I'll have to dig around, see what I can find about his parents. I did check for a facebook thing, but didn't see one. My W didn't have him as a "friend" and, actually, deactivated her facebook a few weeks ago. Wonder why she did that? Never made sense.

For some reason I feel different now. No longer afraid or drained of energy. I'm ready for this fight. I feel like today is the day I start fighting for my marriage...not just working on it. Even though I've been trying for months, tonight feels different.

WEll, I am not angry, so I can speak from an objective viewpoint and tell you that the workplace exposure will be of tremendous value. It will be helpful to your wife, the OM, the workplace and your marriage. There is no downside here at all.

Can you set up a fake page and do a search? They might have you blocked. And hopefully you can find his parents. While it is no guarantee, parents can often be very influential.

Maybe today is the day you decide to stand up for your marriage? Bravo to you!

Crud, guess I need a "real" plan now that I've exposed and WW will know that the gig is up.

Plan A?

So when she lashes out tomorrow about me sending that text to OM, what's my response to be without doing a LB? That feeling of power is wearing off...I don't trust myself not to have an AO, etc.

EDIT: Found the carrot/stick thread, think I can get a good start on this.

I'm having a little trouble visualizing this encounter. Any ideas? Just pop my head in and say Hello like that computer from the movie 2001? Loudly announce who I am and what my W and OM are doing? Make a scene?

My head's going a million miles an hour, hope I'm not asking a bunch of dumb questions that I should have had the answer to had I been better prepared.

Tell him you are WW's husband and you know about his affair with your wife. Tell him you will be fighting for your marriage and if he doesn't leave your wife alone, there will be hell to pay. Tell him if this goes to divorce that you will sue on grounds of adultery and have his sorry [censored] hauled into court to give evidence of this affair.

BUT... don;t do this until you have exposed him at the workplace and to his family. Then he will know you mean business.

And like I said, leave your sidearm in the car.

But, you haven't really exposed at all. Her family has not helped one bit and you have not exposed at work yet. AFTER you really expose, i would DEMAND she end contact with the OM or this will lead to divorce.


Try not to lash out at her because that sorry, brazen scumbag contacted her. Tell her that better not happen again!! Ask her why he is contacting her at all, and demand she end her affair.

So, tell him loud enough for others to hear without making a scene or resorting to firearms. Got it.

I think you already have the right idea. Loud and calm..... and within earshot of many others!

Thanks, ML. I thought about it and edited my post before you responded.

We're both in central time I guess (MS and TX)...getting late and going to be a long day tomorrow. Thanks for the input and for taking the time.

Night, friend!

Absolutely. Tell them you are counting on them to support your M and your family.

I'm still laughing over your response to OM on the cell! You done good, north! Okay, I might have added "You POS" when you typed his name...but that's me looking in after the fact.

That guy shouldn't be able to take a deep breath without you looking over his shoulder! He needs to know that you are ON IT and will make his life a HELL if he comes around your wife!

Good job on the cell phone.

This is why it's a good idea to get everything down in writing and send it certified mail.

Your emotions may well run high, and you don't want her employer to suspect that you are just a nut-job who is jealous of anyone who gets near his wife. It is also easy to forget key things you might want to say, or to say something that will not be in your best interest.

A letter will serve you best: cold, business-like, factual, calmly demanding a response.

Flip-flop this backward thinking, north. Let them know that you need their help, and that their help will ensure that your family remains intact. So of COURSE their grandchildren will know their grandparents. Because you all are working together to get rid of this threat to your M.

WW has gone to see her mother today which, believe me, is a huge surprise. There's a lot of discourse there, and that she is voluntarily going to see her says something.

Her mother told me this morning that she was going to confront her when she got there.

I tried calling my FIL and his wife--no answer, left a message and then followed up with texts asking them to talk to WW about the affair. I followed the sample text that someone posted here earlier.

Regarding exposure to workplace, I think I may get somewhere speaking by phone to her boss who is a woman and, per my W's comments, already suspects something is wrong re: work performance. She and her boss used to work together at a different job and were good friends.

Plus, it'd be quicker than sending a letter and I really want this to go down today...all at once and, hopefully, with a discussion by her dad and step-mom.

Thoughts before I act?

If you feel that it is best to talk to her as opposed to sending an overnight letter, call her and make an appointment to meet with her personally. Take your evidence with you.
Your physical presence will make a statement, much more so than just hopping on the phone to make a phone call.

Do you think I have enough evidence? I have:

1. Verbal information from my MIL that they saw text messages *probably* on the work phone...definitely not her normal phone.

2. I have the one text on her work phone from last night.