OW is ten years younger than husband, from another country and single! She works for my husband. Husband's boss knows about the affair but don't think he knows that my H has been using boss' computer to email me false alibis. Husband forwards me an email his boss supposedly sent to him. My dopey husband misspells the name of a key person (classic thing my husband does) so my spidey sense was already in high gear.

I did not expose. Husband has told his boss (who will have his back no matter what) and his brother. Brother and my sister in law know my side too but they won't say anything on my behalf. Only left to expose to my family and his parents. Working on letters for that.

I would expose the affair to your H's boss, a key VP, and to the director of Human Resources. Additionally, I would expose the affair to the OW's family. Does she have a facebook page?

I would use a letter similar to this - fill in the facts - and send it certified mail to his workplace with cc's on each letter.

Developed by Brits Brat, board member and corporate attorney

To Whom It May Concern:

This letter is to bring a matter to your attention that may be a violation of your Company's Code of Conduct and/or other policies, procedures and business ethics.

WS and WS are involved in an extramarital affair that is taking place, primarily, in the workplace. Aside from the potential sexual harassment claims this situation presents, it also involves the inappropriate use of company resources and assets. WS and WS are using company time and company resources to further their affair. If you check the call histories on their office and cell phones along with their workstation computers, you will find the two of them are spending an inordinate amount of what should be productive work time to further their sexual relationship.

If you have any questions, please call me at xxx-xxxx. Otherwise, I will anticipate a response from you once you have investigated these concerns and taken appropriate corrective action.

Regards,

BS
_________________________

Find the OW's facebook page and copy and paste all her contacts into a WORD doc. Target her family members and any married people and send them a private message - space these out 1 minute apart so fb does not shut you down for flooding.

Dear friend of Skankyhola,

It grieves me to write this letter but I believe all of her friends should be aware that Skanky is having an affair with my husband, Joe. We have been married for 5 years and have 3 heartbroken children. They have been having this affair since October according to the evidence.
I would be happy to provide the evidence to anyone who asks.

I would ask that you use your influence with Skanky to persuade her to leave my husband alone. You should also watch your own husbands around her because she is no friend to marriage.

I would appreciate it if someone would notify her parents and ask them to call me at xxx-www-xxxx.
Thank you, BW

another great post about facebook exposures:

I am thinking of some questions now that I'm writing my letter:

What do we/I tell my 4 y.o daughter? She knows OW (OW's mother used to baby sit my daughter - yuck.) She already asked me why Daddy was sleeping in another bed.

On that same line, I'm thinking I should get some separation agreement just to handle my daughter's custody, especially because my husband has shown poor judgment in bringing my daughter around OW before. Can I restrict her from sleeping over OW's house?

Can my IM be one of my family members? My husband and I don't share many friends and I wouldn't trust too many people. Or can it be one of his family members?

Include copies of these emails with your exposure letter.

Tell her that daddy is having an affair with OW and that OW is an enemy of your family. Explain to her why adultery is wrong. Tell her how badly her fathers affair is affecting you and that is why you must separate.


Yes, you should. You should not allow your daughter to be dragged into his affair.

BUT...before you even start on your Plan B letter, you have to get him moved out. It will do you no good to hand him a plan B letter if he is living there. You have to be in a position to go into Plan B FIRST.

Go ask him to move out today. Tell him his affair is too painful and you need him to move out. Tell him you will allow visitions with your DD as long as he doesn't take her around the OW.

The first step is to ask him to move out. If he won't move out, then you will have file for divorce and get him legally removed.


Family members are usually a bad idea because they are hardly neutral. Do you have a brother in law who can remain entirely neutral and act only as a messenger? An IM has to agree to not interfere and to simply and strictly pass on legal messages, nothing more. This person has to be in 100% support of you and not try to play mediator.

But first things first, FM, get your H moved out.

Even without evidence, assume it is a PA. Just assume it.

You can look constantly and diligently for years and not find the actual evidence of a PA, unless the universe leads you by chance to find it.

Assume and don't split hairs between EA/PA.

reading, check out her other thread, she caught them at a hotel together.

merging threads

My husband is sleeping in guest room.

I thought my Plan B letter could ask him to move out? Why not?

My feeling is that he wants to move out - he thinks life without me will be so much better - and so I'm giving him exactly what he wants.

Question about exposure. Been doing as good a job at Plan A but when caught them at a hotel, I just can't do it anymore. That's why I need to Plan B. So, does exposure at this point just look like revenge? It feels like revenge to me. His boss already knows so I'm not sure what I gain by exposing?

I will expose to family for sure b/c not everyone knows. But is the day I start Plan B the day to expose? Or should I have done that on Plan A?

Exposure is never revenge , all you are doing is telling the truth and busting the affair wide open. The other reason for exposure is to protect yourself, WS have a habit of telling people lies about your home life and married relationship exposing enables all to know he is responsible for the affair and questions any stories he may be telling.

The point of the Plan B letter is to tell him you want no more contact with him. You are not in a position to cut off contact if he lives there. So, you will want to ask him to move out TODAY and then give him the plan B letter later. If you hand him a Plan B letter and he say he won't move, then you have just shown your hand to no effect.

Get him out first.


First off, you have no idea what his boss knows. You only have the word of a liar. His boss is unlikely to do anything unless he, along with others, are officially informed of the affair.

As far as your feelings about "revenge" I would point out that feelings are not truth.

What is the truth is that affairs thrive on secrecy and by keeping it a secret all this time, you have ENABLED THIS AFFAIR. If the affair would have been exposed 2 years ago and you would have insisted he leave that job, you would have saved your marriage. But since you protected them at work, it has gone on all this time.


It should have been done some time ago, but since you are already this far along, I would get him moved out today, then go into Plan B and THEN do a nuclear exposure on him and the skank a couple of days later.

If his boss already knows, then it won't hurt to officially notify him. What could be vengeful about that?

Got it! MelodyLane, you are brilliant! I just needed a very good response to the inevitable grief my H will shower on me.

Work is where he is respected. He looks up to and respects his boss so there will be a hell storm for contacting him. Now, I have a perfect response.

So, I get him out. Couple days later go Plan B, then Exposure.

Thank God I'm seeing my therapist 2x this week. I'm gonna need it.

But now that I found my spine, I feel so much better.

One more question (I am so needy today!).

I read in Surviving An Affair that one of the spouses sent the Plan B letter to the OP.

Any opinions on sending Plan B letter to OW with a personal note. I have met OW before - don't know her - but know her via emails if you get the drift. I don't think she knows all the details so this might make a great start to their wonderful life together. Or will it just give them something to be united about against me?

That is one of my fears with exposure at work. They work together and exposure there will give them one more thing to have in common (i.e., what a witch I am for ruining their workplace vibe).

Fuzzy, I'm missing something - what makes you think his boss knows? Sorry, I may have missed a post.

For bliss:

Husband told me. Here's why I believe it:

A few weeks into Plan A, my H and I went away for weekend. Little did I know it was the weekend he had told OW he was leaving. Over the weekend, she must have called after snooping into his work email account. She confronted him at work. My H spoke to his boss because OW is co-worker and she was pissed. Maybe she even told boss. Husband called me that morning to admit affair - I think he thought it was over with him and OW so why not work on relationship with wife?

Husband told me that his boss said to him that if he hooks up with OW after me, he'll lose major respect at work. I believe that. Maybe he doesn't know all gory details but knows there is something going on.

Thanks, Sugar - I did see that, but that doesn't convince me that his boss knows.

Fuzzy, have YOU spoken to his boss? Don't take the word of your WH that his boss knows.

How do you know your WH has been sending you emails from his boss's computer?

Two reasons:

1: H once told me his boss has asked him to send emails from his computer when he's not around.

2: I got an email from H on Friday. It was forwarded from his boss' email. It was a cover story to where he was going to be Friday night - about 45 miles away at working dinner. Only the email was a little funny. And that night I was in area of H's work and picked up/dropped off client in parking lot of hotel I've been to before for lunch. Saw H's car. Called front desk and asked for OW and H answered.

H has been trying to act all open and honest with me by forwarding emails if he has to work late. Now I'm on to him. It's just a way to continue his A. He even made plans with me to go out for dinner date next night. This has opened my eyes. He lies like a rug.

2+2=4