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rpg Offline OP
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She's avoiding every attempt to talk to her. Constantly gone. Just comes home to take a bath and then either back to the theater or a friend's place to spend the night.
The kids are picking who they want to stay with already. They are asking her to give me a hug which she won't. Both touching and chilling at the same time.


From the few words we exchange, I'm left wondering how any person can be this cold.


Me: BH
Her: WW
D-day: 14 Nov 10 (EA+PA)
Married for 12 years, 4 kids.
Joined: Dec 2007
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She had to convince herself that you are evil to justify her PA so it's no problem to avoid an evil person.

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Originally Posted by rpg
She's avoiding every attempt to talk to her. Constantly gone. Just comes home to take a bath and then either back to the theater or a friend's place to spend the night.
The kids are picking who they want to stay with already. They are asking her to give me a hug which she won't. Both touching and chilling at the same time.


From the few words we exchange, I'm left wondering how any person can be this cold.

Just keep trying to initiate light conversation and document how she has been abandoning the children. Keep a journal, keep it safe, and get with a lawyer who will help you build a case for custody if it comes to that. She's pretty much signing away the children and house to you right now.


Jim

BS - 32 (me)
FWW - 33
Married 8/31/03
No kids (but 3 cats)
D-Days - 8/25/06 (EA), 11/3/06 (PA)
NC agreed to - 11/8/06
NC broken - 11/28/06, 12/16/06, 1/18/07, 1/26/07, 1/27/07
Status - In Recovery
Jim's Story
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rpg Offline OP
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Problem with me getting full custody of the kids is that I'm in the army.
The way she's acting right now I have very little confidence in her ability to take care of the kids after a divorce. But I don't want the kids to be taken away either. This sucks all the way around.

She said she'll go see a lawyer to file today.


Me: BH
Her: WW
D-day: 14 Nov 10 (EA+PA)
Married for 12 years, 4 kids.
Joined: Nov 2006
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She's still actively in the affair. IF she files for divorce, it's only to continue her relationship w/ OM since you have made it clear that will no longer allowed if you remain married.

As for the army, is there any way you can get out because of what is currently going on and transition to a civilian job? If you could show stability, you are currently looking very good for at least primary custody. However, if your WW does see a lawyer, she'll likely be told to spend the night at home from now on. What state do you live in? This could play a key role in the divorce as far as her affair goes.


Jim

BS - 32 (me)
FWW - 33
Married 8/31/03
No kids (but 3 cats)
D-Days - 8/25/06 (EA), 11/3/06 (PA)
NC agreed to - 11/8/06
NC broken - 11/28/06, 12/16/06, 1/18/07, 1/26/07, 1/27/07
Status - In Recovery
Jim's Story
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rpg Offline OP
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My lawyer advised me that the army is the best thing I got going for me. The army didn't cause her to have an affair and i have a secure job with guaranteed retirement. She'll of course try to leech off of that retirement.
Last night she said that if I won't sign the papers she'll ask for all our IRAs and 401k (army equivalent) to be cashed out and split up.

She's filing in Idaho.


Me: BH
Her: WW
D-day: 14 Nov 10 (EA+PA)
Married for 12 years, 4 kids.
Joined: Dec 2010
Posts: 48
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rpg Offline OP
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So, I think the EA never stopped.
All attempts at trying to talk sense are met with 'I'm done'.
She has her lawyer consultation tomorrow.


Me: BH
Her: WW
D-day: 14 Nov 10 (EA+PA)
Married for 12 years, 4 kids.
Joined: Nov 2006
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Of course it never stopped. You need to turn the heat up on OM.


Jim

BS - 32 (me)
FWW - 33
Married 8/31/03
No kids (but 3 cats)
D-Days - 8/25/06 (EA), 11/3/06 (PA)
NC agreed to - 11/8/06
NC broken - 11/28/06, 12/16/06, 1/18/07, 1/26/07, 1/27/07
Status - In Recovery
Jim's Story
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See if you can get her to agree to relinquish any claims beyond what is written in your D agreement. You may be able to get her to voluntarily sign away her claims to your retirement.

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A case worker showed up yesterday for a surprise follow up visit to the house.
WW had A case with CPS for unsafe living conditions after the cops were called because our youngest was found alone in a store parking lot before that was dismissed but required follow on visits by a case worker.
Case worker will be back Monday. Since WW isn't doing anything around the house, should I just let it deteriorate over the weekend for the visit? It may repen the case?
WW also started smoking in the master bathroom. The smoke is definitely starting to get into the walls. She used to only occasionally smoke a cigarette when stressed out. Now it's up to half a pack a day at times.
She went to see her lawyer today and hasn't returned yet. 6 hours later.


Me: BH
Her: WW
D-day: 14 Nov 10 (EA+PA)
Married for 12 years, 4 kids.
Joined: Dec 2010
Posts: 48
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rpg Offline OP
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WW is trying to find a way to get $2700 to pay the lawyer to start filing.
She got $500 so far from Christmas presents. frown


Me: BH
Her: WW
D-day: 14 Nov 10 (EA+PA)
Married for 12 years, 4 kids.
Joined: Nov 2006
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You need to start carrying around a digital voice recorder. She's starting to make up abuse claims to get you out of the house. I would get a lawyer of your own. I would also secure the finances so she can't get to them.


Jim

BS - 32 (me)
FWW - 33
Married 8/31/03
No kids (but 3 cats)
D-Days - 8/25/06 (EA), 11/3/06 (PA)
NC agreed to - 11/8/06
NC broken - 11/28/06, 12/16/06, 1/18/07, 1/26/07, 1/27/07
Status - In Recovery
Jim's Story
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rpg Offline OP
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She filed for divorce 28 December.
Should I still tell her I love her and that I don't want a divorce? I do.


Me: BH
Her: WW
D-day: 14 Nov 10 (EA+PA)
Married for 12 years, 4 kids.
Joined: Oct 2009
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Originally Posted by rpg
She filed for divorce 28 December.
Should I still tell her I love her and that I don't want a divorce? I do.
Have you confirmed this? Have you been served? Contacted by her attorney? How do you know this?

Tell her that you love her and will not participate in a divorce. Tell her that there is no way you will accept a divorce. Do you have an attorney?

Last edited by maritalbliss; 12/30/10 08:22 PM.

D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!

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rpg Offline OP
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Yes, I have an attorney.
I have not been served. My attorney had me sign the service acknowledgment.
I don't think I can deny her a divorce once filed, can I?
Once filed, if I don't respond, it becomes default and she gets everything.
I can drag it out...

Last edited by rpg; 12/30/10 08:23 PM.

Me: BH
Her: WW
D-day: 14 Nov 10 (EA+PA)
Married for 12 years, 4 kids.
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What are you in? Plan A, Plan B, Plan D, or Plan FU?

IDK what you are looking for here.

Has exposure been done?

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Originally Posted by rpg
Yes, I have an attorney.
I have not been served. My attorney had me sign the service acknowledgment.
I don't think I can deny her a divorce once filed, can I?
Once filed, if I don't respond, it becomes default and she gets everything.
I can drag it out...
What state are you in? What does your attorney say?


D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!

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rpg Offline OP
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Originally Posted by clark_kent
What are you in? Plan A, Plan B, Plan D, or Plan FU?

IDK what you are looking for here.

Has exposure been done?

I'm in Plan A. With me in Germany and her in Idaho. Took leave for Christmas, but she wouldn't talk to me.

Exposure was done, she says she's not seeing anyone.

I'm looking for something I can tell her to make her stop the divorce. Something I can do to stop the divorce. Find out the point at which I'm supposed to give up on the marriage so I know when I reach it or if I can prevent from getting there.


Me: BH
Her: WW
D-day: 14 Nov 10 (EA+PA)
Married for 12 years, 4 kids.
Joined: Dec 2010
Posts: 48
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rpg Offline OP
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Originally Posted by maritalbliss
What state are you in? What does your attorney say?

She filed in Idaho. I don't have a state since I'm stationed overseas.

Attorney is looking at the filed case and trying to figure out property division/visitation and debt stuff.


Me: BH
Her: WW
D-day: 14 Nov 10 (EA+PA)
Married for 12 years, 4 kids.
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357
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Originally Posted by rpg
She filed in Idaho. I don't have a state since I'm stationed overseas.

Attorney is looking at the filed case and trying to figure out property division/visitation and debt stuff.
Have you informed your attorney that you wish to contest this divorce?


D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!

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