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Since a lot of the kids are out of the house, maybe an apartment for a year or two? You won't have to worry about maintenence. And you can take this time to get your finances caught up.
Husband (me) 39
Wife 36
Daughter 21
Daughter 19
Son 14
Daughter 10
Son 8 (autistic)
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We've been looking at apartments KT, but we can only find 2-bedrooms that are close to our price range. It's going to be challenging trying to figure out how to make that work with our 16-year-old son and 2-year-old daughter at home. Either they would have to share a room, which probably wouldn't work considering the disparity in their bedtimes and the fact that the baby is a light sleeper and still wakes up at night, or my teenager would have to sleep on the living room sofa.
Me: BS/FWW: 48
BS/WH: 50
DS: 30, 27, 25
DD: 28
OC: 10
BH and I are raising my OC together.
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W1,
This is one of the reasons you need to get a financial settlement for OC now, and put it away for OC college.
As much as we like to think we are capable of making our own money and independent, hedging our bets is not a bad strategy.
My adoptive parents allowed my Bio Father to walk after he offered them money, which would have helped me in college.
God Bless
Gamma
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W1,
This is one of the reasons you need to get a financial settlement for OC now, and put it away for OC college.
As much as we like to think we are capable of making our own money and independent, hedging our bets is not a bad strategy.
My adoptive parents allowed my Bio Father to walk after he offered them money, which would have helped me in college.
God Bless
Gamma Gamma, with all the problems I have right now, I don't think I want to open up that can of worms. I don't need even more complications, and contacting the OM and getting a court order for a DNA test and then child support, and possibly having to deal with OM wanting visitation and having to fly my 2-year-old clear across the country so he can see her seems like one heck of a set of new complications, don't you think?
Me: BS/FWW: 48
BS/WH: 50
DS: 30, 27, 25
DD: 28
OC: 10
BH and I are raising my OC together.
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I am so sorry about the house, writer. I don't know what to say. I'll add this to the desktop prayer list.
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Thanks Tawanda.
Now there seems to be a complication with my son's court-ordered sex offender therapy. It seems there's a chance that, with the confusion of him moving in with my in-law's and having his probation transferred to Orange County and several delays with that, that he may be in violation of probation and is in danger of being sent to juvenile prison (not juvenile hall) on Thursday.
Really? Enough already. This whole Murphy's Law thing is getting to be a bit much to handle.
Me: BS/FWW: 48
BS/WH: 50
DS: 30, 27, 25
DD: 28
OC: 10
BH and I are raising my OC together.
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Hi writer, I am so sorry about your house. I had the same thing happen to me when my DH was wayward. I was devastated. When it gets to this point, there's not really much you can do. When it happened to us, the new owners allowed us to stay--rent free- until I could find something. If the house is sold as an investment property, maybe the new owners would let you stay and lease from them?
The fact is that this is beyond your control. You do what you have to do. "Home" isn't that building, not by long shot. "Home" is your family. As far as the 2 bedroom, if son is 16, then you would only have a couple of more years until he moves out. Could you tolerate living on top of each other in a 2-bedroom? What others choices do you have?
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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Writer-
We lived with 4 people (two adults and two kids) in a 800sq foot apartment.
My 2nd child slept in a playpen in the livingroom. My 2nd child didn't even have a dresser for the first few years of life. #2 got two drawers and a laundry basket.
We did it for two years.
It absolutely stank. But, we did what we had to so that we could afford a home.
I haven't once regretted our decision.
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Don't lose hope writer!
I've lived in worse - that makes a 2 bedroom apt look like a palace. You do what you need to do and numb yourself up to the situation all the while making plans for something bigger!
Hang in there - you have lots of people praying for you across the net.
Me - 46
Wife - 43
2 x DD
Married 18 yrs - known each other for 22 yrs
Woke up 12/2009 and realized I was an idiot for neglecting my WIFE!
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I'm sorry to hear about the notice Writer. But, you've been wanting to leave that house for ages, right?
If I may suggest, try and look for a place well UNDER your means, but closer to your husband's work. I'm talking one-bedroom here. At least some of his stress should be alleviated by removing most of the commute, you can save more money and you will get out of an area that you have repeatedly said that you hate.
Yes, that will likely mean your son sleeping in the living room and possibly your daughter sleeping with you. Which sucks, but could well be outweighed by the other advantages.
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Late in the game, but it struck me suddenly;
Writer, your need for your H to be ambitious is fulfilling the need for an Attractive Spouse. Him being ambitious makes him attractive to you.
Kind of lost behind everything else right now, but seems sensible.
Don't know, too lazy to submit it for verification.
"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr
"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer
"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
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There is nothing wrong with having to live in really close quarters for a while in an emergency. If you had to live in a two bedroom untill 16 yr old could get good work and chip in, and/or income changes, as long as everybody is on the same page rule-wise you could all pull together.
Prayin for you writer, Hang in there.
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Late in the game, but it struck me suddenly;
Writer, your need for your H to be ambitious is fulfilling the need for an Attractive Spouse. Him being ambitious makes him attractive to you.
Kind of lost behind everything else right now, but seems sensible.
Don't know, too lazy to submit it for verification. Actually, it is listed as Physically Attractive in the basic concepts, so no, I don't think it fits. Where it fits the best is Financial Support, but in an odd way, it could fall under Admiration--she needs him to be ambitious in order to feel admiration for him, but unless he needs admiration, he's not going to work for it.
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
(Oscar Wilde)
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Hi Ms. Wtiter,
I am sorry to learn that the process has gone this far, but hopefully you guys can turn this into a positive by finding a place closer to your H's work, close to where you may be able to find a job, and simply a better area! No more unexpected maintainance expenses - water heater, etc. - like you had last year. If your son has to sleep in the living room so you guys don't feel overcrowded, then so be it.
I just hope that you are not feeling overwhelmed and pressured by the timetable. As I understand this process, you probably will have time beyond March 8 to find a suitable place and to relocate. As PM has said all that date does is to change you from owner to tennant.
Take care,
Tom
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Tom,
I wish it were possible to find something in our price range near my H's work, but it's just not. He works in Orange County and it's just extremely expensive. We probably couldn't even afford a one-bedroom out there.
Any neighborhood we can afford in So-Cal is going to be bad and out in the middle of nowhere. It sucks, but it's just extremely expensive to live here.
We are seeing if it's still possible to do a loan modification, but the bank can't give us a definitive answer until the end of the month. The timetable is very overwhelming. I really have no idea when we have to be out of the house if the modification doesn't go through. We're all pretty stressed right now.
Me: BS/FWW: 48
BS/WH: 50
DS: 30, 27, 25
DD: 28
OC: 10
BH and I are raising my OC together.
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W1,
This is one of the reasons you need to get a financial settlement for OC now Do NOT do this! (If you want your marriage to survive)
Me 34
WW 30
Abandoned Feb 17th 08, D-Day Aprl 27th 08.
Returned home Jul 7th, OC born 12/30/08
The FOG is clear, and we are in recovery.
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Tom,
I wish it were possible to find something in our price range near my H's work, but it's just not. He works in Orange County and it's just extremely expensive. We probably couldn't even afford a one-bedroom out there.
Any neighborhood we can afford in So-Cal is going to be bad and out in the middle of nowhere. It sucks, but it's just extremely expensive to live here.
We are seeing if it's still possible to do a loan modification, but the bank can't give us a definitive answer until the end of the month. The timetable is very overwhelming. I really have no idea when we have to be out of the house if the modification doesn't go through. We're all pretty stressed right now. Maybe this is the time to get out of OC completely. Can your husband find a job in a lower COL area? Just let the house go and get out of dodge so to speak?
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W1,
This is one of the reasons you need to get a financial settlement for OC now Do NOT do this! (If you want your marriage to survive) Don't worry. I'm not going to. He doesn't have any money anyway. How are you doing Gack? Haven't seen you around in awhile.
Me: BS/FWW: 48
BS/WH: 50
DS: 30, 27, 25
DD: 28
OC: 10
BH and I are raising my OC together.
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Maybe this is the time to get out of OC completely. Can your husband find a job in a lower COL area? Just let the house go and get out of dodge so to speak? We would LOVE to get out of CA altogether. My H's has been looking for jobs out of state for awhile, but he's not having much luck. It's hard when we're so far away and someone wants him to come in for an interview. We just don't have the money to be flying him around the country all the time.
Me: BS/FWW: 48
BS/WH: 50
DS: 30, 27, 25
DD: 28
OC: 10
BH and I are raising my OC together.
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Maybe this is the time to get out of OC completely. Can your husband find a job in a lower COL area? Just let the house go and get out of dodge so to speak? We would LOVE to get out of CA altogether. My H's has been looking for jobs out of state for awhile, but he's not having much luck. It's hard when we're so far away and someone wants him to come in for an interview. We just don't have the money to be flying him around the country all the time. If he has to do this, look up Allegiant air. They fly out of LAX. We got our tickets to LAX from WA for $130 round trip. What is your hubby's field?
"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr
"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer
"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
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