I'm not familiar with your thread, but are you in a dark plan B?

I didn't follow Plan B closely enough and I really suffered.

Now I try to go as darker every day and that helps so much with the healing.

My, my Missy.
You sure like to ask the BIG global questions while you are in a funk, don't you?

First of all

Second of all ...

Third of all ....

Forth of all ....

5th ....

Lastly ....

Mymissy, we are human and we have our days.

I do well for long periods and slam dunk I get hit in the head and crash. But those days are farther and farther apart.

It happens and it is good you come here and post.

I try not to think about the future because it is so overwhelming. Take baby steps that are one day, one week and sometimes one hour.

We are survivors.

Your D-Day was not that long ago yk?

You had a whirlwind of events since and you are doing very good from my perspective over here.

Well, you have already received some AWESOME answers already so I just wanted to throw in my support.

You know that you are an AMAZING person. Re-focus on how GREAT you are. You are one SUPERB WOMAN. I am PROUD to know you.

So sorry you feel down, Missy.

We've been dealt a bad hand. Yep. Some worse than others. You are not alone. I know that's no consolation, but there are many of us with you facing the same situation.

We just have to plow ahead. Yep. One foot in front of the other. Remember this will pass.

I wish we'd get more posters on the board with those "feel good" karma stories that get us all excited and hopeful. Like there's a purpose to this pain. That justice will prevail. That we will heal and live a much better life than we could have ever hoped for with WS. Which reminds me -- I need to get back the book "Shattered Dreams" from my sister. This book is good at reminding us that when our dreams go up in smoke, that it's often then when we let go and open up our potential, that a better dream -- God's purpose for us -- comes into play.

Yep. We really could use some good news today. But tomorrow is what really counts. We need to keep looking forward to the tomorrows!

Just my $.02, mymissy:

You're two months out from your divorce. You've already gone on one date, have established new patterns and behaviors, have good relations with the stepkids, and in my opinion, have come quite a distance!

I'm seven months out from my divorce, and only went on my first date a couple of weeks ago!

Of course, it's all a matter of perspective. But in you I see a person who is taking giant leaps toward recovery! No, not every day is a banner day, but the sun doesn't shine every day either, does it?

Some people choose recovery and others choose to stay in a rut. You, like me, have chosen to continue to live the rest of our lives, facing each day anew. I think the difference is like some people waking up each day and saying, "Good God, it's morning" and others saying, "Good morning, God!"

Thank you all for such wonderful words and encouragement; but thanks to Pep for the hugs and 2x4's, I definitely need those.
You are all right!!!!
I try to get up every day and start the day optimistic and full of hope (thank you God).
And I realized that it is still Ok to be sad and to cry, which is what I have been doing for the last several days. But I will continue with those baby steps; I guess occasionally I stop and whine a little about the unfairness of it all.
I am really trying to be Ok with being alone, it is sometimes just hard. I am very thankful everyday for the family support that I have, the great job and excellent salary, my friends, and DstepKids. Overall my life has not turned into the septic tank xwh's life has; and that has to be revenge enough.
I do still hold out a whisper of hope that somehow it can all still be turned around, but then that feels unrealistic given all that has transpired.

I will stop trying to look at the global picture and concentrate on tomorrow.
Thanks again for all the love.

((((Mymissy))) I just caught up on your thread. This definitely suxs. Each day will be a little better and that's all you can do for now. When you're ready, something that may help is the balloon exercise. Write it all out, put it in a helium balloon and then release it, imagining that your sending all your hurts and pains straight up to God. Sometimes it helps.

What about writing it all out and sending to wxh to let him read all the hurt and pain he caused?

However, I already know Pep's answer to that and I don't think it would be little 2x4's.

I guess part of what is so hard to accept, is that one day things were normal and ok. The next day (literally) the person I have spoken to several times a day - no longer can look me in eye and there are no more words. Period. Then everything was over.

Well I have to say I have done better this week. No tears, no self blame, and I continue to work on me.
Thanks again for words of support.

Good job MM! Hang in there, it will get easier!

ba

Well I have to vent a little; and ask if the affair crap ever ends.
DstepD called the other night and was obviously upset - here is where I need to give a brief synopsis.
WXH and his 1st wife divorced due to her infidelity, she moved in with her affair partner, WXH and I started dating, he proposed, we planned a wedding, 1st wife married affair partner the weekend before WXH and I were to be married (without telling children).

So, now fast forward about 9 years. Rumors circulating about the kids mother having an affair behind the back of her affairage partner, kids find out about 2 years later the summer after HS grad., Dstepchildren21 (twins) leave for college, their mother moves out of their home - not telling anyone - including the kids, DstepD calls me from college hysterically crying and very upset with mother, many fights ensue between the kids and their mother, the kids stay with WXH and myself or with stepdad when they come home from school.

Now, skip ahead to WXH chaotic drama and affair, kids feel like the one stable place they had is gone, I remain a stable figure in their life, then their mother finally moves back home right before Holidays 2010 and makes a grand gesture of working on affairage (I never believed it - but kids wanted to).

So, now back to the phone call last week, apparently Dstepkids mother never ended affair (big shock - not), and has moved out of affairage home and back in with affair partner, she is filing for divorce.

Kids are are devastated, feel like they have no home, no where to go. They know they can go to stepfathers home (which is their family home), their father (wxh) emptied out their rooms and moved in skank and her 3 kids, I have maintained that they will always have a home with me.

They are so upset; what is wrong with people?

Such a sad story, mm. Those poor kids.

This is what happens when people around us view black and white as gray, when people don't denounce bad behavior and call a spade a spade.

Real people suffer, and the painful consequences carry on ... for generations.

I hope those children learn that affairs are never ok under any circumstances; they are never "no big deal."

I think the twins have learned what is not ok, the oldest - my fear for him is that he has only witnessed lies, deception, and cheating. He may always have relationship issues; he and I have never been as close as I am with the younger two.

My heart breaks for them; and any sense of family and stability that might have had is gone. Wxh's family has not proven to be a source of stability for them as well. DstepD said to me last year after I moved out and expressed my disappointment of their lack of concern, that she was still waiting for her grandmother to call and see if she was doing ok. This would be my XMIL that I thought I had a great relationship with.

I will never understand or make any sense of any of this.

My missy,

The children in this are the real fatalities. The waywards in their mind think everything will be "fine" We as BS know better.

Recently my XH has been emailing both of his DDs. DD17 does not respond and DD30 ripped him off an email saying you should be thanking Mom for being the glue that held us together because you were not there. ouch.

Write a personalized letter to each of your S children. Offer your home for refuge. Let them know they have a "safe place". Even if they do not take you up on the offer it will give them some peace knowing they have a place of serenity to go.

You be the lighthouse and shine your beacon for them.

Tell them you are proud of them with all the turmoil in their lives and know that they will thrive.

My heart goes out to them. My DD30 does have R problems with men and I know that the D had a negative impact on her.

One day at a time. Be the continued example for them.

That is a most wonderful suggestion, I wanted some advice on the wording of the letter. Here is a draft of the "meat" of the letter.

"Dear DstepC
I wanted to write this letter to let you know that in light of recent events you have experienced that I am so sorry you have to witness this yet again.
I also want to let you know that I will always be here for you in whatever aspect you may need; I am not trying to take the place of one of your parents, but will always have you in my heart and mind. You will always have a home with me should you ever need it. I will also remain open and honest about what I am doing and what is going on.
Your parents love you, remember that first and foremost; unfortunately they are searching for that elusive sense of happiness that they believe someone else can provide for them. I would like to believe that someday they will learn that true happiness comes from within.
With all the things that you have witnessed, experienced, and have been disappointed in; remember that you have also had wonderful and happy moments that you can draw knowledge and examples from. You are strong, smart, savvy, and have your whole life ahead of you to define who you are - use those good times and examples to build that life.
Love Mymissy"


Anything else I should add or re-word?

bump

One small suggestion for clarity only.
Other than that, beautifully done.