Good reasoning for you. Her? Doesn't justify her affair.

I think I've finally worked up the courage to email all their coworkers and then I was also planning on going on OM's facebook page and messaging all his friends (all 500, good idea?) with the below message, please let me know what you think:

Dear friend or coworker of OM,

It grieves me to write this letter but I believe all of his coworkers, friends, and family should know that OM is having an affair with my wife. They started the affair in October 2010.

As you may know OM is my wife's supervisor and has taken advantage of the work situation to impose himself into our marriage.

I am asking you to use your influence with OM to persuade him to leave my family alone.

I believe that you should know this, so you can protect your marriages from him.

OM has intentionally chosen to commit adultery with my wife and is purposefully working to destroy our family and marriage.

I would be happy to provide the evidence to anyone who asks.

I would appreciate it if someone would notify his parents and ask them to contact me.

Thank you,
abc098

abc,

She will utimately respect you for standing up for yourself, by exposing OM, you are also doing a public service as OM/skunk/dog puke will think twice about it in the future.

You are also saving your W from having a DISASTER of a relationship with this guy in the near future.

Not too long ago we ran into the ex-wife of a friend of ours from awhile back, she married her affair partner, but doesn't seem happy and is socially isolated. I think she was relieved that anyone who knew her XH didn't sneer or avoid her.

God Bless
Gamma

Thanks for setting me straight.

Good note start as it will take some time to send the facebook messages. Make sure you wait between 60 and 90 seconds between each message. As there are so many friends choose a sample of say 50 or so , choose those who look like they are family or married/couples. Target work acquaintances as well they are probably on his Facebook.

Be prepared for some to send you negative comments, shallow people support affairs, do not respond to them. Create a similar note for your wifes facebook as well.

Btw:make sure you have a copy of the friends details in case he blocks you from his page, same goes for your wife, exposure is a time consuming effort be patient. Stay on course. If your wife or the OM call while you are still exposing ignore them complete the task at hand first, then rest, if any one does get through and challenges you answer you are following the Dr Harley Marriage Builders processes to save your marriage, do not debate or enter into a dialog say goodbye.

Hi abc, that is great! Did you also send a letter to Human Resources? That will be an important exposure.

Since the OM has so many friends, I would put them in categories and expose to first to the family category and then to the married couple category. Those are the people most likely to have a reaction. Copy and paste all the friends into a WORD doc before you start because the OM will shut down his page when he gets wind of this.

I copied these posts from another thread that might be helpful:

Tabby: Go to the OP's profile page. Look at his or her friends list. If they don't have too many, you can send to all of them. If they have hundreds (and many people do), then you'll have to target them more specifically. You are looking for people who have the same last name, or somebody who writes on the OP's wall frequently. You can also look for people who live in the same city or work in the same place.

When you identify these people, send each one a personal message. The personal message should state that your WS and OP are having an affair and that you are trying to save your marriage. State whatever proof you have, though don't be graphic (i.e. say you have pictures or texts but don't say what's in them).

Change your profile picture to one that clearly shows you and your spouse and your children if possible. Some of these strangers that you send a message to will click on your profile. They should see a happy couple/family. They might even recognize your WS and if he/she has been introduced to this person under false pretences, this will increase the impact of the exposure. Affairees don't just lie to their BS's, but they often lie to other people as well. If they see that children are being affect, it will have an equally powerful effect. Make sure the picture is recent enough that your spouse is recognizable by a casual aquaintance.

Remember, when you are writing to strangers, their initial gut reaction is going to be "who the he** is this?" The message has to be very polite and adhere to the basic facts. Let them verify your story on your profile page and do any further investigating on their own (which will stir up even more exposure).

Oh and one more thing - send all your messages at the same time. Not one message sent to everybody (only put one addressee in the "To" box), but go one by one by one until you are finished. You should also write down these people's names somewhere. The instant that the OP hears about what you have done, they will block you and you will no longer have access to their friends list.

Melodylane: To add to Tabby's excellent suggestions, send the messages a minute apart so fb doesn't shut you down for flooding. Before you start, copy and paste all the friends into a WORD doc.

quick question about my wife's friends,
i've told a couple of them who after she tells she's been unhappy in the marriage are supporting whatever she wants...it seems to me this way she just has more of a support circle and having opposite of the desired affect...thank you

That's to be expected.

You're in a tough situation. You have no kids with her, so a lot of people don't see much of a tragedy in all of this. Some of her friends will support her.

We also now live, sadly, in a society that has a lot of people who focus on doing what feels good and not on what's right.

But you did the right thing.

It may not get you anywhere, but exposure is something you won't regret.

Exposure's intent is to put pressure on the affair and for people who have morals to hopefully pressure the adultery to stop. But there may not be that kind of pressure.

divorce papers slid under my door today..guess it's time to find a lawyer

abc098, you could get your own lawyer just to protect yourself, but remember there are time limits, you probably have a bit of time before you have to respond, but you should always protect yourself in this kind of situation.

Thats ok. A WS will always have uncaring, callous friends like this. They don't give a damn about her and won't take a risk of upsetting her. And many of them may be as corrupt as she is now. It is not expected that every person will support your wife.

Don't let this bother you one bit. You just know who is a friend to your marriage and who is not. These halfwits ARE NOT.

What do the papers say? And has she truly filed or did she just fill out some papers online to scare you?

Did you finish your exposures yesterday?

She truly filed..got a lawyer and everything...it was after I told the OM I was gonna expose him at work..must've scared her

I did expose to her bosses, coworkers, and her friends that she speaks to on a regular basis

I had mailed his parents a letter and I got an email this morning that they flew from across the country to speak to their son to stop having the affair. I emailed them to meet, see what happens.

I decided against messaging all his facebook friends...the yield will be pretty low...and it seems like he pretty much hangs out with his coworkers so should be good enough i think

papers state that i have been guilty of extreme and repeated mental cruelty...that hurts...wish she had told me how much i was hurting her before all this...

ABC, some of the things on divorce papers are just the usual way divorce is done. My WH filed last week and I was astonished to learn that he says I have been guilty of "inappropriate marital conduct". It's a catchall phrase in my state but I think it took some nerve to accuse me of that when he's left me for his skankyho.

You hit the mother lode, my friend!! You did a FANTASTIC EXPOSURE and I want to applaud you for stepping up to the plate!!


Were you guilty of repeated and extreme cruelty? What did you do?

Also, do you live in a fault state? What state are you in?

She's filing irreconcilable differences but it also states the cruelty part.

In retrospect I did have a temper and yelled on multiple occasions...last two to three fights we had i called her names...I know it sounds dumb but I wish I had the insight to realize what I was doing

We live in illinois so we can have fault divorces

While angry out bursts can be very damaging to marriage, what she is doing to you is much worse. Adultery is about as abusive as it gets.

I would contact an aggressive men's rights attorney and countersue on grounds of adultery. This way, the OM will have to be subpoenaed into court to give sworn testimony about his adultery. In discovery, he will be forced to turn over his emails and cell phone logs pertaining to his adultery.

If you speak to your wife, be sure and tell her you will be doing this. See, she is hoping to scare you into submission by filing for divorce. You need to disabuse her of that notion.

Doing this makes it likely she will back off. Right now, she is hoping to scare you off from interfering with her affair but you can't let her succeed if you want to save your marriage.

Also, by exposing to the OM's parents, you have ruined her future with the OM. His parents will be unlikely to allow her to darken their doorstep. If the OM were my son, there would be hell to pay and he would never bring some skank into my home.

I suspect this is why your WW and the OM were so terrified of your exposure. The OM has decent, caring parents who won't tolerate that bullcrap. So many parents don't give a rats [censored] about their kids and rationalize their lack of care by saying stupid things like "I just want him to be happy." My response is always, "I guess we should be grateful he is not a serial killer, huh?"