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Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 279
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Member
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 279 |
I hope you can help me.
I have been trying to find a strong IM, but am having no such luck.
No one seems to want to get involved.
The only one I can use to for an IM is my 18 yo son.
Is this not a good idea?
Please help, any ideas?
BS/ME 47 Met on blind date
WH 46(Alcoholic,drugs?)
DS1:18 DS2:15
1st A EA9/07 PA10/07 NC11/07
2nd A EA/PA-10/2010
Found out- 11/20/2010
He moved out-1/1/2011 same apt.cmplx as OW(&her kids)
PlanB-1/1/11(broken)
NEW PB-2/11 Taking it one day at a time
There are two kinds of people in the world: Those who say to God, "Thy will be done" and those to whom God says, "Alright then, have it your way." ~C .S.Lewis
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Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,708
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Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,708 |
It is not a good idea.
An IM needs to be able to filter out a lot of junk from WH and that would be tough on your son.
Your sons could both arrange their time spent with their dad since they are older and inform you so you'll know when they won't be around for meals or activities with you.
The 18 year old could even let dad know when he needs funds for something like school or a trip or something.
Find someone else to do the IMing though. To handle financial issues and other kid issues and to be the person WH would go to if he decides to ever end his affair and let you know he is willing to recover the marriage.
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Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 279
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Member
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 279 |
Do I tell WH that this person is an IM? I have one friend I have not asked yet. She is very much on my side (to the point of saying to me "If I EVER see that scumbag, I WILL punch him in the face), I betcha she could do it too. Known her almost 30 years (Her husb went to school with MY WH's OW-hows that for a small town?)I will ask her very very nicely.
Seems being an IM takes up a lot of work and kind of being in the middle of things.
She is a lovely christian lady and I'm sure she just might.
Thanks.
BS/ME 47 Met on blind date
WH 46(Alcoholic,drugs?)
DS1:18 DS2:15
1st A EA9/07 PA10/07 NC11/07
2nd A EA/PA-10/2010
Found out- 11/20/2010
He moved out-1/1/2011 same apt.cmplx as OW(&her kids)
PlanB-1/1/11(broken)
NEW PB-2/11 Taking it one day at a time
There are two kinds of people in the world: Those who say to God, "Thy will be done" and those to whom God says, "Alright then, have it your way." ~C .S.Lewis
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Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,708
Member
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Member
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,708 |
When you move from plan A to plan B, you give your WH a Plan B letter (study those on threads here and in the book Surviving An Affair) which states the IM's name in it and what they are for.
IMs need to be able to handle being the go between fairly neutral seeming and I am not sure if a person who wants to punch your WH in the face could perform properly.
Keep thinking of people.
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Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 279
Member
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Member
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 279 |
How do I find the PlanB letter threads?
Does an IM have to live nearby? The only family I have around are my dad. Absolutly NOT a good idea, given his feelings toward WH. My IL, not a good idea, as they may not agree or like what their son is doing, they don't want involved.
I have a sister that lives 90 miles away. We are close. Our two families would vacation together. I know she would do it, but she isn't close.
What exactly does an IM do?
BS/ME 47 Met on blind date
WH 46(Alcoholic,drugs?)
DS1:18 DS2:15
1st A EA9/07 PA10/07 NC11/07
2nd A EA/PA-10/2010
Found out- 11/20/2010
He moved out-1/1/2011 same apt.cmplx as OW(&her kids)
PlanB-1/1/11(broken)
NEW PB-2/11 Taking it one day at a time
There are two kinds of people in the world: Those who say to God, "Thy will be done" and those to whom God says, "Alright then, have it your way." ~C .S.Lewis
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