplace cheaters are dangerous to any company and harm morale. How can the company protect themselves from this loose cannon if they do not know?

Keep in mind, this was a risk that she willingly took when she hopped into bed with a married co-worker. She should not be protected from her own actions, that helps no one.

Developed by Brits Brat, board member and corporate attorney

To Whom It May Concern:

This letter is to bring a matter to your attention that may be a violation of your Company's Code of Conduct and/or other policies, procedures and business ethics.

WS and WS are involved in an extramarital affair that is taking place, primarily, in the workplace. Aside from the potential sexual harassment claims this situation presents, it also involves the inappropriate use of company resources and assets. WS and WS are using company time and company resources to further their affair. If you check the call histories on their office and cell phones along with their workstation computers, you will find the two of them are spending an inordinate amount of what should be productive work time to further their sexual relationship.

If you have any questions, please call me at xxx-xxxx. Otherwise, I will anticipate a response from you once you have investigated these concerns and taken appropriate corrective action.

Regards,

BS

I agree with this. If WW needs to know that you are not a doormat and will sit by idly while she actively tries to usurp your husband, for gosh sakes.
If she was leaving you M alone, I'd say leave her alone.

Exposure is to break the AP's up. This has not happened (these two are still having "the fantasy dance")in your stiuation...expose her.

This WW is flagrant. She is very dangerous to your M.

If she can continue to do so, without any fear or consequence, why would she stop?

Expose her. Many pairs of eyes watching her can only help you destroy the fantasy, and can only help you.

psst! Hey, barbie - you mean OW, right?

Thanks ya very much. Man I am a clown today! Well, I guess WW can be a flagrant voice for sense, reason and holding up to vows.

Let's look at two ways that exposure is used:

WS & OP end their A with complete NC: If BS exposes at this point, it could be considered an act of vengence. Exposing at this point is obviously not being done to help end the A.

WS & OP do NOT end their A with complete NC: The BS needs to consider exposure to any source that can apply pressure on either party to end the A. This is considered an action used to end the affair. OW began this affair as an employee of her company. They have a right to know this, and are perfect exposure targets to help end the A.

Thanks to all of you for time and your words. I am so glad you are here for me.

So on the topic of OW job, I'm just going to talk it out.

The morning after D-day, I woke up in a rage. The juicy idea occurred to me that I had a lot of power. If I wanted it to be so, she could lose her job, she could even be convicted of a crime. (As the A occurred in countries where this would take place). I could humiliate her publicly... just a few keystrokes. It would be terrifyingly easy.

When I screamed my thoughts to H, I wanted to hear him beg me not to. I wanted to see him standing up for her, and to defend her, so I could get more and more infuriated.

H had enough sense not to try to talk me out of anything. Nor did he defend her (although I still remember on D-Day when he said "she's not a bad person" and that he answered "yes" when I asked if he loved her).

"Ouch" is not strong enough to describe the pain. Is there a string of letters that can articulate a primal scream?

I decided to give it (contacting her employer) some time and see what my true motivations were. I was aware of how an act of pure vengeance would weigh on me for years to come.

The truth is, after several weeks have passed, I don't feel anymore that it would be pure vengeance. Possibly because I don't feel repulsed by myself when I consider doing it. And I see the benefit in protecting some other family from the hell I'm going through.

But I get Tully's p.o.v. too.

I want to be the bigger person. I want to do what Christ would do, and not start hucking rocks at the adulteress, despite my natural inclination to do so. (P.S. This crime happened in an Islamic state, she is a "Muslim"... for that reason alone, I should control myself).

Also, I don't think exposing her is required to end the A. I think it will pretty much be a financial and geographical impossibility in about a week.

So, because we just found MB, I didn't demand a NC letter. I just told him to ignore everything and never engage in any communication.

We have now just drafted the NC letter, and H says he has sent it. (H was averse to doing that, as he thought it would invite her back into the conversation. But we respect the wisdom of MB and all of you, so let the consequences be what they may).

I guess if she persists after that, then I'll go ahead and inform her company.

Thanks for all the opinions... I'm still waffling over every decision. But for today, that's what I can handle.

Much love to all of you.

Exposing her at work would be the decent, Christian thing to do, though. I think sometimes we get confused with the moral principles underlying exposure and confuse vindictive behavior with simply not protecting someone from the consequences of their behavior.

People learn and grow as human beings when they are treated to the consequences of their actions. That is not vindictive.

It would not only help her personally, it would help your marriage and it would most definitely help her employer. Nowhere does Jesus tell us to aide and abet the sins of others.

By helping her keep her dirty secret, you leave her in place to not only harm her company but to go after someone else's husband and destroy her family.

The likelihood that she will do this again is obviously GREAT if her company cannot watch her and stop her. And if there are no consequences for this affair, she has not learned any lessons.

Additionally, exposing her at work sends the clear message that there will be severe repurcussions for messing with your marriage. <-----this is the message you want to send her.

Exposing her to the workplace is a win-win for EVERYONE. NO ONE benefits except the AFFAIR and the nefarious activities of the OW by keeping her secret.

Ephesians 5:11 Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.

Seriously, be the BIGGER PERSON and expose the OW. There is nothing virtuous about helping a wayward person REMAIN wayward by hiding their crimes. Nothing.

Another thing to take into consideration is that this might not be the first time she has pursued a married man at work. If the last BS exposed her to her employer and her family, you might not be in this ugly, sad place today.

That is one of the reasons I would argue that "being the bigger person" rests on exposing the affair rather than concealing it so she is free to go and do this again.

Isn't it amazing how the WS feels "whole" after coming clean, while the BS's hell is just beginning? I've done it, and had it done to me. This feeling of a burden being lifted is merely a sign of the wayward's selfish behavior still at the forefront. They feel like God has forgiven them, but what get's lost in the shuffle, is that the BS is the one who must forgive. After all, God doesn't have to live with the WS.

Jesus threw the moneychangers out of the temple. Because he knew that they did not have the best interests of the temple in mind, that they posed a threat.

Actually, I would consider it an act of cowardice if I heard of someone refusing to disclose something that could this potentially damaging to another unsuspecting family.

@MelodyLane -- LOL! -- I love your example Skankhola FB message! OH! How I wish I could have (should have) done this! Still might, if predator-skank OW ever attempts to contact us again. I have a sneaky feeling that she might. This time, however, I'll be prepared (thanks to you) -- and she will most definitely regret not thinking twice about it, if she does

Hang in there, seriously. It sounds like you are in as good a place as you can be with it,....at this point. And,..you are making steps, together with your H,...that counts!

Best way to convey a primal scream in text form? I'm still working on that one myself. I think I've come close,...but it's still missing that certain something,...that guttural edge it requires. If you figure it out, please pass it on!