LG, thanks for commenting on my thread again. I was afraid that you'd given up hope for the recovery of my marriage, since you previously said you'd quit posting when you thought all chances of recovery were gone. Please let me know when you do think so. I value your opinion.
I think the problem is that I think so, but he isn't. Being around him is like being around a zombie--looks the same but OH MY--not the same person at all. I think it's time to reiterate, I'm back in the dark--no contact yesterday or today and no real desire to, either. That's what zombies do--kill the urge to contact them.

I do talk constantly with my DS--it's sad and not fair to him, but we're all that we have right now. Today, I'm the mean parent--he's back in the Stone Age as far as technology goes, until his grades improve. Divorcing parents or not, someone with an IQ in the 140s should be able to do his work.

Um, what does SFB mean?

Thanks again, LG.

H&G:

I happen to be a Plan A guy. I can help thru that. I understand that, and how it works. I also understand the mind of the wayward, having been one. Some threads have dynamics in them that strike me as having something I can relate to.

Yours does. So, I keep watch.

I am not a Plan B guy. Not much help there.

If your H returns, because the A is over, and the D hasn't happened, and he realizes "WTFHIBD!" and comes back, I will have more...

You get to fight the battle of the school work. WH DOES NOT CARE. His actions show it, and when confronted with HOW his actions are effecting someone else, he denies that it has ANY role in this.

That is wayward mentality.

Your DS16 is at an important age, and everything that is important to him has been shattered. BTDT. When I was 12-13 years old, and then I visited that on my son at 12 or 13. My M did not end, and we ended up with a much stronger M. But the effect of my A stained many years and parts of my family. I still find areas that need to be cleaned out and disinfected 6 years later....

Do not worry about being the mean parent. Your the ONLY parent. Yes, children grades are effected by the parents issues, however.... They are still responsible for what is going on. If you have to spend more time with him, and insure that things are moving along, then that is what a caring parent does. When his grades get back on track, then you monitor, and be ready to do what needs to be done.

You are the ONLY ONE who is going to do this.

Sorry. WH is no longer responsible. And he will get worse. Alot worse.

LG

Hiya Hope!!

Sooo appart from WH how are things going? What actions are you taking to improve your state of mind?

Hows your foot cramps coming along?



When are you off to the shops to get yourself some sexy new clothes?

You said you were going to come back to me on your 'trip' to get out of town for a few days...

I'm waiting

PS. As you agreed earlier, your WH has similiarities to mine. There is no reasoning with them or getting them on board, they are wayward, and then there is just plain old them. So save your breath, stay dark. You don't need his psycho babble in your life.

I'm almost willing to go back to Plan A, but realize the utter futility of that. Do keep watch and jump in whenever you can contribute.

LG, what was the turning point for you? Did the affair run its course? How long were you active in your affair?

This is so much of a 180 degree turn from where he was a few months ago that it's hard to wrap my mind around. But you're absolutely right--he does not care at all.

I'm really unhappy to read that last bit, but I do believe it's true. It's hard to handle and it will be hard to forgive. How does anyone recover a marriage with a WS? The resentment must be HUGE.

Hiya, sweet Harmony! I still go to counseling and speak to my sister daily (and she, poor thing, does have other things to do but she is so there for me right now.) Both of these things are to help me improve my state of mind. Believe it or not, my counselor says I've gotten much stronger. My sister provides advice and makes me laugh.

My foot cramps are doing okay--I just have to make sure that I hydrate myself really well before bedtime.

My new clothes are sexy-ish. A bit of cleavage with some of the tops and the pants are, for now, well-fitting. I'm not a dress-wearing gal--only wear them to weddings. I guess I could get a dress, to wear to court, with some nice heels. I'll have to think about it.

Harmony, I need to see what happens with the court date before I make any extended out-of-town plans. DS and I will probably go to see DD1 this weekend or have her come here and go and see a movie together.

I was not a dress wearing gal either H&G.....but they don't say men are skirt-chasers for nothing. Get some dresses to wear! (Just so you are feeling the power of the leg and hem for yourself if no one else!)

Well, reading, it sounds like a project my daughters would love to be involved in, so I guess I'll at least try some dresses on. They are so NOT my style, but you're right--men are skirt-chasers.

I am not a skirt and dress girl. And I really didn't own any heals. Guess what I own now? 2 dresses, 1 skirt and 2 pairs of heals. I also have a problem with buying jeans now too. I lost 85lbs and I could fit into jeans again.

What colour are your toenails?(I remember when Neak asked me that.)

What color are my toenails? Um, toe-colored?

I do polish them in the summer (pink or rose) when I wear sandals, but it's too much bother from Oct. through April.

I have been shaving my legs, though. And plucking eyebrows and chin (and, shhh!, mustache!). Menopause ain't for sissies.

BTW, Scottie--congratulations on losing 85 lbs! No wonder you've gained so much personal confidence.

I've lost 62 and am just 21 pounds from weighing what I did on my wedding day. Funny how that's become a goal for me....

Tell me about it, I'm part Italian.

Polish those toes girly. And what about new underthings? Did you buy any new ones? Are they cute? If not, you really should.

Actually, it has NOTHING to do with the weight. How much I weigh doesn't make me who I am. I have friends whom I adore. I am a good friend to them. I am a good mother(could still do better though), and I was a loyal wife. My confidence didn't take much of a hit from the affair either, isn't that weird? I am pretty secure in who I am. I KNOW I can be better and I am learning more about how to be better everyday. My self-confidence hasn't been tied to my looks for a long time. There were times when my WH would say, "How do I know you aren't cheating on me?" I would say, "Come on, I am fat, who would want me?" He would say, "Well, I do." That, along with other things, convinced me that it didn't matter what I looked like.

I also remember the first thing that my mom said to me when she saw OW. "Scotty, it can't be her, she's fat." I said, "It doesn't matter though, does it?"

I did think, for a short time, that OW was better than me in some ways. I am CERTAIN now that that is NOT true. KWIM?

I've definitely been making myself feel good by buying new underthings--pretty, sexy underthings. Besides, I've lost so much that my drawers would be hitting the floor if I hadn't gotten smaller ones! (I hope they call panties or knickers "drawers" in other parts of the world. )

We do call them "drawers" as well. We are pretty "Americanized" up here. Especially since I live "over the ditch" from the States. What about gotchies? HEHEHEHE I LOVE saying "gotchies" and I know all about those falling down. I call it, "Wardrobe malfunctions." There have been times that I was at work, and if I had been wearing a skirt, I no longer would have had underwear on.

So you gonna paint your tonails tomorrow?

Scottie, are you tag-teaming with Harmony to improve me? LOL! I guess I'll paint my toenails tomorrow, although no one but me and the good Lord will see them. Actually, I'll probably wait until Thursday because I have to take Mom to the grocery tomorrow, after my appointment with my counselor.

I didn't know what gotchies were but I looked it up online. We don't have enough Poles around here for that to have become part of our lexicon. It's a cute-sounding name, though. I can see why you'd like to say it.

I had a rough day at work today. There are one or two boys in my class who seem determined to see if they can make me make national headlines because of their consistent poor behavior. The worst is that they give me an attitude about it. Pray that I make it without tweaking their heads off of their bodies tomorrow.

That is a prayer I CAN add to my nightly one for sure. You got school tomorrow? We may have our FIRST snow day in 2 years tomorrow. And it is because we are expecting 30cm(12"). We just had a PD Day yesterday.

H&G:

This:


What was the turning point? Exposure of the A. It had continued for 4.5 years. And it had run many courses. I was horrible to Flamingo that first year, and during the entire time. I just never realized how bad I was to her till the A was over. And I played both sides really well, I thought, at the time. Compartamentalization....

No Plan A for you....Plan B is working, as much as it can. The rest is up to your WH.

LG

Yep, we had school. The big snowstorm missed us entirely--we had a couple of inches of rain from it. It looks like this will be the first week of school since the week Dec. 6 when we will actually have a 5-day work week. I like working only 3 days a week!

Scottie, I'm learning a lot from reading your thread and the thread Pep started about your situation. To say it's been enlightening is an understatement.

Thanks for answering my somewhat impertinent question. I appreciate your candor.

I agree--no Plan A for me--I wore it out. Plan B it is.