Chris, tell this POS Jon to stay the f--- away from your house and marriage. You're military. Make him afraid.

The only term to come to with adultery is that it is wrong, and can not exist to have a good marriage. I am just saying I don't want you to come to terms with an affair.

Small update:

I lost the WoW battle. I've fought and fought, took and took, but she won't give it up. Going to leave it at that.

She told me she wants to work it out though, and promised me the issues with these other guys would stop. I even talked to Jon and he said he had no interest in her other than as a friend. (whether I can trust him or not still to be determined).

We talked back and forth a bit, discussing random things. She told me she has been hiding her emotions for years (8) since the porn thing. Saying she cannot get over it and it's why we have been emotionally disconnected. She said she has been putting up a front ever since to keep everyone around her happy and to make everyone thing she's happy. So she's basically been lying to me about her feelings for 8 years...




The next day she sends me this:


I reply with:












So while she was sleeping I sent her a message and basically laid out my views/wants/needs on the following subjects: Affection, Sex, Intimacy, Humor, Communication, Undivided Attention, Kid Time, Date Nights, Respect, Support, Trust, Common Interests, Barriers, Me Time (You Time), Us Time, Bottled Feelings/Emotions, Loyalty, Devotion, Mutual Agreement (POJA), Temper/Anger, Understanding, Romance, Patience, Reasonable Sacrifice, Compassion, Adventure, Spontaneity, Making Time, Family Night, Monetary Allowances, Ambitions and Goals, Exercise, and Opposite Sex friends. (Yes it was a long message).

She replied with:



After asking her to elaborate a little (since some of my responses were asking for her feedback) she sent this:


After a few days of no elaboration, despite me asking again, I sent her this:


I have an upper respiratory infection, which I have been complaining about for days to everyone, and she hasn't provided the least bit of compassion on the subject. She sends me this:




And that's kind of where we're at. She is playing WoW still and apparently the parents have been over a lot. So between those two I have been waiting 3 days for a decent response to my original message (except for the last few, almost all of those conversations took place on the 9th my time, which is the 8th her time).

Forgot to mention I've introduced my wife to all of the Marriage Builders articles, worksheets, etc and have asked her to do Love Busters, Emotional Needs, and Personal History worksheets with me. I have started filling out my portions but I doubt she has started. Still waiting on a response on that front.

Chris, I don't she is going to be able to implement any of the MB principles and I don't think she will POJA anything with you. Also you are going to have a tough time meeting any of her emotional needs. I believe Dr Harley discusses the challenges of a spouse with an addiction under the alcoholic Q&A section.

I am aware, I have read the articles. I can only work with what I have. If she won't give it up then I can't MAKE her give it up. I do however want this to work and am willing to try to work it out despite this issue. If this game prevents further progression then so be it, if it doesn't, then we'll move forward.

How did you lose it? I thought you got control of the WoW account? Cancelling it would have been the obvious next step.



Translation: Let's pull yet another one over on the poor BH - we'll just be better at hiding it!



That's call blame-shifting. She's emotionally disconnected from you because she's getting her ENs met by other men.



In other words, she's not open to hearing any of that stuff from you, Chris, and laying it upon her is likely going to turn her off even more. And trying to reason with her or worse "teach" her MB principles is not going to work at this point. It's simply going to make matters worse.

I did, but it's in her name so she took it back. She has her own money so she is paying for it herself. Not a lot I can do at this point.


Without a way to monitor I can't prove anything.


This has been the case for a long time and is the primary focus of our recovery. I've told her if we can't repair the emotional connection then we can't move forward.


I'm already prepared for this to happen. I'm trying to work with what I have available and if it doesn't then I can't say I haven't tried. She is being extremely stubborn and selfish and no matter what will make me look like the bad guy. I'm already prepared for this and can't say I don't expect it to happen. I mean seriously, she's so detached from me that in 4 days of being sick the most she has said regarding it is "feel better." Gee, thanks?

I appreciate all the advice I've gotten here so far. I have been reading up on everything and am already applying the principles in my own life and am trying to apply them to my marriage.

You're entirely within your right to divorce this woman if she won't engage you in conversation. She sounds entitled and self-righteous - those are tough things to change.....

Sounds like she's going to take it a little more underground.

Keep gathering whatever evidence you can whenever you can. Continue your Plan A tactics. If she won't do "marriage stuff" don't oversweat it.

I'm thinking that your goal right now is to make sure she is home when you get home, that you have put down a good foundation - and then you can continue to gather evidence.

It's going to be easier to kill the WoW addiction when you are actually home, and those you have tried to enlist in the fight just enable her or ignore the problem.

Also, never believe the OM. As if he would tell you that he is diddling your wife... that would require something resembling testicular fortitude. Men possessing that can get their own dang women.

I've been sick the past 4 days yet still trying to work on our issues. Yet now that she's sick she gets a bye?







At least 1/3 of the topics in my long message to her asked for her opinion on them, which she hasn't done. And so now wanting to discuss these things is "forcing my opinion on her."

Okay?

DO you see what she is doing??

The reason why she does not want to talk about it because she DOESN'T want to FIX anything!!!

She is happy exactly where she is at, getting her needs met by other men, you gone, house, kids, money, etc...why would she change that???

What you needed to do when you found about those dirty conversations with OM was to expose, have you done that yet?? I can tell you haven't.

Until you get your balls back from your wife and expose then you will lose her.

She is a WW she will....

LIE
CHEAT
LIE
REWRITE HISTORY
LIE
MAKE IT SEEM EVERYTHING IS FINE (until you bring up fixing up your issues...haven't you notice??)
LIE
SELFISH
LIE

oh and one more thing

LIE!!!!

I bet you a million dollars she skimmed read your email, and the only part she wanted to read was about the children...HENCE why she only mentioned about the children...

Sigh...

Just expose all ready, seriously what are you waiting for?

Are you waiting to find out that she is pregnant with and STD??

I did expose, I posted about it a few pages back. Didn't accomplish anything. What I said would happen, happened (her family friends were on her side, my friends family were on my side).

My balls are fully intact but I'm limited by this crazy thing called SEVEN THOUSAND MILES of distance. I have no way into my home network, no way to stop her from spending her OWN MONEY, etc. All I can do from here is talk. That's it.

ok ya I read it...

Are you willing to work plan A until you come home?
Do you still love her?
Are you willing to be in pain for how ever more months you have and work on plan A?

If the answer is yes then you need to have no more expectations read up more on plan A, I think in part of plan A you don't really talk a whole lot about relationship talk example...

"I don't appreciate you playing WOW when the kids are up....how was your day??"

Quickly remind her of the things you do not appreciate and change the subject if she brings it up...change it again.

If you can't endure the pain I suggest filing for a Divorce.

But maybe someone else has better advice, I'm sorry for everything I can't imagine being so far away and this happening.

No, but I'm willing to give it some more time.
Yes, always will.
No, that's why I said I'll give it a some more time, but not 10 more months.


I do. Doesn't work.


Hasn't slipped my mind.


I appreciate any advice. And yes it sucks being so far away.

Will you be able to find a lawyer if you do decide to go with a divorce that way to protect you?

In your start can you file for AOA? If so I would recommend it.

Just remember to fight for your kids, I do not think your wife should have them.

I'll use the lawyer my sister used in her divorce, he's a good guy and I already got him on our side due to previous family business.

AOA?

I will definitely fight for my kids. At that point the gloves will come off and I'll get dirty (and she will too).

AOA= Alien of Affection

You can sue the men for breaking up the marriage.

Wow really? That's crazy.

Edit: Just looked into it, alienation isn't persued in GA.

Ya read up on it and see what you can do...if she wants a single life then you will give it to her...but NOT before you come out with a fight