I've been reading other threads. How I wish exposure had worked on my WH! It doesn't seem fair that it hasn't. I feel like I'm in a race against time. Can my love win or will their affair outlast my ability to stay in love with him? I wish I had skills at prognostication...I guess if I did I wouldn't be where I am now.

I too wish that exposure had done its job in my case too. Then I think, "It did." See, my WH wanted to move in with OW. They were "just friends" and he would be staying in her "extra bedroom." Then in a few months, they would have announced their "relationship." Their magical love story That wasn't what happened now. My kids know. Anyone else who is influential knows. They didn't wield any of their influence though.

I also worry about losing my love for my WH. When I get those feelings, I try to change my focus onto myself and how I can make my life better. I look around and see what changes I have made to my life already. The small things really do add up.

I have been looking into Stained Glass projects. I think that would be an interesting hobby. Have you come up with one yet?

I'm pretty bummed that his parents, who definitely don't approve, haven't come down harder on him. They gave him old furniture to use in his apartment. They said their piece but don't hammer at him and he definitely needs a hammer!

I try to keep busy, too, but lately I'm wondering if I'll be able to forgive him, even if I love him. He's really done a lot of unforgivable things.

I've thought about doing Stained Glass but I don't like those tiny shards of glass. I'm afraid they'll stick in my fingers--ugh!

I think I'll go back to crocheting. I've always enjoyed making doilies but I've made afghans, too, and once made a great crocheted purse from cording.

I crochet too. My grandma taught me when I was 16. I like to make baby afghans. I need to make 2 of them soon. I am also doing some cross stitching.

Have you ever thought about making some preemie hats and booties and bringing them to your local children's hospital? There is always a need for those kinds of things. I even thought about making baby afghans and sweaters and giving them to the local un-wed mother's home. The Wal*Mart we have here has 1lb bags of mill ends. They are cheaper. I can get a 1lb bag of baby wool for about $6. It's not perfect and I need to cut some pieces off sometimes but it is worth it.

Scotland, I hadn't thought of making baby afghans or hats to donate. I'll look into it. Thanks for the idea.

I'm home for another snowday--3-4 inches have fallen and another inch is expected. It's getting ridiculous. I live in the South and this has not been our typical winter weather pattern for the past 20 years.

I'm worried about how WH fared going to work today. He's got a 30 mile drive to get there. I guess I'll hear if he doesn't make it.

Well, here's a surprise. WH took DS out last night. While they were eating dinner, WH told DS that he wouldn't be pressuring him to spend the night at his apartment any more "for the next month or so".

DS had refused to spend the night with WH because WH refused to not be on the phone with OW while DS was there.

Something to this effect was added to my counter-complaint. I wonder if WH received it yet or if he's finally being a little sensitive to DS's needs. I don't think he's received it (I just signed it Monday evening and he didn't have time to go to his lawyer's office before he picked up DS) and I don't really think he's sensitive to anything lately.

More useless speculation going on here. I think this almost qualifies as a new hobby.

Hiya Hope!



Yup you got it lady!


Sooooo, how are you doing? What are your plans to take the focus of what WH is upto? That is the real benefit of Plan B you know, that you have removed yourself from the drama and it no longer matters what they get upto....

So give us the low down and how YOU are doing. I am being nosy now...

Are you sleeping better?
Is the anxiety improving?
Are you going out or withdrawing from friends and family?
Are you excercising and eating well to cope with the trauma you are going through?
Are you feeling better day by day?
Do you need a change of scenery to give yourself a new perspective e.g night/weekend away.

Let us know Hope...

Harmony.

Hi Hope!!

OK I sound like a real old nag, but from what you have said above you need to start taking better care of yourself

Do you know I have never used that icon????

I know you are older than me but I often tell my mother off if she's not looking after number 1!!

OK back to the sleep thing. In my previous thread 'FWW in need of help and hope' I was a right mess. I wasn't sleeping and it was not helping me deal with the situation, I couldn't think straight, everything seemed worse that what it was and it made me feel depressed and anxious.

So it would be good for you to think about having a bit of a routine to improve your sleep quality. For example, I bought a book which was completely 'off subject' to take my mind of things before I went to sleep, I had a hot water bottle with lavender drops, and I had a cup of chamomile tea before bed. All these things gradually started to help me sleep better. So have you a routine, what do you do to improve your sleep? 7-8 hours sleep a night improves your mood, anxiety levels and great for your health and beauty!!

Your anxiety levels sound normal, but the more activity you can do to take your mind off things the better. You need a BREAK from all of this, whats the longest you have gone without thinking about things?

You are mostly withdrawing?? Ok theres another one

I know you have a lot on Hope, and I know its hard, but it is time to get out there and do one thing for me please? LIVE. Not that you want to get revenege but if you do the best revenge ever is to live a successful life. You need to start making plans. How about arranging a dinner party at your house? How about contacting an old friend that you have lost touch with to make a dinner date? Come on Hope it really is your time. Do you really need a man to be happy? You certainly cannot rely on your H to make you happy right now.

Eating habits....well well
You know that this is not good. You really need to have a good diet at the moment more important to help support you with what your going through. It will give you something to focus on, having a good daily diet, you can focus on preparing yourself a lovely evening meal with a nice glass of cheeky vino. Make it a pleasure in the evening and put on some nice music.

I understand about the injuction, is there nothing you can do within 100 miles?? Try and be inventive here Hope, it might just gie you the break you need.

Time to Plan A yourself Hope, I know that a lot of what I have said is off the subject of your M, but unless you are looking after yourself and in tip top shape, you will not be strong enough to deal with the road ahead.

Thinking of you {{{{{Hope}}}}}

Harmony.

I needed (and still need) that 2x4, Harmony. I did make sure I ate a good breakfast this morning. I also ate spaghetti and a buttered slice of Italian bread last night. I think some of my problems lately are due to the fact I've dipped too low on carbs. It's impossible to think clearly without some carbs in your system.

I do have a sleep routine. I take my AD before bed (it makes me sleepy) and take half of an Ambien (Ambien helps you go to sleep for 3-4 hours). Before I drift off, I read a chapter of a fantasy novel I have. The problem is that I wake up at 2 or 3 in the morning either because of anxiety or foot cramps. I've never had foot cramps before and don't really know what causes them. Getting up, walking about, and drinking a big glass of water seems to help end them, but by that point I sometimes have trouble going back to sleep. There's nothing like the wee hours of the morning to unleash the thoughts about WH that I keep at bay most of the time.

This is difficult to answer. Sometimes he's in my thoughts all day long. Other times, it's less but he's not ever gone from my thoughts more than an hour. I don't know what to do about it. Even when I'm busy, he's in my thoughts.

I did begin to get out more, but the snowy weather has ended that. I've even taken HTLD's suggestion and just let it be known that I have a "dinner date" when WH takes DS for the evening. Of course, the dinner date is with a female co-worker, but WH doesn't know that. I think I'm focusing too much on how my actions affect/don't affect WH. I need to get past this.

I don't ever drink (both brother and sister are recovering alcoholics) but I did try to have a nice dinner last night, as much for my DS as for me. Poor kid, he's had a lot of microwaved meals lately. I must do better for him AND me and make eating a meal together a priority.

Okay. I'll work on this

To me, the road ahead is just filled to the brim with bad things. Divorce. Loss of my best friend. Pity from others. I can't stand the thought of the future that's looming ahead. I want to go into hibernation and avoid all of it. But I can't do that and so I soldier on, in my own way. I do need to shake myself (and thanks for your 2x4's!) and get on with it. It's just hard today.

I used to wake up every night (the first four or five months) of plan B at 3 or 4 am
with anxiety, sorrow, etc.
I was surprised when it stopped.
It will stop some day H&G.
Now, I sleep well.
I love and miss my WH but I feel so proud of my self. I have such self-respect (now I really know the meaning of this word....never truly before this) and I have a clear conscious that I am doing all that is in my power to save my marriage.
You will not have pity from others. You will not need to constantly soldier on. Now, yes. Not forever. You will find joy and optimism later in B.
If your divorce goes all the way through......you will have done your best to save the marriage. What a woman. OMG....what a woman! THAT is true, honest beauty. Be proud of the stuff you are dealing with. Stuff you didn't choose and making the most of despite the emotional pain and fear.

Oh, reading! Thank you so much for validating what I'm going through AND giving me an optimistic view of the future. I did so need this.
This made me sob. I don't feel like "what a woman!" I feel like discarded trash. I keep trying to do the right things--Plan A, now Plan B, praying so earnestly to God to save my marriage and make me a better person but everyday it feels like I'm running full speed into a brick wall. I don't know how long I can do this. I'm ready to give up.

There is a point where you'll actually realize you are not discarded trash. Nope.
You will clearly see that the OW is a loser (whether she winds up with the guy or not). No matter what she looks like, her IQ, her anything else. If he stays with her....she is with a guy who left his loyal wife (jerk). If he leaves her she was with a guy who cheated on his loyal wife (jerk). Loser either way.

You need to feel what you are feeling now because it is what any human would feel in the same situation. It feels personal and unique but we are all humans. Anyone who was betrayed by the person they loved,married, built a life with would feel the very same.

You will have a long road but along the way it will get less and less upsetting and you will find that you will learn a lot about yourself and a lot of it is going to turn out to be good stuff. Stuff you didn't have a clear clue about until this situation.

Don't give up. There really isn't anything to gain by doing so and as a matter of fact....it isn't realistic. There is no giving up. You are on this ride and you can't get off. You just get to decide whether to close your eyes on the turns and swoops and whether to scream or not. Screaming wouldn't make the ride stop any sooner though.

Reading, I already believe the OW is a loser and that WH affaired down--big time! Even though she's a tenured professor at a small university, she's a SkankyHo. She targeted him and pursued him with a vengeance. Because of her jealousy, he's no longer "allowed" to call me or be around me at all--even before Plan B. It's this insane jealously that I believe will eventually be the cause of their inevitable breakup. Of course, right now he's so fogged and addicted that he thinks these requests by her are acceptable, even understandable. She's also the impetus behind him filing for divorce. Sometimes I wonder if I dropped Plan B and did some things that she wouldn't approve of, if it would make a difference. I don't know.

I've found out that screaming doesn't help--done quite a bit of it and it didn't help at all. About an hour ago, I got a bunch of divorce stuff in the mail from my lawyer--proposed parenting plan, court date, my answer and complaint. It makes me ill to read it. But I had to leave to take DS to a friend's house and quickly read it before I left. Mistake! It unnerved me.

As I was driving home, I passed a church. On the marquee sign were these words, I think it's a sign from God (pun unavoidable!).

I think God is listening. I don't mean to DJ God, but I wish He'd hurry up.

I will not quit. I will keep trying. After all, as you said, reading, I have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Bless you, reading. And Harmony, too. You've both made such a difference to my very bad day.

I saw my counselor today. She says, despite my difficulties earlier today, that she can tell I'm getting stronger--perhaps because I don't sob the entire hour with her anymore. She says I need to remember I'm grieving and will continue to grieve for some time to come but that it's okay because it's normal to grieve when something is lost.

She also says that, based on the conversations we've had about WH, she believes the break-up will come eventually because of the enormous pressure the cOW* is putting on him to end contact with his family and to file for divorce. I think she's right and she doesn't ever tell me what I want to hear. She's much more about telling me what I need to hear.

I'm feeling better tonight. Rollercoasters have never been on my top list of carnival rides, but I guess I'd better get used to them.

*cOW: the 'c' has no meaning, I just like calling her a cow.

terribly insulting to the cows, I must say.

Sorry to insult the cows, KaylaAndy. Unlike WH's cOW, they probably have feelings for others and would never steal someone's husband. Still, I like calling her cOW. Or, perhaps, sOW. Any pig lovers out there?

Morning Hope!

C'est moi!!! How you doing today?



Foot cramps can be caused by tiredness, poor diet, fatigue and dehydration. You are clearly not taking care of yourself. Read this link:

Foot cramps

You should be taking care of son, and I am telling you now that preparing lovely evening meals are a nice way of taking your mind of things and gives you and your son all the nutrients you need.

I am looking forward to hearing your 'list' of what social plans you are going to make.

Seriously Hope, why don't you give yourself a target date starting Monday to say for 2 weeks I am really going to look after myself and then see how I feel? You can go out shopping on Saturday buys loads of nice food, treat yourself to a couple of 'relaxing items' such as lavender oil ect...

The reason I am saying all of this is I only started to FEEL better once I started doing ACTIONS to make me feel better. You can sit and wallow or you can get off your booty and LIVE.

I am onto you Hope!!

Take care, Harmony.

Just updated previous post.

Just bumped Goddess thread for you, have a read its hilarious!