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It's there, always has been. She even offered it to me and I told her the same thing I told you. She'll just log into Ventrilo to say her dirty. You're missing the point, Chris. This is action. Actions speak louder than words. It confirms your intent with her. It takes away the fantasy aspect of the game and the OM relationships within the game. It removes the main topic of conversation with online OMs. That's HUGE. The game is their launch-point for conversation. It's the only thing they have in common! These are powerful things. Please don't minimize the power of cutting off her online gaming! I agree they are. WoW is getting kicked out even if I can't login to my network.
Me: 28
STBX: 28
Married: 8 Yrs
Kids: 7, 6, 4 & 16 & 18 (Foster)
Exposed: Apr09, 4Jan11, 10May11, 20Jun13
I'm out!
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Yes she is reconnected. I'm currently on the phone with Blizzard to get the authenticator taken off the account so I can log in and cancel the subscription, change the email, and change the password. I'll probably end up changing the secret question to something completely off the wall too so she can't figure it out and call in and change everything back. What will stop her from opening a new account in her name? Seems to me that it might be time to cancel the Internet service. Who's paying for it anyway?
ManInMotion
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(see "MiM's Story" for more details)
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Wonder if you can press charges against him for tampering with your computer without your permission. Just a thought. Probably not if it's jointly-owned. Hey, how about asking one of your family to swing by and re-enable the remote-access settings? Once that's done, reconnect, then remove her admin privs so she can't mess with the computer's config again. This is assuming of course that she has not removed your admin privs already.
ManInMotion
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(see "MiM's Story" for more details)
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Yeah but the router can always be hard reset to factory defaults, and there are any number of ways to crack the admin password on a windows box.
Who is this guy Jon?
Me - 44
DW - 39
Married 16 years
DS10
DS6
DD4
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Yet you have to take the first step to start trusting again. No, no and no. Again - they ALL say this. To restore trust, she will have to take steps to earn your trust once again. She had it once, and look what she did with it. The ball will remain in her court as far as "trust" is concerned. And believe me - anytime a wayward says, "You should trust me!" what they really mean is, "You should believe anything I tell you and not ask any questions!"
Me, BW
WH cheated in corporate workplace for many years. He moved out and filed in summer 2008.
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. . . the thing he constantly threw up in my face - especially if he was drunk, was how I was "trying to control him." This is part of the WS script and, more importantly, part of an addicts script. Your wife is addicted to WoW and her raging about how you are trying to control her is because you are threatening her "fix". Exactly, exactly. "You're Trying To Control Me" ALWAYS means, "You're interfering with my drug." I heard the same exact words.
Me, BW
WH cheated in corporate workplace for many years. He moved out and filed in summer 2008.
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As of this time all of my connections to home networks etc are terminated, she has changed all passwords, etc and I'm not going to go hacking [censored] to provoke her.
All I'm doing now is playing the waiting game. To see when she decides what she wants to do. Once I know I can go from there.
Me: 28
STBX: 28
Married: 8 Yrs
Kids: 7, 6, 4 & 16 & 18 (Foster)
Exposed: Apr09, 4Jan11, 10May11, 20Jun13
I'm out!
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As of this time all of my connections to home networks etc are terminated, she has changed all passwords, etc and I'm not going to go hacking [censored] to provoke her.
All I'm doing now is playing the waiting game. To see when she decides what she wants to do. Once I know I can go from there. Who holds the purse-strings here? Cancel the bludy Internet service. No service = no game play. You're in a battle against an addiction now - do you think waiting until the enemy marshals its forces and entrenches itself is a good strategy?
ManInMotion
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(see "MiM's Story" for more details)
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I agree cancel everything internet, wow, cell phone, etc...just keep your home land line. Everything else CUT IT OFF!! And change the passwords so she can't get into them and turn them back on.
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Well if you don't believe I trust you then it's a battle I can't win. No matter I say or do until you believe me there is no point. Admit that you don't trust her. Dr. H says we should NOT trust our spouse. Blindly trusting is foolishness. If she were trustworthy, she would welcome you checking up on her. Don't let her manipulate you w/ this "you don't trust me" crap. Admit that you don't. You shouldn't.
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Don't let her manipulate you w/ this "you don't trust me" crap. Admit that you don't.
You shouldn't. Of course you don't trust her. You wouldn't trust anyone who lied to you and sneaked around behind your back, so you don't trust her. However - I think your problems are much bigger than just trying to cut off her game access. Since you cannot be there, she will just make an end-run around anything you try to do - get a new PC, get her own Internet account, whatever it takes. Forget that Tom and Jerry game. Your children are what matters now. What can you do to intervene in their care, so that even if Mom wants to essentially smoke crack all day they will be safe and cared for instead of being ignored and setting fires in the house? Your chaplain couldn't help with this? What about your CO?
Me, BW
WH cheated in corporate workplace for many years. He moved out and filed in summer 2008.
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Yes she is reconnected. I'm currently on the phone with Blizzard to get the authenticator taken off the account so I can log in and cancel the subscription, change the email, and change the password. I'll probably end up changing the secret question to something completely off the wall too so she can't figure it out and call in and change everything back. What will stop her from opening a new account in her name? Seems to me that it might be time to cancel the Internet service. Who's paying for it anyway? Probably best to do both cancel the internet and cancel the WoW account - if he can have the account smashed, it will take buying the original game, plus all 3 expansions over again, and paying for game time. If the finances are squelched, that will be no easy task. Internet has to go due to her FB/IM activity. You really should tell the family what you are doing and why - it may lead to some crazy erratic behavior you won't be there to help contain. If things go well, she would have to get a job to continue the behavior - and then that would cut down her playtime, and have the kids in the safer hands of a babysitter/daycare for a portion of the day.
"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr
"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer
"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
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Agree on canceling the net. I would also called Jon and tell him to stay far away from your wife and home
Husband (me) 39
Wife 36
Daughter 21
Daughter 19
Son 14
Daughter 10
Son 8 (autistic)
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Agree on canceling the net. I would also called Jon and tell him to stay far away from your wife and home Canceling the net kills my ability to talk to my kids, not something I'm willing to do. I already talked to Jon, and he, just like everyone else, is already brainwashed into thinking I'm an untrustworthy control freak. Even with exposing her her friends and family are still on her side, and my friends and family are on my side.
Me: 28
STBX: 28
Married: 8 Yrs
Kids: 7, 6, 4 & 16 & 18 (Foster)
Exposed: Apr09, 4Jan11, 10May11, 20Jun13
I'm out!
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Oh wow, I just found a message, which apparently came after Jon screwed up my network which reads:
"Hahahaha It's great having friends smarter than you."
With me 8000 miles away I don't think "being smart" has anything to do with it. SHE let him into the network with remote desktop software, it didn't take any brainpower to figure out. I know exactly how he got into my router, he hard-reset it.
But I now own her WoW account. ;-)
Me: 28
STBX: 28
Married: 8 Yrs
Kids: 7, 6, 4 & 16 & 18 (Foster)
Exposed: Apr09, 4Jan11, 10May11, 20Jun13
I'm out!
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U can still contact ur kids through other means like....phone!:p I would cut it, did u cancel her wow account yet?
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Yes I own the wow account. I don't want to use a phone when I can SEE them on skype.
Me: 28
STBX: 28
Married: 8 Yrs
Kids: 7, 6, 4 & 16 & 18 (Foster)
Exposed: Apr09, 4Jan11, 10May11, 20Jun13
I'm out!
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I already talked to Jon, and he, just like everyone else, is already brainwashed into thinking I'm an untrustworthy control freak. Of course he's siding with her. He just wants to bang her while you're away, and GTFO when you get back. He doesn't want a wife, he wants an easy lay. Or... he hasn't thought anything of it and now he will either; a) recognize and exploit a perceived opportunity, or b) run. Run far, far away.
"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr
"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer
"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
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I appreciate everyone's advice and opinions. I need to get off here for a bit and wait and see what happens. The more I think about this crap the less I am coming to terms with it.
Thanks.
Me: 28
STBX: 28
Married: 8 Yrs
Kids: 7, 6, 4 & 16 & 18 (Foster)
Exposed: Apr09, 4Jan11, 10May11, 20Jun13
I'm out!
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Of course he's siding with her. The fact that he's gone as far as reconfiguring your PCs and the router suggests to me that a bit more is involved than just siding with the WW. I think he sees the possibility of an easy lay. Good job getting control of the WoW account, BTW.
ManInMotion
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(see "MiM's Story" for more details)
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