Thank you!
This house is like an anchor that keeps me stuck in the mud. Once I lift it, which is happening now with the sale of the house, I will sail away and not look back.

Sometimes I just wonder about WH not so much because I care (I have no love left for him, I know that because I can look at pics of him now and feel nothing, or I can even cross paths with him and feel nothing....)
but mostly just to know why he is so much into this OW, as if the entanglement increases. The sale of the house will certainly entice OW to get WH's share of the small profit we will make...also, the sale of the house represents the end of what they would call the A and the beginning of a "normal" relationship. I will no longer be there and there will be no need to be secretive when he visits...he can actually move right in with her...
I know theirs is not true love, but I never had with WH what he has with her...his total attention and his total interest to the point she is the only person he sees socially.
blessing

Hi all,
well, I just discovered about swingers.
OK, there is a couple, teachers, who work at my school. He hits on all the female teachers and does things with other teachers without his wife being around and vice versa.
I was told by too many people now that they are swingers, basically they look for other partners (I guess that's what it means)
So yesterday I got an email from him telling me he would teach me how to ski (I had told someone at school I did not know how to) and take me out one day just me and him. Then he sent me another email today telling me he would ride the bus with me.....
I did not respond to either and kept a very cold distance when I run into him again.
I was told by a friend of mine that this kind of behavior is very common in big cities in the States and probably all over t he world
What kind of filth is this...????
We are worried and pained about adultery and then there are couples who not only welcome it, but actively seek it?????
blessing

I am not looking for any kind of feedback or comments about swingers, i am just witnessing more and more how morals and integrity are gone from our society....it is just denigrating to see how people will do anything and have to remorse or guilt about it.....
and jet, the world keeps on rolling and these people teach kids every day (little ones too!!)
Revolting

Blessing

Well, in the U.S. at least, the terms usually go like this:

What you describe is an "open marriage". The partners are legally married, but free to seek out other sex partners if they want to. There are usually some rules, like the spouse is supposed to be informed if/when the other one sleeps with somebody else.

Swingers are usually couples who have sex parties with other swinging couples. They cheat together, instead of individually as in an open marriage.

These are both just examples of people trying to be both married and single at the same time, and thinking they've found a way to do it. It never, ever works in any form - not for long - but they keep trying anyway.

sorry - I posted info anyway, before I saw your last post.

atena, unfortunately this is nothing new. Sick morals, selfishness and cruelty have been a fact of life since the dawn of civilization. We're just hearing more about them now, which may be a blessing in disguise - if it's not a secret anymore, and the pain and destruction is wide open for all to see, *maybe* some of it will start.

Hi Mulan,
can't imagine it would work. I think after a while one partner wants more commitment and the other wants to keep swinging...
And you are right the politically correct term is "open M"
I wish i could report them, but have no grounds for it and I am afraid that i would be told that if it is ok for the H and W to have this agreement then we should jot intrude in their personal and private sexual life....
blessing

I've seen a few interviews with wives who've been persuaded to go along with these arrangments, and they always always say the same thing: "Well, if he's going to be with someone else anyway, and most men do, I'd rather know about it. This way, at least I know."

And my response is always the same thing: "Honey, what on earth makes you think he'll be honest about this anymore than he would be with any other form of cheating??"

Firstly, unless you have heard it from the W herself, you can not be certain that they actually ARE swingers and it isn't something that this WH tells his "interests" so they would be okay with it(seriously WHO WOULD BE OKAY WITH IT? )

Secondly, I would actually respond to this man. I would say, "I am not interested in spending any time alone with a married man. Please do not contact me anymore." But that's just ME.

Hi all, should know about the house sell in 5 days. Looks good.
I am actively looking to move out before the closing date which is end of May. I have looked at a few places and I am sure I will find something...can't wait to be out of there.

In the meantime..I spoke to SIL yesterday and MIL is sick and needs to have surgery which seems serious. I will call MIL to give her my best wishes. I think that is in order.

WH is still the same, after 1 and half years in plan B, I think we will probably never speak to eachother again for the rest of our lives. I run into him today and his hatred towards me is very evindent. He looked old and depressed, evidently he is only happy with his drug of choice (OW) but for the rest his life seems pretty miserable....
I do not love him any more and felt nothing today when I saw him.

blessing

Hi Atena,

Just catching up to your posts. Praying your house sells.

I agree to contact MIL and wish her well. That was your family too.

Keep doing what you are doing and work on yourself. We cannot change WH only ourselves. I have built confidence and strength through this even though there are times that I have the sadness of the destruction of our M.

Plan B will keep you safe.

blessings .

bump for atena..

How are you doing?

Just an update... the house sold!! and i have to move out end of May, however I have been looking for a place to live now and hopefully will find what I am looking for soon. I am also making contacts for a job and there might be openings in my field.

I have been socializing with female friends and have some fun finally.
I do not see WH much, but the last time i saw him from a distance in the city where I live, he was strolling with a woman who was not the OW, so he might be already cheating on OW,,,,or the new woman might just be a friend...by what he means by female friend.
I have mixed feelings about him, i know it is over and can finally see who he really is...on the other hand there is a very small part of me that still hopes he will change...I hate that small part of me, stupid and stubborn.
Strange how much we hang on to hope when reality shows us over and over again: the truth. Yet we still secretly hope WH will come back to his senses. FOr me, after one and half years of plan B i can pretty much say it is over.
Thank you all
blessing

Let's continue to hope he will change (for the better) for his sake.
Let's never stop hoping that hope for each other.

We want "him" to change so he can be a better man.
With or without you.
Change for the betterment of him.

The hope that others might/will change for our benefit has a completely different flavor.
Would you agree?

Yes Pepper, you are right, I am as selfish as he is sometime. i just hopes he changes for me and comes back to me. Key word: ME.
I do hope he changes for himself. It is sad to see a 50 year old man running after women 15-20 years younger...you sort of see the end of that...where it is heading. Not good.
I do love him in spite of it all, and wish him all the best.
thank you
blessing

Sometimes i get the urge to do something crazy...like send a message to WH saying "I love you still, let's talk"
Crazy, I know..
What would happen if I sent a message like that.
Would he be like...is she really thick...crazy...what????
blessing

atena - wow! You've travelled a long and difficult journey. Posts like yours are important wayposts for those of us just starting down the path. Like most BS, I'm still hoping for the best, but now planning for the worst.

I'm both happy and glad that you sound hopeful about the future, but that little stubborn voice is one that I'm afraid of down the road too. Right now, WW is still the love of my life...sigh..

Sad but true, but my WH, in spite of all the sh@t he put me thru for the past 7 years (7 years!!!!) is still the love of my life.
OK, what is love? Is it conditional? Then it is not love.
It is a thrill?? a swing of the pendulum (Up and down: a high and then an inevitable low) Or is it giving love, no matter what the other person does? Love and nothing back expected. Love for hate?
I think yes, love is that and only that. The rest is just a play of opposites. I am up now and later I will inevitably be down.
I love my WH. I do but can't get hurt anymore...
blessing

atena - that's so sad and so unnecessary. I agree with you, love should be unconditional or as close to that as possible. Some folks just want that fresh, adrenaline rush of a new love I suppose. Right now I'm making the same bargain, love for hate. She hates me right now, of course exposure only occured about a week ago.

This is likely going to be a long and unpredictable journey for me, just like everyone else.

Hang in there!

Andy,
thank you.
At times it seems unpredictable, but really,..it is very simple. WS are just that: wayward.
You love them,maybe even unconditionally, but self-preservation dictates that you protect yourself from the crazy and hurtful action of other.
So here it goes: you need to protect yourself and stay away from her...she might never come back to herself again.
It is her choice.
You have to know that and accept it.
It is hard but you can do it
Keep loving, hate is not the answer, but also love yourself.
blessing

Hi all,
I just have a question about something. I am listening to MB radio and what Dr H is describing when he talks about spending 15 hours of undivided attention with your spouse is what OW and WH are doing.
So how can As die if the people in it keep spending time together such as lunches, conversation, recreation, good sex....
I mean, if the A partners do not live together their A can go on forever because they spend at least 15 hours of quality time together and do not have to share the day to day burdens of living together...
blessing