Thanks for the reply mate.

Spoke to HBF, went in a got a printout of my statement. All paid up for another 2 months. It is a family policy and I am the primary card holder. There is no way she can take the boys of the card, as you mention she can only start her own, which will just cost her money that she doesn't have to pay.

As far as Centrelink, I spent 1 hour in a line today, trying to actually apply for Family Tax Benefit Part B, only to be told the only option to apply is now online. The less I have to do with Centrelink the better.

Cheers

A new roster for our child schedule went to my WW today and it actually did have a error on it, where my WW was in every right to complain (rightly so), but the funny thing was what she sent to the IM

"The roster is wrong. I'm not agreeing to it if my husband can't talk to me like a human being"

Yes now my behavior is in question hmmm.

I did a little bit more exposing today as I found a contact I missed out.

Sent this face book letter from a template

Quote:
Dear friend of XXXX,(full name of OM)

It grieves me to write this letter but I believe all of his friends and family should know that XXX is having an affair with my wife, (your wifes first and last name) . They started the affair in ZZZZ.

I am asking you to use your influence with XXXX to persuade him to leave my family alone.

I believe that you should know this, so you can protect your marriages from him. My wife and I have X small daughters/sons and this affair has almost wrecked our marriage.

XXX has intentionally chosen to commit adultery with my wife and is purposefully working to destroy our family and marriage.

I would be happy to provide the evidence to anyone who asks.

I would appreciate it if someone would notify his parents and ask them to call me at xxx-yyy-zzz

Thank you,

Your name



Well.. got this response from a friend of the OM family.

Wesley this is huge.. don't you think sorting this out with your wife is best. It is a very damaging thing..Also if it is true, we are all looking for love,, and if you wife is doing this.... then what were you doing? Were you a bad husband, why did you send this email. I will contacting others about this.

Not sure how to take it.

You take it as Wes 1, Affair 0! That was a direct hit, Wes!

I know what you're doing. You're reading the garbage about how we're all looking for love, blah blah blah. Don't look at that part! This stranger's moral stance and questioning judgment of your marital skills is immaterial! He is NO ONE to you except a target.

The part you need to look at is the part I highlighted in bold. He's going to do some work for you in exposing the A! Well done! Good target!

And of course you will not respond to this stranger to engage him in a debate regarding your marital strengths or weaknesses. Your work with him is done.

Tonight's updates. 2 text

1) "R U Going to talk to me"

2) "Please don't force my hand into having to get a lawyer"

Response from me - No Response, Zip, Not a Word

Excellent! Don't respond. She's going to try to break you. Don't let her. Stick to your guns.

OOOOOO, she's going to get a lawyer if you don't talk to her!!! ::::shuddering::::


Whatever. Silence is golden, Wes.

How are YOU Wes?

Hope you are doing as well as you can be in the circumstances.

Don't worry about a "lawyer' I mean so what!! Family court makes decisions not a 'lawyer' .

Please ensure you have records of her emails. If you have to actually speak to her ... if you are unexpectedly cornered have a recording device with you ... go to D i c k Smiths etc get one. Keep it on you. Your WW behaviour is very erratic ..I know because I once was the same. It's better to be able to ensure you cannot be accused of anything.

Let her know you will NOT be friends post D or full separation by staying DARK!! She needs to understand how it will be in the future.

Wes expect such replies from friends. They do not KNOW how to react to adultery... they are used to people 'moving on' and other such crappy behaviour from TV and others around them.. they are NOT used to people actively fighting for a M in these circumstances.

Thanks Aussiewife,

Been a little down today as I was strong with her trying to make contact with my IM and it made me feel like I was in some type of control, but now she hasn't made contact to the IM and I guess that is OK, im guessing she is just putting her foot down again, and saying you won't do this too me.

We are coming up to more interesting times now as work has started again and school for the kids is not to far off.It at times is hard to believe that better marriages can't be built from these times.

So I keep moving on... but thoughts of her are not far behind.

Just got a message from IM

"Sorry no children tonight as I have just got them bk and it's not fair"

Ahhhhh She drives me nuts... Damn loving WW's

Yes Wes I don't doubt you think of your WIFE.. the one you married. But remember right now she is NOT this woman. It has been said very often here that a WS is an 'alien' its as if "someone" has taken over her or him as the case may be.

It seemed that way to my family with me... What happens Wes is that you become very selfish and feel entitled to do whatever you want without regard to anyone else... even your own kids.

Its all ME ME ME ME ME and EVERYTHING is your husbands fault... and you really have convinced yourself this is the case... you could show police video for instance that I crashed my car and I would think.. be totally convinced ... that you video edited it because YOU are responsible for the crash.. you are at fault for all the things that have gone wrong in her life.
That's the twisted thinking. She changes history to suit her own desires and selfish wants.

You cannot argue with her or reason with her... you have to let her fall to the bottom....

Is your M recoverable? .. yes it is .... both of you would need to commit to the recovery.

Better marriages? I'm not sure that is always so... but marriages with renewed love and far more communication and commitment to work on it with your partner... yes its possible. It is a joy. But oh how I wish I knew MB way before I hurt my husband and family and ... myself.

you will be tempted to want her to contact ... resist that... she may be in a "I'll show HIM no communication" mood ... but that won't last ... she'll try to provoke you again soon.

So take care... keep having fun with the kids .... slap the sunscreen on.... shirt.... have a swim .. BBQ at night out the back.... or fish & chips at evening with the kids on the beach .... or dare I say it .. Maccas with them

not every day .. just something for the kids to look forward to with you... Dad time.

I have taken a walk around the house, cooled off a little and got my gear on to go to the gym.

Selfish... Yes, I mean she leaves it 5 minutes before the kids are suppose to be dropped off.

My question is this. At first I was tempt to send a "No You Don't" message through IM but although it is indirect isn't it just another form of contact, is it better that I stay dark and don't respond at all?

Also is it best to ring Child Support about her holding the kids from me with a roster in place. Will this been seen as a big Lover Buster even though its warranted.

Thanks for all the responses.

I'm not up on Australian CS law, but if you're supposed to have the kids and she isn't bringing them to you, isn't she in some form of contempt? Is there some legal remedy for her refusal to do this?

You take it that he is going to do some of your work for you.

Wes, the point of exposure is to EXPOSE. It isn't to seek absolution, blessing, moral approval or anything like that. It is to EXPOSE THE AFFAIR to people who may be in a position to influence the adulterers into ending it.

What this guy thinks about your methods of trying to save your M or about the human condition of seeking love is immaterial.

Wes while not wanting to promote that you become petty.. I mean its about the kids.. BUT as I understand it you have a legal child custody arrangement don't you?


I will say upfront I feel she is provoking you aside from anything else !!!! the following is if its for more than just tonight.

if there is an legal agreement which sets out days I would INSIST she return the kids or you will consider seeking legal redress. of course via IM again.

It was HER choice to go with POSOM and leave the kids.... you do not need to change to suit her ... remember what I said about entitlement?

My thinking is this .... She went to have a disgusting few days with the OM and had you "babysit" .... now my advice may depend on how this was arranged...
IF you agreed to swap the days to allow for this then ok you are stuck with it ... don't do it again though you do not want to make her adultery easy.

IF on the other hand it was her just simply saying to you to look after them & she took off ... then I would suggest you INSIST on the LEGAL arrangement and tell her bluntly you are NOT going to swap and change your days with the kids to fit in and support her adulterous affair with POSOM ... Yes it can come via your IM to her but I feel you should be polite, blunt but firm and use words similar as above. Do not soften her cheating. YOU DO NOT SUPPORT HER ADULTERY IN ANY WAY.

Not abusive just blunt.. firm.

If she wants to argue then BEFORE you reply via the IM other than similar to above ... ring your solicitor state what you want to do and likelihood of success if it went to a hearing ... THEN once you have the advice let her know its going to court to decide on her breaching the arrangement if you get the ok. Remember you may not need to actually do this I suggest she is just being a beach right now. sorry Wes her using the kids makes me angry

ALTERNATIVELY .... if its not spelled out in the arrangements which specific days they are with you & her but only 50 / 50 ... then when the kids come back to you then INCLUDE in her days the days she was away with POSOM and they stay with you until that time is up .... again not letting her get away with you being her babysitter while she is having the affair .... my only concern is that the non legal alternative may result in silly tit for tat ... not good for the kids.

I would wait until tomorrow and then ring solicitor in any event to know your options.

Sorry Wes her using the kids just sucks.

I don't want to push the legal aspects of this as I did have the children longer when she went away with the OM. I believe she is simply trying hard to gain some control again and Plan B is really ticking her off. She got me fired up and she knew it would but the response she still got was Nothing. I will just make sure this doesn't become a habit.

As im in the earlier stages of Plan B (3rd week), I think contact would probably undo more good than has been done so far. So im sticking to my guns.

Yes to use the kids is wrong... but then again isn't the whole A

Wes with the legal system not surprised you don't want to go that way except if situation goes really downhill.

Wes just be sure it does not become a habit. Yes you got more time with the kids which was great... however it was at the cost of allowing her to use that extra time without the kids to have affair time. Its not a good practice unless you no longer wish to reconcile and it now does not matter to you... in which case yes take as much time as possible.

If you want to wreck the affair you need to rock the love boat.

I do understand the reality of having the kids with you... however think on this .... say you had to travel for work for those days when she was away with POSOM ... so you could not take the kids ... what do you think THAT would have done for any lovey dovey affair time ????

see where I am coming from here???

POSOM wants to whisk WW away for (yuck) romantic mini holiday ...and she says no I have the kids maybe next time you come back from the mines .... I'm guessing POSOM will start losing some interest eventually & go elsewhere.

you don't want inconvenience you want bloody heII damn it all for POSOM.

was she wanting to push your buttons??? oh yes Wes ... good on you not biting.

now some professional advice for you from a major player in Child parenting time ... we dont have child custody in the usual sense in Australia... we have parenting time and child living with .... subtle but important differences under law

The issues involved in custody conflicts are often emotionally charged..... document your time with children and note the following ...
Make Your Home Your Child�s Home
Encourage Healthy Relationships
Be Prompt, Yet Flexible, with Parenting Time Exchanges
imperative that you engage in meaningful activities and are intentional with your time
Don�t Confuse Child Support with Parenting Time
keep to the parenting plan
....I�ve covered only a few of the common mistakes I�ve seen clients make in my extensive family law litigation experience. When custody issues arise, it is essential that you carefully and consistently document events for future use in your case.


every email copy paste to a log .... ditto to any verbal discussions ... into the log .. date & time. A pain but may help if it goes down the drain. But lets hope we can help you save it if that is what you want.

Wrong!

It was her choice to give up time to go with the OM.
Call the cops and have your legal agreement enforced.

ITA with The Road. Any time she's supposed to have the kids and gives up that time is HER problem and YOUR bonus. It shouldn't affect the agreement you have with her.

I don't know about Australia, but here in the States you can call the police, show them the court order, and have them pick up your kids to enforce the order.

They can't do anything unless there is a court order.

If you and your WW have an unofficial arrangement, then there is nothing to enforce.

If it is officially ordered, however, the cops can enforce it and she can be brought up on contempt charges.