Well, he's known for quite a while that I'd come back on him for adultery, but I don't think he's done the numbers and understands the financial costs of what he's doing. He won't be able to retire for years!

I am going to stick to my dark Plan B. I believe that it's my only hope. He has recently said to my sister that he enjoys talking to me. He's always expressed the hope that we could remain friends. (Not very damn likely!) I'm planning on not attending any events that DS has (weekly bowling league, bowling tournaments, even piano recitals!) so that I won't be in contact with him. I finally understand--let OW be everything for him so that he can realize that she's nothing he needs. Or so I hope.

Just remember Plan B is for you, not him. Don't expect anything, it is for you to preserve any love that you have left for him.

Hang in there, you're doing great! Hopefully you can eventually go to your DS's events w/o it affecting you. I would had to have you miss out on things in his life over a fogged out WH!

Best,

Thanks, beginagain. I do know that Plan B is for me, but can't seem to help having expectations. If I had no hopes, I wouldn't have any love either. Not going to DS's events is a way of preserving my love. It's also the best way to give WH a taste of the life of a divorced dad and husband. This will be a very dark Plan B.

I don't buy lottery tickets often, and if I were to win, "I" wouldn't be the one to win, KWIM?

Thanx for better explaining. I misunderstood how you phrased it and I was worried that others may have too. end t/j

H&G(every time I type that I think of Proctor and Gamble P&G).

ITA with you staying away from events that you KNOW that WH would also attend. You are doing the right thing for you. It sucks, but you can't trust anyone else to take care of you but YOU.

Scotty, I'm just glad no one has written HaG. I don't think I could handle that.

GOOD GRAVY THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN FUNNY. HAHAHAHAHA. I may have been the first one to call you H&G so we may have dodged a bullet there.

Scotty, I believe you were the first to write H&G, too. I felt relieved when I saw it.

I've had a very good (dare I say GREAT) day. Schools let out early because of snow. I did something very good for a student. I got some more paperwork from the lawyer (deposition questions for WH)--the legal profession must be responsible for more use of paper than any other. Thirty pages! School has been cancelled for tomorrow! And, finally, I've been reading damnyouautocorrect (note--racy, NSFW) and laughing out loud for the first time since D-Day.

WH called DS and I was not even tempted to answer. Progress!

That is serious progress Hope! You are so strong. How good does it feel to laugh again? Have you tried singing out loud at the top of your voice in the car, that is great. Yes we have all lost it!!

I am 2 weeks Dark, and I am a liking it A LOT.

Its all about RESPECT.

I don't feel so strong today, but I've had too much time to think. Thinking is NOT good! So, since I'm off for a snowday, I'm getting a head start on the laundry and I'll go out in a few minutes to sweep the snow off the deck and clean off my car. Idle hands are the devil's workshop and if I keep busy, then those awful thoughts and doubts will go away.

Are you gonna get a bit of a workout too(other than getting rid of the snow). Lucky bugger getting a snowday. Last week, it snowed 8 inches and all they did was cancel the buses. Today it is FREEZING but SUNNY.

It definitely sucks to have time to think. I am glad that you recognize it and are trying to keep your mind occupied. I do want to remind you that you DO need to grieve. You need to let yourself cry every once in a while. You need to allow yourself to get angry. Punch a pillow and yell everything at your WH that you wish you could say to his face. Let it out.

t/j Harmony, I know right. I told my friends that I sometimes feel like that crazy lady, walking down the street, talking to herself, because sometimes, I AM. end t/j

gotta laugh, poor old Hope, I started that excercise thing and no one is letting you off the hook. So........

Workout? I came in from sweeping the deck and cleaning my car off with my heart pounding while I gasped for breath. I was ready to pass out! BTW, Eight inches of snow would shut down my state for a week. How the heck are students supposed to get to school if they cancel buses?

Telling me to let myself cry is like telling a dark cloud it needs to rain--it happens, whether I want it to or not. I do try to do it when DS is gone or when I'm in the shower. Sometimes I drive down the road, cussing a blue streak at WH for all the pain he has caused and is causing me. My therapist (counselor? I can never decide what to call her.) says I'll continue cycling through the stages of grief for some time to come. She has encouraged me to stay in Plan B (though she doesn't call it that) so that I can begin to heal my heart and WH gets a taste of life on his own as a divorced man. She says (and I'm sure all will agree) that I'm so emotional about everything that's gone on for the past few months, that I need to pull back and take a break from the drama. Sounds so familiar, doesn't it? My therapist has nothing on the caring people here--you all beat her to the punch by a couple of months. Maybe others here will read this and learn from it. You all do know what you're talking about!

I'm going to get a passport and get on a plane to jolly ole England and pummel you!:D You two young ladies need to respect me--I'm old enough to be the mama of both of you!

Seriously, I'll get off the couch soon. I hate walking in my neighborhood (steep hills!). Maybe I'll get to work earlier and walk around the university campus that it's near. When it's warmer than below-freezing every single day.

I am so angry at myself.

WH took DS to dinner and didn't come in the house, as he always has in the past. I was happy! Two hours later, they were still not home. In the past, when I called, WH gave DS the phone to answer. This time he didn't--said "Hello" to which I said "DS, please." He immediately gave DS the phone but I was upset that I spoke to him. I should have just hung up.

That was bad enough but it gets worse.

DS told me they would be home in a few minutes. I told him to tell his dad that he had some mail. DS comes in the house. I had moved the mail by the front door, but he didn't see it. The front door was closed, so I went in that room and gave DS the mail, thinking WH was still in his car. DS opens the door and there stands WH. Darn it all! He said thanks and "Hello, H&G." in a friendly voice. I muttered hello and left the room.

DARK Plan B since Jan. 10 and I flushed it all away twice tonight.

I am so upset with myself.

HG, it's all right. Don't beat yourself up over it. Just learn from it and make better arrangements for next time.

All you did was show yourself how much of a difference Plan B really makes! So, get up and dust yourself off and formulate a plan for what you'll do next time.

It's okay. You're doing great. Really.

Thanks, Mulan. I've calmed down. I will be very careful tomorrow, when WH takes DS to get a haircut and go bowling. Guess I'll hide in my bedroom.

Like I said Hope the most difficult part of Plan B is the attempt of the WS to break it.

Make sure you seal up the gaps so there is no getting in.

Your post the other day made me chuckle so much. You gonna give me and Scotty a good hiding you know!

I'm scared now......

BTW, I think you handled the phone call well.

I don't have children but I have heard that WS use the children to get to the BS.

When they do it that I hear they ask the child is it an emergency and if they say no then just simply say that we have nothing to discuss.

Poor DS. WH picked him up at 8 to go get a haircut. DS refused to eat breakfast with WH (made sure he ate before WH got here). DS told me he didn't want to go to WH's apartment and that he was afraid that WH would take him there--he was taken there last night and saw the photos of SkankyHo that WH now has proudly placed in the living room. DS doesn't want to be with WH at all, but loves him and so goes anyway. DS will be home within half an hour. Before he left, he planned on refusing to eat lunch with his father.

I'll be in my room, playing the clock radio very loudly.

I ordered HNHN and SaA for my kindle. Sometimes I feel stuck where I am, going through a divorce I don't want, and wondering what's the use of hoping? What's the use of Plan B? I cry at times like these.

Today I have wrapped myself in my prayer shawl (gift from older DS's girlfriend, who is currently applying to divinity schools) and prayed and read Mimi's thread and prayed some more.

It's a curiosity of divorce paperwork (to me, at any rate) that all of the things the plaintiff (or counter-plaintiff that I am) asks for are in the form of prayers. Counter-plaintiff prays to be named the primary residential parent, etc.

These aren't my real prayers. I'm asking God to hold WH in His hands and bring him safely through this time. I ask God to reunite us and heal us. I ask God to heal my DS's broken heart. I ask for relief from pain and heartache.

I'm so tired of the pain. I thought I was getting better, but the divorce and last night's Plan B failure have hit me hard.