What are they complaining about!

You only were spreading the good news that her daughter is involved with a married man.

You would think they wanted to tell the whole wide world the news.

What is wrong with waywards or should I say asswards (azz backwardz)?

What color is your Cape of Power?

Right now, in plan b...like Harry Potter, I wear a CLOAK OF INVISIBILITY!

Now you see me(letter)...now you don't(where'd she go?)

Hey Mitz

Keep that cloak on! It definately will help with serenity.

My situation changed this weekend, I can't stay around all of the sick people. No way to get out of the drama and crap that comes with it.

Keep your PLB tight. Son passing through messages from WH isn't good. DD already is passing some to me. I blow them off and just keep reminding her I am having no contact with WW until the conditions of my letter are met.

Good target though. The truth is out there. Whether they want to believe it or spin it around is now up to them.

God Bless

nESRE

Got home from work and I could 'sense' something was weird.

Went in bedroom to change and noticed a shirt was missing. Now this was no ordinary shirt mind you.This was a STEELER shirt that I bought WH. DS1 was up and I asked if he took it to wear to work. He didn't. Asked if his dad was over, he was.

I was livid! How dare he walk into MY home, go into MY closet and take a shirt that technecly was MINE.

Long story short: when I packed (really just threw stuff in garbage bags,haha)his stuff a thought occured.ALMOST ALL OF HIS CLOTHES WERE PICKED OUT AND BOUGHT BY ME! SO i kept the sports shirts and some others. OW likes the way he dresses? She best get used to them, cuz he hates to shop.

Anyway, DS1 had called his dad a day or two ago(something about his car) and he told his dad that the tub doesn't leak anymore. Apparently WH wanted to know who fixed it.DS1 told him he hadn't a clue. I thought he was going to come by to check it out and ask DS2 who fixed it. That didn't bother me...the taking of that shirt DID.

I'M GONNA GET BLASTED HERE, BUT...I SENT HIM A TEXT...I KNOW...PLAN B...NO CONTACT...I KNOW...

Text: Do NOT come to house without first calling me. U gave up just
walking in when u walked out

I don't care about relapse and he shoulda been told though im. I WANTED HIM TO GET MESSAGE FROM ME!

He's not going to get his EN for family met in a house I'M now forced to pay the mortgage on. NO WAY, NO HOW BUDDY. You wanna see your kids? Call DS1 to take them over your place or meet them somewhere.

If you can't tell...I am angry ...sick of his selfentitlement, sick of his I'LL BE A DAD WHEN ITS CONVENIENT FOR ME. ME...ME...ME

And for those of you interested,,,I fixed the leak all by myself !! Pulled out pipes and everything...I was even rockin' the plumber crack!

Be kind with the 2x4s. I'LL BE FINE

Why haven't you changed the locks?
Please explain.

I asked my atty about this. In the state I live in (PA) it is illegal to change locks if spouse is on mortgate/deed without a court order injuction.

At that point I would have to prove he is a danger to people in home and/or would invoke damage to marital property. This would involve hiring an atttorney, filing court papers, court costs and it takes time...unless he is a threat...which he isn't...he's just an adulterer...not a valid reason in my state.

Now whether WH knows this or not I don't know, but I don't have the money to hire an attorney, nor a locksmith, or buy a new front door lock. My house payment is due in four days.

DS2 is soooo desperate for his dad's love and attention he would just let him in and I'm not home 5 nights out of the week to supervise.

If I told DS2 to not let him in, he wouldn't listen(DS1 doesn't care one way or another, he's 18 and hardly ever home anyway), that would just teach him to lie to me about his dad being there. I would rather have an honest son with a father who doesn't understand boundries than a WH who can't legally come into my home and son that lies. That is why the locks are not changed.

I would like to put up an adult electric shock fence around my house, but apparently that is expensive and illegal also.

Just called my NEW IM. Told her what happened and she said she would call WH and tell him he can't come over without calling her first so she could verify if it was okay. New IM is all about me staying away from WH. She said to me "the less you see of him the better you will be". I told her I felt bad involving her in my marital problems. What a nice woman, she said she'd do whatever needed to be done.

Mitzie!!!

Lady!!

Come on what are you doing? You know how much I hate them but no sweet talking is getting you out of it....



Get dark, stay dark and do it for you.

Small slip up...

Get to it.

However...

Thinking of you.

Read your local news.
Look for incidents of crimes committed inside people's home.
Email links of such incidents to friends/family writing about your concern for your safety as your WH has moved out and you are worried that your home security has been compromised because you come home to find things are MISSING.

Write to friends/family that you are considering new locks for security purposes, based on MISSING ITEMS and the unsettling news about local crime.

Of COURSE you can change the locks on YOUR house.
If (and that's a big if) WH asks you for a new key after you change the locks, then you might have to provide a key for him IF he is paying any of the bills/mortgage.
If he is not financially supporting the home, tuff toenails.

Change the locks.
Wait to see if WH asks for a copy.
I bet he does not.
Wayturds are lazy.

Change those locks Girl!

Who cares whether you are not "supposed" to. Husbands aren't SUPPOSED to cheat either. We're dealing with new rules now!

Have you ever heard "its easier to ask for forgiveness than permission". Same deal here. Change them. If he makes a stink about it, give him a key. Most likely he won't.

Buy several of these ....
Like you see in hotels .... a "door guard"



Install one at every entry door and one on your bedroom door, for good measure.

Of course, these are only good when you are inside the house, but you can change the lock to ONE outside entry door and install these door guards everywhere.

That way, you come and go only from the door where WH does not have the key.
You keep the door guards (on all other entry doors) working whenever you leave .
WH has a damn house key, but a lot of damn good it will do him.

ITA with Pep and Lexxxy. I would say change the locks and let HIM ask for a key.

I have faith that someone who can fix a leaking tub can change some locks.

That's funny Pep!

Same laws apply in our state as in PA.... My wife changed the locks anyhow! The worst that could happen was she would have been ordered to give me a key. It was the best thing she could have ever done!!!. I never asked for a key either, nor did I even mention it! I was such an ___ ____ !

Your Taker is the one who texted him, she is poised to be p*ssed at stuff.
Don't let Taker break Plan B. Tell Taker to stop that and let things roll off her back for the greater good.

Okay?

Really, his coming on in and through and taking the shirt isn't that big of a deal, it just showed you the weak part of your castle and you need to batten the hatches so they are less vulnerable.

First, I will tell you I understand about locking the door. This is NOT going to keep WH out of house when DS2 is home. DS2 LISTENS to his father, if his father says, "DS2 you know this is my house, let me in", he's gonna let him in. I asked DS2 if he would let his dad in if I wasn't home and I didn't want him in the house...his answer "yeah, he's my dad"...so there lies the problem...locks or no locks, kid's gonna let his dad in.

Now I've got another BIGGER ISSUE.

PLEASE HELP ME!

I couldn't STOP my TAKER!

Just happened to be checking craigslist to see what I could get if I decided to sell my car and what do I see? An ad for my car! Placed there by WH only 5 days ago!!!!

Well, I'm sure you already KNOW what I did...I couldn't help myself, really...got on the phone and called WH.

Asked him if he was trying to force my hand and make ME file for divorce by putting that ad on craigslist when the attorney told him at the child support hearing he couldn't because it's marital property and that has to be decided in a divorce settlement?

His answer a quick "NO"

Then I just let him have it...it came spewing out like I was possessed. He couldn't sell the car, (he said his lawyer said he could do whatever he wanted), he'd have to get me a car of same calibur(he said no just driveable),told him I was going to have to file and then he'd have to wait 28 months to sell it. Told him that's what he wants that's what I'll do and hung up.

So now I guess I file.

I really am sick of feeling this way. I hate this life. I really just want to start over.

I know you all will say "SEE, WE TOLD YOU, REGRESSION" and I get it.

I can't do PLAN B knowing that the outcome will be divorce anyway. Why put myself through this? People move on.

She's got her nasty ho hooks in him and I know my husband. I know him probably better than he knows himself right now and I know that once he moves on, he moves on. He NEVER looks back. He's done it with family members(especially his daughter-28 years and not ONE phone call to her, EVER! Has only seen her a few times in last 21 years and he has two grandchildren through her)and friends of his. He might try a little harder with his son's but not by much. Don't know if I can live with that type of character trait anymore.

I don't know where I'm going to get the money(heck I can't even afford locks right now )but I'm going to call the attorney tomorrow and see what I can do.

When I file, for myself I will be able to let him go because he won't be able to do anything. Sell the car OR come to home without proper notification.

After tonight I know I can't. I can't let him just do what he wants when it affects me financially. When I file WH will be forced to open ALL financial documentation and all assets frozen (except his personal checking)until D is final. I don't want to play war, but I have to protect myself. I have a fear not only of being alone(I now know that about myself) but also of being alone AND a homeless baglady. NOT FUNNY, I really do!

Sorry so long but I really need help here.

I'm going to soak in a hot tub and then try a pill the DR. gave me to help me sleep. Hopefully I'll snooze quickly.

Yes you could. Of course you could help yourself.

You chose to call him anyway.

I'm not saying that to condemn you because I likely would have done the same in your shoes. "Don't *uck with me!!!"

It was an emotional reaction to his controlling (and cruelly inconsiderate) action.

Just what he wanted.

I'm pointing this out to hopefully empower you.

You do have complete control over you. You can help yourself.

When he pulls a stunt like this again (as he probably will), promise yourself that you won't respond immediately.

Come here and vent. Spew away. Go crazy here.

We'll listen.

First, let me say I appreciate your honesty in recounting what you did. That was not only good and right for you, but beneficial to people who will still stumble across this thread years from now, to learn from your strengths and your mistakes both.

You always can choose. You chose to text, you chose to call. You could have (and should have) allowed your IM to handle both for you.

Also, I would recommend Plan B even for someone who had no intention of R. WS's are too crazy to hang around even if you plan to never ever ever be with them again. Plan B is first and foremost a protection for you.

You keep saying again and again that you know WS, and once he leaves he never looks back. Is WH still breaking into his daughter's apartment, or her mother's, and taking stuff? Does he try and randomly sell their belongings? Because from where I sit that looks pretty backward-thinking. AND IT DOESN'T MATTER!!!!!!!!!!! Not one way, and not the other.

Unfortunately, what you have done is teach WH that you will talk to him if he breaks into your house or does stuff to your belongings. It is going to take lots of hard work on your part, and many more problems that could have been avoided, to re-teach him otherwise.

For starters, even if you have to pick up cans to get one, get a good lock for your bedroom door. Best would probably be a latch and padlock. Sure, he could break it, but you'd definitely know if anything had been messed with.

The issue of you feeling that you have no control over your kids letting him in is huge, though more than I have time to deal with today. Maybe someone else will comment. I will just say that while no you can't stop them from letting him in while you're gone, you can sure stop them from letting him in...without consequence.

She means DS#2, who is a teen.

I'm all in favor of hotel locks, but if she can't afford them all at first, a lock for her bedroom door is the absolute minimum (and not very expensive).

The other locks do need to be purchased, one at a time if need be. Obviously it's best to install them all in one fell swoop if possible.

Bet it's a relief to hear that her 2yo isn't home alone.

Ha !
The joke's on me .... AGAIN !!!

Just a thought, get a club and use it on the car. That way he can't grab it. How embarrassing would that be if he can't drive it when someone shows up for a test drive?