Well I think it's probably official, she's divorcing me:

She removed my ability to log into her pc so what evidence I have now is it. She also apparently posted something about a divorce because she started getting messages about lawyers and people wishing her luck, etc. She also had a short conversation with one of those "friends."




She posted something on facebook about divorcing me, but I don't know what. She deleted it before I could see. However, I did get my dad's responses to the post and it makes me proud to have him as a father.

Dude, you MUST learn how to talk with your W without inserting a DJ in almost every other sentence.

The second thing to remember is, you can't "reason" or "educate" an addict out of their addiction, so stop trying to do that. You'll only end up with the type of conversation you've just had with your W.

Finally, her D talk may be happening because she is very angry with you, not only for removing the source of her addiction, but for having that type of conversation that you just had with her. She is likely feeling VERY resentful now. Time to practice Plan A as much you can, but know from now you're likely not to get a positive response from her for quite a while.

I'm not worried about it. If she wakes up and wants to work with me fine, if not I'm already preparing for a custody battle.

Chris, may I suggest that you stop these lengthy discourses with your wife? You cannot reason with her right now, and she'll only want to talk to you to unleash her venom.

It's good to hear that you've cut her off. Have you enlisted the support of her parents? How are you confirming the well-being of your children right now?

Have you exposed yet? If not then that is your next step, not custody battles do exposure first then worry about all that.

Yes I am planning to expose first thing tomorrow.

I agree. As you have seen, you are only running into the stone-cold blindness of the addict when you try to talk to her. An addict's first and only priority is their drug. And in her case, her drug is other men. WoW is one of the roads there, but it's not just the game she's hooked on - it's the attention from opposite-sex players (I had to live through the exact same thing at my house. It wasn't just the game - it was the female game players that he interacted with on line.)

Just put a stop to any interacting with her - as little as possible and then *only* about vital matters like the kids. You've got enough stress where you are right now without this on top of it.


What can you do to ensure that your access to your children remains open? Was the chaplain of any help on this? And I know you don't want to do it, but your children may well need you to get a Hardship Leave so you can get home and care for them.

Chris,

I agree with the others.

There is a saying here that is so simple but it really resonated with me: ACT don't react. There is a lot of integrity in that. Understandbly you are very frustrated with your W fogginess and bad behavior, but responding to that with lovebusters will get you nowhere. You can state your boundaries and feelings without them.

My H was a BEAR when I made him give up his MMO and he wasn't playing nearly as much as your W. Just expect that for a while now, keep the conversation to a minimum and use the "broken record" technique. Trying to reason with your WW while she is so foggy is just going to frustrate the heck out of you.

Hang in there.

ps ~ your dad is awesome!

She told me last night she wants to work this out and doesn't understand my frustrations and furiously denies having any IB with other men. Letting the cat out of the bag and exposing her is the only way I'm going to get an answer.

There's really not anything I can do to guarantee communication stays open with my kids. If she wants to be an [censored] there's nothing anyone can do to stop her. I can try to get people to help, etc and they may, but it's ultimately up to my wife to say yes or no to any kind of visits, babysitting, etc.

And no the Chaplain wasn't any help. I really don't know if I could get a hardship leave, it's just not looking like an option right now without me coming up with a REALLY good story.

She is attempting to appease you so she can get back to gaming business as usual. She senses that you are in the driver's seat on this and she doesn't like it.

Keep going. You're doing great.

Oh, dear. Chris, pls take that link off because it has personally identifying information attached. I am trying to read it but wanted to tell you that first.

Can you copy and paste that exposure post here for people to comment on? My first thought is that it would be better to email it to selected people.

I didn't get to read the whole thing but did see the angry comments flying around at the bottom. Please understand that she is going to be enraged at the exposure. Don't engage her right now and don't try to reason with her.

Enraged is an understatement...


She skyped me for all of 30 seconds, crying and bawling, cussing me out etc saying I've gone too far, now the whole world thinks she's a wh0re. That the kids will be fine without me, she is moving on, etc.

and on her facebook page:

It's what they do, Chris. Remember what we said? Picture Linda Blair's in The Exorcist, where her head is spinning around on her neck.

Stay calm. Let exposure work.

Your mantra: "I love you and our marriage and will do whatever it takes to save it."

It's OK, Chris. This is very normal. When my sister exposed, her H raged for about 3 days. It was pretty bad, he even did damage to some things in their home...but she didn't engage him. She kept saying she did what she had to help him stop and she had hope for the M if he ended the A. Calmly. Broken record.

I agree with what the others have said here, Chris. Just try to stay cool. It's what they all do - no different than if you suddenly stole the crack pipe from a crack addict.

And isn't is strange how WS insist to the bitter end that they are doing NOTHING wrong, yet go insane if anyone else is told about it? I mean, if she's doing nothing wrong and you're just crazy, then what's the problem with other people knowing about her gaming and texting and chatting activities with men? Won't they believe her and not you? What is she worried about?

I really hope you guys are right. I do not want this to end. But at this time it's not looking good =(

All family is telling us to work it out but she is raging everywhere.

In the face of her raging, be the rock.

Have you read up on Love Busters? Are there any that you have been guilty of committing that you can correct in yourself(hint, DJ's)? Clean up your side of the fence.

Let her rage. She'll eventually blow herself out. Then she'll start doing what waywards do best - think about the best options for her (since it IS all about her, don'tcha know ). She'll come to the realization that her best bet is to try to pull it together with you. After she's done spouting about how you're marriage is through, she'll wind down and then start trying to negotiate with you to keep her gaming/OM thing going. She'll swear that she'll only go online one hour a day, blah blah blah.

But none of that will matter, because you are going to have a list of requirements in hand. Those requirements will explain to her what you require in order to restore your M. Have you thought about what these will be?