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Marriage Builders Forums Infidelity Surviving an Affair 13 months after reveal, any advice?

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Re: 13 months after reveal, any advice? TB80 #2471088 02/01/11 11:37 PM
Joined: Oct 2009 Posts: 12,357 M maritalbliss Member
maritalbliss Member M Joined: Oct 2009 Posts: 12,357	Originally Posted by TB80 I have started a thread under surviving an affair. It has the gist of it... Perfect. DJB, please do not post on your wife's thread, and vice-versa. I would also suggest that the two of you stay off each others' threads for now, okay? D-Day 2-10-2009 Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever! Thank you Marriage Builders!

Re: 13 months after reveal, any advice? Delta_ #2471089 02/01/11 11:39 PM
Joined: Oct 2007 Posts: 7,449 S SusieQ Member
SusieQ Member S Joined: Oct 2007 Posts: 7,449	Originally Posted by Delta_ Originally Posted by SusieQ What Extraordinary Precautions did you take? Be specific. And are they written? Thank you Delta for reposting this. DJB, is there a reason you didn't answer this? I will tell you if you were to do phone coaching with Steve Harley, he does not move on to the meeting ENs part of recovery until the WS has completed some steps to help the BS feel more safe, one being the above. If you want I can post the youtube video clip where he talks about this (what steps the WS needs to take)... Ddays 2007 and 2011 Plan B 6/21/11 Divorced July 2012 2 kids How to Plan B Correctly Parallel Parenting in Plan B

Re: 13 months after reveal, any advice? SusieQ #2471131 02/02/11 07:51 AM
Joined: Apr 2010 Posts: 656 D Delta_ Member
Delta_ Member D Joined: Apr 2010 Posts: 656	Originally Posted by SusieQ If you want I can post the youtube video clip where he talks about this (what steps the WS needs to take)... Please do. I don't think I've seen it. FBW in recovery

Re: 13 months after reveal, any advice? Delta_ #2471216 02/02/11 11:37 AM
Joined: Oct 2007 Posts: 7,449 S SusieQ Member
SusieQ Member S Joined: Oct 2007 Posts: 7,449	Hi Delta, this the end of the "Infidelity" video on the home page here and it is also on YouTube. This was taken from my post on the Lurker thread. Steve Harley (beginning at 4:57): "As you have just heard infidelity is an emotionally traumatic event. A marriage that has experienced infidelity has been severely injured and must be properly treated. Can you treat the injury without the help of a coach or counselor? It is possible but very difficult because the actual treatment must be carried out by the one who had the affair. Unless the wayward spouse really understands the details of how to successfully treat the wound, I strongly advise against doing it on your own. When looking for someone to help your marriage recovery successfully make sure the plan includes at least the following elements..." 1) NC 2) WS assumes FULL responsbility for their OWN actions 3) Reveal Details of the A at soonest appropriate time 4) Detailed Plan to Independently Prevent Reoccurence of another A (EPs) 5) Detailed Plan to Fall in Love & Stay in Love [video:youtube]http://www.youtube.com/user/MarriageBuilders#p/a/u/0/j3K_0Mte5Sc[/video] [/quote] [/quote] Ddays 2007 and 2011 Plan B 6/21/11 Divorced July 2012 2 kids How to Plan B Correctly Parallel Parenting in Plan B

Re: 13 months after reveal, any advice? SusieQ #2471304 02/02/11 02:42 PM
Joined: Apr 2010 Posts: 656 D Delta_ Member
Delta_ Member D Joined: Apr 2010 Posts: 656	Thanks. I actually have seen this video. I was confused when you said Steve Harley. The person in this video is Dr. Willard (Bill) Harley, the one on MB Radio and the author of the MB Books. His son, Steve Harley, is one of the coaches at the MB Counseling Center. I had them mixed up for a quite a while. FBW in recovery

Re: 13 months after reveal, any advice? Delta_ #2471322 02/02/11 03:21 PM
Joined: Oct 2007 Posts: 7,449 S SusieQ Member
SusieQ Member S Joined: Oct 2007 Posts: 7,449	Steve appears in the video towards the end, I put the time code above. He goes through what the WS needs to do to "treat" the injury... Ddays 2007 and 2011 Plan B 6/21/11 Divorced July 2012 2 kids How to Plan B Correctly Parallel Parenting in Plan B

Re: 13 months after reveal, any advice? SusieQ #2471363 02/02/11 04:33 PM
Joined: Apr 2010 Posts: 656 D Delta_ Member
Delta_ Member D Joined: Apr 2010 Posts: 656	Ohhhhhh. Sorry. Guess I was still mixed up. FBW in recovery

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