@North -

Please remove email adx.

Phew, good call. Looks like the mods took care of it, thanks for the heads up--wouldn't want her to stumble across this site.

I went home for lunch, she was in a very good mood, insisted on our 30-minutes (UA time), said she had a book that we should read together, asked about my day, etc.

Any other time I would be happy to see that. It's got me wondering if she "rejected" the contact via email, but then how'd she know to check it. I know, I know, go with my gut on this one.

Her mother did call my WW, asking if she was still talking to OM. WW said no, cut the call short. Her mother then called me and relayed the conversation.

When I got home WW asked me if her mother had called me. No, but I saw where I had a missed call from her (a lie). What'd she want, I ask. Oh, nothing, she replied. She was just bugging me.

Something stinks here.

Do you have a keylogger so that you have the password to that email?

I do on her laptop, but she's using internet on her cell. I think OM learned a few lessons while cheating on his now ex-wife and passed them on to my W.

I have a cellphone spyware on her cell, but it only records URLs, numbers dialed/received and texts. It does not have a keylogger function or the ability to voice record surroundings or certain calls. I've checked, and cannot find one that records keystrokes/emails/conversations and works on her particular phone.

The phone is on her dad's plan. He toyed with cancelling the internet/text on it and told her that he'd be watching and not to make him regret trusting her. I think he just wanted to believe his little girl.

If this goes like I think it will, he'll probably cancel her phone all together.

You know that cell phones are delicate. They can't handle being accidentally being dropped in the toilet.

...and stomped on.
...and kicked.
...thrown in the trash.

You know that she is not being transparent. Do you not have enough evidence?

Ok, here's what I have:

1. An internet URL from her cell where she logged into a suspicious account.

That's it. If I go with this, she'll know I'm watching her cell by some means or another. SHe already suspects that her laptop is "wired".

Since her dad pays for the phone and threatened her with watching her, I really want him to make the move so that I'll preserve my cellphone spyware secret.

I'm not thinking too clearly here, guys and want to make sure my next step is the right one. I'm open to suggestions, seriously.

Oh, and yeah, cell phones do have nasty habits of being damaged

try logging on to that account with some "guesses" for passwords.
Or try resetting the password.

Or sit her down in front of the computer tonight with that email address up and prompted to log-in. If she refuses to sign on and show you what is in that account, you can be pretty certain that she has something to hide.

I went through a whole bunch of guesses and clicked the "forgot password" thing as well. Before it locked up, I had sent about ten password reminder emails to the backup email on the account. I suspect it's OM's email, but the address was redacted with an asterisk over each letter.

Her dad is going to call her now and say that he saw the email address in the internet log of the cell phone. Fingers crossed, but if this is a recent email account and they're in contact then I'm going to go positively apesh*t on exposure to OM's coworkers and parents if they're still alive.

Should have freaking did that last week like y'all said.

North,

You're expecting a wayward to be honest?
It ain't gonna happen...

You're waiting for her explanation and hoping that there is something OTHER than new contact? Really?

You know better...

...yeah, I do. Thanks for the reminder, kind of needed that.

My FIL is awesome. We got a plan together and he emailed WW saying he had found the link to the secret email among her cell phone records. He relayed the response, said she got teary and said it was an old account...blah, blah, blah.

Oh, and at my suggestion FIL told my WW that he told me all about this so my "source" is safe.

She's been real nice this evening, think she knows what is coming. We're going to have a come-to-Jesus meeting after the kids go to sleep. This crap stops tonight. I swear, they had (as far as I know) five secret email accounts. WTF.

I hope my resolve stays with me for just a few more hours.

Wow, last night was interesting.

After the kids went to bed I asked for the password to the secret account. After a bit of yelling on my part (I know, not the best approach) I got that she had called him at work to tell him to change the password.

From what she said, they had had the account for some time with the last message being from OM yesterday. She says she didn't respond and hesitated checking that email since things were going so well for us lately, but...who knows. Since the NC email (yeah, that worked real well) she said she had talked to him by phone once, using our house phone and not her new cell number.

Again, who knows.

So I tried to call OM. As before, he didn't answer his phone so, as before, I sent him a nasty-gram text message right in front of my WW and told her he was a effing coward for not responding. Yeah, about a dozen other words were used while I cussed that MF up and down the wall for a good five minutes. Not my finest moment, but I flat out did not give a damn.

I did sneak in there that OM obviously didn't respect or give two-cents (or another word) for her or he would have left a married woman alone. The point was probably lost in the midst of it all, but I did make a feable effort to say something that I hoped would hit home.

So I left the house for about an hour, just had to calm down. When I got back she said she had fallen in love with him and it was really hard to let that go. I said I understood where she was coming from, that I've read of others saying the exact same thing, but no contact means no contact. Period.

We stayed up to 2:30 this morning actually talking about things and it was good. She said it was almost good that we had that confrontation or otherwise we wouldn't have talked. In the end, she wants to work on the marriage but needs baby steps--is afraid that I sometimes push too hard. But, she said that pushing hard was good or else nothing would get done and it'd be swept under the rug again.

She said our actually scheduling UA time was the best thing we've done so far. She was impressed that I had us do that.

She said it was over with OM, that she wouldn't contact him. Should I even bother with a NC letter? Obviously the first one was done half-heartedly. Give it time or get another one done?

So, all in all, a crappy day turned out pretty good and I think we're still on track. I'd love to steer her to this website, but think a little more time and thought is needed before that.

Do the NC letter anyway. This is for you not your WW. She needs to understand that her doing this is to help you feel that she is taking steps toward recovery.

I HIGHLY recommend a HAND WRITTEN NC Letter!

One that is along the lines of what Dr. H suggests - again.

Both of you take it to the post office, mail it together and then go somewhere and share an ice cream sundae together.

It's really important to make this a positive experience.

I found that sharing ice cream is a great way to make you both smile.... For a really fun time, make sure you don't feed yourselves the ice cream... you serve it up to each other, one spoon full at a time.... slowly!

The thing is, I coached her on what to say in her first NC note. I know it should have come from her, but I was just hoping that what I said was what she wanted to say.

Well, I learned from that one. I'll broach the NC letter again and thanks for the idea about a handwritten note followed by a pleasant experience. Makes sense.

So, any suggestions for what to say if she responds as she did before-- "Well, what do I say in the letter?" The first time around, that's when I went through a three or four sentence thing that I'd read on here. She typed it up and sent it.

I want her to do the NC letter because she wants to, otherwise it's pointless. Right?

Did she give you the password -- and did you check the account?
You need to have that -- and you need to block her from it.

She's still giving you a snowjob. I guarantee that nearly everything she told you about contact with OM were lies.

You are definetly making LB deposits -- but she's still lying to you about contact.

Well, I got the old password but POS had changed it by then so, no, I don't have access to it.

The internet on the phone has to go, but if the internet is gone from the phone then my spyware won't be able to record anything. So, I guess that means the phone has to go entirely. Will talk to her dad about that (again) since it's his contract.

Uh... Since POSOM has changed the password, how was he supposed to communicate the new one to your WS? Do you fill the waves crashing over this. Your WS needs consequences for continuing A.

What are they? You moddle-coddle WS. This FR is going to kill you.

North --

I would keep all of your spying options open.
The affair continues...They had contact YESTERDAY.

And even if you had a great conversation and talked long into the night, she still talked to OM yesterday, and you have no idea the content of her conversations with him.

She is still lying, still in contact with him.

Forgive me for asking -- but have you exposed this on his side of the equation?