Got a ton of emails. Keylogger does the trick.
Painful to fill in the blanks. He never wrote her. A school girl crush that never turned into PA. But there was intent. She planned to. Just lucky her crush wasn't all that interested. Or maybe, once he knew she was a confused 40yr married woman, he had stronger morals.

My DD gets tons of emails, too, as a musician. Like I said, they often speak of undying love.

Once, she was walking on the street with her bandmates, just window shopping. Her bodyguard was ahead with the boys......

and a man rushed up and literally picked her up - physically picked her up - and began to walk away with her.

Everyone rushed to save her. The man said he only wanted to hug her, he loved her. He just...loved her.




She didn't even know him. He had seen her sing, once, somewhere.




In his head, it was love.


SB

Hey Schoolbus--

And Stretch, I sincerely apologize for hijacking--

Schoolbus, you say your DD is a musician who goes on the road a lot. You said something earlier about her "rules of the road."

My (F?)WW is a semi-famous musician, who goes on the road, has groupies and stalkers, and has to fight men off left and right. While she didn't cheat with a fan, she cheated with a fellow musician who easily falls into the "fan" category... but I'd love to get your input on a few Q's I have, and hear about the "rules of the road" she has. My WW has admittedly terrible boundaries and needs help making them stronger.

Would you be willing to exchange e-mails? I'll throw mine out here, and remove it via edit after:

XXXXXXX@XXXXXX

Forgive me if it's too forward, I've just never run into *anyone* with enough knowledge of my situation to have sound advice.

Now back to your regularly scheduled program: Stretch!

No prob stuckwaiting. Schoolbus, please get in contact with StuckWaiting and help him out.

Exposure date is planned for Monday 2/7.

I uncovered a lot of emails between her and her freinds. This guy kissed her a couple times and clearly gave her a deep crush. But never took initiative to call her back, email her. She harrassed him for months and her heart was broken. I've got very open conversation between her and her friends. Including a year of repairing her heart. I am most scared that her feelings are more heavily geared towards the sadness and the rejection. And not truly feelings of remorse and guilt. But... we have to expose this and move on.

My therapist and I talked at length. he encourages me to have a plan for Monday. We will be sitting with our marriage counselor when I tell her its time to tell the truth. Also, I will schedule her an appointment with her therapist later that day and drop her off.

My therapist has agreed to help me prepare this weekend via email and on the phone. (generous of him)

I really need a lot of advice from my Survivors Group this weekend. Thanks friends

stuck - ck email

Thanks SB!

Stretch--as long as WW is in the fog, it will be hard for her to feel remorse. I've heard posters say their WS sometimes doesn't show true remorse for many months... or not at all (I doubt there can be a true R without genuine remorse). While she's in the fog, her Taker is leading, so the negative feelings she has stem from her selfish desires, and not remorse at hurting you.

You gotta have a little faith that this will change with enough plan A-ing. 2+ months from D-Day I'm starting to see slivers of that from my WW.

Before exposure/confront, make sure your evidence is secure. Have multiple copies, both electronic and printed, hidden away in secure locations.

Who are your exposure targets?

I am just curious if the keylogger you used was the desktop shark one??

Keep up the good work!

Just wanted to say good luck with the exposing, don't blink get it all done fast.

When she throws a fit, which she will stick to the plan.

Just remember when she's blowing a gasket...

"Blah blah blah..how dare you tell our friends, minister, garbageman, omw about the affair! I swear I'll leave you! Arrrrgh you make me so mad!" (wayward wife)

"But honey this will save our marriage. You are feeling a bit moody. Would you like a slice of chocolate fudge cake?" (stretch)

I poured myself out to my big sister. She is now my confidant on my side.
My therapist helped me write my script. Exposure will happen inside our marriage therapist's office. Also, she can have an appointment with her personal therapist right after to process. I will wait outside or come in if I am invited.
Someone said, remorse and guilt may not come right away. Thanks for warning me.
My big gut fear is that she is so drawn to this man, it still hurts to think about him and say goodbye. I suppose she could choose separation to go date him (if he would even want to) and then probably find out, he has annoying habits too, he lets her down sometimes, they get into arguments too.... the infatuation only lasts for so long.
Monday will be a good day to take a Xanax before the exposure.

Don't expose to your wife. Expose to people other than her enablers that can help you. Your wife is aware of what happened why tell her? Thats just confronting and will get you no where.

Reynolds is right. She already knows what she has done. She just pretends to ignore what's right and ignore her conscience.

Expose to those who aren't privy to this information!

I told my big sister and now I will tell our marriage therapist togethr in the same room.

That's three people that did not know: me, our shared counselor and her sister-in-law.

I guess you are suggesting I should tell her mom and dad. Not going to do that.

I have considered sending an email to the three ministers she and her two girlfriends are very close to. We are all connected. One friend's minister is the one who raised these girls through youth group and performed our marriages. One is the other girlfriends minister who baptised one of our children. That girlfriend is very active in the church where the three of them grew up. And then there is our own minister where my wife is active in youth activities.

I believe ministers will minimize damage, be confidential, and really, really help them with their process and remorse and shame.

You have an amazing plan -Plan stretch, pity it is not aligned to the MB plan , selective exposure, unwillingness to save your marriage by following a processes developed over decade and proven to gve you the best chance to save your marriage.

Exposure to to a far wider audience and include family and friends of both affair persons .

Expose to any and everyone!!!!

Doing it your way will ultimately and utterly fail!

See with full exposure, it might be enough pressure and common sense thrust upon WW to break thru the fog. Your way - dribs drabs and gets you nowhere!

There might still be that one person in your wife's life that means something to her that will say that one thing to snap her out of it.

Ugh.

Exposure: you have to tell EVERYONE, all at once, without your wife knowing you are planning to. It is not to be vengeful or cruel. You simply tell them what your wife has done, that you want to save your marriage, and that you want their support. Ask them to speak to her and let her know they know what's happened and let her know they think it's wrong.

I need to talk one on one with my personal therapist one-on-one on Tuesday about this. I am trying to imagine telling her mom and dad.
Also, I want us to purchase the full Harley MB course to follow the plan.
I have not ruled out telling her mom and dad. I am going to explain to her and the offending co conspirators that I am being strongly urged by people who know to tell everyone including their parents.

(side note: one of her girlfriends... if I told her husband I would seriously worry about her safety with that hot head.)