I totally agree about Kelsey Grammer--YUCK! I've been a big fan of the Real Housewives but didn't watch the RHOBH until, by chance, I caught the episode where Camille spoke about his affair. Everything she felt, every action she took (not telling anyone) mirrored what I have been through. I will never watch Kelsey Grammer again. And I totally agree with you about the other "celebrities" you have mentioned. I'm not watching them, either.

My feet have warmed up--I put on thick socks and my houseshoes. I used a quick drying polish, so I hope I haven't ruined my pretty ROSY toenails.

I'm kinda fearful of what you and Harmony will come up with next on your "H&G Improvement Plan".

I don't think Sandra did it btw. but the biggest turd in hollywood is the female Kelsey Grammar(and equally as fugly), Leann Whines!

She's the biggest turd in hollywood!

Hey, Peachy! I read your post about Strivectin on the goddess thread. I just ordered some of the neck cream from Amazon. I hope it works--losing a ton of weight has left me with a bad case of old lady neck. I've never had this problem before.

I also ordered some deep wrinkle cream for the parentheses that are now bracketing my mouth.

I spent about $85.

If either of the creams work (please, God, let the neck cream work!!!!) then I won't mind the expense.

I spoke to my mother-in-law for 90 minutes last night. Hardly any of it was about WH--we spoke about family, teaching, etc. Then she said, "WH's car is gone. I guess he's in GA."

I explained to her that I am out of contact with WH and she agreed that that was best for me. (I haven't really had to use them to send messages to WH--there's been nothing to send him that DS or attorney couldn't communicate.) I told her my intention to drag out the divorce for at least a year and she agreed with it.

I've been praying and thinking a lot and decided to go ahead and file jointly with WH. I know filing the taxes as married and separate is a prime opportunity for revenge, but it's not what I want to do. I don't think it will have any effect on his feelings; I just realize that I was behaving with some malice about that. The money of it doesn't matter--it's all in the same marital pot, to be divided between us when the divorce becomes final. I just want to, despite feeling that he's treated me poorly, to be able to say that I handled this with some grace. My MiL will tell WH. I'll give my tax info to her so she can give it to him.

GA gal here who doesn't mind applying the "stick" of plan A now and then to help out a friend! Lol! We don't want skankella giving us GA gals a bad name!

Wish I knew where she lived..wouldn't it be nice if her neighbors got interesting notifications like "the woman living next door to you is a skank and sleeps with married men".?

Wishing out loud...but heck I got errands to run! Getting nails done today and then going to gym. I do hope that strivectin works. If it does, I'm buying the large tube! Anything to avoid a shot. I hate needles and don't exactly like the idea of botox (not yet anyway);)

Unleash your hot goddess self HnG!!!

Well, Peachy, I do know her exact address..... Unfortunately, she lives at least 2.5 hours from you. I don't think she gives all Georgians a bad name--after all, she's originally from TN. It would be great if you could make her run farther south, say to Florida. My brother (a biker) lives in Jax and he'd love to meet her.

I actually paid for the 2-day delivery of the strivectin. Yep--I'm that desperate! I've got high hopes!

Oh geez. She is originally from TN (damn it so am I). Now she's trying to give good southern gals a bad name! Expanding her hoterritory!

Oh yea, she is in s. ga right?

And yea, I'd loooove to meet her too

I'm just scared of needles. I want a non-needle solution to those teeny stress lines I got about 7 years ago from a crazy divorce from a wayward! lmao!

It's funny. i actually went about four years ago to see a plastic surgeon to get him too look at the fine lines on my forehead. He said they were "stress lines" and asked me what great stress had I recently endured? he said they were not aging lines, but indeed from stress and all they needed were 5 little shots.

I held off and the stress lines got a bit better (most of time you can't see them much) but I know theyr'e there and want em' gone!

Had a patient who sold me on stivectin. I saw her twice, on two occaions six months apart and she told me she was going to get rid of her wrinkes and had started trying that stuff. I saw her for a clinical follow up procedure six months later to check her gallbladder, and her skin was amazing! The lady was over 55 too. What a transformation. I didn't pull the trigger on the strivectin b/c it was rather expensive, but wish I had done it then.

H&G:

I will disagree with you about the tax filing.

He is the one showing MALICE to you by leaving, and carrying on with the OW.

One of the results of that choice is that he gets to suffer the consequences of that choice. ANd that might mean a larger tax bill becasue of it.

In my practice, I used to say that the IRS should not benefit from your marital difficulties. They will in this case. But that is HIS choice.

You can file seperately, and later, file jointly, if required by the divorce decree. Dollars to donuts, you are the one that is going to lose proportionatly more money than your WH.

Just my take. You can do what you feel is right. But HE is the wrong one here. Not you. He is the one that should show some grace. HE should feel some of the pain of his actions. And he understands the pocketbook. He doesn't care AT ALL about your emotions, but he is pretty darn concerned about his checkbook...

Sucks either way. I get that. But you ARE making it easier for him.

Tell your MIL/IM that you consulted with your new tax advisor and he told you to NOT file with WH.

LG

LG, I'm still considering your response. I don't know if I can go back on what I said.

If there is such a thing as the fog of divorce, I think I'm in it. I just can't seem to care about the money or winning this one. I guess I've been beaten down by his decision to file. It has been the ultimate love buster for me.

I'm working very hard to improve myself, the only person that I know who will be here for the rest of my life. I don't want to be a vengeful person. I don't want to act with malice. I'm working toward acting with indifference. This is very hard for me.

I don't know what this means, long term, for me and WH. When I said that his filing was the ultimate love buster for me, I have in my mind that it has done something irreparable to our relationship. In its own way, it hurt more than the discovery of the affair or our separation.

So I'm being a turtle and pulling my head in on this for a while. I'm going to let the tax matter rest (not give paperwork to ILs) and waiting until closer to the deadline before taking any action.

One thing about myself that I have learned is that I change my mind nearly daily.

More thinking going on, LG.

I don't believe he filed for divorce or left me or had the affair because he felt malicious. I believe he has done all of the things he's done because he's a foggy wayward.

It doesn't mean his actions haven't hurt me. It means, unfortunately, that his actions weren't personal.

That's "unfortunately" because if his actions were personally directed at me then we'd be in a state of conflict, not a state of withdrawal.

He's just doing whatever he has to do to get his addiction fix. OW put enormous pressure on him to leave me, so he did. OW put enormous pressure on him to file, so he did.

I don't think he'll be able to stay long term with someone who has been emotionally blackmailing him to get what she wants, but I could be wrong. Lord knows, I've been wrong for months.

But this is where I have hope. And I'm going to behave with grace. (See what I did there?)

And this is why it's important to devise and follow YOUR plan. Also, posting HERE to get others to weigh in and help when your emotions want to take over.

I agree, Scotty, but I'm not clear and need to ask: Are you saying that I should have asked before deciding to file jointly with WH? It was something I personally wrestled with because of my own tendency to cut people out of my life who have hurt me.

I spent the 7 years before my father died not seeing him because I wasn't speaking to my mother.

I've only recently regained the company of my sister after spending 2 years estranged from her. We've only had contact about 5 years out of the last 20.

I currently have a co-worker I cannot speak to--she threatened to sue me. She's crazy as a loon and I choose to not be inflicted by her craziness anymore.

I'm trying really hard to overcome my "duck and cover (or cower)" pattern of life.

I want to have more grace and stop doing things that will ensure the other person won't want to have anything with me. To me, that's what filing separately was doing. I wanted to piss him off and, by golly, show him what divorce was about. Because he had hurt me and I was going to show him.

I'm better than that and better than him.

I don't need to behave that way.

I can't advise you on which way to file because in Canada, it is done differently. I don't know which way would be legal and which way would get you more money, so I can just say that whatever you choose is what's best for you and leave the advice to that on the shoulders of the ones who know.

I was just saying that the fact that day to day, you can change what you feel like, that instead of going on emotions, it is IMPORTANT to stick to a plan.

I wasn't saying that you were currently doing anything wrong, just to stick to your plans.

Whew! I thought I had stepped in it again.

I'm doing the plan. I'm all about the plan.

H&G, exactly why YOU need to take CONTROL of YOUR situation. Lord knows I'm not one to tell ANYONE what to do-I'm in the same boat as you-however, who's to say that 'foggy' brained WH of yours isn't going to take the income tax money and take POSOW on a vacation, or help her fix her car, or buy her a diamond necklace? You know, I filed married-seperate. Not out of revenge(well...okay a tiny, tiny bit of revenge, but c'mon...he abandoned his whole family!)but because affairs are fueled by money(lust and lies and deceit don't really cost a lot :/)and why should I help him fuel his affair? No money for girlfriend? I see girlfriend finding someone who does have money...bye, bye trampy ho!


Again ,why would you help him get his fix?if he was hooked on heroin instead of hergroin, would you buy him a needle and say "go ahead honey, make yourself happy"? Of course not!


Me too. But they don't care that they are being emotionally blackmailed. All they know is skanko hung the moon and the stars dance in her eyes, and oh, her kisses...like heaven

Mitzie, I appreciate your thoughts. Truly. But we're not going to get a refund. We will owe money. I would have gotten a refund by filing separately but his salary and overtime mean that we owe money every year. And I don't need the refund. I've got a wad and a half of our money in my bank account. He can't touch it.

As far as funding his affair, he's got plenty of money. He earns enough to do whatever he wants every month and he had a very healthy balance in his credit union account when we separated 4 months ago.

Our mortgage is paid off. We don't owe a dime to anyone.

I will get satisfaction when/if the divorce becomes final. I should get alimony for life and half or more of our assets and half of his retirement. I'll start getting child support next month.

Money is the least of our worries. The very least.

I wish my MiL hadn't told me that WH is in GA. It's been on my mind all weekend. I'd much rather not have known (and did tell her so).

Weekends are the worst, anyway. I can't wait to go back to work tomorrow which is sad because I'm really dissatisfied with my job.

I'm staying dark.

H&G,
I can understand where you're comming from. It seems when I am work that is the only time I'm not consumed with what has happened the last 3 months.(Dear Lord, it's only been 3 months?! Seems like FOREVER!)

Stay strong.

P.S. money isn't the issue, take a stand girl, keep your footing...file seperately...because eventually it WILL be about money. It always come down to money...there is power in money...men seem to know this better than women...(Trumps marriage didn't have money problems,Tiger Woods marriage didn't have money problems, Kelsey Grammars marriage didn't have money problems and the list goes on and on)Sorry, went off on a rant there...just don't want you feel...like you've played like an old fiddle... )

Mitzie

Thanks for the positive thoughts, Mitzie. I hope your day is a good one.

H&G:

Back in the office.

And for these reason alone, you need to file seperately:

Let him PAY IT. He will understand THAT.

If you reconcile you can amend the return, and get the extra $$ back. In up to three years. So, don't worry about it.

Your description of how you felt when he filed is heart-breaking. And your description of how you cut other people out of your life, becasue they treated you wrong....

Then you say, you don't want to be this way. Someone who removes awful people from thier life....

You should ALWAYS remove awful people from your life to the extent that you can. You are in Plan B. File seperately. Who cares if WH is upset. And has to pay MORE. He has no problem with you feeling pain right now. It may not be "malious" on his part. He would tell you that he "just sort of ended up in this new relationship" and how "You had ignored him for years," and how "OW is more like what he really wanted anyway" Nothing malious about any of that...

Just sounds like the first 4-5 chapters of "His Needs, Her Needs". No, he didn't set out to hurt YOU, but he has, and continues to do so, so allow him to feel the pain of HIS DECISIONS. This does NOT make you a lesser person because you want to "not be vindictive". Your not being vindictive. He has filed to divorce you. To BE AWAY from you. So, let him BE AWAY.

And one of these tangible, direct points of showing that HIS DECISION have ramifications is in the additional taxes HE HAS TO PAY because he LEFT YOU.

And, yes, you told your MIL that you would file jointly... So What. He said that he wouldn't go outside the marriage. You are allowed to change you mind. Like I said. Say that your tax accountant told you NOT to file with him.

Let me give you another scenario....

You file jointly with him. There is a balance due of say, $2,000. The address on the return is your home address. (Obviously, right?) What is HIS ADDRESS? And then, he doesn't pay the balance due... Well, he just thinks because you have the house, and the toys in the house, and your DS who you are poisioning against him... H&G can just pay that balance...

Later, who do you think the IRS comes looking for? You? or Him? He of No Fixed Address? And, since you filed joint, you CAN'T ESCAPE his liability. Your stuck. Extreme? No, I don't think so. BTDT. Had that exact sitch last year... The runaway spouse couldn't believe that they should pay all those extra taxes, that they had been letting the other spouse pay with thier extra withholdings...

Your WH is wayward. Fog-bound. The likelyhood of this A blowing up, and your husband exiting the fog is high. Your description of how OW "pressures" him to make these decisions, that WILL wear off.. And maybe, just maybe, he comes back. But, this A stuff makes your WH's thinking whacked. (How are your thought patterns right now? and your trying to do the RIGHT things...) And you are no longer dealing with the guy who would NEVER let the IRS not get paid...

(((H&G)))

LG