Count me in as another friend who you have helped by being around and most certainly with your last post, SC. I hope the whole thing doesn't drag out 9 more months and this is just a lawyer's conservative guess. If you remember, for me the mediation approach I think expedited things somewhat and most likely contributed to lopping off 3 months of the wait period anyway. Good heavens you've certainly been through enough.

As for this:
I don't know how this could be more true. In fact for me it is more true now than it was the day the divorce became final. I can't even explain how much life can improve once you put a bad marriage in the rearview mirror, if you do it properly. I know I've tried to do it properly and mostly achieved that goal -- for certain I moved on much more thoroughly than I ever would have without MB and the guidance from good folks here [and that is an extreme understatement.] I believe you are on a similar path SC. I believe you will have zero regrets my friend. May not seem like it now, but I think you'll see what I mean in a year's time (and trust me I wish it was sooner as well, but the date it goes official is monumental in a positive way, and you'll go up from there. You will.)

Sorry if this is a little garbled but it's late. Hopefully you get what I'm saying.

Opt

Opt and Fred,

Thanks for chiming in on my thread, means alot to me,

Today was my birthday, I've had better days, woke up this morning thinking about the mediation and how worthless it was. One of the things that the WW ask of me right after I filed was, what was most important to me , speed or a fair division of our assets. I made the mistake of choosing the "fair" option.

Months and Months eked by as she worked toward her "fair" position then months trying to set up this mediation session

When I walked out of the mediation, I left on the table the WW's last proposal which was 40% of my take home pay for 10 years plus 75% of my 401k ( I have mandatory retirement in 12 years), if she worked a week at her job during a month, she would make more than me. Obviously with minimal effort she will be in a better finical position than me !!!!!! What grieves me most is it will leave me unable to keep my 3 kids that are currently in college there.

How can this woman that professes to still love me and care for my well being, leave me in such a finical ruined position that I will not only be unable to see my kids thru school and be so ham strung by her that I will be unable recover financially by the time I retire.

The answer............ Because she can


On the plus side my lawyer is confident we'll do much better that........

SC, I can't help but have that choking feeling when I read something like this. I'd think that after a while I'd get used to reading about stuff like this, but so far, no go. It still hits like a punch in the gut.

Hang in there, buddy. Listen to your lawyer - it sounds like he may actually have your interests at heart (or whatever it is that passes for a heart in a lawyer).

Some more D update,

When I filed originally,and since we were going to have an "uncontested" D I did not list a complaint. The 1st thing my lawyer did the day after the Mediation failed was to amend my filing to include adultery and inappropriate marital conduct. This puts everything on hold for 30 days so the WW can respond.

The WW and I had a conversation about the discovery portion of going to court and she is under the impression that if she stipulates the A's that it will be unnecessary to depose her lovers........ Not the case, looks like my lawyer will be dragging all of them in. That should be interesting, (and expensive). Sounds like all that will start to happen in the new year.

On the plus side due to the nature of my work I have some time off and am spending most of it with my sons who are both in Colorado for the winter, I've already got 7 days skiing under my belt and doing it about as cheap as it can be done. Sleeping in an RV, got a season pass, best part I know the WW wants to be out here.

Fred and Opt, I've been enjoying your dating updates, haven't touched another woman in 30 years now and I'm learning a lot from you guys.

You're learning from ME???? Wow, SC, you're in real trouble...

Wishing you the merriest of Christmases, under the circumstances. You will come out of this better, stronger, wiser and healthier!

SC

Just wanted to stop by and say Merry Christmas!!

I haven;t been posting but we are still in about the same baot as I have been reading your thead.

DON'T Break a leg skiing!

Nesre

Just to update,

I came home on the 25th from seeing the boys, had a great time skiing, left myself just an extra day or so before leaving on my next work trip.

I am suppose to be on the road for another 3 days but my trip changed unexpectedly and I am back home, I've been doing my best to plan-B her, and had not made any contact with the WW and just came home early..... surprise....... as I expected, the WW is not home, heat down in the house, back door ajar,(so the dogs could get in) and mail in the box so the WW had left probably the morning of the 30th as one of ours daughters was home til the 29th. I left the morning of the 28th. The overnight suitcase the WW uses is gone so I assume she's out playing with others.....

My lawyer wants current A stuff so I'm getting back into full snoop mode. Guess I'll be driving up to the airport to cruise the lots for the WW's car (for pictures and inspection), it's really just more of the same but may help as most of my stuff is going on a year old now, I know that will change once we go to discovery and I finally get my hands on her phone records.

Should be a busy week getting things caught up around here and putting the things in place I need so I can leave again (mice play better without the cat breathing down their neck).

Would much rather be skiing with my kids than facing this crap, so the sooner I get my act together the better.

Looking for input on a GPS tracker, guess I'm open to a cell phone one but was leaning towards web based, but it's got to be user friendly

Happy New Year All, may this one be better than the last.

SC, I bought and had great success with the LandAirSea GPS Tracking Key

http://www.landairsea.com/gps-tracking-systems/gps-tracking-key.html

To make doubly sure weather wouldn't gum things up, I wrapped it in a sandwich baggie before placing it inside the car's bumper. I only needed 30 seconds to place it and 30 seconds to remove it. It plugs into a computer's USB port and utilized Google Earth to give maps and terrain views. The reports it produced were accurate to a matter of meters, and the timing information (it "sleeps" when no motion is detected) produced made an ironclad case for where, when and for how long WW had been.

Wow!! She doesn't expect much, does she? Or has she always felt that the universe revolved around her?

tl

I am amazed at how clueless her lawyer is and how much the WW depends on his advice and the POSOM's advice, which I'm sure is you can get it!!!!!!! never mind what it will do to your husband, or the kids....... you poor thing he's trying to run all over you, the judge won't care you've had multiple A's

Don't get me started, it is so unbelievable

SC

Hows it going???

nESRE

Yeah, SC. You're posting on my thread, how about updating us on yours???

Nesre, always good to hear from you,

Fred, your dating is cracking me up, still can't decide how I'll handle it myself.


Well not to much to tell, had to wait for 30 days to pass before we can proceed with the next step.

It's been over 30 days and nothing from my lawyer yet.

One thing of interest, the laptop the WW was using a year ago that I had most of my War Chest built on had been put a way since the WW got the new laptop (a mac) anyway after the mediation I was looking for the old laptop and couldn't find it. I ask the WW about it and she said she had given it to one of our boys....score !!!! the laptop had been originally purchased by a volunteer organization that she was a board member of, she got to keep it. ( they just buy new laptops every few years ) since she gave it to my son and my son gave it to me now it's MINE!!!!

So the next step is to have a forensic computer geek work it over so I'll have what I need for court..... a victory I'll take. Sure don't want to end up like that guy in MI that may go to jail for tapping his WW's computer.

My lawyer said he wanted current evidence of miss behavior so I'm gearing up for that. got most of what I need in place now but could use some more fine tuning. The one thing I think I can count on is the WW playing, I've just got to be ready. At this point it's just something else to do and not to emotionally taxing, although I'll probably feel different about that latter.

I've been in my version of a Plan-B and have really liked it,although the WW and I still sleep in the same bed ( the dogs sleep between us and chaperon ) My boys are in CO for the winter and I have already skied 14 days with them, I've got my season pass so I can ski about as cheap as I can stay home and look at her cheating Azz.

I leave on a work trip tomorrow and I think I ended up being in the house with her maybe 5 days this month...... I promise I'll try to do better next month !!!!! looks like my schedule will let me ski with the boys for up to 10 days, coupled with work I'm going to have a hard time recognizing her.

So yes I'm OK

I'm sure things will heat up later

And by the way I had planned to do a cross county bike ride after the D to "clear my head" and had started planning it for starting in late May, one of my boys plans to ride with me, only bad part is I won't be D by then but I'm going anyway.

The WW has been wanting me to tell her about the trip and offered to drive a support vehicle......I declined, the WW is in fantasy D land.

Whew.

My hat's off to you, SC. I don't think I could stand to sleep in the same bed with my WW. Even though she stayed under the same roof with me, she moved into another bedroom the day after DDay.

I can't say for sure, but even with two dogs between us as chaperons, I would probably grow to loathe her in short order. For you to be able to bear this is quite a testament!

While I enjoy being the source of others' entertainment, I really am getting value out of the comments and suggestions I've been receiving. Thanks.

I look forward to reading your exploits in the not too distant future...

You seem to be doing good with your arrangement SC and I too applaud you for that. You've found a way to navigate this portion of it all that suits your personality and style.

She's still actively in the affair, huh?

Hopefully it's one of those double-king sized beds and your dog is trained as a border guard.
(yuck)

Happy skiing,
Opt

The WW came down with the Flu, she had been out with the boys skiing, she came home just after I left for my business trip.

It's not all bad I'm in Honolulu for today, hard to feel sorry for yourself here.

Been getting some nibbles that my lawyer should be able to work with, and I'm not even trying hard yet. Always nice to get these little victories.

Another good one, I found out today that I'm getting a bonus check that will cover the bike trip I have planned, so what little bit of guilt I was feeling is long gone now.

I have had an interesting series of events since my mediation failed that my atheist WW would chock up to chance but I see as a series of blessings, nice feeling knowing I'm not facing this thing alone, and no matter how it works out in the end I know that my Lord is looking out for me.

By the way I've got a Golden Retriever and a English Bulldog that snores more than I do and farts alot :-)

It's wonderful that you still have faith that someone (God/higher power) is watching out for you.

My faith has been tested, and I feel a little empty because of it. My whole being wants to believe that I am being watched over. but I have the faith of a mustard seed. At least I have that........

I'm happy that things seem to going your way, considering...

Ah, Honolulu...What I wouldn't give to get away somewhere gorgeous and peaceful like that right now.

Maybe I'll go there in my head for a few minutes.

One thing I guess I have learned is that God is consistent, He will wait on you, and it is up to us to reach for Him. I don't pretend to understand how my life has turned out as it has, I don't see this as "God's ideal plan for my life", nor do I see the loss of a child "God's plan" either, I do see that He is ready to stand by us no matter what we are going thru and if we are willing He will bless us.

And I have been feeling blessed lately in spite of the circumstances in my life right now.


To update a little I will get home tomorrow, from being on the road since the 24th, have heard from my DD's that the WW plans to spend the weekend with them. So if my math is right I'll be at the house for 24hrs with the WW, she'll leave for the weekend, I get the farm reset then it's off the Colorado to ski with the boys, my kind of a plan B....

Will try to get with my lawyer while I'm home in a hope to move things along.

Like!

I walked in the door after not seeing the WW for 2 weeks, unlike before she made no move to hug me..... she's starting to catch on to my "Plan-B". It amazes me how much emotional energy I still spend dealing with the D and her. Mostly it's when I'm trying to fall asleep and my mind wonders. I'll be glad when I can go to sleep and not think of her or the POSOM.

I have a lot of great days but still have bad ones,I know the beginning of the healing will be when I finish the D.



Oh yeah,

I've set up to get my 6 year old grandson, to hang out for the weekend.

There will be plenty of pizza and Toy Story, I'll get to take him to church with me as well.