The ache in my stomach right now. My heart wants to explode.
Feels good to do some proactive snooping.
I hope I can drug myself to sleep tonight. If she wants SF I just can't do it. We might be about due for that.

I just keep rereading the emails I found. There are a hundred more to copy. Sooner or later one of them will confirm the PA, I just know it.

Why me? Was I that bad a husband? Really. She and her friends and siblings felt so justified to do this to our family... I am gonna be sick

Breathe, man, breathe.

It sounds like you might suffer from an anxiety disorder. Is that the case? I do, and as a BS, the first few days were beyond tough.

You'll make it. Breathe. See if your doctor will prescribe you Ambien or a benzodiazipine (if you have anxiety like I do, those will be LIFESAVERS.

Best wishes. Remember, there's another side - and you will get there.

I HAVE. And you WILL.

Breathe In / Out In / Out.

Things to do DDay plus one:
1. Call my doctor for anti-axiety meds like Ambien or a benzodiazipine
2. Call my personal therapist
3. Go to Radio Shack
4. Just keep breathing

I inquired with an Investigative service. He said wiretapping would be committing several felonies. They would not help.

Don't forget the keylogger for her computer. You can buy it online and save it to a thumb-drive, for later installation on her machine. It will ask you to "shield" it from her security program, so you'll need a bit of time to do that. (A small recompense maybe for occasionally being up at 3am?)

Hey NeverGuessed or anyone else.
Why would the Investigation firm tell me that recording my home phone line or keylogging would be a wiretapping felony?

Keylogger recommendations?

Its a laptop. No keyboard. Need something with USB connection.

What do you mean by no keyboard? Here is one that installed via a USB:

Stealth iBot Computer Spy � $149.00 [installed via USB port]
http://www.brickhousesecurity.com/pc-computer-spy.html?green=17483872245

Going with Webwatcher. $97. NEver need to download at 3AM. Monitor from your computer on website online.

Please explain why the betrayed spouse does not need to feel guilt about this? I am justified. Entitled. On the right side here? Just give me a pep talk please.

Webwatcher is installed via online system on the target computer then you never need to go back and touch that machine. Monitor from your website that you log in.
Its invisible to the target user

Because they have to say that. Technically you need to let the other persons using the device know that there is a form of surveillance on the phone or computer in question. They will demur to install the surveillance equipment to avoid legal problems.

I skipped all that business and installed my spy stuff myself.

Stretch, I used WebWatcher. It worked just fine for me. One thing to make sure of is that if there is an anti-virus program, make sure you set it to ignore the keylogger.

Sorry you have to be here. We're the best club that no one wants to join.

Now that it's Monday, the veterans will be along to help. And help they will!

Please understand that some of the things you'll be advised to do will go against your "first instincts." Save yourself the internal struggle and just follow directions!!! Many of our first instincts do nothing more than enable an affair and push the WS away.

During the times you are waiting for feedback and advice, try to read everything you can on this site! Start with the box to the right outlined in red, called "Most Popular Links." Not only is there terrific, life- (and marriage-)saving information contained there, but without understanding the concepts, you will be at a loss to understand what you're going through, how to deal with it, and how to recover.

Buckle up. You're in for the ride of your life. But you can -- and will -- survive. We'll help you do it the fastest, way possible.

Probably because they didn't want to get involved in any legal complications. No idea about the wiretapping, but you can put whatever you want to on your own computer. Key word there--your computer, one that you own or purchased and not, say, a company's computer.

You're doing the right thing, you did nothing wrong.

Tell us about the cellphone. Is it one of those touchscreen phones where your wife can text and access the web? Another cellphone thing is www.mobistealth.com. They claim that they can record calls to certain numbers, but it's not guaranteed and, in my case, didn't work. But they do show texts and calls made.

Is the phone on your plan or through her employer? If all else fails, just cancel text/internet or "lose" the phone. .

The phone is a Droid. Touch screen.
I can see texts and phones. It does not lock.

The phone last year was a T Mobile simple phone. THe number has changed. I think we can no longer get those records. I am trying. WOuld help to count up the number of texts and calls to his number. Dates...etc

We used to have those records. Hard to get now that the number has changed. And the provider changed. THoughts?

Stretch, I can see the distress you�re in, and I feel for you because that was me not that long ago. No it isn�t you, there is nothing wrong with you. Do you think this is a bad reaction or you aren�t strong enough to handle this? You�re wrong, every BH on this board was there at one point, even the vets. No you weren�t perfect, but no one is. So you hang on, breath, eat, sleep or at least lie down and rest. Take care of yourself. Do a good job at work, even if you�re distracted as he*l. This will change and this will get better. Your wife is not going anywhere. � well she might but if she does there is a whole world of great women out there. Here�s what you do:
Keep taking the advice.
When the time comes and Mel tells you to expose DO IT. I promise you will feel better after.
Protect your kids � by acting on the advice.
Know that you are going to get past this, with or w/o your wife.

I was in your shoes five months ago. And I was the one finding excuses not to expose six weeks ago after the affair reignited. But I took action and I feel better. Not the same as before all this, just better.
BTW her enablers are very poor human beings�just my .02

Try the keylogger called Desktop Shark .. its free and does not alarm your antivirus.

Good job, you have every right to know what is going on with your wife, it's not alright to inappropriate relationship with members of the opposite sex while you are married, you are doing this to save your marriage. You have to have proof and then you expose the affair to everyone close to her.........that should break up the affair................then you can work on rebuilding a better marriage......

You can check her underwear for semen that is not yours. The semen may be quite old and it will still check out.

Google "Checkmate" as on of the home checks. Not that it matters to you but it will hold in court!

Yes, you are in the right because your WW is in the grasp of an addiction. She broke your trust, and you are doing everything you can to save your marriage. First and foremost, that means getting the truth. She is lying to you, so you HAVE to have a keylogger on to verify the real story.

You are being a warrior. Carry on, friend.

DDay + 36 hours. Still breathing.

1) Told my physician. I got Ambien and Xanax.
2) Told my therapist. Went in to see him. Read all the evidence. I got mad, I cried, I broke down (takes me a while b/c I hold on to control) He said, "That was good. You are angry! Be angry! I am glad to see that. You need to be angry."
3) Recreating the Timeline with all the saved material I have
4) Going to download an undetectable keylogger tonight
5) Actually had a GREAT productive Marriage Therapy sesson this morning. How ironic. Maybe because I feel in control.
6) Actually had a great 90 minute Finance session today together. Good work for us on both.
7) Went to Radio Shack. I hate the options. Bulky, loads of chords. Seems like Voice Activated is a must if you don't have a zillion hours to waste. But it requires chorded phone.... lots of mess. Easy to discover.
8) I am developing "A PLAN" Very empowering. Planning for exposure day.
9) I am still breathing.