< - - - me laughing with Pep, not at her

If you feel so vulnerable....is legal separation in your state? That would be a good legal alternative to the big D.

Plan B will be good for helping you learn to control said Taker. Taker will not be in the driving seat of your life, you will fall out of the intense desire to communicate with H (all marriages have it healthy or not....it is part of the teamwork) and most importantly you an further sort things out for your future while not being bullied by H.

All together good stuff in plan B.

Tell Taker to take a vacation in the Bahamas in your inner mind for a bit.

Hey Mitzie

A few posts ago (1/26) someone talked about how we (me to-You read my thread) pass our serenity away to our addict as if it were the salt and pepper on our table.

WE just do it. Then we feel bad for doing it.

Im not going to even suggest what you should do. Well-I will make one-

Stay in your PLANB like you told your WH you were going to do in the PLB letter.

I do know that when I am P O'd it is not in my best intrest to make life changing decisions.

Cool down and please come back and tell us whats going on.

Is your WH's skanky POS a ?


nESRE

Hey Mitzie

Whats going on? Love to hear from ya.

nESRE

I have been so busy, haven't had anytime for computer time.

Here's what's going on in REALITYLAND...

The morning after I had my 'anger' call to WH, I called my attorney. There is nothing I can do to stop WH from selling EVEERYTHING and ANYTHING he wants unless I file for D. Here is the catch to me doing that: even if I file contested D WH can just sign off on papers and we will D'd within a few weeks! House would have to be sold, I will lose insurance benefits, ALL marital property will have to be divided...so as far as ME filing-not going to do it...just yet...I'll just wait and see.

Then shortly after WH calls from work on home phone. Wasn't going to answer but I did...sorry..but it's all good...

He didn't mention car, or D, but wanted to know when we were going to file our income tax(he wants money, money,money). WELL, here is the conversation:

WH: Do you have all your income tax statements?
ME: Yes
WH: When do you want to go file taxes?
ME: Oh,I'm sorry WH, I already filed.
WH: WHAT????
ME: Yeah, I did. I filed married seperated
WH: WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?!?!? We could get so much more money together.
ME: I don't give a [censored] WH. I don't care about how MUCH money WE could get.
WH: I can't beleive you
ME: Oh yeah, AND I claimed the kids on my form
WH: HOW COULD YOU!?! I SUPPORTED THEM ALL YEAR!
ME: It's already done WH. I already filed online
WH: That's not right!
ME: It's not right you left WH. CLICK-HANG-UP

One minute latter: RING, RING, RING...RING, RING, RING...I dont' answer

Now, the thing about me filing seperate is self serving. I really don't care that I'm probably losing two grand in my pocket. I'm getting a lot more than I thought, especially since I took kids as dependents. Before I filed, I calculated how much WH could or would get back with or without dependents, how much we would get back filing together and how much I could/would get filing w/without dependents. It was in MY best interest to file with dependents. It was VERY MUCH to WH disfavor if I did. NOW he won't be able to itemize, he is the only dependent with standard deduction. He is in such a HIGH tax bracket...He'll owe the government more than that two grand I'm LOSING!

Is that being a b*tch?

Last time I posted I was sooo down on myself. I reread it. It made me mad at myself. I read my sig line. It made me feel like I was weak.

NOT WEAK TODAY.

If WH can't live because he hasn't any money, why is that MY problem. Let him get a second job. Let him borrow from OW.

People who have taken a stand in their life: Ghandi,Sojourner Truth, Martin Luther King,Jr., Abraham Lincoln, Jesus all took their stand for something they beleived in and all had at the core of their belief: LOVE

Standing my ground.

I don't even concider it a "plan" as in "PLAN B". It's more of a "I love you WH, you're an alcoholic and you can't be trusted, I can't trust MY emotions around YOU." so I know I won't be calling or picking up the phone or taking texts or texting. It's not even about "power". It's about...serenity...

Dont mess with Mitzie!!

Fwiw Mitzie, I did that too.

YOU rock! I call that definitely applying DA STICK of the MB plan.

And you're right. Waywards need $ to fuel their affairs. Don't give them $. Let them turn on themselves and go dark again.

Ya know I love ya, hun. PLEASE stop talking to him under any circumstances.

(Even when he tries to take revenge for the taxes.)

Neak, I have NOTHING to say at the moment to WH and I don't care to hear what he has to say.

I was thinking about the whole car incident and realised something. This is how conveluted WH thinking is. HOW is he going to sell a car that he doesn't have possesion of? I drive the car, I leave everyday before 2pm and don't get home sometimes until after midnight. On my days off I'm usually running around trying to get stuff done or taking DS2 somewhere.

He would have to let me know that someone was comming to look at the car. His thinking process is screwed up or else I have really been a pushover for him to think I would just let someone come and look at the car and perhaps make an offer and buy it. AND if by chance he found a way around that, I would cause such a scene in my driveway that whomever came to look at the car would surely leave in a hurry!

CRAZY LADY IN THE DRIVEWAY !!!!




I would get-outta-dodge faster than he could say "SOLD".

So in conclusion, I am NOT worried about car being sold and I am NOT going to talk to WH.

Does he have a key to the car?

Does he have a means of getting a key to the car?

If I was you, I'd get a steering wheel or shift lock, just in case. You might wake up one morning and find the car gone. With a lock in place, he'll have to tow the car, which is likely to be a bit more noticeable.

Quote for Mitzie:

Johnny Cash: You're still not talking to me, June?
June Carter: You're not allowed to speak to me tonight, after that stunt you pulled. The only place you're allowed to speak to me is on stage, do you understand?
Johnny Cash: What did I do?
June Carter: I don't know. Why don't you ask your big fat shadow?
Johnny Cash: Come on, baby.
June Carter: [mocking Johnny] Baby, baby, baby, baby, baby!
[June closes the door in Johnny's face.]

Yes I did watch 'Walk the Line' last night!! This quote is apt for Plan B and you right now Mitzie.

Stay strong and you can survive and flourish with or without him.

Till the next time he finds a button to push?

If you're going to make this whole Plan B thingy work - even if it's only for your own personal R and not to R your M - you will need to become completely determined to stay dark.

He will keep trying to get to you, to *make* you respond. But he can't MAKE you do anything. It's your choice always, and you make that choice ahead of time.

If you don't, by default you are choosing to simply react to whatever happens next.

Today at 3:58 while I was driving on a winding narrow road I got a call from my attorney.

WH had filed for Divorce.

He filed at 9 this morning.

It's good that he filed first, according to the attorney. But now I'm going to have to retain her at a fee of fifteen hundrend dollars! If I don't retain her, he can sell whatever he wants and keep the profits.

I'm not protected unless I have an attorney to represent me to stop him selling stuff.

I'm so dispondent

My heart broke and it felt like a peice of me died.

Before he left we said we would wait until DS2 graduated.

I realise I told him the other day that I was going to have to file to stop him selling stuff.

Is this the begining of the end?

Mitzie, I'm currently where you are now. My WH filed and I learned about it on my birthday (and I didn't think he'd get me anything this year. . .).

I don't know if it's the beginning of the end. I'm taking the actions I have to take and have told my lawyer to slow it way down. I want this to last at least a year. My state is a fault state, so my counter-complaint is for adultery, inappropriate marital conduct, and irreconcilable differences. The last one I had to counterfile on, since that was something he filed. When DH filed, we were both slapped with some standard injunctions (state law) that prohibit, among other things, either of us from doing anything to hide or waste the money and assets of the marital estate. Scrape up the money somehow and get your lawyer to file any injunctions he can to stymie your WH. Protect your interests and let WH know you're not rolling over for this.

{{{{{{Mitzie}}}}}}

Good advice.

Don't try to figure out why he filed, whether it's over, or anything. That's not your job.

You worry about you. Getting a lawyer, deciding if you can drag this out or not, and just being your wonderful self. Healing. Growing. Changing. Recovering from living with an addict. Taking care of your kids, getting them help with recovering from living with an addict.

Those things, and others like them are your job.

My state is a 'no-fault' state. If I don't do anything but sign for the certified papers, it will take 24 months from date of seperation for divorce proceedings to begin.(I think, or 24 months if nothing is motioned then the divorce goes through).

So I have at minimun til Oct/Nov of 2012 until I have to actually DO ANYTHING regarding actual D.

Apparently he filed uncontested, quick divorce. $500.00 total.

Ironically, the attorney he is using is the brother of the woman that fixed my mom up with my dad! Her(WH attorney's sister)husband was my dad's good friend. WH atty also represented my sister waaay back in 1985 when she filed for divorce from her dumb teen marriage. He's been around a while but from what I understand he doesn't do contested divorces.

Of all the attorneys in this county he picked the one that knows my family.

Here is the thing I find perplexing. In a million years, TWO MILLION years, I never would have thought my husband would file. I thought I knew him. I know he is an alien. It's just my insticts feel disconnected, ya know? I'm sure trampy POSOW will be soooo loving and nice to dear WH now that she's got him to file.

Getting the retainer together is going to be tough. It's going to take me a couple of weeks if not more. I have a hefty mortgage due in a few days, my electric is due(my house is ALL electric-ouch!)AND my lovely DS1 got a replacement phone and didn't return the broken one until it was too late and now I have an almost $500 cell phone bill!!! Oh lordy, my life feels like it's crashing down around me.

Time to go stuff some notes into my OVERSTUFFED G-D BOX

Ok. What you do after you get the attny is file, and then CITE some grounds even if it's a no fault state. State that the irrevocable breakdown is because of infidelity.

Show ws is squandering assets because he's having to fund an adulterous affair.

Judges hate men/women who neglect their families and pay for their "soulmates" rather than their spouse and kids.

Don't worry. Just retain and respond. Your wh will freak when he finds out you're not lying down. You need time to heal from living with this person, who has believe it or not, hurt you time and time again.

You have the time to decide what it is MITZI WANTS TO DO. I can bet if you countersue and drag it out, the posow will get antsy and begin LB'ing all over the place and then it's death to the affair. Oh yea, also have your attny make it clear they will DEPOSE the ow ON THE STAND.

Yep. Play hardball. It might just send the skankyho running for her mud and slop pit so she can find another partner for rutting about.

I subpoenae'd the ow. And forever and a day she is named in a legal document showing that SHE and the other ow (who I had deposed and named also) were the co-conspirators in the demise of my marriage.

I did that not only to play hardball back w/my xwh, but so that if we did divorce (and in retrospect I'm glad I did), that my son would see the truth for himself, although he's 12 and already knows what his wayward father did.

It is a good way to always keep the facts straight you know.

Don't sweat anything. He is throwing a full blown wayward temper tantrum. Pooor wittle wayward man. Poor skankyho. Wah wah waaaa! They want money.

Make it tough. Disrupt the fantasy. Send them a little truth and reality their way when you get an attorney and make it a bulldog who has a particular taste for fresh blood right from the jugular vein.

Take it from me. Been there, done that, divorced Satan did I! (that was one of my many names for my x husband. Also called him Darth. Feel free to borrow any of my "pet" wayward names for yours!)

Oh and don't worry about the car. Have IM tell crazy angry money-maniac wayward hubby that since you're both divorcing, the court will not let you disperse marital assets.

Bwahahaha! He can't sell it now if he wanted to. Once again, the temper tantrums of a wayward who can't get $ to fuel his selfish silly affair backfires on him yet again!

This is a tale as old as the world itself. Waywards do stupid things and make rash judgements because they are out of control addicts who are SLAVES to their addictions.

Mitzi, I swear, there's a part of me which believes a full blown wayward seriously lives in a skewed version of reality. Like they are almost clinically insane, making poor judgements, split decisions and mostly bad decisions.

It is his anger only talking right now. He is saying "My money. My money. Not Mitzi, but for me! How dare her take that money for herself and the kids. I have TWO houses to pay for now."

That's their crazy logic. No rhyme or reason. Just all "me me me" 24/7/365 until they are cured of their rectocranial inversion.

Wow. I'd love to have 24 months where I didn't have to do anything about the divorce. But you still do have to protect yourself and your interests. I didn't know about the injunctions until I received the paperwork. Maybe this is an automatic thing in your state, too.

Ever the optimist, isn't he? Typical wayward behavior.

Ditto. One million times ditto![/quote]

Borrow the retainer from your parents or put it on a credit card and pay it off with your tax refund. It's a wise investment to protect your and your children's financial interests.

I am beginning to beleive that now.

.
Cry babies. Of course they want money...they are BOTH selfish and want, want, want. Skank-tramp doesn't work and lives off public assistance and her very meager childsupport, yet she apparently hasen't changed her shopping or spending habits one bit.

My atty is great. She was recommended to me BY an attorney who said if it ever came down to a divorce-my atty's the one she would use. SHe looks so quiet and prim and proper...yet let me tell you...she's a RABBID pittbull!

G'night all...