Maybe it's because my doctor doubled my anti-depressants, but I can't find any love for my WH in my heart today. Or maybe it's just because I know he's with OW this weekend. Or, most probably, because of his action of filing a complaint for divorce.

No matter the reason, it makes me sad. I thought I could/would love him forever. He's really knocked that out of me.

Guess it will make being truly dark in Plan B a snap, though. I don't want to see him or speak to him. And, believe me, that's definitely something new.

There have even been some posters that have remained in Plan B even AFTER a D. It's really up to how you feel at the time.

So sorry you're going through this. Listen to your lawyer and whatever advice he gives. Tell him you want him to wait until the last minute to file anything since you wish to drag this out.

Good luck, eggin lady.

I guess I won't know until then but now I feel like "what's the point". I keep trying to do the math (70% of all affairs end...) but I just don't see this ending. He's SO into her, and so NOT into me. It does make Plan B easy, though.

Thanks, HTLD. I did tell my lawyer that--I just hope he listens. I'm glad you figured out who I am; I've valued your advice in the past.

It is just a rollercoaster ride.
You will definitely have ups and downs of what you feel towards him.
That is why sticking to a plan is great.

The point of sticking in plan B, even when you don't see the point is to stay out of the drama of the affair. However long it lasts or doesn't last. You are out of the situation and tending to yourself.

Thanks, reading. I spoke to my sister tonight and she, too, said it will be a rollercoaster ride. She also thinks the increase in the AD dosage is a big blame for the blah feeling I have.

Please keep reminding me that I do need to stay out of the drama. I need to lick my wounds and take care of me.

Just want to add: I spoke to my in-laws this evening. They care about me and support me in all that I do. I love them like they are my own parents. They may someday accept what their son has done because they love him, but I don't think OW will ever be able to be close to them or accepted by them. I will forever be the mother of their grandchildren to them and they value me for that (and lots of other reasons, too).

H&G,
You are lucky to have IL that support you and KNOW what their son is doing is WRONG.

My FIL(WH father) screamed at me on the phone and told me neither he NOR his wife (WH MOTHER)were not involved in our marriage and they certainly were NOT going to be involved in their son's divorce! (divorce? divorce? who said anything about a divorce? WH? who knows). That was the last time I spoke to either of them, two days after Thanksgiving. They have since gone to their winter home in FLA, didn't say goodbye to either of their grandchildren here let alone me. Only spoke to thier son 2xs since Thanksgiving(once was to give him food from the cleaned out fridge & say goodbye). Nice people, huh?

I think I should have PLAN B'd them 20 years ago!

(raises hand)

Sometimes it's the only way.

Mitzie, I know how fortunate I am to have my in-laws. They have always treated me like one of their daughters. My father-in-law has made a point of telling me a few times (before WH went wayward) what a great mother I've been to his grandchildren and that their successes in life are due to the great parenting job that I did. I'll love my in-laws forever.

Mulan, why is maintaining Plan B after a divorce sometimes the only way? Still too hurt and angry to see him? Since my WH has initiated a divorce, I imagine I would feel that way. I thought I could divorce him when I knew I was out of love with him and no longer wanted to reconcile. He has taken that option away from me.

I'm having a difficult day. WH is with OW. It's her birthday. I wonder what she got--I got a divorce complaint filed on my birthday. I know I'm in Plan B and won't call him, but I'm having a bad day. If someone walked up behind me and said "Boo!", I'd jump out of my skin.

I hate wayturds.

I'm sorry you are having a bad day. I know days like today feel overwhelming and like you won't make it, but you will. And you will come out stronger and better for it. I do feel for you, though. Just take it a minute at a time....

Thanks, StillFighting. I'm still struggling, but I'm nearly at the end of my workday. I think I'll make it without losing it in front of my class. Too much stress makes teaching impossible. I've managed to get by today and hope tomorrow will be brighter.

It is so hard to put on a happy face when all you want to do is crawl in a hole and hide. I work at a psychiatric unit and always felt so guilty b/c my life was so good compared to my patients' lives. Now I feel like I'm worse off than them sometimes. It's so hard to help them with their problems when all I really want to say is, "You think you've got it rough? Let me tell you about my husband who walked out on me and our baby?!"
I'm glad you are almost through the day. It may be raining today, but the sun is gonna shine tomorrow! I've always liked that saying.

Oh H&G, I KNOW how you feel. And, having done my stupid slip in Plan B, I actually KNOW what my WH did for OW on her Bday and KNOWING IS WORSE.

Just remember what you are doing and WHY you are doing it and stay on track. You'll get to feel better and better.

You're right--knowing would be worse, much worse. {{{Scotty}}}It's been a day of too many mind movies for me.

I'm staying on track. DS bowls in a tournament this weekend. WH can go on one day and I'll go on the other. Just gotta get DS to tell his dad to pick which day.

NOPE. What you need to do is get your IMs to TELL WH which day. And if you see WHs car, you do what? What if he comes in while you are there? I KNOW that people say that you are not going to go into hiding. Thing is, Plan B IS about hiding. Especially at the beginning of it. I had to make sure that WH didn't know where we were going to be and when. I even had to leave my house a few times when I knew he was coming over to see the kids and he wasn't supposed to. It's all about protecting YOURSELF. That comes above EVERYTHING else, at least for the next while.

Okay, Scotty. I was actually wrong about which weekend--it's the last one of this month. I'll tell my in-laws, who are acting as IMs. My sister was set to be the IM, but WH refuses to have any contact with her since he spoke with her on the phone.

I'm prepared to go to my bedroom and shut the door if he comes over. I've left before when I've known he will be by. But I fear it's all for naught--he doesn't really seem to care if he sees me or not.

Fine by me.

It isn't about HIM wanting to see YOU. It is about protecting yourself. And you never know what an entitled wayward has running around in their heads. He may think, "Why do I have to miss any of DSs bowling, SHE's the one that doesn't want to see me." Or any other amounts of garbage. I just want you to be prepared for every sitch so you won't be unprepared.

If you do see your WH, anytime you are in Plan B, you should smile, ask, "Are you ready to meet my requirements in the letter?" If he answers anything other than yes, you say, "Talk to me when you are." and WALK AWAY.

Scotty, I KNOW it's not about him wanting to see me but I WANT him to want to see me. Silly betrayed spouse thinking, I'm sure.

I understand your last paragraph and have rehearsed it in my mind. I'm not going to speak to him and talked to DS tonight about that. I may have to forgo seeing DS bowl until we get something hammered out in our parenting plan (attorneys get to do this).

It's been an hellacious day. Bad day at work (aforementioned), got back to find homework from my attorney (in an email), and then, just an hour ago, my DD called me with a major problem of her own. I don't want to speak about it here, but my heart is breaking for her.

I did confirm to the attorney that, even though it will cost more, I want to slow this divorce down as much as possible. I'm trying to let my heart catch up with my head. It is probably just a case of postponing the inevitable, but I need time to process this. If I come out of it with any love left for my WH, it will be a surprise to me. At least, that's how I feel tonight.

Okay, if it is silly BS thinking to want your WS to contact you, then I AM SILLY TOO. I used to wish that my WH would drive home. I would hear the phone ring and hope that it would be him. I would log into my email anticipating an email from him. You know what I got? None of that. But it didn't stop me wanting it. I can't tell you when it stopped, I can just tell you that it somehow DID. I guess it is because I stopped thinking about him every other second and was able to start focusing on life without my WH.

This morning, around 530am, I awoke with a sense that my WH was lying in the bed next to me. I was in that in between state of sleep and awake. I actually startled awake and had to look on the other side of the bed to make sure that he wasn't there. Then, I went back to sleep. Only when I awoke a couple of hours later did I realize that today marks 13 months since I entered Plan B. I missed him a little bit more than usual, but I kept on moving with my day.

That's just it sometimes. Some days you are going to just try to get through NC for that minute. Sometimes you will struggle for an hour and other times, you will go to bed realizing that today, you didn't struggle for one second. I thank God every night for the strength He gave me to not contact my WH. Then, in the morning, I pray for the strength again. Even in my dreams, I get mad at myself for breaking Plan B. My mind is made up that THIS is what I need to do and it IS the right thing for ME.

I am sorry that you are dealing with other stressful sitchs. It is like the saying that my dad always had, "When it rains it pours." And I bet in those stressful times, you think about your WH. I know I often do. He was my ROCK. When I confided in him, it took away some of the burden. Now, I needed to find a new rock. I have support all around me, IRL and HERE, but also, I pray. I have faith and I have hope. That is all that gets me to the next step. The next moment. Looking back over the changes I have made in these last 13 months amazes me. I am CERTAIN you will be equally amazed with the changes you will make too. Stay strong.