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Photobucket Ragdolls kitten pictures I hope this works, as I said they look like tiny rats at the moment or mice, that sounds better, so I added a couple of pictures of when they are older too so you can see what they will be like. Hope you like them. (Hope the link works) 
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I didn't have to give another letter, he "popped in" to see how we were, we was me as the boys were on a sleep-over so I told him I didn't want to speak to him about our marriage, or him to phone me whilst he was in a relationship with Skanky and until he moved out of Skankys house.
He suggested could I not "just forget where I am living as it's not how you think" erm...NO!!
He then suggested "can I just phone you then, what enjoyment do think I am possibly getting out of standing in a freezing cold phone box"!! - No!
I suggested the parts of the first Plan B letter he should read.
He then went to discuss our relationship before he left, joint counseling, if he could really just move back in here from there and how complicated everything was and how did ever get himself in this situation and how depressed he was and his life in such a mess ....then bringing up things that had happened, so we ended up arguing and him pointing out my bad points which I would need counseling and how I didn't know the "real him" and it wasn't an affair, just somewhere to be as things were so bad here, I pointed out that in the first few weeks he "loved her" and had delighted in telling me so(he cannot remember) ......he then went on about my meds which made me ill and "you should really stop them", I stopped them 2 months ago?! and told him that then, oh he "couldn't remember" which led to me literally throwing him out.
Perhaps the letter would have been easier/better but I think he gets the message now.
My cat had kittens this morning so this is lovely surprise and distraction from EEJIT. My suggestion would be to go into Plan B. Send him the letter I wrote and change your locks. Plan B could be very effective for you if you would actually USE IT. Unforunately, he just got yet ANOTHER fix yesterday and knows you are not serious about Plan B. The fact that he was allowed in your house yesterday says it all: you are not serious about Plan B. If you do Plan B it means *YOU* end contact with your H. It is not up to him, but up to YOU. YOU ensure no contact. Tilly, I don't mind helping someone, but I become really irritated when a poster receives excellent help from our top posters and takes none of the advice. We should not have to be coming on here giving the same advice over and over again. That sucks attention from other posters who really need help. Please stop messing around and take the advice.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I didn't have to give another letter, he "popped in" to see how we were, we was me as the boys were on a sleep-over so I told him I didn't want to speak to him about our marriage, or him to phone me whilst he was in a relationship with Skanky and until he moved out of Skankys house.
He suggested could I not "just forget where I am living as it's not how you think" erm...NO!!
He then suggested "can I just phone you then, what enjoyment do think I am possibly getting out of standing in a freezing cold phone box"!! - No!
I suggested the parts of the first Plan B letter he should read.
He then went to discuss our relationship before he left, joint counseling, if he could really just move back in here from there and how complicated everything was and how did ever get himself in this situation and how depressed he was and his life in such a mess ....then bringing up things that had happened, so we ended up arguing and him pointing out my bad points which I would need counseling and how I didn't know the "real him" and it wasn't an affair, just somewhere to be as things were so bad here, I pointed out that in the first few weeks he "loved her" and had delighted in telling me so(he cannot remember) ......he then went on about my meds which made me ill and "you should really stop them", I stopped them 2 months ago?! and told him that then, oh he "couldn't remember" which led to me literally throwing him out.
Perhaps the letter would have been easier/better but I think he gets the message now.
My cat had kittens this morning so this is lovely surprise and distraction from EEJIT. My suggestion would be to go into Plan B. Send him the letter I wrote and change your locks. Plan B could be very effective for you if you would actually USE IT. Unforunately, he just got yet ANOTHER fix yesterday and knows you are not serious about Plan B. Tilly, I don't mind helping someone, but I become really irritated when a poster receives excellent help from our top posters and takes none of the advice. We should not have to be coming on here giving the same advice over and over again. That sucks attention from other posters who really need help. Please stop messing around and take the advice. With all respect how should I have dealt with him coming here when I cannot change the locks as the house is in both names until he agrees to sign a form? I said the contents of the letter to him. Will I now send the letter to him ? I do appreciate ALL help but until he starts listening to my Lawyers letters I cannot change the locks. Or perhaps I just should ? ANY ADVICE would be more than appreciated as far as I am concerned after yesterday I do not think he will come here again but should I STILL send the letter? Many thanks and I DO listen/read.
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Okay I don't need an answer to that. The letter is in an envelope ready to post when the holidays are over, well, tomorrow. It will be huge LB as skanky did not know he was in contact but I guess that really is his fault for sneaking around.
I am sorry. It's hard.
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Tilly36, I am far from a expert and going through implementing a Plan B as well, but reading back through your post I believe you have more power than you can see at the moment. Please stand up for yourself and go to Plan B hard.
You have the upper hand here for sure.
1) He is in contact with you.
2) He just popped in (hmm)
3) He wanted to discuss the relationship
4) He wants to know if he can just call you.
Just kill all communication. It will be in your best interest.
H : 36
WW : 35
Kids 3.5 / 6.5
Together 16 years
Married 6 years
D Day 2nd August 2010
Plan B 25th December 2010
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With all respect how should I have dealt with him coming here when I cannot change the locks as the house is in both names until he agrees to sign a form? It is not illegal in any country in this world to change your locks. Any homeowner can change her own locks. Call the locksmith today and change your locks. I promise that you won't be arrested. As I told you earlier, send him the Plan B letter. Saying it in person obviously defeats the purpose because that is CONTACT. If you are serious about ending contact, then end contact.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Tilly36, I am far from a expert and going through implementing a Plan B as well, but reading back through your post I believe you have more power than you can see at the moment. Please stand up for yourself and go to Plan B hard.
You have the upper hand here for sure.
1) He is in contact with you.
2) He just popped in (hmm)
3) He wanted to discuss the relationship
4) He wants to know if he can just call you.
Just kill all communication. It will be in your best interest. Thank you, after I post this final letter it will be my last communication with him, I will push my Lawyer to have him sign the Tenancy over solely to me (I have been asking him to do so since he left) and he will never hear from me. After talking with my friend, I think I may just change the locks anyway and if I get any complaints I can say I had lost my keys, so had to have the locks changed. My father has new locks ready to be fitted.
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, I think I may just change the locks anyway and if I get any complaints I can say I had lost my keys, so had to have the locks changed. If you get a complaint, force your H to take you to court. Your attorney can then explain to the judge that his affair is so painful and abusive that you needed to end all contact. Likely his attorney will not that to be brought up before a judge and will drop it. Rarely does a WS press this issue because they don't want you to explain WHY the locks are changed before a judge.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Tilly, I agree with the others change the locks if you can. Access to the house means access to you! I have actually put a lock on the inside door, but I leave that locked all the time and use the back door and H does not have a key.
It is hard to do, but definetly an important part of Plan B.
BW/FWW 34 (Harmony)
BH/WH 36
Feb 2009 - Affair starts, physical for 9 days on business trip.
Mar 2009 - Separate from H, live alone
Apr 2009 - realise I have made big mistake and attempt reconciliation with H, establish NC with OM.
Jun 2009 - H physical and emotional serial A start right upto present day.
Jul 2009 - NC with OM broken and becomes EA
Mar 2010 - H reads email and discovers A
Jul 2010 - Discover MB
Aug 2010 - Plan A starts
Oct 2010 - Plan B starts
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I'm not sure about the bit of signing the tenancy to you. I know I am nowhere near emotionally strong enough to make such bit decisions. I know in my case im trying not to bring up anything to do with the property because i would love to reconcile with my WW in the future. Maybe that is just me. Surely just changing the locks at the moment is sufficient to send him a clear message.
I wouldn't want to send a message that the marriage can't recover.
Just my thoughts. Anybody?
H : 36
WW : 35
Kids 3.5 / 6.5
Together 16 years
Married 6 years
D Day 2nd August 2010
Plan B 25th December 2010
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I am sorry I do not know how to quote you all as yet but thank you. My father is coming up later to change the locks and much as I want to reconcile with EEJIT I cannot do Plan B whilst he can come and go as he pleases, he knows this.
So the locks will be changed this evening, he will not receive the letter until Thursday due to the holidays but that it.
Dark Plan B without husband turning up.
With regard to the Tenancy I do not wish him to remove his name but if he wants to be with someone else and is living at a different address, it limits what I can do, i.e. house exchange, I cannot do this without his permission?
The way I see it is we can always put his name back on should he feel he wants to return to work on our marriage..
Last edited by Tilly36; 01/03/11 10:39 AM.
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good girl, Tilly! Stay focused on your plan and make up a list of ways he might get through. Make a plan to keep him out at every turn. For example:
1. calls the house phone and I answer. Solution: get a caller ID so I can see his #.
2. leaves messages on the answering machine. Solution: delete his messages
3. calls to speak to son and asks son to hand phone to you. Solution: tell son you will not speak to father unless it is an emergency. If son brings you phone and says "it is an emergency" ask "what is the emergency?"
You get the idea. Start working on creative solutions to any potential attempts to get through.
Every time he breaks through it gives him a FIX that prolongs the affair. If you are not there to give him a fix and prop up the affair, the FASTER the affair will crumble!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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good girl, Tilly! Stay focused on your plan and make up a list of ways he might get through. Make a plan to keep him out at every turn. For example:
1. calls the house phone and I answer. Solution: get a caller ID so I can see his #.
2. leaves messages on the answering machine. Solution: delete his messages
3. calls to speak to son and asks son to hand phone to you. Solution: tell son you will not speak to father unless it is an emergency. If son brings you phone and says "it is an emergency" ask "what is the emergency?"
You get the idea. Start working on creative solutions to any potential attempts to get through.
Every time he breaks through it gives him a FIX that prolongs the affair. If you are not there to give him a fix and prop up the affair, the FASTER the affair will crumble! Yes, I get it now, he wanted us still to be able to "talk" to "know how I am". Too late. I had already decided to have DS10 answer the phone and he is sensible enough for me to explain I don't want to talk with Dad. He is actually at the stage where he cannot be bothered "talking with Dad"! No that is it this time, he has no respect for me by contacting me so often, I am not playing his games anymore this is a marriage not a game. Firm Plan B also feels safer for me, the head-ache I had after he was here was tremendous, I even had to take a valium after he left as was having the small panic attacks again and after not crying for 2 weeks I cried, it is not good for him or me for him to be here at the moment.
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I don't understand WH. I just has Child Support Agency on the telephone now since he left he has paid nothing towards the children or any other type of bill leaving me in horrible mess. CSA just called and said he had appealed every step of the way hence me not receiving any money. He also told them he had gave me �250. What a load of B*ll*cks. Okay so he is off sick and it would mean a very minimum payment but what is he thinking. It makes me wonder what type of man would do this an if it is worth even thinking about saving our marriage. i have had all the locks changed and he should get his final plan b letter tomorrow but I don't even know whether to send it after that telephone call.  Oh and now a letter has arrived from our local car insurance office and he has gave them this address, up until now he been giving OW address, this is postmarked December.. I will return it to sender.
Last edited by Tilly36; 01/05/11 07:17 AM.
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Aw! you have ragdolls???
THey are so K-U-TE
Me; W 46
Him; H 46
2 girls
DD19
DD16
Dated/Married total 28 years.
..I am learning and working on myself.
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Thank you. Yes they are very sweet. Mum is unwell so another trip to the Vet. Another thing is how my family would handle if EEJIT did come back, they heard he was here and cue a call from my brother "what has he been doing now?", "you are not taking him back?" "I am going XYZ when I see him". So I would have no-one expect a man who has done this and continues to do so and gives his children no money, and blames me for everything. I have now opened the these documents as the name was hidden and just the address so will have to give them to his parents but it angers me, he had �35.00 on 23rd December for car insurance and the boys got nothing.
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i have had all the locks changed and he should get his final plan b letter tomorrow but I don't even know whether to send it after that telephone call. . Yes, send the letter! Stick to the plan, Tilly! Don't let anything detract you from the plan. Who is your intermediary? Do you have that arranged? And will the IM screen out his bullcrap and only pass on pertinent info about finances and child visitation?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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It's his parents.
Childcare is to be through a Contact Centre as OW does not want him to see his boys through me or my family.
He has yet to confirm to my Lawyer regarding Contact Centre.
I just feel so lonely, I have just had news my nan cannot walk and will have to go into hospital as she cannot each and is too weak, she is dying, I knew it was coming but, I am just sad,the boys are arguing and I am sitting here in tears.
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I am sorry to hear about your nan. I would strongly suggest you find another intermediary who can be completely neutral. A WS's parents are usually not neutral at all.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Yes, I agree I think I may have found someone, I just need to check they are okay with it.
I have posted the letter.
Back into Plan B, well I have been since Sunday, but confirmed Plan B.
I would love to be a fly on the wall as skanky OW will flip when she intercepts his mail and sees he has been in contact. No doubt he will lie his way out of it.
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