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I'm a returning BW with a new handle and a new thread. I found out last week (on my BD) that WH had filed for divorce.
I saw my lawyer yesterday. I won't go into details about what we're going to do, but my lawyer said something interesting. He said that the complaint that was filed by WH was very interesting to him because it: 1) didn't contain a proposed split of marital assets (and these complaints usually do), and 2) didn't specify grounds in the fault-based complaint.
Lawyer said it was like they had fired a shot over the bow to provoke a war but didn't try to hit the boat.
Unfortunately, I'm compelled to answer or receive a summary judgment of divorce.
WS is with OW this weekend. (I know this because he's not available to be with DS).
My Plan B and an email I sent about divorce seems to have really ticked WH off.
My Plan B hasn't been very dark during the past week, but it will be from now on. He's the leader of the enemy camp now. But I don't know if it will matter at all to WH. I've been full of despair this week. The only thing that has made me feel better is the half-hearted complaint he filed. But maybe it's all he had to do to provoke a response so that's all he did do. My head swims.
When do I finally throw in the towel? I have no doubt that the affair will end someday. I just don't know if I'm strong enough to wait that long.
"Your future isn't sealed. Nothing bad is going to happen. You just put everything in God's hands and in the meanwhile, do all you can do as a woman to protect yourself and your finances and family. That's what your job is to do now and let God deal with the wayward. Trust me...you do not have to lift a finger. HE will deal with the wayward."
Quotable words from peachyisback
“Sometimes you don’t get where you want to go, but you get much further than you were before.” Tiffany on Top Chef
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Have you exposed? Can you give a little history?
Me: BW 30
WH: 37
DD 9/2007
DS 2/2010
#3 Due Nov. 5
Met 8/02
Married 6/06
D-Day 10/31/2010
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Yes, exposed. Yes, Plan A, then small Plan B, then Plan A, and now Plan B since shortly before the holidays. (I'm the worst Plan B'er ever.)
We've been married more than 3 decades and have four children (3 grown, 1 DS at home).
The PA began in June '10; I found out in August. He moved out at the end of the next month. OW lives a state and 7.5 hours away.
I'm the same as I was in my previous thread--I don't know what to do, but recognize now that there are no magic words or actions by me that will end his affair.
Previous posters on my thread were: Scotty, LG, Peachy, Harmony, and HTLD. Others, too--sorry but I can't name them all.
"Your future isn't sealed. Nothing bad is going to happen. You just put everything in God's hands and in the meanwhile, do all you can do as a woman to protect yourself and your finances and family. That's what your job is to do now and let God deal with the wayward. Trust me...you do not have to lift a finger. HE will deal with the wayward."
Quotable words from peachyisback
“Sometimes you don’t get where you want to go, but you get much further than you were before.” Tiffany on Top Chef
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did you have a different name because this is the only thread available with your name that i can find?
Me: BW 30
WH: 37
DD 9/2007
DS 2/2010
#3 Due Nov. 5
Met 8/02
Married 6/06
D-Day 10/31/2010
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Hey H  I recognize you just fine and I am certain that other posters who have been reading for a while will too. I would say that you should just stick to a deep dark Plan B for a while and make plans when you are not thinking about them emotionally. Don't make this an easy D and make sure that you protect yourself. He most likely filed to show OW his "commitment." But we won't even think about that. All you need to focus on is getting as dark as possible. I did wonder where you had run off to. Were you worried about WH finding your thread?
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING  Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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Just do a very dark plan B while your WH does the D.
Dark, only having your attorney asking for what you want for you in a leisurely manner (within guidelines of needed time frames to respond).
Dark, cause......now you know that dark really is the way to go. You live, you learn!
Don't wonder where it will all end up just know that
nothing is written in stone.
Your WH is still caught up in his fantasy. Just stay dark and see with the passage of time what happens with it all.
Sorry you have felt the despair. It is just a given in the situation. We all have felt it and still do here and there.
Human beings are all so much the same....you are human.
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Hey H I recognize you just fine and I am certain that other posters who have been reading for a while will too. Can someone give me a clue? Email or FB? I'm wracking my brain trying to figure this out. It hurts.
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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PM, I sent you a FB message. 
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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Hey there - I'm glad you are back. BTW, a similar thing happened to me. (X)WH moved out, I went to 100% dark Plan B, and he filed shortly thereafter. I sometimes think he did that at least in part to force me to contact him, either for legal reasons or because I'd be so upset by the divorce petition that I'd be hysterical and call him.
Never happened. WS should be careful what they wish for - they may get it.
Your WH may be doing the same thing. He is still trying to push your buttons and provoke a reaction. If you gave him a Plan B letter, then he knows what he has to do if he wants to speak to you again. Otherwise, maintain radio silence.
Glad you are back.
Me, BW
WH cheated in corporate workplace for many years. He moved out and filed in summer 2008.
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Thanks for the re-welcome, everyone. I've spent the afternoon visiting with my best friend from seventh grade onward. We can always pick up right where we left off. Yes, Scotty, I was afraid that he might have found the thread, since I had given him "HNHN". Or maybe I was just in a full blown panic since learning of the divorce complaint. I don't think I really had a problem--I asked the mods to "bury" the thread but instead they deleted it. They have every right to do so, but it makes me sad that they did. I will miss being able to go back and reread my thread and see that I have made progress. PrincessMeggy, know me yet?  Roroma, this is a new name. Mulan, I'm so glad you're here. My DS is having a hard time dealing with his father filing for divorce. DS told Wh he would only spend the night with him if he refrained from contacting OW while he was there. Wh refused, and so DS refused to spend the night. Gutsy guy, my DS. Every night I pray for 3 things to happen: that I'm in my WH's dreams and he awakens thinking of me in a positive way, that my children's reaction to his poor choices affects him, and that WH become impotent. If God grants me any of these, I'll be happy.
"Your future isn't sealed. Nothing bad is going to happen. You just put everything in God's hands and in the meanwhile, do all you can do as a woman to protect yourself and your finances and family. That's what your job is to do now and let God deal with the wayward. Trust me...you do not have to lift a finger. HE will deal with the wayward."
Quotable words from peachyisback
“Sometimes you don’t get where you want to go, but you get much further than you were before.” Tiffany on Top Chef
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Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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He said that the complaint that was filed by WH was very interesting to him because it: 1) didn't contain a proposed split of marital assets (and these complaints usually do), and 2) didn't specify grounds in the fault-based complaint. Does WH have an attorney? Sounds like a DIY (do-it-yourself) petition by someone who doesn't know what they're doing. A rule of thumb in litigation is that if you don't ASK for it (as in the pleading) you don't get it. However, if he has an attorney could be that they just wanted to get it on file to set the clock ticking with the thought to amend it later. Sounds like your lawyer is on it though. (((H&G)))
Last edited by princessmeggy; 01/15/11 09:11 PM.
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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Yes, he does have an attorney. That's what makes it sort of strange. I wonder if OW pressured him so hard to do this that he did a rush job. He has none of our records--I have them all. He even had to lie to me to get my SS# so he could file. I don't think I'll ever forgive him for that one...
"Your future isn't sealed. Nothing bad is going to happen. You just put everything in God's hands and in the meanwhile, do all you can do as a woman to protect yourself and your finances and family. That's what your job is to do now and let God deal with the wayward. Trust me...you do not have to lift a finger. HE will deal with the wayward."
Quotable words from peachyisback
“Sometimes you don’t get where you want to go, but you get much further than you were before.” Tiffany on Top Chef
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H&G, I was advise to pray for angels to appear in front of WH and OW. Even in the room where they sleep. Imagine if THAT happened?
I can ASSURE you that your WH dreams about you. You dream about him right? It is hard to erase 3 decades of memories and your mind tries to make sense of it all. Even the wayward mind can't get rid of you that easily.
Just keep dark and keep your plans moving forward.
Did you come up with a new hobby to start?
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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I can ASSURE you that your WH dreams about you. You dream about him right? It is hard to erase 3 decades of memories and your mind tries to make sense of it all. Even the wayward mind can't get rid of you that easily. Yes this! My DH told me after he came home that he couldn't NOT think about me. When you live with someone that long, it doesn't all just go away with a wish (or even a divorce filing).
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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H&G, I was advise to pray for angels to appear in front of WH and OW. Even in the room where they sleep. Imagine if THAT happened?
I can ASSURE you that your WH dreams about you. You dream about him right? It is hard to erase 3 decades of memories and your mind tries to make sense of it all. Even the wayward mind can't get rid of you that easily. As long as the angels had flaming swords of justice, I'd think it would be cool! I only remember one dream I had about him, but I'm sure I've dreamed about him more than that. I added that request to my prayer list after I read that his true feelings about his choices were locked away in his subconscious because he can't face what he's done. Since the subconscious rules our dreamworlds, it seemed like a simple request for God to handle. Just keep dark and keep your plans moving forward.
Did you come up with a new hobby to start? Well, I spent 20+ hours last weekend reading about my state's divorce laws but my attorney assured me he's got that covered, so I'm still in search of a new hobby. I am reading a lot, so I've got something to soothe my frantic mind. And I'm back at work, teaching my socks off. I'm fairly busy all of the time. I went to the doctor on Wednesday and he's increased my dose of AD and renewed my sleeping pill subscription. I'm good to go! [/quote]
"Your future isn't sealed. Nothing bad is going to happen. You just put everything in God's hands and in the meanwhile, do all you can do as a woman to protect yourself and your finances and family. That's what your job is to do now and let God deal with the wayward. Trust me...you do not have to lift a finger. HE will deal with the wayward."
Quotable words from peachyisback
“Sometimes you don’t get where you want to go, but you get much further than you were before.” Tiffany on Top Chef
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I can ASSURE you that your WH dreams about you. You dream about him right? It is hard to erase 3 decades of memories and your mind tries to make sense of it all. Even the wayward mind can't get rid of you that easily. Yes this! My DH told me after he came home that he couldn't NOT think about me. When you live with someone that long, it doesn't all just go away with a wish (or even a divorce filing). Thank you for this, PrincessMeggy. It gives me a great deal of comfort. I was only away from here for 5 days, but I've missed the positive help given to me by everyone here. I had to come back to get more of this from you all. Thanks so much!
"Your future isn't sealed. Nothing bad is going to happen. You just put everything in God's hands and in the meanwhile, do all you can do as a woman to protect yourself and your finances and family. That's what your job is to do now and let God deal with the wayward. Trust me...you do not have to lift a finger. HE will deal with the wayward."
Quotable words from peachyisback
“Sometimes you don’t get where you want to go, but you get much further than you were before.” Tiffany on Top Chef
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Dear Lord.  I opened my email to find legal stuff from my lawyer, sent for my approval. I don't approve of doing this, at all, but I have to. My stomach hurts. I'm taking my sleeping pill and escaping to bed.
"Your future isn't sealed. Nothing bad is going to happen. You just put everything in God's hands and in the meanwhile, do all you can do as a woman to protect yourself and your finances and family. That's what your job is to do now and let God deal with the wayward. Trust me...you do not have to lift a finger. HE will deal with the wayward."
Quotable words from peachyisback
“Sometimes you don’t get where you want to go, but you get much further than you were before.” Tiffany on Top Chef
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I can ASSURE you that your WH dreams about you. You dream about him right? It is hard to erase 3 decades of memories and your mind tries to make sense of it all. Even the wayward mind can't get rid of you that easily. Yes this! My DH told me after he came home that he couldn't NOT think about me. When you live with someone that long, it doesn't all just go away with a wish (or even a divorce filing). So glad to read this! Scot, I too send angels to to my WH & OW, God has a whole army of them you know! H&G, LOVE your request for impotenence...unfortunatly for us BWs there's VIAGRA!! oh yeah, and CIALIS!! Damn those pharmacutical companies. They can make a pill to end impotenence but not a pill to end infidelity.
BS/ME 47 Met on blind date
WH 46(Alcoholic,drugs?)
DS1:18 DS2:15
1st A EA9/07 PA10/07 NC11/07
2nd A EA/PA-10/2010
Found out- 11/20/2010
He moved out-1/1/2011 same apt.cmplx as OW(&her kids)
PlanB-1/1/11(broken)
NEW PB-2/11 Taking it one day at a time
There are two kinds of people in the world: Those who say to God, "Thy will be done" and those to whom God says, "Alright then, have it your way." ~C .S.Lewis
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Mitzie, in order to get Viagra, he'll at least have to go see a doctor. He's loathe to do that but I guess for her he'd go to an emergency clinic. ;( Maybe the doctor will have him committed for a mental evaluation.....;)
Reading, I didn't mean to skip your post yesterday, but somehow I did. Thanks for your kind words. Yes, I'm human but I wonder about my WH. I think he's become inhuman.
"Your future isn't sealed. Nothing bad is going to happen. You just put everything in God's hands and in the meanwhile, do all you can do as a woman to protect yourself and your finances and family. That's what your job is to do now and let God deal with the wayward. Trust me...you do not have to lift a finger. HE will deal with the wayward."
Quotable words from peachyisback
“Sometimes you don’t get where you want to go, but you get much further than you were before.” Tiffany on Top Chef
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