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Fred! You Rock!
Merry Christmas!
See - you still got it!
Me - 46
Wife - 43
2 x DD
Married 18 yrs - known each other for 22 yrs
Woke up 12/2009 and realized I was an idiot for neglecting my WIFE!
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OK, is anyone interested in reading a recap? Keep reading if the answer is "yes." We had a great time. We both dressed appropriately: me in slacks, sports coat and sweater, she in a sweater, mid-length skirt and boots. The brunch was held at an upscale country club. The morning was bright, clear and chilly. Our table of 15 was next to a floor-to-ceiling window that looked onto the golf course. The buffet was sumptuous and delicious! My date knew several of the people, which I think helped put her more at ease, and we had a group photo taken when we were done. I enjoyed her company and she said she had a great time. She gave me a hug as I dropped her off. We discovered some shared interests (she loves to cook, runs, is tech savvy, and likes to travel) and we now have an open-ended next date! I suggested we do a "date night" at the cooking class school I've been to. She agreed, and we'll find one evening when the menu looks like something challenging and interesting to us both. I had given her a gift of a mug packed with a deluxe hot cocoa mix when I arrived. She opened it when we returned and seemed to truly appreciate it. She is planning a trip to New York City Sunday, just to shop and take in a show or two. This fits in with my observation that she has a life filled with interests and activities and isn't desperate for a relationship. This is a good thing, I think, since it means that I need not pursue a relationship, but can simply get to know her better on both of our terms. And time frames. Bottom line: I had a good time. I was on my best behavior, but I didn't feel like I had to put on pretense. I enjoyed speaking with her (and nearly missed two turns on the drive home because we were chatting) and I think she enjoyed it, too. So, we'll go out together again. When, is still to be determined. But that's good, because it lessens the pressure on both of us. It was fun and satisfying.  Awesome! I love it!
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Fred, it's Christmas eve but I had to take a minute and say how happy I am for you and your first date. No doubt she felt very lucky to be out with such a gentleman. So glad you got past the first step of actually asking! It was worth all the nerves, lol.
You must be so happy. And she sounds like a real nice woman.
Have a great Christmas Fred!
Opt
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In my mind the big thing on the first date is to simply be yourself. There is no point in fooling somebody into getting a 2nd date. The person will soon discover one's true nature and the end will be near. It is just a waste of time for everybody involved.
Being a phony on the first date is like posting innaccurate photos on an online dating site. The first thing the other person notices is that one is older, not as handsome, more wrinkles, more grey hair, etc. That impression is impossible to overcome. At least I have a hard time seeing past this initial deception
I guess if one's personality is such that one does not want to be real on the first date it is time for some therapy and selfl-improvement classes.
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I'm envious of you Fred. I'm not at the point where I should or even want to date but I am looking forward to the time I will be ready. Word of caution....don't be surprised if X starts to attempt to communicate if she finds out you're seing some one.
Don't pray for God to guide your footsteps unless you are willing to move your feet
Me BH 55, WW 40, M 12 yrs, 3 Boys 19, 10 & 8.
Separated Sept 08
DDay Dec 08
Plan A Mar 09
Plan B 16 Nov 09
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don't be surprised if X starts to attempt to communicate if she finds out you're seeing some one. I've heard this is a very real possibility, so I'm alert for it. WxW has been 100% dark since before the divorce. And that's the way I like it. And if she tries, I just have to remember my DD's words: "Dad, if you ever THINK of getting back together with [The Leopard], then you haven't even SEEN angry, yet!" Between my DD and WxW, I'll take my daughter any day of the week and twice on Sunday! On the plus side, it would be a good opportunity to remind her that she still legally owes me almost $5,000, and that I would like my money, please...
Last edited by Fred_in_VA; 12/28/10 06:28 PM. Reason: Added final comment...
Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words.
St. Francis of Assissi
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On the plus side, it would be a good opportunity to remind her that she still legally owes me almost $5,000, and that I would like my money, please... LOL, thanks for that Fred! I was due for a laugh. Hope all's well. Did you make a second date yet? Opt
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Hope all's well. Did you make a second date yet? We have agreed to have a second date. We haven't set the actual time, yet. I looked over the web site of the cooking school and all the "date night" classes in January are already filled. However, a new opportunity has appeared: A friend of mine celebrates his sobriety anniversary every year by hosting a potluck supper + gathering at his home. My invitation arrived in the mail today. This is truly a wonderful time had by all, so I was thinking of inviting her. I have left a message with my friend asking if it's OK to bring a guest. I'm sure he'll say it's no problem, but I want to clear it with him first. I confess I'm anxious for his reply, as I want to ask her at the earliest possible time. The gathering isn't until January 15, but I'd like to get it on her calendar before she decides on something else to do that night.
Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words.
St. Francis of Assissi
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January 15th!!? What about this weekend? lol. Take her to a museum. She'll love it! Opt
Me: 43 y.o. BFWH, D-day 11/11/09 (NC since 9/01) Divorce from WW final 9/16/10. Current Status: MB-based Marriage to Nature Girl 12/8/12 (first date on 12/11/10) Mine: S(16), D(11) NatureGirls: S(23), D(21) Another EA Story
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January 15th!!? What about this weekend? lol. Take her to a museum. She'll love it! Opt Do this! After all, why wait unless it's exceeding your comfort level? Travis
Age - 35
Divorce Final - 3/5/12
S - 13
S - 10
D - 8
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Thanks for your vote of confidence, opt. But I've been worried about being too "pushy." She seems to have a very active life. Or maybe she's just put it out there to indicate that she's not a "pushover?" I have thought the best approach was to have a plan -- an event or occasion -- in mind, rather than just something vague... But now that you've brought it up, there IS an art exhibit I'd like to see that ends on Sunday. I guess it's time to pick up the phone this evening and ask. Thanks!
Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words.
St. Francis of Assissi
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But now that you've brought it up, there IS an art exhibit I'd like to see that ends on Sunday. I guess it's time to pick up the phone this evening and ask. I haven't posted to you for awhile, Fred, but I've been following you - sounds like things are going great! And as far as the exhibit? Go for it! Pick up that phone! Museum, and then out for a yummy dinner somewhere...nice!
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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And as far as the exhibit? Go for it! Pick up that phone! Museum, and then out for a yummy dinner somewhere...nice! LOL! I did as you ordered... er, suggested, and called her. Just got her VM, so I left a message. And my phone number. I guess the shoe is on her foot now, and I just have to hold my water waiting for a reply...
Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words.
St. Francis of Assissi
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LOL! I did as you ordered... er, suggested No, it's okay to say 'ordered'.  Hang in there and you'll get your call! And then, a little 'cultcha' and a little oh, maybe pasta... What great fun!
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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And as far as the exhibit? Go for it! Pick up that phone! Museum, and then out for a yummy dinner somewhere...nice! LOL! I did as you ordered... er, suggested, and called her. Just got her VM, so I left a message. And my phone number. I guess the shoe is on her foot now, and I just have to hold my water waiting for a reply... Well, I'm noooooooo expert Fred, but I think you did the right thing. I think she'll appreciate you being up front with her. IOW, you wanted to see her again, so you asked her out again. End of story. It's a good, honest approach. I have a feeling you'll hear back from her in 24 hours or less. And, if not, or if you don't get a positive response you probably feel like I've heard a couple other guys (and myself) say: after what we've been through, a little rejection from someone we hardly know aint nothin'. Opt
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I have a feeling you'll hear back from her in 24 hours or less. And, if not, or if you don't get a positive response you probably feel like I've heard a couple other guys (and myself) say: after what we've been through, a little rejection from someone we hardly know aint nothin'. Amen on that, bro! She called back, but unfortunately I was out when she did. She did leave a message, however. The bad: She's actually got the day off tomorrow, and is going to the exhibit to which I invited her. She did not offer to postpone her trip, but I have no reason to expect her to. At least it shows my idea was a good one! The good: She left the door open to doing "something else" sometime. AND suggested we keep our eyes on the cooking class for open seats to one we're both interested. She also acknowledged that I left my phone numbers & email "so now we both have each others'." She said she would email me so that I would have her email address, too. Based on this, she's willing to go out with me again. She's not falling over at the prospect, which has the effect of keeping me on my toes, wondering if she's just humoring me, or if she's just being cautious and taking things slow. For my part, I don't want to appear anxious, aggressive, needy or desperate. Finding the proper balance is my challenge. I've never been very good at balance...
Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words.
St. Francis of Assissi
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Based on this, she's willing to go out with me again. She's not falling over at the prospect, which has the effect of keeping me on my toes, wondering if she's just humoring me, or if she's just being cautious and taking things slow. No, she's probably dated more than you and knows how it goes, so she isn't getting as worked up as you are. That's okay, you're new to this, you like her, and you're excited. That's all good. For my part, I don't want to appear anxious, aggressive, needy or desperate. Finding the proper balance is my challenge. I've never been very good at balance... I still say just being honest is the all balance you need. She knows you're new to dating right? She'll understand if you're a little anxious, I bet. She'll probably be flattered. That first woman I went out with-- I just kept saying "I have no idea what I'm doing." (lol) I made my inexperience work to my advantage and was basically honest. She thought it was cute and it relaxed us both. No harm in admitting if you're not sure how something works, right? You're doing great! I'm glad she called back. Opt
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Wow, I've missed so much in my week off line (I've been busy shoveling snow...). Fred, congratulations! I don't think an "every other week" thing is pushy or overwhelming, and still keeps her actively thinking of you.
I hope she gets back to you and you have a great time together again!
Enacting life's lessons into positive change... .
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I would say "enthusiastic" (not pushy) is the way to go. Happy New Year FRED ! 
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For my part, I don't want to appear anxious, aggressive, needy or desperate. Finding the proper balance is my challenge. I've never been very good at balance... that is the key, which is takes time and experience to master. so that is why getting out and meeting people, randomly or otherwise, is what the doctor orders. even if nothing perpetual comes from it. . wiftty
Learning from your own mistakes creates experience, learning from books creates knowledge, combining the two together creates wisdom => You start with a full bag of luck, and an empty bag of experience. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck.
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