For many women, lecturing is a LB. Don't try to educate her, sell her on the program. Paint a happy romantic relationship between tne two of you.
Great! She tells you what bothers her, so you can change that. (right?)
He will help you how to sell the programm to your wife. You have the advantage you are a man, you can win over your wife. The other way around it is more difficult.

MrA I’m so sorry for your loss. I hope you and your DW can be a comfort to one another. Do you listen to the radio show? It’s helped my parenting a lot too and will help you make a lot of deposits where it will get easier to schedule fun light UA time together and that’s what has the best chance of motivating you DW to eliminate her LBs

Moderators, please move this thread to the Divorced/Divorcing Forum Section. Thank you.

Hello MBers,

I am sorry to report that I have decided to divorce my wife of 31 years.

Despite my efforts to follow Dr Harley's plan, follow his direct advice, receive joint counseling from Dr. Chalmers, continually listen to MB Radio and post on this forum MrsAlias and I have drifted further and further apart. I, so withdrawn, can hardly look at her anymore. I have decided it is time to move on. The feelings of dislike are growing and I don't want to become so angry that her and I cannot be civil with each other down the road.

We've lived as roommates for several years now and enough time has passed that all of my kids are now 18 years or older. The youngest is in his last year of high school.

I've spent the last year avoiding my wife. Me, firmly planted at home due to COVID (I work from home now) she would still go in to work every day and then every day after work come home only to come up with some non-essential reason to leave the house again. She finds it necessary to give me some reason why she needs to go out when she and I both know it's because she wants to smoke.

I've done an inventory of where we are at and where I'd like to go. MrsAlias simply doesn't fit into my plans for the future. We are simply have very different ideas on what makes a good M and want very different things for our future. It may have been different if she did agree with the MB principles but seeing she didn't agree with quite a few of the basic principles we'll never know.

I thought it a good idea to post again seeing I have this new and terrible news. I could use some support through this process and, at least, in the near future. I am feeling a huge sense of loss now that I've made the decision to move on. I have regrets about breaking up our family and the turmoil it will create for all 3 kids as well as myself and even for MrsAlias. The kids are all still, somewhat, dependent on us. Her and I will have a lot to work out regarding their ongoing support. I am deeply saddened that so much of what I have worked so hard for these many years is now all going to be for not. I'll be living on my own in some little shack or whatever I can afford once everything is final.

Right now everything is so up in the air. MrsAlias has agreed to complete the D using a mediator. I've already spoken to a reputable family law attorney in our home town and as of right now believe she is the lawyer we will use to complete the process.

It's my hope that MrsAlias can find a way to stay in our home but that is a huge long shot. For selfish reasons I don't want to deal with all of the "stuff" we've accumulated over the years and the home is optimal for our 3 kids for at least the next few years. I see a huge dumpster in our future, although I'm sure she doesn't see it that way.

Thank you in advance for you assistance and support.

Thanks for the update MrAlias, Sorry it is such a sad update.

What do your kids say about the divorce?

MrA I’m so sorry to hear this. I know you’ve tried so hard for so long. You’re in the right place.

Thanks for the replies BH and NED.

BH, the kids are all very supportive for both of us. I'm quite certain they knew this day was coming. It's been way too obvious that Mom and Dad have been living like roommates. They are great kids and I am extremely proud of them. Which makes this decision all that much harder. The whole image/concept of losing our family, such a great family, is definitely providing plenty of pain for myself. I go from depression to anger. Sitting alone every night in our basement until bedtime, trapped due to COVID and winter. I am definitely looking forward to something more pleasant than that once this is done. Not sure where I'll go once it's over.

So far we have been very civil to each other and tonight she said we could talk about proceeding. Hopefully via a mediator. Otherwise it's just throwing money into a fire. Nothing good will come of us having lawyers trying to help us through this.

So glad to see you two still here.

I see Melody has life situations that have taken her away. Such good people here. So grateful for all the help all these many years.

You have fought and tried every avenue to restore your marriage. I am sure your kids will appreciate that some day!