Expose, then man up for the battle that awaits you. I did it. You can too. It is never wrong to fight for someone you love.

So how do I demand respect without being a jerk? By...exposing OM to his family, and maybe moving back in?

I do totally understand why she's lost my respect for me. And I've lost respect for myself, too.

Demanding respect is not something I've ever been good at, unfortunately...

Don't just stand there boy, do something wrong right once in your life.

I do plan to block his number soon

As far as next steps go... we have plans to go to counseling.

We are trying to date a little bit

Well. MB, let me answer your questions... and say that perhaps you're right, as I'm having a lot of doubts this morning. I may be setting the bar too low in my eagerness to make our M work.
LISTEN TO YOUR GUT. Rolling over for your addicted wife will NOT make this M work.
My comment on "trying to date a little bit" just meant we were going to go on date nights, have fun together, spend more time doing things we enjoy with each other instead of perpetually slogging through the swamp of this disaster. Depositing points into the love bank, instead of constantly removing them via difficult conversations. I'm moved back into the house, though I've still spent a handful of nights at a friend's house when things get too emotional or strained. Maybe that's not good, but it is what it is. Do NOT stay at a friend's house when things get too emotional! Retire to your respective corners, go into another room, do pushups in the basement to blow off steam, but do NOT LEAVE.Nothing like showing her what you'll do when the going gets tough! Come on, now, stuck. Stay with the plan, here.

However...she is resisting blocking his number. She's resisting transparency because, in her absolute stubbornness she "doesn't want to feel controlled" and because she chafes so hard against any restrictions to her "freedom." This needs to be a requirement, Stuck. She doesn't get to decide this. Her cell phone is an open door of invitation to OM. They've texted a couple of times to test the waters. Now they realize you don't really mean it. You've got to take control of this asap.

She has told me (and I have verified by checking phone records) that she and him have text messaged each other twice in the last week--one or two messages each time. Yesterday she said she's reluctant to cut him completely out of her life, when she's still not sure that we can make it work. Of course, I told her there is NO chance we can make it work while he's still in the picture AT ALL... which she says she understands, but she apparently is not 100% committed to R. Fog-babble. This would be fairly benign if you'd closed all the affair doors, but you haven't. She is serving notice to you that she intends to resume the A. This is what happens when you set the bar too low.

Getting rid of FB is an option, but not a very good one--it's, in fact, pretty important to her career. Blocking him is a no-brainer, which last night she said she will do. Do you have a keylogger and complete access to her FB account? Do you have a keylogger on her computer at work? Do you know how long it takes to unblock someone? About 5 seconds.

I would love to talk to Dr. Harley, but unfortunately finances are not such that it would be a struggle to even afford 1 session. I think he could talk some sense into her, because at this point she doesn't seem to put any stock in what I say, so it's hard for me to get through to her. We are going to start going to MC, hopefully this week.

The biggest obstacle right now, IMO, is her lack of respect for me. The beginning of our marriage started with me making some pretty big mistakes. Huge, even. Among other things, I feared my friends & family wouldn't accept that I was getting married so quickly so I hid our plans from them while I tried to "ease them in" and it backfired horribly. I regret it deeply, and I understand why she lost respect for me, but she apparently struggled to ever get over that. She doesn't respect me now, and her vague claims that I "need to be a man" and "demand respect from everyone" don't give me enough guidance to actually earn her respect back. On top of this, the fact that I exposed the A to her family, she says, shows that I was weak and a "baby" and she lost any shred of respect for me after that. She doesn't understand that I did it because I was trying to PROTECT our marriage. In fact, she's so upset about it, she says if I truly believe exposure was the only way to destroy the A and protect our marriage, that we're simply incompatible because I'm delusional. I don't know what SHE thought would've been the best way to "protect our marriage." She's not going to get exposure while she's still addicted. Ignore that. Also: stop dwelling in the past and trying to gauge how much respect you did or didn't earn with her. Your past actions are in the past. Yeah, I agree you need to be a man. I'll go with her on that. Telling everyone about the A is just part of a larger strategy, Still. If exposure is ALL you do, yeah, you'll probably look like a 'baby.' Because you look like you aren't ready to proceed with steering the ship. You've exposed. What are you going to do next to show her that there is only one man in her life, and that man is YOU?

So this a.m., I'm left thinking...maybe we ARE incompatible. Of course, after talking about all this last night, she did call me on my way to work this morning and say she loved me and thought we could work it out.

I think I'm back in the fog. Or I never left. I have no plan right now, but I'm trying to come up with one.